by Merikan,Miss
“You’re sure you’re all right?” His fingers trailed up the side of my thigh. This needed to end. He had to leave, or my heart would break.
“I will,” I whispered and pulled him down for that one last kiss. Letting him go after our lips met again was like tearing open a wound after it’s been sewn together, but it needed to be done, or I’d die sooner rather than later. “Don’t worry. I’m not always this reckless.”
He grabbed my garter and slowly pulled it off my leg before stepping away. “I won’t forget this,” he said, hovering by the door.
I slid off the desk, standing in front of him so very exposed in my sheer set, without the panties on, but even like this I could look into his eyes. It was as if something had changed in me. “Me neither. Whatever happens.”
“Just one more.” Santo stole another kiss, and I couldn’t deny him.
But then he slid out the door, and the room was so silent and empty I wanted to scream just to fill it.
*
I never felt as beautiful and as unhappy at the same time as when I walked down the aisle and everyone’s eyes took me in. The ruined hairdo wasn’t worth saving, so I had Mona help me pin it into an artistic mess that went very well with the modern earrings I’d chosen. My dress wasn’t even a dress at all.
The skirt, long white tulle, caressed my legs with each step, and the lacy crop top that showed a touch of my stomach was scandalous in my father’s eyes. I could see it all over his face. But in the end, he didn’t make a scene or try to send me back to change like a little girl. I was a woman now, and I somehow felt everyone understood it, even if they didn’t know why. If I wanted to wear a crop top to my wedding, I would wear a Goddamn crop top.
But I also wore Santo’s scent on my skin and a gift from him on my left hand. It was him my eyes sought out first, in the second row on the groom’s side. He was as meticulously dressed as he had been when he’d first entered my room earlier, and I wondered if he liked my dress, or if the dress even mattered to him when our eyes met.
The longing in his eyes told me everything, but he also took me in from head to toe and gave a little nod of appreciation.
When Father led me down the aisle, I imagined I was walking to Santo.
Chapter 7
Everything went according to plan. The food had been delicious, nothing went wrong during the ceremony, and several people complimented me on my dress. Seth wasn’t a keen dancer, which was just as well, because I didn’t want to spiral across the floor pretending to be in love with my pleasant but oh-so-indifferent husband.
Everything was fine.
And yet a little past midnight, the banquet diverted from what I’d seen at other weddings I’ve been to. Instead of staying with our guests, I was expected to leave and ‘get to know my husband better’, which was a fancy way of being told to sleep with him.
I looked into the mirror in the ensuite bathroom adjoining the huge bedroom we’d been offered for the occasion, and I hardly recognized myself. The truth that Seth was now my husband refused to sink in, even though we’d, very publically, agreed to the union in front of the priest and had spent the last few hours celebrating our marriage with our families.
This was really happening.
After sex with Santo, I needed to put on a different pair of white panties, but with the way Seth didn’t seem to pay attention to detail, I doubted he’d notice the difference in fabric. I had also been worried that, after losing my virginity, I would’ve bled all over the skirt of my wedding outfit, but nothing like that happened. It was as if nothing had changed, yet I felt profoundly different.
If I got pregnant with Santo, would there even be any way to tell that it was his baby, not Seth’s? They were cousins after all.
The mere thought made guilt wash over me again.
It was time to face my husband. I took a deep breath, loosely tied the satin sash of my see-thru, floor length robe, and walked out with a smile plastered to my face. It was like an out-of-body experience. As if I was steering my muscles from afar and telling my face what to do.
Seth looked up at me with a little smile, his tie hanging loosely from his open collar. His shoes were off, and he created the most handsome picture as he reclined against the pillows of the massive four-poster bed.
“Long day, right?” I asked, silently cursing my inability to come up with something less awkward. But it also summed up my relationship with Seth perfectly.
“The food was amazing though.” He leaned forward, watching me approach, and no matter how charming his smile was, I couldn’t force myself to feel the same way about him as I did about Santo. It was as if Seth saw right past me while Santo didn’t even miss a silly detail like my charm bracelet.
“I’m glad you liked it. It took hours to decide on the wedding cake,” I said, continuing the silly conversation that was a replacement for passion that simply wasn’t there. But I still approached him in my negligee, hoping he’d know what to do. If I was to spend my life with this man, I needed to make the passion happen.
“It was delicious. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you choose. There was a lot I had to…take care of.” Seth frowned, and took off his suit jacket. “I hope you’re not angry with me. I…want to make this work, you know.” Did he not care that he was seeing me half-naked for the first time? It was as if I were as see-through as my robe.
“No, of course not,” I said quickly, making the decision to sit on the bed and wait. I was ready for this, so maybe I needed to give him more time. “I’m happy you’re so nice and that you like to travel. Maybe we could plan our honeymoon tomorrow?” Or now? Instead of having sex?
“Yes, I guess. I haven’t thought about it.” Seth ran his fingers through his hair, and I couldn’t help comparing him to Santo. Seth was taller, bigger, with larger hands, but also hairier, I noticed that on his forearms when I’d seen him in a T-shirt. Frankly, Santo could be intimidating at times, but Seth? Despite all his nice words, his sheer size frightened me slightly.
“Do you have any preference?” I tried, watching him unbutton his shirt. He looked at his hands rather than at me, as if he were embarrassed of being here in my presence. Surely, someone so handsome couldn’t still be inexperienced, so what was it? Was there really an elusive girlfriend in America?
Seth licked his lips when he got up and took off his shirt, glancing away as soon as our eyes met. “I’ve read a lot about how good French food is. Maybe we could go to France? What about you? Any dream destinations?”
I couldn’t help my disappointment. Santo would have been charming me out of my panties by now. But I went with it, in hope Seth would come around eventually. “I always dreamed of seeing something exotic. Maybe we could go to the Caribbean? Or South America?”
“I will have to consult with my father if there’s anywhere he needs me to go, but to be honest, I wouldn’t mind going far away either.” He sneered, and it was like seeing a wax mask drip off his face, but then he looked at me quickly and raised his hand. “I mean, not far away from you! Just from…here.”
I sighed, realizing that maybe he needed more help. Santo’s words about Seth not being able to become my protector were crawling up my spine as I stood up and stepped toward him. “I understand that.”
As I’d predicted, Seth had more hair on his chest and stomach than Santo, but it wasn’t curly and horrible like on an 80s porn star. It was hot. I could work with that. Even though my mind instantly drifted off to wondering if Santo would grow more hair with age.
Seth pulled on the sash around my waist and opened my robe. “You look very beautiful,” he whispered.
I swallowed, when his fingertips grazed over my naked skin, but the passion just wasn’t there. He watched me as if I were a cute puppy, not a woman he was about to have sex with. But still, I tried my best to seduce him. “I bet you can’t wait to lay me down on the bed.”
Seth nodded, and the clang of his belt buckle sounded final. “Yes, but I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me if
anything’s wrong, okay?”
Maybe that was it? Maybe he was used to women much more experienced, and the idea of bedding a virgin made him uncomfortable?
I would still have to act like one, but the thought that he was simply worried for me provided a bit of relief. “Don’t worry. I’m not made of glass,” I said, before slipping the robe off my shoulders, remaining in the provocative lingerie set.
Seth nodded, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He pulled off his pants and left them on the floor.
I couldn’t help thinking about his size being intimidating, despite the reassurance I’d given him. It was strange, because Santo wasn’t all that much smaller, and yet he didn’t make me feel so nervous about the potential violence his body could unleash. Seth on the other hand was an enigma, and I couldn’t predict how he would act when angry, upset, or even drunk.
I took a deep breath and sat on the bed, backing away to the middle as I watched him undress completely. My heart was in my throat when he approached, more than acutely aware that he could break my neck by accident with arms like his.
I cleared my throat. “On top of the comforter, or are you cold?”
Seth stilled, frowning as if unable to make up his mind, but then he entwined his fingers with mine and my heart started pounding in panic despite his encouraging smile. “Let’s go under, it will be more comfy.”
I chuckled nervously and crawled underneath the covers, wondering if he wanted me to stay in the lingerie or not. I decided to leave it up to him and pressed my head into the soft pillow while he crawled under the covers after me. His huge body felt even bigger now, and it produced so much heat I was already sweating.
His hand on my hip, pulling my thong down, made me so nervous I tensed up as if I were a frightened rabbit, not a woman who had already lost her virginity today. Everything about this situation felt wrong, and yet I still lifted my hips so it was easier for him to remove my underwear.
The silence was killing me. Couldn’t he have at least put on some music?
His hand went to my breast, kneading it through the bra as if it were dough. It was almost as if he’d never touched a woman before. Or alternatively, no woman had shown him how to do it right. Maybe he’d only had sex with prostitutes. I hoped he’d used condoms with them.
I arched my body to finally kiss him. He smelled nice, and his lips were soft, but he froze so abruptly as if he didn’t expect me to do it at all. Before I could pull away, he opened his mouth and squeezed my breast tighter, still kneeling over me rather than letting our bodies touch.
At least things were moving faster now. He started kissing me, not giving my breast any peace. Seth wasn’t disgusting, or old as I feared that my husband would be. He wasn’t a bad kisser either, nor was he a brute.
He just wasn’t Santo.
When he lay down next to me, and his leg slid between mine, I tried to get into it, I really did, but couldn’t help feeling numb. Even when I sensed his half-hard cock on my thigh, all I wanted was to recoil. I even pondered telling Seth that. He seemed like the kind of guy who would give me those few more days.
But it was my duty to give it my all and consummate this marriage. My father had had enough decency to marry me off to a young, handsome guy, and I couldn’t throw that away because some elusive spark wasn’t there. I didn’t even want to think about the fury it could unleash if I decided I wanted a divorce. Not to mention that it could start a war between the two families, and people could die. Actual human beings dying because I didn’t fancy my husband enough.
So I gritted my teeth and went with it, all the way until he pushed into me. He tried, he really did, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling of wrongness when we were in bed together. It stung a bit, because of how tense I was, but it wasn’t too bad, so I closed my eyes and waited while he pushed into me over and over, eventually breaking the kiss and burying his face in the pillow.
His heavy breaths weren’t helping me focus, and his weight, something that had been so sweet to have on top of me with Santo, was choking me as if someone put a slab of concrete on my chest.
And it just wouldn’t end.
I hugged him tightly for wont of anything better to do, his cock stabbing into me time after time.
Seth let out a low grunt, and it was finally over.
I looked at the ceiling and petted his back until he slowly rolled off me. The heat underneath the comforter was too much to bear. I was drenched in sweat and the soreness in my pussy begged for a warm shower. But I stayed as I was, closing my eyes and hoping he’d fall asleep soon, so I could use the bathroom without being weird. Or wasn’t it weird? I couldn’t tell.
“That was nice. But you made me so tired,” I lied.
Seth opened one eye, all flushed and disheveled. “Oh, okay. I always get sleepy after coming.”
“Good night,” I said and rolled to my side, still sweating in the pressure cooker of our bed. But I didn’t want to be naked either, so I waited.
And waited.
Seth lay on the other side, his breathing peaceful, so I was sure he must have fallen asleep, but I was too paralyzed to make sure. I hated the wetness of his cum between my legs with the same intensity with which I had loved Santo’s.
After what felt like forever, Seth shifted, and it took me a while to realize he wasn’t going to the toilet, because he was getting dressed. He tried to be quiet, but I still heard the clang of his belt.
He left.
He just left me there on our wedding night.
I sat up in the darkness, rolling off the comforter. I’d been hoping for this, but now that he was gone, I felt deserted for no reason at all. I’d done exactly as I was expected. I’d been pleasant and had tried to get him into the mood when it should have been him doing it to his virginal bride.
But as minutes passed, the empty room became less of a cage, and I took a shower to wash his scent off me and replace it with the aroma of bergamot soap.
I washed off my makeup and considered changing, but he’d realize… Would he, though? Did it even matter? I changed into a nightgown and put on my robe. My pussy was still slightly sore from the endless sex, and it wasn’t because he was rough with me, but because I hadn’t been as excited as I’d been with Santo.
With Santo everything felt so natural.
Unable to stand the stuffiness of the room anymore, I put on my slippers and opened the balcony door, before moving past the curtain. The cold air outside was a welcome change, and I leaned over the balustrade, looking into the dark sky peppered with stars. Wasn’t this day supposed to be the luckiest of my life? This belief that had been pounded into my head since childhood was now crumbling, and I bit my lips, trying not to cry.
I wished the waves that I could faintly hear from afar, crashing against the shore, would take me.
I sniffed. Was this how my sex life would be until I die? Maybe we could learn about each other’s needs with time? Just thinking about it made my eyes well up. I didn’t want him on top of me again. I felt violated, despite not putting up a fight and him trying to be nice, even if he had no idea what he was doing.
Bending over, I crossed my arms on the balustrade and buried my face in them, letting my tears flow as the music coming from the banquet room mocked me and everything I was. Wasn’t this celebration supposed to honor me and my relationship with Seth? It meant nothing.
I didn’t even want to talk to Mona about it, to not upset her. She would surely start making some elaborate escape plan, or putting herself in danger with unnecessary comments. No. This was mine to deal with.
I let out another sob, when a voice whispered from below.
“Lucrezia.”
I pulled myself up as my heart fluttered in panic. My whole body tightened, ready to run, but I couldn’t act erratically. Maybe the situation could still be saved?
“Hello?” I asked, my eyes searching for the source of the voice in the darkness.
Santo stepped out of
the shadow of the trees, and I imagined him taking me away, eloping with me to some exotic country far away.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” There was a hint of threat in Santo’s voice, as if he was already sharpening a knife for Seth’s throat.
Air wheezed in my lungs, and I looked around, afraid someone could hear us. But I saw nothing. “No, he didn’t. It’s not like that,” I said, pushing back my hair. I wished I could jump off the balcony and straight into his arms.
“You don’t have to lie to me,” he said, approaching the wall, and before I even knew what he was doing, he was climbing the drainpipe, supporting himself against flowerpots and ledges like some gecko.
I gasped but rushed to the side of the balcony, nervously watching him climb. Oh, God, he was crazy, and reckless, and I absolutely loved that about him. My heart beat so fast it felt as if it would start leaving an imprint on my nightgown, but I didn’t tell Santo to go back where he came from. If he slipped, maybe I could save him somehow?
As soon as his hand was on the balustrade, I put mine on his, but he didn’t need the help as he landed on the balcony with a huff. I could smell the limoncello on him, but I didn’t mind one bit.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, leaning close, but I knew I couldn’t reach out for him now.
I was married.
I crossed my arms on my chest, unable to tear my eyes from him. In my darkest moments, he was there to make me feel better. “I...it just didn’t work out well,” I whispered, leaning against the wall behind me.
I gasped when he grabbed my jaw, and turned it to the light, assessing my face. “You’re sure he didn’t hurt you?” It was as if he wanted me to confirm his worries, just to have an excuse to go after Seth.
My lips trembled, but I nodded anyway. “I don’t think we’re a good match. It’s no one’s fault.”
He started pacing on the balcony like a wounded wolf, looking for something to bite into. Only now I realized that he must have known Seth left the room, or he wouldn’t have barged in here. He was watching over me, like he promised.