by JoAnna Grace
Bo took her hips in his hands and pulled her back to his chest, glancing over her shoulder at the mounds of her breasts. “Maybe. I don’t play well with others, and, I don’t share.”
“I bet you were no fun on the playground.” Tina lightly slapped his leg behind her. He liked her feistiness, admired the fact that she didn’t take his overbearing desire for her laying down. She would eventually, but in her own time.
“Bear and his brother visit. They bring friends. Men and women. Jayden, Keri and Marshall. I do have a social life outside of work, you know?”
“As long as I’m included in that life now, I’m good.”
Tina swallowed and handed him a beer. “If you’re lucky.” That little smirk on her face only made him more determined to hang on for the ride. “Come on, I’ll show you my favorite place.”
She led the way out to a balcony that extended the length of the brick building and over the water of the river. Across the Sanguine was downtown Riverview and the shopping center where Bear’s place lit up the night sky.
“You can hear the music.”
Tina smiled. “Yep. I come sit out here almost every night.” She leaned on the rail beside him. “I love hearing the water below and the party across.”
“Ever jump off?” He leaned over, guessing the water was a good thirty feet below them. The retaining wall that held back the river was part of the foundation of the building. He didn’t see any rocks around the building. The river was wide enough at this point that the water calmed and spread out, unlike upstream where it fought for every sliver of space.
“Never had a reason to jump. Don’t think I’d want to. I know the water is deep here, because the boats would dock to load. But no, I’ve never jumped. I’m not sure how you’d get out except to float downriver to the banks somewhere.” She pointed south, where the retaining wall ended and the natural riverbank began.
“This town has changed a lot since the last time I was here.” Bo pointed across the river to the shopping center. “That’s completely new.”
“It went up last year. They’re going to expand it, to accommodate a few other businesses.” Tina leaned her back on the iron railing. “That’s where Jayden’s future store is. I mean, she hasn’t bought it yet. I’m really excited for her.” The smile on her face and the twinkle in her eyes let him know how important this news was to her. “She deserves some happiness, you know? As much as I loved Christopher as a friend, I can’t imagine her pain of losing her husband. I don’t know how she gets out of bed.”
Bo trailed a knuckle down her cheek. “She has friends like you, who rush to her side and give her strength.”
“She’s one of my best friends. I’d do anything for her or Keri, or Meg, or Holly. They’re my girls.”
“You’re lucky to have each other.”
“Yeah, we are.” Tina turned back to face the river. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the night air. The lights from Bear’s Bar danced over the water behind her, creating a picture of her Bo wished he had a camera for. He burned that image into his brain and would take it with him the rest of his days. He sank deeper and deeper in love with her every moment they were together. For months, he’d observed from a distance, keeping his thoughts to himself, not saying a word when she looked so radiant it made his heart ache. Tonight, he didn’t have to hold his tongue. Tonight, he could tell her all the things he’d wanted to say since the moment she walked into her father’s office and introduced herself. Did she have any idea how insanely he longed for her? Could she comprehend how he arose each morning with the joy of seeing her and working for her?
He found his mouth went dry and he could hardly breathe. “You’re so beautiful.”
Tina’s gaze darted to his, a shy smile spread across her face. “Thank you, Bo.” She leaned in and kissed him, gentle and soft. “I like being beautiful in your eyes.”
“You always are. Even covered in sawdust and sweat, you’re a beauty.”
He could see her blush in the soft lights.
Her phone rang inside the house and her eyes lit up. “That’s Meg’s ringtone. You might be able to see my Noah.” She took his hand and pulled him along with her as she practically skipped to the phone. “Hey, Me—Cole?”
Tina froze and so did he. Her body went from loose and free to frigid and stiff in an instant.
“He what? That’s impossible. What happened?”
Bo could barely hear the words on the other end of the line over the sobbing in the background. All he heard was a man’s voice.
Tina dropped his hand and walked into her bedroom. When he followed, she held up her hand to stop him and closed the door in his face.
“Tina?”
She didn’t answer and he pressed his ear to the door.
“I just saw him last night, Cole, I talked to Meg. There’s no way he… they call it what? I’ve never heard of that. What caused it? Yes, I’m coming. I’ll catch the first flight I can. No, be with Meg. I’ll tell the others. I’ll be there soon.”
Tina threw open the door, her eyes ringed in red and her face pale. Bo startled her and she clenched her eyes closed. “I, I have to go. You need to, I need you to leave, please.” She stuttered almost incoherently .
“What happened?”
Tina blew past him and headed for the stairs. “I can’t do this right now, Bo. Just… please leave. I have to go to Boston and call the others and I—” She reached out and braced herself on the wall and covered her mouth with her other hand. “Oh, God.”
Bo touched her shoulder. “Tina.”
“No!” She pushed him off. “Sorry, I, I have to get to Boston.”
“Tina, let me help. What do you need, baby?”
She wheeled on him, her eyes studying his for a moment before they darted around, her mind running in circles. “I don’t have time to—I have to get to Boston.”
Fuck. He cupped her cheeks and bent to get her attention “It’s okay. Let me help—”
“It’s not okay.” She pried his hands from her face. “I don’t need your help. My best friend just lost her baby boy. I want you to move out of my way so I can get to Meg.” Tina covered her mouth with the back of her hand, tears cresting over and spilling down her face. “Shit, I can’t do this. Meg needs me. I can’t…” She wiped her tears away and steeled her spine.
“Do you want me to book your flight? Get a rental car?”
“It’s easier for me to do it myself.” She turned and bolted down the stairs, already dialing the phone. “Jayden, pack a bag, now. We’re headed to Boston. It’s an emergency. Call Keri. I’m going to book the flights and call Holly…”
Bo stood in her apartment and watched the woman he loved turn away from him in the middle of a crisis. Instead of leaning on him and letting him help or letting him in, she pushed him away.
“I see,” he whispered to the silence. Not one to stay where he wasn’t wanted, Bo grabbed his keys and left out the back stairs.
TINA CAME BACK UPSTAIRS after she booked four tickets to Boston on the earliest flight they had and made all the necessary phone calls. The drive to the airport was about two and a half hours, giving her about three hours until she needed to leave to pick up Jayden and Keri and swing by and nab Holly on her way north.
Tina opened the door from the inside stairs and was met with silence. Bo was nowhere to be found.
Oh God. What have I done? She crumpled to the ground and buried her head in her hands. Of all the things she could’ve done, she’d sent him away like a dog. Now, she was alone in her grief with not even her father to comfort her. She’d called him, but only to give him the news and assure him that he didn’t need to come home early. She would be half way to Boston by the time he arrived.
Her strength failed her and she curled into a fetal position.
Noah was gone. An innocent, precious little boy was gone from this world. Meg had said last night that he had fever, but she never imagined it could kill him. Febrile Seizures, that’s what Cole said.
/> Tina thought about Noah’s precious face, his laugh that she loved so much, the day he was born, the first time he smiled at her on the screen of her phone. Never again. How could this be happening? He wasn’t a sick child. He was happy and healthy and loud and wonderful. He played hard and grew fast, never getting more than the occasional sniffles.
Sweet Noah. Please don’t go. This can’t be real.
She cried until she was screaming. Why? How is this fair? The pain was too much. Her heart couldn’t contain it and she didn’t know how to process it. She pounded her fist on the floor until it bled, screaming and sobbing. The floor turned redder with every punch.
He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.
My Meg. Oh! My poor sweet Meg. Only the thought of her friend’s need gave her the strength to get up off the floor and move to the sink to rinse her hand and find a bandage. Shit. She didn’t need a bandage, she needed to wrap her knuckles.
I need Bo. She cried harder, knowing she’d done damage to their budding relationship. She’s slammed a door in his face, literally and figuratively. She could only pray he forgave her. Right now, she had to get to Boston.
At two in the morning, Tina threw her backpack in the bed and cranked up her truck. She drove to Jayden’s house, her heart crushing under the pressure as she passed Bo’s house. There was a single light on in an upstairs window.
Not now. You have to get yourself together. Jayden had already had a mental breakdown not long ago over Christopher, God only knew what this was going to do to her. Tina had to put Bo in a mental box and set him aside for right now. Her friends needed her to be strong and she would. By the time they picked Keri up and headed upriver to get Holly, Tina had gained her composure. A good thing, because Jayden sat in the passenger seat softly crying the entire trip. Keri didn’t fare much better. Noah was around the same age as her daughter, Misty. As the only other mother in their foursome, she knew better than Tina or Jayden how devastated Meg must be. When they finally picked Holly up, they all started crying again. Holly had once been engaged to Meg’s brother, Lance. Losing Noah was pretty close to losing her own nephew.
Tina had to focus. She could fall apart later. Not now.
Meg would need her and she couldn’t let her down. Tina had to shut off her emotions and focus on what had to be done.
Before she flipped that switch, she sent a simple text to Bo. I’m sorry.
His only response was, Me, too.
BO DIDN’T SLEEP THAT night. He laid in bed, holding his phone, staring at the ceiling, praying Tina would call him.
When her text came, he knew those two words were all he was going to get. Tina was in support mode. Except helping her friends, Tina wasn’t thinking about anything, not even him.
Tina had to be hurting. He remembered walking in on his second day and seeing her making silly faces at Noah over the video chat. She loved that little boy. Every week she sent him something: toys, diapers, treats, noise makers, whatever she could find. Not to mention the regular phone calls and video chats. Tina had made every effort to be a part of his life short of moving to Boston.
Now, her beloved boy was gone. Bo wiped his wet eyes and blamed it on being tired.
He couldn’t imagine the pain of losing a child, especially one so young. Those poor people. Their lives were altered forever. All their hopes and plans for his life were ripped away in an instant.
Bo wished he could talk to Tina. Hell, he didn’t want to deal with the death of this child alone and he didn’t even know him. He padded downstairs and found the bottle of rum his Nan kept in the cupboard.
For baking, my ass. He turned it up and took a swig right from the bottle.
“Easy, son.” Nan tied her robe and emerged from her dark room. “I won’t have any for cake if you drink it all.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. You look like I need a drink, too.” Nan grinned and pulled two shot glasses from the cabinet. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re not drinking because your dry spell was broken?” One thin, gray brow raised in question.
“First of all, Nan, that was so inappropriate. I love you, but, yeah, let’s just not go there. Ever.” Bo downed a shot. Nan poured him another.
“I promise nothing.” She took her shot, he poured her another one.
“I love her.”
“I know.”
“She isn’t ready.”
“I know.”
“Her friend lost her little boy, and she has to get to Boston. She shut me out. Literally. Kicked me out. She didn’t want my help, no shoulder to cry on, nothing. She was so upset, and in her grief, she didn’t want me.” Bo did a shot before his bottom lip quivered.
Nan didn’t take her shot. Instead, she placed her hand over her heart. “Oh my goodness.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Bo Allen, don’t you say that. Why would you say such a thing?”
He huffed a sardonic laugh. “I finally find a strong, respectable, wonderful woman… and she slams the door in my face.”
“She’s upset, honey. Women do weird things when we’re upset. Don’t be too hard on her or yourself. The death of a child is every parent’s worst nightmare, and Tina wants to be there for her friend, as she should. It says a great deal that she would drop everything and fly up there.”
“I know.” Bo nodded, but his heart still ached with the sting of her rejection. “But who’s going to drop everything and be there for her, Nan? What happens to her when her friends are neck-deep in their own problems and she has shut everyone else out?”
Nan put her hand on his. “That’s when you must be the last man standing there. When all others fall away, you stand like a tree rooted by the water. That’s love, Bo. Right now, you have a choice to make. Can you love her even when she’s hard to love? Can you love her even when she needs you, but doesn’t realize it? Will you fight for her?”
“What if she doesn’t want me?” Bo slammed another shot, finally feeling the effects of the alcohol. “I’m not sacrificing any more of my life on people who don’t want me.”
Nan looked away, her lips pinched together. “Tina isn’t anything like your mother and you know it. Don’t punish her for your mother’s sins. You’ve already suffered for them, paid for them. Why should Tina?”
“What do I do, Nan?” He scrubbed his hand over his face.
“Only you can answer that, Bo Allen.” She sighed and rose to go back to her room.
“Nan?” Bo called, his mind on the little boy. “Does that Bible of yours say anything about what happens to children who die?”
Her face softened and she nodded. “A child is innocent, free from sin. Until they’re old enough to understand the choice between right and wrong, they’re pure-hearted. Don’t worry, Bo. That child rests with the Father.”
Bo nodded, resting his elbows on his knees to hide his face. He almost broke down when he felt Nan’s lips press a kiss to his head. “I love you, Bo. You’re a good man.”
Bo watched his phone Sunday. Nothing.
He went to work Monday, only to find Duane had talked to Tina multiple times. Tuesday brought no relief from the drought.
“She’s taking it hard, Bo. Give her time.” Duane clapped him on the shoulder and tried to reassure him.
Each day that went by without her chipped away at him the same way he chipped away at his wooden sculptures each night. The difference between him and that piece of wood was evident. As he was carved, he wasn’t becoming something beautiful. He was doubting everything. He missed her, God how he missed her.
Thursday evening, he was in his shop using his chisel to take out his frustrations on a rough log. His radio blared the local country station. Every song that came on made him think of her, until he stomped over and ripped the cord right out of the socket.
“What did that radio ever do to you?”
He swirled around to see Tina standing in the door, her arms crossed over her ch
est protectively. Bo swallowed the excitement of seeing her again. He wanted to be mad, he wanted to teach her a lesson about pushing him away, but all he could think about was holding her again.
“Makes me think of you.”
Her face tightened and she lowered her gaze. “I can see how that would anger you.” She looked tired, exhausted, actually. She’d lost weight, it was evident in the hollow of her cheeks. Her eyes were still swollen and her hair was up in one of her messy buns.
“How’s Meg?” He turned his back to her, going to work on his destruction. If he kept his eyes on her, his hands would follow.
“She’s a wreck, just…taking it one day at a time. They had to give her something to help her sleep.”
Bo nodded and made a blind scrape across the wood. “And your other friends?”
“About as well as they can be. Everyone’s home now.”
Bo nodded again. “You?”
“I’m holding up.”
“Of course you are.” He kept his tone matter of fact. Tina wouldn’t show weakness, vulnerability, it wasn’t in her DNA.
Tina meandered around the workshop and touched the various pieces and carvings he’d been working on for the last couple months. “I didn’t know you were into carving.”
“My grandfather taught me.”
“He did the benches in town, didn’t he?” She pointed to one of his practice logs. “I recognize this one.” When he just nodded, she walked over to stand where he could see her. “Bo, I’m sorry. Please understand, I was upset and—”
He threw his tools down and braced his fists on the table, startling her into silence. “You’re not an easy woman to break into, Tina Foster. Do you know that?” He met her eyes and saw them gathering moisture. “I’ve dealt with murderers easier to get along with than you.”
“I’m sorry.” She nibbled on her bottom lip to keep from crying. “I had to—”
“All I want is to love you. Is that so fucking hard? I’m—” He stood up and lifted his face to the ceiling. He’d been brooding, pouting the whole time she was gone, preparing what he would say. It suddenly didn’t matter. “Damn it. You needed me, like it or not, and instead you pushed me away.”