by Mia Castile
“Dr. Seuss said, ‘Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter, don’t care.’ I believe it and encourage you to follow his advice. To my graduating class, it has been a pleasure experiencing this journey with you that now comes to an end. The road is open for our next journey to begin, and as we embark on it, take with you the lessons and values we have learned here. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives these past years.” The entire gymnasium stood and clapped.
They had brought in a Desert Storm vet who had won a purple heart for saving lives to give the inspirational speech. The last thing he said in his speech was, “Tomorrow doesn’t matter if you don’t live your today like it does. Choose your path in life and make the most of it. There is a hero in all of us.”
Finally they began calling names. When they called Gideon, we all stood up and clapped. Even Moriah and Selah’s adopted parents stood and cheered. When they called the girls’ names, we did the same. I pointed out to Nancy that Moriah and Gideon were finally dating. She was proud of him for “going for it” as she put it. He had confided in her so much about his life. She definitely became a motherly figure for us both. I wondered if she was this close to all of her cases. After the ceremony, Gideon found us, and we all congratulated him. Nancy told him how proud she was of him. We made plans for our Sunday dinner with her. It was time for our first check-in meeting. Had it already been a month? It didn’t seem real; so much had happened. I’d never been more scared or happy in the same moment. I felt stronger than I ever had. I felt like I was beginning to have the confidence I’d never had before. I wondered if this was what kindred spirits felt like, having true friends who were like family. I didn’t know. Gideon went to dinner with Moriah, Selah, and their parents. Zeke and I headed to our house. As we were leaving, Gideon ran over to Zeke’s car and whispered something to him. Zeke smiled and told him, “No problem, man.” I wondered what he had said, but I didn’t ask. I just let him drive me home. As he drove, he lifted my hand and kissed my fingers. He had a talent for making me feel special, even in the smallest gestures. We didn’t talk. We just listened to the radio, and I watched the scenery pass by. When we got to my apartment building, Zeke parked his car.
“You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to. I know it’s getting late, and we have a full day tomorrow.”
“That is what Gideon asked me. He wanted me to stay with you at least until he came home.” He got out of the car and came around the back to open the door for me.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, as I went to the kitchen and took down two glasses.
“Sure, whatever is fine,” he smiled. I took out the tea and poured two glasses. I felt his hand on my hips. I looked at our reflection in the window over the sink. He held my stare.
“I’ve dreamed about this for so long,” he spoke softly next to my ear.
“You’ve dreamed about drinking my world-famous tea for so long?” I teased.
“No, I’ve dreamed about being with you during the day-to-day life. I dream about you even when I don’t dream with you.” He paused and whispered, “Am I crazy?” He seemed to be looking past us now out the window.
“No, you’re not. You’re my angel.” I picked up the glasses and led him into the living room. Gideon had rented a video the day before, so Zeke popped it in. He dimmed the lights and joined me on the couch. He put his arm around me, and I leaned into him. We tried to watch the movie, but I couldn’t get into it. I kept asking questions because I didn’t understand the plot line. Even though I could tell I was annoying him, I asked more questions.
“So he knows she lied about who she is, but he’s not telling her yet?” It was so obvious that even if you came in the middle of the movie, you would know that. He had sat forward with his elbows on his knees, but turned and looked at me. He didn’t say anything, and I slowly grinned.
“Are you serious?” He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to him.
“You are driving me bananas,” he laughed as he began to tickle my sides. I tried to get away, but he was holding me tight. I finally pulled away, and as I did, I fell on the floor. As he tried to catch me, he fell on top of me and I hit my head. It hurt, but I was laughing too hard.
“Ow,” I moaned, as I rubbed the back of my head.
“Are you hurt?” he managed between laughs.
“I think I’ll live.” I was still rubbing it. He replaced my hand with his, rubbing the back of my head.
“What’s the verdict, doc?” I asked, giggling.
“It’s what we like to call in the business a bump on the noggin.” I giggled at his serious tone. “My bill is in the mail,” he laughed.
“I think I can pay now,” I smiled coyly.
“It is very expensive. We may have to set up a payment plan.” He remained serious. My head was still in his hand.
I put my hands around his neck and pulled him down to me. I kissed him lightly on his lips. He pulled away slightly.
“As I was saying, very expensive. Many more payments are needed,” he added, all business. I giggled and pulled him back to me, and we kissed again. Our kisses grew deeper and stronger. His free hand traced my face, my neck, and my collar bone. He began to kiss my neck, and his hand found my breast. He didn’t try to go under my dress. His hand trembled as he softly touched me. When I began to run my fingers through his hair, he paused and lifted his head. He looked into my eyes, and I saw so many emotions from lifetimes of loving me. His eyes surveyed me as he leaned in to kiss me again. We both closed our eyes. His hand traveled down to my side, and he touched my hip. I felt my heart racing as he touched my knee and began to caress my outer thigh under my dress. His hand went higher, and then his fingers softly traced down to my knee. I could feel him responding to me. He brushed the hair away from my face with his other hand.
“Your heart is racing,” he said in a breathy whisper.
“I know. So is yours,” I whispered, His eyes never left mine. They penetrated me. He saw my love for him. He saw my soul. He saw my desire for him. He suddenly pulled away from me and sat on his knees.
“We have to stop. I went too far.” He pointedly avoided my eyes.
“Don’t apologize. I was here, too.” I leaned up on my knees and pulled his face close to mine, trying to force him to look into my eyes. “How does this work? This is new to me. All I know is I want more of you, and I want to give you all of me.” I held his gaze as I was brutally honest with him. It scared me that I was telling him this.
“I don’t know how this works. This is my first real relationship, too. Remember those nights we used to just talk? For hours we would talk about stuff that I couldn’t talk about with anyone, and you would give me advice. Then I hated that I had to speak in riddles. I hated that I couldn’t tell you who we were and what we did. I hated that I couldn’t kiss you and hold you then, that I couldn’t make love to you right there.” Now he was being brutally honest. “I hate that I can’t make love to you right now,” he spoke again softly.
At that moment we heard the key turn in the lock. We quickly stood up and tried to straighten ourselves. As Gideon topped the final stair, he looked from one of us to the other, trying to stand there innocently. The movie had been on the introduction screen for a while. We were busted.
“Wow, I caught you with your hands in the cookie jar.” He looked from one of us to the other. “Thanks for staying with Ellie. I really felt better with you here taking advantage of her,” Gideon spoke brashly. His eyes burned a hole through Zeke.
“Gid, that’s not fair!” I exclaimed.
“Hey, man, I’m not trying to take advantage of her.” Zeke looked guiltily at me.
“No, Gideon, tell him you’re sorry.” I held my finger up to Zeke. “Don’t make an excuse for yourself when we did nothing wrong.” I could feel my cheeks getting flushed. “What is this about?”
“Maybe I’m just being overprotective, but I just don’t apprec
iate my friend trying to get my sister into bed just before I get home.” Gideon went to the kitchen and slammed his keys down on the counter. With his back was to us, he faced out the window. Zeke looked like he wanted to say something, but Gideon stopped him. “Don’t say it! I already know what you’re thinking and what you want to say, and trust me, dude; you don’t want to go there.” Gideon didn’t even face us. He turned, went to his bedroom, and shut the door. I felt like crying. I didn’t know what to say to Zeke. He looked crushed too. He got his jacket and headed down the stairs toward our front door. I walked quietly behind him.
“I will pick you up tomorrow about eleven-thirty. My mom wants to go to lunch before the ceremony. I didn’t mean to upset Gideon. I didn’t even think about him while we were kissing. I should have. He has a right to be protective of you.” He looked away.
“OK. A, Gideon is being an overprotective jerk, and two, if you were thinking about him while you were kissing me, I’d be pissed. I’ll see you in the morning. And Zeke. . . I do love you. So deep.” I confessed my love for the first time. Realizing it, he smiled and pecked my lips softly with a kiss.
“I love you—more every day if that’s even possible.” He opened the door and left.
Chapter 23
I locked the door, went back upstairs, turned off the lights, and went to my bedroom. I paced the floor for a few minutes and decided that instead of picking out my pajamas and getting ready for bed, I’d go to Gideon’s room.
“What the hell was that about?” I flung on the light and stood in the doorway of our adjoining bathroom and his bedroom.
“What?” he asked innocently.
“Are you kidding? Treating Zeke like he’s some random boy who is trying to get to third base with your virginal daughter on the first date?”
“Change your tone.” Gideon’s voice was surprisingly calm. “I am your guardian, and that means protecting you. You better still be virginal!”
“You are also my brother. You don’t have to protect me from Zeke,” I sighed, as I walked over to sit down on his bed.
“Yes, I do because he’s still a boy.” Gideon sat up from where he was lying on his bed.
“What is this really about? Did you and Moriah have a fight or something?” I asked, confused.
“No, actually things are going great. Did you know her adoptive parents are also a Generation? They’ve all been raised knowing who they are and having the privileges that you and I dream about.”
“You can’t punish Zeke because their life has been better than ours, Gid. Our life has made us who we are. You said that in your speech today. This is our lot this incarnation. We can’t feel sorry for ourselves. We have to rise above where we are now.”
“Zeke has had everything in life, and now he gets to have you without a struggle. You just roll over. Make him work for it. Make him earn it.”
“Don’t you think I know that? We aren’t ready to make love. That’s what we were talking about tonight before you came up. He was telling me he hated keeping secrets before, and he told me he wanted to make love to me. But know that I am not ready for that. I know him like I know the back of my hand. But I’m not ready.” I looked down at my hands fidgeting in my lap.
“Um, I guess I owe Zeke an apology. I thought he was trying to talk you into making love. Listening isn’t always a good gift, huh?” he sighed. I left his room and got ready for bed. I went to bed and had a dream about Zeke and me all night. We were just talking all night like we used to. We talked about the things that had happened over the last month. I told him Gideon was sorry, and we talked.
I woke up the next morning refreshed and renewed. The world seemed brighter. Selah had loaned me a dress to wear to Zeke’s graduation. It was a light green-halter dress with flowers all over it. It hung on the back of my closet door. I admired it as I lay in bed. The clock said nine o’clock. I heard Gideon stirring in the kitchen, so I got up and joined him. He had made breakfast. He had two plates with eggs, sausage, and toast on the island.
“What’s this?” I smiled, as I sat on the stool.
“My continual apology for my unsatisfactory behavior last night,” Gideon said matter-of-factly.
“Even so, high school graduate, those are big words for so early in the morning.” He laughed and came around to where I was sitting. “Put. Those. Away.” I dragged out my words as he hugged me.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get it right, but know that I will try to protect you until I can’t anymore.”
“That’s all I ask. I will do the same for you. Know that.” I hugged him back.
As we ate breakfast, we talked and teased. It was the first time in a few weeks that we were able just to be by ourselves. We felt like ourselves. We felt like a family who had made the right decision.
After we ate, I went to the bathroom and got ready. I didn’t hear Zeke buzz up. I didn’t hear him come into my bedroom. I finished my make-up and returned to my bedroom as I was putting in my earrings. There he was sitting on my bed.
“You look amazing,” he said solemnly. I jumped; he startled me, and I looked at the clock.
“You’re early,” I said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Maybe just in time,” I added, as I went around the bed to my side table and pulled out a note I’d written him and a leather bound copy of The Odyssey. Sonny had said it was a good find. Zeke was surprised. He put the note inside the cover and searched my eyes.
“I actually ported here. I needed some re-enforcements.” He half-heartedly smiled at me.
“What’s going on?” I put my hand on his shoulder.
“My mom has been up all night going through The Book of Truth.” I looked at him, confused.
“The big old book, it’s like our manual. She’s been searching all night. She’s frazzled, writing all kinds of notes and talking to herself. I’ve never seen her like this. It’s scaring me, Ellie.” He pulled me close to him, wrapped his arms around me, and leaned his head into my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. I felt small in his arms. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I just held him. Standing in the doorway, Gideon cleared his voice. We both looked in his direction.
“Sorry to interrupt. Zeke, man, I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for last night. I misread the whole situation.” He leaned against the door.
“It’s OK. I understand why you’d be overprotective.” He smiled up at me.
“I just wanted to make sure you knew. I’ll see you guys later.” He turned and went back into the living room.
“Are you ready?” Zeke asked. I surveyed myself; I was. I nodded. He stood up. With his book in one hand, he took my hand in his other. My bedroom swirled and transformed into the living room in his house. He let go of my hand.
“Mom, Ben,” he called out to them. Ben came stomping down the stairs as he was tying his tie. He looked handsome.
“Mom’s in her room getting ready. We can go when she’s done.” He didn’t look up until he got to the bottom of the stairs and his tie was tied.
“Hey, Ellie, when did you get here?” He spoke nonchalantly.
“I ported her here,” Zeke answered for me. “How has Mom been since I left?” He looked up the stairs, then walked to the living room couch and sat down.
“She’s the same, except she started getting ready,” Ben said flatly.
“And she’s standing at the top of the stairs, so you should stop talking about her.” Hanna descended the stairs in a beautiful, soft pink dress with capped sleeves and a scooped neck. She wore some simple heels.