I was terrified, but optimistic that I was close enough to the door I could probably escape. I am optimistic by nature, which annoys my grandmother. She says it’s my Irish heritage to assume the worst.
So hopeful I could save myself, I lifted my foot and kicked back. My first attempt missed but the second made contact.
He swore.
The ghost Santa also swore, but his sounded more concerned than angry.
Ghost Santa appeared in front of me, like a boxing coach. “Right elbow to his gut,” he said. “You’ve got this.”
I took his advice and connected hard with Drunk Santa’s, aka Jason the Jerk, aka a rapist, stomach. The padding of his suit dulled impact a little but he still grunted. The arm around my neck tightened and I started to get a little more than worried. Marner was busy in the ballroom and there was no one else to miss me in particular. The pressure on my throat was scary and prevented me from screaming.
Ghost Santa, William Anthony, looked equally alarmed. He adjusted his cap and bounced on the heels of his boots. “He’s drunk,” he told me. “So just keep fighting. Get him off balance.”
Trying to channel self-defense videos I had watched on YouTube, I actually leaned way forward. The thought was to throw him over my shoulder, but you know, you can’t have noodle arms to make that happen. But the unexpected result was I was so low that to maintain the hold he had to shift his feet and inevitably stumbled. I wiggled and twisted and nailed him again with my elbow, this time landing a direct hit on Santa’s cookies.
He groaned and let go of me altogether. I jerked forward and righted myself. The champagne glass was still in my hand and I turned slightly and threw it at him. Then I bolted out of the coat room with Dead Santa cheering me on. He clapped his hands hard and gave a fist pump.
“Good job.”
“Thanks,” I said, breathless. I wear heels on a regular basis but I felt a little unbalanced running in them. I started to slow down, reassured by the crowd in the ballroom a few feet away. There was an older couple in the hallway with me and a bartender behind the portable bar.
“He’s following you.”
What the hell? Was Jason an idiot? He might have had the upper hand in a small coat room blocking the door, but out here, what was he going to do to me? All I had to do was get to Marner and Sucky Santa was toast. I didn’t technically even need to get to Marner. I could tell the first person I saw to call the cops.
But apparently Jason hadn’t gotten the memo on how not to get arrested because as I dashed into the ballroom without warning I went flying through the air to the sound of Dead Santa gasping, “Holy crap!”
Sucky Santa had tackled me.
That thought registered in my brain a split second before I made contact with the marble floor. Ow. That was my shoulder and my hip slamming into a solid floor. Double ow. But I have enough self-preservation that I didn’t just lie there in pain. I started scrambling across the floor in my blue Donna Karan dress that I had rented for the event and my designer pumps. I figured Jason couldn’t really hurt me now but I was a little worried about my dignity. Unless Santa was packing heat. Crap, that hadn’t even occurred to me. I started wiggling faster while the area around me exploded with gasps and sounds of horror.
“Come back here, bitch.” Jason landed on my back in what felt like a belly flop.
All the air shot out of my lungs and the fear came rushing back. This guy was nothing short of a loon.
But there was no cause for concern. Someone pulled him off, I leaped up with a dexterity that would have impressed me under other circumstances and I took off running for the winter wonderland I had helped design. “Clear out the kids!” I shouted because if Jason did have a gun, these children needed to be evacuated pronto.
I then veered to the right toward the side entrance, wanting to get Santa away from the kids. I would just lure him out onto the street. Maybe that wasn’t such a hot idea either but I wasn’t sure what the best way to handle a drunken psycho who might turn into a mass shooter might be.
Parents were grabbing their kids and there were screams. Then there was Marner, descending on us like an avenging mall Santa, beard askew. He had Jason on the ground in short order, his knee on his back. He pulled his phone out of his suit pants under the Santa suit and made a call. When Jason tried to move, Marner dug his knee in deeper.
“Don’t even think about it, jack off.”
After he had called the station for a patrolman, Jake looked at me. “What the hell is going on?”
“He followed me into the coat room. He grabbed me around the neck.” I didn’t mention that he had suggested I keep him company because this was a children’s charity event and no one needed to see one Santa murder another, because Jake would kill this guy. I would wait until Jason was in custody and we were filing a report.
“This is horrible,” Lauren said, coming up beside me. “Oh my word.”
“Stop moving,” Marner told Jason, shoving him back down after he tried to get up.
“Do you need handcuffs?” Lauren asked. “I have some in my purse.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up but to his credit he just said, “Sure. Thanks.”
It was so unexpected that it gave some levity to the situation and I almost laughed. But I was too upset to fully recover. “I’m sorry for causing a commotion but I wasn’t sure if he had a gun or not. My first thought was I needed to be in a crowd to protect myself but then I thought what if I had just endangered a whole room full of people?” I took a shaky breath and wished I could take a hit off my vape. But I had dropped my purse somewhere along the way.
“Bailey, don’t feel that way!” Lauren said. “I hired the man! I feel horrible. And you’re completely right. He is probably more dangerous alone in a coat room than a room full of people. Damn it, I don’t know what I did with my purse.” She bent over and stuck her face in Jason’s. “But shame on you, you disgusting pig.”
Jason was struggling and swearing in a manner not fit for kids to hear.
Fortunately, the staff had managed to herd most of the attendees out of the ballroom. The kids were all gone and the slide, surrounded by a magical set of fake snow, twinkling lights, and peppermint rounds growing in a candy garden, looked forlorn. I wasn’t sure how many of the kids had even gotten to ride the slide down into a pit of padding designed to look like snow.
Channeling Marner, I sighed. This was a massive letdown. I had worked hard on this event and, damn it, it was for charity. This putz had ruined it for no apparent reason.
I realized Ghost Santa was missing. Glancing around I saw he was climbing the steps to the slide.
But then the cops arrived and I lost track of the ghost.
Having once upon a time in another life worked at the police department as an evidence tech before I realized that crime scenes are dirty, I know some of the men and women in uniform. The two patrolmen who showed up were both strangers to me though and eyed me with naked curiosity.
“This your girlfriend, Detective?” the younger one asked, as Jake hauled Jason to his feet.
“None of your business.”
I pulled my hand back. I’d had it out to shake the patrolman’s and introduce myself but I wasn’t sure what Marner’s clipped response was all about. Awkward. Sometimes I felt like Marner wanted to distance himself from me because, in his words, trouble followed me everywhere. What, like I wanted ghosts and criminals to seek me out?
Feeling a little put out, I turned and saw William Anthony, Ghost Santa, gesturing for me to come over to where he was standing. Whatever. I went over there, running my hand over my peppermint garden in longing. It was a good display, though I couldn’t really take full credit. Lauren’s event business had all of this in a storage warehouse.
I had been dying (no pun intended) to try the slide Lauren’s guys had assembled but there hadn’t been time before staff and guests had started arriving. Now that the room was effectively cleared save for Lauren and a few of the catering staff, the
cops, and Jason, I decided to go for it.
“I’m telling you,” William said, walking in step with me. “My body is over here.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible,” I told him. “This is a set and it was delivered this morning.”
“I can’t believe this.” He shook his head. “I finally find someone who can hear me and she doesn’t believe a word I say. My wife would have thought this was hilarious.”
“Did you have a younger girlfriend?” I asked, because William wasn’t going to leave me alone until I solved his murder. I knew how this went.
“That’s kind of personal,” he said.
I shot him a wry look. “So that would be a yes.”
“What does it have to do with anything?”
Why? Why was this my life? “Enough that your wife told people you weren’t missing. She seems to think you ran off with a younger woman, and yet, that didn’t happen. So who killed you? Your wife? Your girlfriend? It’s a fair question.”
“If I knew who killed me I wouldn’t be here. The last thing I remember is I was getting, um, suited up.”
I shot him a glance. William wasn’t making eye contact with me. Not encouraging. So much for the nice guy Lauren had described. If there was one thing I had learned in dealing with ghosts is that, apparently, everyone and his mother has a secret. No one was exactly as they appeared to be.
There were platform steps to the slide. It wasn’t as tall as it had been in the movie A Christmas Story, but more like an abridged version around six feet tall. I climbed the steps and delicately sat down on the top, legs down the slide, hands on the railings. I stared down at my nude pumps, flexing my toes in them. I should have ditched the shoes before attempting to take the slide like an overgrown five-year-old.
“Bailey,” Marner called in his cop voice. “We need to go.”
That meant a trip to the police station which was always a major suck fest, and paperwork and questions. Not what I had envisioned for tonight. At all.
“Okay,” I answered, glancing over at him. It was a ridiculous scene. Two guys in Santa costumes, one gripping the other, who was handcuffed. William was standing behind me on the steps. I could feel the chill of his presence. The air always shifted when a ghost was around and he had a particularly chilly aura.
A trio of the least jolly old St. Nick’s ever. Nope. Not how I envisioned my night.
Marner passed Jason off to the officers, then divested himself of the Santa suit, which was a good move. It’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re dressed in red fur. I think only RuPaul can pull that off.
Jake walked over to the bottom of the slide. “I’ll give you five bucks if you do it,” he said.
“I don’t need five bucks,” I said primly. “And why do you want me to?” I really did want to go down the slide, but it felt silly under the circumstances.
He grinned. “So I can see up your dress.”
“How very predictable.”
“At least I’m honest.” He tilted his head. “And actually, I can see up your dress now.”
“What?” I crossed my legs. William was still hanging around here somewhere.
Jake laughed. “Come on down. I’ll catch you. I need a kiss to calm down after seeing that prick put his hands on you.”
“Thank you for kicking his ass.”
“I wish. It wasn’t the place for a proper beat-down. But if I ever see him alone in an alley he’ll wish he was never born.” He lifted his arms. “Come to daddy.”
I was pretty sure I completely hated the idea of him referring to himself as “daddy” but I decided to let it ride for now. I scooted my butt forward and shoved off with my hands. It was short but I caught some major speed. Probably because my weight was more than a small child’s. I let out a shriek and tried to spread my legs to slow myself down but the skirt of my dress was too tight. I ended up on my side, flying into the batting that was meant to pad the kids’ fall.
“Wow, you really caught some air,” Jake said, sounding very amused.
I couldn’t even see him. I was enveloped in fluff and sinking further. Then I heard a rip. My dress tearing, snagged on a nail. “Oh, no! This dress is a rental! And who left an exposed nail? This was built for kids!” Outraged on every level, I slid my finger under my dress, trying to ease the rest of it off the nail without doing further damage.
That was when I noticed a split in the seam where the wood met the plastic of the slide. Scrambling onto my knees I leaned in closer.
“That is a way better view than I was even hoping for.”
I dipped my backside a little. Flashing Jake was for the privacy of my own home. “Honey, there is something in here.” I could see fabric and a gleam of something white and shiny, the ballroom chandeliers reflecting off of it.
“Yeah, my Christmas wish list.”
“Stop being a pervert for two seconds.” Normally I approved of his flirting but tonight he was not getting the message I needed to be serious. How ironic was that. He was usually totally on board with being serious. But since we’d been together Jake had loosened up in general. I had too.
But not right now. “Come here and help me pry this apart.”
He sighed. “I’m coming. You have no idea how much I want to make a sexual innuendo though.”
That made me glance at him, amused. “Please, don’t. But I’ll make it up to you later.”
“I’m holding you to that.” Jake had stripped off his jacket to don the Santa suit so he easily climbed over the low wall to the padding pit and waded over to me. “Okay, I’m here. What am I looking at?”
“This.” I pointed to the gap between the wood and plastic. “There is something in there.”
“Presumably the space behind the slide is empty but maybe it’s lighting or something. Does this thing light up?” Jake pulled his keys out of his pocket. He had a Swiss army knife on his keychain. Of course.
He inserted the blade between the two pieces and pried it open about an inch. He bent over and looked inside. “There’s an old costume in here.” He shifted the knife higher and popped the two pieces apart.
I leaned on Jake, trying to see around his shoulder into the dark space. Since I had lost my purse (and probably should be worried about that) I couldn’t use the flashlight on my phone to illuminate behind the slide. “That’s it? Just a costume?”
Jake sat back and dug his phone out of his pocket. Then he put on the flashlight and directed it into the darkness. “Well. We have a problem, sweetheart.”
“We do?” I had a very bad feeling that inside the costume was one William Anthony, missing amazing Santa and lover of younger girlfriends.
“This is a dead body. And from the looks of it, he’s been here awhile. Technically, it’s not a body, but more like a skeleton.”
William popped up behind me. “Told you.”
I shooed him, needing to concentrate.
“Let me see.” I don’t know why I said that.
“You don’t want to see. Trust me.”
Maybe it just seemed so unbelievable. Children were sliding over a corpse? It was horrible.
But I looked and Marner was right. I didn’t want to see. It wasn’t a clean skeleton. It was still a little… rotten looking.
I fell back on my butt in the batting. “Oh, geez!”
William cleared his throat behind me. “I’ve looked better. This isn’t my good side.”
He almost sounded amused. I turned and glared at him. I wanted away from the body, skeleton, dead guy, whatever we were calling it. But apparently, it’s a lot easier for preschoolers to launch themselves out of a pit filled with foam than it is for a twenty-eight-year-old woman who is allergic to exercise.
I tried to lift my leg over in fear for my future reproduction. I went over on my side in a less-than-graceful roll, clinging to the container walls and landing on the marble with a hard thump. Shifting onto my back, for once not even worried about floor germs, I looked up at Jake. “I think it’s safe t
o say this event was a fail.”
“Nah. You caught a low-level criminal and found a body someone is probably looking for. I call that a rousing success, babe.”
I held my hand up so he could haul me to my feet. “You’re a ‘glass half full’ kind of guy and I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I’m still here,” William said. “Feeling a little awkward.”
“There is no pleasing you people,” I told him.
Marner raised his eyebrows.
“Ghost,” I said, as if that explained everything.
Three
I woke up Sunday morning, stifling a groan when I rolled over. I was sore from Sucky Santa using me as a tackling dummy. “What time is it?” I asked Jake, seeing that he was standing next to the bed dressed in gym shorts and a T-shirt.
He had a cup of coffee in his hand for me. “It’s eight. Drink your coffee. I’m going to the gym then the game.” He bent over and kissed me. “I’ll call you later after the Browns win.”
“Bless you. Thank you. Love you. Good luck.” I’m not a morning person. I don’t make a lot of sense pre-caffeine.
The night before had gone later than either of us had expected, and not for sexy reasons. There had been police reports and questions and William the ghost pestering me in the ballroom all while I tried to explain what had made me look in the slide. Ten minutes spent searching for my purse, which was in the coat room, and happily discovering my phone and wallet were still in it. Then a hot shower and sleep.
Now I had to go to brunch with my parents, grandmother, and my sister, Jen, who was in from Texas. She usually tried to be in Cleveland for Christmas, but she was due to have another baby in February so she was at the outer limits of when she could safely fly. We still had almost three weeks until Christmas.
I cautiously glanced around my dark bedroom. There was no evidence of any ghosts, which was reassuring. I was too tired to deal with William. I needed all of my energy to survive time with my family.
My mother is an efficient county prosecutor with no patience and a growing irritation with my father that was alarming. It didn’t make for a comfortable meal. But on the plus side, she would wrap it all up in ninety minutes or less so the torture would be short-lived. On the downside, everyone would ask me where Jake was and I had no good reason other than I was protecting him from the madness and he had football tickets, which would open a whole can of worms between my parents. Dad loved football. Mom was less enamored.
How the Ghost Stole Christmas (Murder By Design Book 4) Page 2