The Adulterer's Unofficial Guide to Family Vacations, A Novel

by Langtry, Leslie

  “Fine,” he said, “we’ll keep everything above-board.”

  I leaned over and kissed him, my tongue darting quickly into his mouth to tickle the roof of it. Alan responded by pulling me onto his lap and we proceeded to make out. His strong hands with those nimble fingers entangled in my hair as his lips slid over mine. I could feel the longing in his touch and I surrendered to it.

  “Mommy!” Ben’s wail jolted me back to the present, “Why are you kissing Alan?”

  All four kids stood before us, eyes wide, mouths open as I scrambled out of Alan’s lap.

  “Daddy?” Alice asked.

  Well, this was what we wanted, right? Maybe just not the way we planned to tell them, but you can’t have it all. I pulled Jenny and Ben down onto the grass across from me, holding their little hands in mine. Alice and her brother climbed into Alan’s lap.

  “Remember when we said that all four of you were going to live together?” Alan began, shooting me a look that I translated to mean I’m making this up as I go, so feel free to jump in anytime. He waited for the kids to nod before continuing, “Well, we are going to do this because Laura and I are going to get married. You four will be brothers and sisters.”

  “But what about Daddy?” Jenny looked at me, her lower lip quivering, “Where will he live?” The other three nodded.

  I took a deep breath, “Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce. Do you know what that means?” My children nodded as Alan said the same thing to his kids.

  Tears streamed down Jenny’s face, “He doesn’t want to be with us anymore?”

  “No! Daddy loves you. It’s just that Mommy and Daddy don’t want to be together anymore.” Alright, so that was half true, but they’re five, for Christ sake!

  Alice rubbed her eyes, “Will we get to see Mommy again?”

  A hard lump formed in my throat. This was terrible. I looked at Alan and he seemed to be at a loss for words.

  “You will see her a lot, actually,” I said, afraid I was speaking out of turn. “And you two will see Daddy. But from now on, we will be your parents too.” I was starting to wonder if I should have made up a flow chart, since this was getting confusing.

  “Jimmy’s mom and dad got divorced,” Jack spoke up, “and they yell all the time. Is that what will happen?” For some reason, he looked directly at me. Great. I am now the evil stepmother. What did I expect? This theme park was literally full of them.

  I shook my head, “No. We will all be nice to each other.”

  “Whose house will we live in?” Ben asked Alan.

  Alan smiled, “We thought we would move to a new house, in a new city. We thought you could help us pick it out. What do you think?”

  The four children looked at each other. In all honesty, we were dropping a neutron bomb on their little lives. I found myself holding my breath, afraid of their response.

  “Let’s go play,” Jenny said. And with that, the four of them ran off to the playground, leaving Alan and I a little shell-shocked.

  “What just happened here?” Alan said, watching them run.

  “I think they’ve gone into brain-lock.” I murmured.

  He turned to me, “Brain-lock?”

  “Um, yeah. When iguanas have too much information to process, they go into a kind of brain-lock where they shut down to figure out how to deal with it.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “It’s true.”

  “I don’t even want to know how you know that.” Alan took my hand in his, stroking my palm with his thumb.

  “I once had an iguana.” I shook my head, “It doesn’t matter anyway,” I started, “apparently, we told them too much. They’ve chosen to ignore it rather than deal with it.”

  “Considering the circumstances, can you blame them? I want to go into brain-lock.” Alan grinned.

  “As long as you don’t do it in bed, I think we’ll be alright.”

  We watched them play in the distance, as the kids acted like we’d never told them about the divorces. Maybe Alan was thinking the same thing. Neither one of us spoke for a while.

  Chapter 26

  To our complete surprise, the kids didn’t mention the divorces again. Mental note – remember that two marriages are involved. Of course, that didn’t make me feel better.

  Alan and I decided not to bring it up again. Maybe that was a cowardly thing to do, but our children obviously either forgot about it, or wanted to forget about it. Either way, our chickenshit approach to parenting seemed like a good idea.

  By mid-afternoon, it was very hot. The munchkins didn’t have to work very hard to convince us to spend the rest of the day back at the hotel pool. And the idea of seeing Alan in his swimsuit really appealed to me. And so, by 3:30, the kids were splashing around in the pool and I was ogling my lover. Life could be so sweet sometimes.

  After spending an hour in the pool, playing with the kids, I slid out of the water and onto one of the chaise lounges. For half an hour I watched Alan play with all four giggling and squealing kids. I suppose it was possible to die of happiness at that point. They were no longer my kids and his kids, but our children. Ours.

  A kind of weariness invaded my brain as I realized that soon, Jenny, Ben and I would return to Ohio. For a moment, I felt a twinge of loneliness. Seeing Mike would be hard. But our marriage was over. Of that I was certain. Just pinpointing the exact time and place of the demise was difficult.

  I wondered if I was being fair by moving halfway across the country. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Making an adventure out of it by going somewhere I’d never been before and putting down roots seemed exciting. But wasn’t I being a lousy parent by taking the twins away from their father? Instead of Cinderella finding her Prince Charming and happy ending, I felt like the evil queen in Snow White, offering Mike the poisoned apple. “I’m leaving you and taking your children with me to a place far, far away…” Damn, I’m evil.

  Was Alan thinking the same thing? Did he feel guilty about moving out West with Alice and Jack? My stomach clenched and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. By pursuing our happiness, were we hurting our kids?

  Jenny squealed with delight as Alan tossed her through the air. She landed with a big splash between Jack and Ben and a chorus of “Me too, me too!” exploded. Alan laughed, shooting me a beautiful smile. After a few more moments of teasing the kids, he got out and joined me.

  I watched with lust in my heart as he approached. His skin was bronzed by the sun, dark hair damp, light eyes lit with amusement. It was then I realized my jaw was hanging open. I supposed I should get used to acting like a drooling monkey whenever he was around. Especially when he was half naked and wet.

  As he leaned down to kiss me, little drops of water landed on my skin, giving me goosebumps. Alan laughed as he sat down. Taking my hand, he looked at the kids playing together in the pool.

  “You’d never know they haven’t known each other their whole lives, would you?” He asked softly.

  “Alan, are we doing the right thing by moving to New Mexico?” That’s me, Laura break-a-great-mood Smith. Or at least, that would be my name if I was Navajo.

  “Is that why you’ve been scowling?” He asked, giving my hand a squeeze. “I thought something was bothering you.”

  I nodded, “Yeah. I wonder if it isn’t totally cruel to take the kids away from their mom and dad.”

  Alan considered this, “Well, Ohio and New York aren’t exactly neighbors. One of them would be without kids if we moved to your town or mine.”

  He had a point, “True. I didn’t think of that.”

  “Laura, I love you. I love Jenny and Ben. I’ll be a great father and even better husband. You don’t need to worry about that.” His eyes were dark, as they always were when he was passionate about something. And that something was me and my kids.

  I melted, “I’m determined to ruin the last few moments of this crazy trip, huh?”

  “No,” he shook his head, “you’re thinking ahead. But s
top doing that. Here, everyone just lives for the moment. There will be plenty of time to worry later.”

  He was right. Good God! This vacation had been full of ups and downs, and I’m not just talking about sexual positions. There was enough for two or three made-for-television specials on Lifetime. I needed to relax. Enjoy what little time I had left with Alan, Alice and Jack. Soon I would be on the plane back home and… there I go again! I forced all concern from my mind and concentrated instead on lust.

  “You look fantastic in that swimsuit. Hey! Let’s get a pool in New Mexico so you can look like that all the time!”

  “So, I’m already relegated to Pool Boy,” he shook his head in mock horror.

  “Don’t forget Soccer Dad and Carpool Engineer,” I waved my hand dismissively.

  “As long as you are always in bed waiting for me, I think I can manage that.”

  I looked at him, giving Alan my full attention, “I love you too. So much it almost hurts to breathe when you’re around. And Alice and Jack are so perfect. I don’t care if we live on the moon, as long as I have you.”

  He laughed, “Well, then you would have trouble breathing. I think for now, New Mexico will have to do.”

  I leaned back. Alan was right. I was thinking too much. Besides, we were down to two more days, and nights. And I had more important things to focus on.

  I was shocked when Martha agreed to baby sit again. Alan insisted it was no big deal, but I thought I saw her mouth the word “slut” at me. When I blinked, she was smiling, waving us off and telling us to have a good time. Was there a switch to disable my imagination, like airbags?

  I’d always wanted to eat at Wolfgang’s. I know, it’s kitschy as hell, but what can I say? We ordered dinner and sat back to enjoy our drinks. It was one of those half-circle booths with the tablecloths that went all the way to the floor, if you know what I mean.

  “So,” Alan said casually as his right hand slipped under the table to stroke my thigh, “besides working on your thesis on adultery in literature, what do you do for fun back in Ohio?”

  I put my left hand on his thigh in response, “That’s pretty much it, unfortunately. How about you?”

  Alan smiled, “Not much. I’m actually looking forward to having a yard in New Mexico. City life doesn’t look so good to me anymore.”

  “We have a huge yard in Ohio.” I thought about the huge weeping willow tree in the backyard. I’d miss that.

  Alan leaned in, nuzzling my ear with his nose, “I’ll make sure you love our new yard too.” he breathed in my ear.

  I turned to kiss him, meeting his lips and tasting them, “Really?”

  “Whatever you want there, be it tree house or birdbath.” He pulled away and grinned.

  “Should I be insulted?” I took a sip of champagne.

  He shook his head, “No. Unless you insist on the birdbath.” His fingers trailed a little higher on my leg. At this rate, we wouldn’t make it to desert.

  “Enough of this verbal foreplay,” I said, pushing his hand from my thigh. And it took superhuman willpower to pull it off, I might add. “Let’s talk about you.”

  The glass froze in midair and he cocked an eyebrow, “Ok. What do you want to know?”

  “How do you plan to manage your career from Santa Fe?”

  He drained the glass, “Santa Fe, is it? I wondered exactly where we were moving to.”

  “Didn’t I mention that earlier?” I had the decency to blush, “That’s where the college is. But stop dancing around the question.”

  Alan’s hand returned to my thigh, “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. Shouldn’t be a problem. With e-mail and fax machines, I can still work with my agent.”

  “Won’t you have to go to New York sometimes?”

  He nodded, “Occasionally. But I’ll take you with me. That’ll be fun.”

  I leaned back against the booth, closing my eyes, “I would love to see one of your plays. Especially with you.”

  His laughter caused me to open my eyes. Alan responded, “Only one thing could make me happier than that.”

  I swallowed the bait, “And what would that be?”

  “If I could make love to you in the orchestra pit during a standing ovation.” Alan’s eyes practically glowed in the dim light. And I knew that he meant every one of those words.

  The rest of the evening was amazing. Relieved of the conspiracies and lies, we gave in to just being another couple. We kissed openly, unafraid of being busted. In fact, I don’t think there was one single moment when we weren’t touching. And the best part was we made each other laugh. Well, that and knowing I would fuck him silly when we got back to the room. Ok, so maybe the sex ranked just a little, teensy bit higher. Alright! A lot higher.

  After dinner, we headed back to the clubs we hit on our first date. My ovaries did a back flip just thinking about it. That was the birthplace of our illicit affair. Mmmm… I wrapped my heart around those words. It wasn’t illicit anymore, now was it? I mean, we came out of the adultery closet and have made plans for the future. Family-Vacation-be-Damned, we were a legit couple now.

  I melted against his body as we danced. We weren’t hiding anymore. It didn’t matter who saw us. And for some reason, I wanted the world to know how I felt about Alan.

  Of course, he made no secret of how he felt about me. That is unless he had a summer sausage in his front pants pocket. My heart sent my mind to bed, hanging out the Do Not Disturb sign. As the strains of music thrummed through my body, all I could focus on was touching the man who held me.

  Alan blew in my ear, and I giggled. In response, I slid my hands down to his ass and squeezed gently. For the first time, we weren’t drinking heavily, and I was wide awake. Unfortunately, the slow songs came to an end and we were forced to sit down.

  Alan looked deeply into my eyes, “I never thought I’d be here, with you, making plans for the future.”

  “Is that good?” I was practically in his lap. No, we definitely weren’t going for discreet.

  He laughed, “That is very good. I love you Laura. I can’t think of a better way to say it.”

  I kissed him, and then pulled back, “You don’t have to. I will always know.”

  A smile settled on his face. For once, we were both completely relaxed. I felt so comfortable with him. Was it because of all we’d been through?

  “Tell me about your children,” I said softly in his ear.

  He looked surprised, “Really? Why?”

  “Because I want to hear your words describe them.” It was true. We hadn’t talked about Alice, Jack, Jenny or Ben, except to decide what we would do each day. I knew what I thought of Alice and Jack. But I wanted to know what he would say about his own kids.

  “Alice is a spitfire,” he began, “she has very distinct opinions on what she wants out of life and goes after it full-throttle.” His expression screamed admiration. It was obvious how he felt about his daughter.

  “She does well in school, especially in reading and math. Sometimes I think she is too serious. Alice jumped three levels in swimming lessons this summer. She had her heart set on making the highest level for her age before anyone else and she did it.”

  I laughed, “Jenny is different. She’s a little clown. She laughs and giggles through swimming lessons. I wish she would take it a little more seriously.”

  Alan squeezed my hand, “Oh, I don’t know. I wish Alice had a little more fun with life sometimes. What else is there to the darling, little Jenny?”

  My heart went kapow when he called her that, “Well, she’s extremely creative. If she’s not trying to get everyone to laugh, she’s in the corner painting pictures of unicorns or writing stories about puppies. She does well in school, but to her, life is lots of fun.”

  “An artist, eh? She’s a woman after my own heart,” he laughed warmly.

  “Oh yes. Jenny’s already told me she will be a famous artist someday. Not terribly lucrative, but she’ll probably change her mind.” />
  Alan frowned, “Why should she? I’m an artist, and I make a good living at it.”

  He was right. I felt like an idiot, “I’m sorry!” I tripped over my words, babbling like a nitwit.

  “It’s okay. Believe me, I get it a lot. I’m glad you told me about Jenny. I can be supportive, help her out.”

  I took a deep breath. It was hard not to get choked up with the idea that Alan found a bond with my daughter. “What about Jack?”

  “Jack is completely different,” he began, “he just wants to play superheroes or war. Jack is all about fantasy. His head is definitely in the clouds.”

  I nodded, “Ben is more like Alice. I fear that once he discovers sports, I’ll never see him again. He loves collecting ribbons and trophies.”

  “We certainly have diversity in this group,” he laughed again, “but I think we have the talent to handle things.”

  Alan’s face had glazed over. How cool was that? He was so in love with our kids, he found something wonderful to say about each of them, looking for ways to encourage them. Damn. I was lucky.

  “Sounds like Jack is a lot like his Daddy,” I squeezed his hand.

  Nodding, he agreed, “I can see it. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. But Alice is so intelligent, so driven, I’m blown away by what her little mind can do.”

  A slow song came over the speakers and Alan pulled me onto the dance floor. Once again, we moved together, our bodies merged. I thought about what he said, about his kids and mine.

  Alan held me in his arms on the bus trip back. We didn’t fondle each other like before, exercising Herculean restraint. Hopefully, the kids would be sleeping when we got home.

  Home? The idea shocked me. We’d been on vacation so long, was I really considering it to be home? It made sense, I guess. The connections to our old homes were about to be severed. Our life together began here. Suddenly, the first day I arrived seemed so very far away.

  Martha accepted the money with a smile, betraying no urge to brand me with a scarlet A. Within a few moments, the door between us and the kids was locked and Alan stood before me.