He exhaled loudly. It felt good to fill his lungs with air again.
Shuddering he asked, “What are you doing, Gia?”
Her eyes filled with doubt for a second as she opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. A blush crept up her cheeks and instead of responding she lowered her lips to his. At first it felt familiar – they had done this so many times. But this time she didn’t pull away after just a second. Her lips parted his and Gia slowly caressed his lower lip with her tongue, before slipping it into his mouth and tangling it with his own.
Beppe’s mind exploded.
So many feelings flashed through him that he thought he might combust. This was really happening. Gia was kissing him. Gia, the girl he’d loved from the moment she tended to his wounded knee was kissing him. Him. His Gia, who he’d thought would only ever be his friend and nothing more.
Beppe couldn’t hold back even if he had wanted to. Deepening the kiss, he tightened his arms around her and moaned deep in his throat.
If this is a dream, please, please don’t let me wake up.
Gia scraped her teeth along his lower lip and he whimpered with need. She savored him slowly before releasing him completely and pulling back. She rested her forehead against his, both of them panting heavily.
“Beppe,” she whispered, her eyes closed, her breaths coming out in uneven gasps. He managed a weak ‘yeah’ and she continued, “I want you to make love to me.”
Beppe’s breath caught. His body went completely still. Gia raised her head and peered down in his dilated eyes. Now that the sun had set and she wasn’t crying anymore, the hazel was more brown than green. There was still a hint of sadness in them, but not the agonizing grief that had been there just moments ago.
“Gia, I...” he began, trying to gather the courage to say ‘no’. She was vulnerable and grieving and confused, and he didn’t want to take any advantage of that. But at the same time, those words were what he’d been craving to hear for so damn long. How could he really say ‘no’ now?
“Please, Beppe. I need to make some good memories today. I need...” She struggled to find words to finish her sentence and looked away. A moment later, her eyes landed back on his and Beppe saw something in them he’d never seen before. He was trying to figure out what it was when she spoke again, “I need you.”
Her lips met his again and she was kissing him with such fire and desperation that Beppe got lost in her. In his Gia. He loved her and he would always give her what she needed.
“I’ve never done this before,” Gia whispered against his lips. Beppe felt as if time froze.
“You haven’t? What about your boyfriends?”
“I never trusted or wanted any of them enough to go that far.” She looked away again and even in the soft light of the early evening, he could see her cheeks flush. “I trust you. I want you. It’s always been you, Beppe. You’re my best friend – there isn't anything we don't know about each other. We’ve seen each other through the good and the bad. Nothing can come between us.”
Beppe nodded. She was right. He couldn’t imagine anything separating them.
“It’ll be my first time, too,” he admitted. Her eyes widened in surprise. Even at fifteen Beppe was handsome and very popular with the girls and they flirted with him outrageously.
He’d never slept with any of them?
“Really?” she asked disbelievingly and Beppe nodded, his mouth spreading into a slow grin. “Why? Girls are always throwing themselves at you. You go on lots of dates and your phone’s always vibrating with texts... I don’t understand.”
“None of them are you.”
Gia closed her eyes as if his admission pained her in some way and slowly nodded.
Beppe raised his head meeting her lips with his own. She melted against him, exhaling into his mouth and completely surrendering to him. He didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, but he no longer cared. Tonight he would have everything he had ever wanted.
Gia moved over him, placing her knees on either side of his hips, without breaking their kiss. Her soft hair brushed his cheeks and neck, tickling his skin and adding another layer of sensation to Gia’s kisses. Beppe buried his hands in her hair, reveling in the silkiness twined in his fingers. Slowly he slid his palms down. He caressed her back, her ribcage, her waist, her hips, and cupped her luscious bottom in his hands, kneading her through the fabric of her dress. Gia gasped and shuddered with desire. Her lips moved along his jaw and down his neck, placing small, tender kisses all the way.
Without warning, Gia straightened her upper body and started pulling at the hem of Beppe’s shirt, pushing it up and trying to get it over his head. Beppe chuckled at her hasty moves and shifted to help her remove his tee. His exposed skin tingled with anticipation under Gia’s stare. She brushed the tips of her fingers over every scar, every bump and imperfection on Beppe’s chest. He had to rein in his desire to stop her. This right now, this moment, was theirs. It belonged to them. Nothing else mattered.
“Come here,” Beppe said softly, catching her exploring hands and pulling her back on top of him. Gia propped herself on her elbows and kept her face a few inches away from Beppe’s. “Don’t think, baby. Let it all go. Just feel.” Gia closed her eyes and her face twisted as if in pain. “Hey, look at me,” Beppe said softly, stroking his thumbs over her cheekbones. Gia opened her eyes and the struggle in them grabbed at his heart. “It’s just us now. It’s always been us. You and me, OK?”
“You and me,” Gia repeated and some of the pain in her eyes evaporated. She smiled tentatively and pressed her lips against his again, opening them wider with the tip of her wet tongue.
Beppe moaned and ground his hips again hers, unable to resist the need to feel every inch of Gia’s body melting into his. That seemed to urge her on because Gia left his lips once again and licked, nipped and kissed his skin all the way down to his chest. She flicked her tongue over his nipple and Beppe summoned every bit of restraint he possessed not to take control. His body was screaming to take over. To take her. But he wouldn't. This was for her. She could do anything she wanted with him, take it as slow or as fast as she wished and he’d let her. He was hers to do with as she wished.
Gia moved lower, gliding the flat of her tongue over his abs as she reached back with her hand and felt the bulge in his jeans. Beppe’s whole body jerked as though electrocuted. His control snapped and he grabbed Gia, dragging her up his body and flipping them over in one swift movement. She gasped as she landed under him, her beautiful hazel eyes surprised, but full of need. Beppe slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her roughly and possessively, his hands exploring every inch of her body until Gia started trembling under him.
“Are you cold?” he asked against her lips.
“No,” she said, flicking her tongue over his mouth and inviting him back in.
Their bodies slid against each other and Beppe felt the need to feel her bare skin all over his. He wanted to suck her in and make her forget about everything but this moment.
Judging by the glassy, passion clouded look in her eyes, he was almost there.
He stood up and took his jeans, boxers, socks and shoes off, never breaking eye contact with Gia. She took his lead and pulled her dress over her head, lying back in just her bra and panties on the blanket. The sun had set but it was a bright spring night with a full moon and stars sprinkled across the sky. Gia’s eyes sparkled in the moonlight and her chest was heaving as she looked at Beppe, naked in all his glory. Extending her arms towards him, she silently invited him back down. Beppe covered her body with his and the sensation of her warm, bare skin was so overwhelming and so good that he almost forgot how to breathe. He skimmed his fingers over her shoulders and pushed her bra straps down.
Gia arched her back up and he slid his hand underneath and unclasped the bra, pulling it away from Gia’s breasts. He bent down and sucked in a hard, rosy nipple until Gia writhed beneath him, silently begging for more. Beppe reached down and hooked his fi
ngers on either side of her panties, looking at Gia for confirmation that this was OK. She nodded and he tugged them down her legs, caressing her thighs along the way.
“I don’t have a condom,” Gia said when Beppe came back up and pecked a gentle kiss on her nose.
“I do.”
“You do?”
“I’m a fifteen year old boy, Gia. Of course I have a condom.” He smirked and reached for his jeans, rummaging through his pockets until he found the condom. He put it on and positioned himself on top of Gia again, supporting his weight on his elbows. Their eyes met and for the first time, Beppe said what had been in his heart forever.
“I love you, Gia.”
She sucked in a breath and held it, not saying anything, but her eyes betrayed her. She always wore her heart in her eyes and Beppe had learned to read them well. Seeing that she felt the same way he couldn't hold back a soft smile.
“You love me too,” he said and bent down to claim her mouth in a tender, loving kiss.
“I do,” Gia said as he released her lips.
Beppe wanted to run through the forest and scream at the top of his lungs ‘she loves me, she loves me’ until he collapsed. But not now. Now was the time to show his Gia how much he loved her. He wanted to make all of the tension, pain, sorrow and grief leave her and all that was left was the love flowing between them in an unbreakable forever bond.
CHAPTER THREE
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Beppe burst through the door Gia’s friend Anna opened for him.
Gia looked up into Beppe’s livid face from across the room.
“Anna, can you give us a minute? I think Beppe here wants to talk to me.” Gia plastered the fake smile her face was so used to these days it almost seemed natural. Anna nodded and left the room quickly.
“How dare you hide here the whole damn time when your brother, your fourteen year old brother, is left to take care of your father alone!” Beppe’s dark eyes were blazing with barely contained anger.
“I’m not hiding. I have to study. My future depends on my final exams.” Gia remained stoically calm. She knew this was the way to handle Beppe. If she got upset and started shouting back at him, he’d exploit that and use it against her.
“What about Max’s future? He's dropped out of school. Have you thought about him, Gia? Have you thought about anyone else besides yourself?”
Gia didn’t reply. She didn’t trust herself to speak without breaking down. Of course she had thought about Max. She was thinking about him, about her dad and her mum every single day.
It hurt.
Their family was falling apart. Her dad was dying, it was only a matter of time now. Her mum would most likely never recover. She’d probably bury herself in her work and would grieve for the rest of her life. And Max... Max reminded her of their dad in so many ways. Gia couldn’t bear to look at him. Her brother was the most courageous, selfless, genuinely good person she’d ever met and his mere presence in the same room as her reminded Gia how weak and selfish she really was.
So, she was dealing with all of that in the only way she knew how – escaping.
Beppe paced back and forth in front of her breathing harshly.
“You’re a coward, Gia. A fucking coward. Max sprained his wrist today trying to help your dad into the bath tub. I had to drag him to the emergency room, because he didn’t want to go and leave your dad by himself. Tomorrow he’s gonna have to help your dad in the bathroom again, as well as help him dress and eat. With a sprained wrist. While you hide out here in Anna’s house, pretending that none of this concerns you.”
Gia’s eyes filled with tears despite her effort to remain calm and distant.
If she wasn’t so goddamn weak she’d go home and help Max. She’d put her plans on hold and be there for her family while they needed her.
Beppe stopped and looked at Gia in defeat.
“You’re not the girl you were, Gia. I don’t know this Gia anymore. And neither does Max.” Beppe shook his head, spun on his heel, and left, quietly closing the door behind him.
******
Gia woke with a start. She was panting and the pillow was soaked with tears. The room suddenly felt very small and suffocating. She tossed back the covers and got up to open a window. The fresh air that burst into the room felt like a lifeline and she was able to slowly breathe again.
Would these nightmares ever cease? Would she ever be able to stop reliving the most horrible moments of her life? It would be so much better if her nightmares were something fictional like mythical monsters chasing after her or the good old falling off a high building. Dreaming about stuff that had actually happened prevented her from ever letting go and moving on. It was a constant reminder of how weak, selfish and scared she’d been and the guilt she lived with every day.
This particular dream was especially disturbing because of Beppe. Gia vividly remembered the disappointment radiating from his whole body, from his every word and gesture. Of course he’d forgiven her just a few days later and even apologised. Beppe could never stay mad at her long. He’d been the one constant in her life, from the moment they met ten years ago. He might yell at her, accuse her, slam the door in her face, but once he cooled off he’d be back, begging forgiveness. The truth was he didn’t need it. Everything he’d ever said was true.
How could he possibly love a person like her? Someone who dumped the care of their dying father on a fourteen year old boy. Someone who threw herself into her egoistical plans to study in the Institute of Culinary Arts while Max barely made it through high-school. Someone who didn't even offer her mum emotional support because she couldn’t bear looking into her eyes and drowning with grief. Someone who’d built walls so high and thick around her true self that not even her family could gain access.
Gia had gotten into ICA and dedicated all her free time to studying. She was after an internship that was offered only to some of the best students and was determined to graduate her first year at the top of her class. Beppe was hanging around more often, the situation in his own house getting to the breaking point. His dad was becoming more and more aggressive, more and more reckless. He would scream and throw stuff at the wall, not caring if the neighbours heard him. His drinking was becoming a near constant and he was on the verge of losing his job. Beppe’s mum had fallen into a deep depression and was drugging herself with prescription pills so that she could just sleep life away.
And Max... He’d started school again but instead of focusing on catching up and graduating with good grades, he was spiraling out of control, partying every night, sleeping around and God knew what else. Gia had tried talking some sense into him but he wouldn’t listen. Even though he never actually said the words, she was convinced he blamed her for turning her back on him when he needed her most. How could she ever make up for that?
Beppe took care of him as much as he could, following him around when Max went out, making sure he wasn’t getting into too much trouble and constantly trying to talk sense into him. Gia was thankful, but wondered how long it would last. How long before Beppe got tired of playing babysitter or before his own problems became so overwhelming he simply gave up? What then?
Their mum was almost never around, unable to spend long periods of time in the house without, in her own words, feeling like she was being strangled from the inside out. She lived and breathed work, making enough money so they could continue to live comfortably and Gia didn’t have to take out student loans.
Sighing, Gia turned away from the window, leaving it slightly ajar, and walked back to her bed. She should try and get some more sleep. She knew she’d feel like shit all day and not be able to concentrate on anything if she didn't, but she never slept well when Beppe wasn't there beside her. His very presence calmed her and grounded her. Without him she felt wound up and tense, a sense of constant dread looming over her.
Beppe had made love to her for the first time just over a year ago. Since then, he’d spent almost every night in Gia’s bed.
They found comfort and support in each other, a mutual understanding that no one else could give them. It was an emotional release as well as physical, and Gia didn’t know if she’d have been able to survive this past year without it, without him.
She needed Beppe more than she’d ever admit.
Gia relaxed back against the pillows and snuggled deeper into the bed. Just thinking about Beppe was calming her down enough that when Gia closed her eyes, she drifted off to sleep and dreamed of his deep chocolate eyes.
The sharp ring of the phone woke Gia up. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Gia saw it was 4:30 am and way too early for anyone to be calling. Dread washed over her and froze the blood in her veins.
“Hello?” Gia picked up with shaking hands without even looking at the display.
“Come open the door for me, please.”
It was Beppe. His voice didn’t sound quite right. Gia dropped the phone on the floor and ran towards the front door. She was alone in the house – Max was out and she hadn’t heard him come back and her mum was away, working – so she wasn’t worried about the noise as she pounded down the stairs.
Swinging the door open, Gia saw Beppe struggling to support the weight of a barely conscious Max. She was speechless. Her mind was spinning with fear, anger and confusion. Beppe shuffled past her and heaved Max onto the sofa. His head rolled back over the cushions and he groaned. His face was swollen, his lip split, he had a black eye and dirt all over him. He was a fucking mess.
“What the hell happened?” Gia asked, her voice louder than she had intended.
“For fuck’s sake, can you keep it down, sis? My head hurts,” grumbled Max and sunk deeper into the sofa.
“Keep it down? Keep it down? Are you kidding me right now? You’re such a...”
“Gia!” Beppe scolded, coming back from the kitchen. Gia hadn’t even noticed he’d left.
He was carrying a pack of frozen vegetables and a towel and gave them to Max who accepted them without a word. “Let’s talk in the kitchen,” he said, his voice lower than before.
Then, Now, Forever (Heartbeat #2) Page 2