“Did you pack your bags yet?” Gia couldn’t wait to have Beppe back. She was so excited! The past ten months had been the hardest in her life. All that kept her going was the knowledge that their separation would come to an end in a few months and she would have her Beppe back.
Maybe when she touched him again, when she ran her fingers through his hair, when he smiled at her and kissed her, the band strangling her heart will finally be released and she'd be able to breathe again.
“No. That’s actually why I’m calling,” Beppe said through the speaker, his voice grim. Gia felt her blood run cold. She knew what he was going to say before he uttered the words. She slowly sat up gripping the phone with suddenly clammy hands.
“There’s something I’ve been trying to tell you for a while but never found the perfect moment. I guess a perfect moment will never come, so I’m just going to say it.”
She heard Beppe take a deep breath before he said, “I’m not coming back to Genoa after my birthday, Gia.”
Gia had never been shot in the chest before, but she was certain this had to be how it felt. As if someone had emptied a whole round of ammo straight into her heart.
“What?” she finally managed to whisper.
“Paolo needs me. His health hasn't been great and he wants to move back to Sicily where his family is. He needs to put all his affairs in order – sell everything he owns here in Tuscany, take care of his vineyards – he’s not sure if he wants to sell them or lease them...”
Beppe continued talking but Gia didn't hear a word over the noise of blood rushing in her ears.
He’s not coming back.
Beppe had chosen Paolo over her. He knew how much she struggled to cope without him. How much she needed him. How much she loved him.
I thought he loved me.
Well, he didn't. Or at least, not enough to come home.
“Gia? Are you still there?” Beppe’s voice brought her back.
“Yes, I’m here. Well, thanks for letting me know. Bye.”
“Wait!” he yelled into the speaker before she could hang up. Gia brought the phone back to her ear.
“What?”
“What do you mean, what? Is that all you’re going to say? Bye?”
Gia heaved a sigh as she leaned back against the sofa. She closed her eyes and dejectedly said,
“What do you want me to say, Beppe? Do you want me to beg you to come home? Because I think I’ve already done that, so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve also told you how much I love you, but I guess that’s not enough for you, either. If hearing me sobbing in the middle of the night, so hard I can’t take a breath to speak is not enough of a prove how much I need you and how much I miss you, than nothing will be.”
Beppe’s soft voice came across the line, “I didn’t say I’m never coming home, baby. I said I need to stay a bit longer. We’ve made it this far, what’s a few more months?”
“Apparently not much for you.”
“What is that supposed to mean? This hasn’t been easy for me either! I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit, Gia. I’ve been trying to get over how much I miss you and how much I need you to cope with everyday life...”
“Save it, Beppe. You’re choosing to stay with Paolo instead of coming home to pick up the pieces of me you left behind. That speaks volumes. Good luck with everything. Goodbye.”
Gia hung up and turned off her phone before Beppe could try to stop her again. A horrific sob escaped her as she hunched over in agony. Gia was powerless to stop it or the dozens that came after it.
That was it. Beppe was gone.
She didn't care if he ever came back. He’d chosen his grandfather over her.
After everything they’d been through, after all those years, after all the whispered love admissions and plans for a future life together, he’d chosen someone else over her.
How could he say that a few more months was nothing? Gia was barely functioning as it was. A few more months was too much – it was a vast ocean she was not physically strong enough to swim. At least now she had closure. She could start healing. She could start rebuilding her shattered heart and when she glued the pieces back together, she’d built walls around it so high and thick no one would ever break it again.
No one.
Gia refused to take Beppe’s calls or answer his texts and emails for three weeks. That had been the longest time they’d ever spent without talking to each other. After three weeks, Gia felt she was strong enough to hear his voice without breaking down. They talked for a while and after hanging up, Gia was proud of herself. Not once had she felt the need to cry. She didn’t cry after they hung up either.
It was actually kind of nice to talk to Beppe without expecting him to fill her whole world.
Soon, they fell into an easy banter, slipping back into years of friendship. Beppe followed Gia’s lead, they never spoke about their relationship, and they certainly never said the L word again.
PART II
NOW
CHAPTER EIGHT
Four years later
“Hurry up, Gia! We need to leave in ten minutes. I promised Beppe we’d pick him up,” Max shouted as he shot past by Gia’s room and hit the door with his fist a couple of times for emphasis. She rolled her eyes – her brother was such a brat sometimes.
“Doesn’t he know where Lisa lives? Or are we now providing free taxi service?” she shouted back, but Max was long gone and her question went unanswered. Sighing, she went to her en suite bathroom to brush her teeth.
Max might be annoying, insensitive, rude, and a general pain in the ass, but he’d managed to crawl out of that hole he’d almost buried himself in five years ago. That said a lot. Something had happened while Beppe was in the hospital after his father’s attack. Gia wasn’t sure what, because Max never talked about it, but it must have been earth shattering. Whatever it was, it completely changed Max. He quit drinking, stopped doing drugs, dumped his party hard friends and signed himself into a support group. He went three times a week and never missed a meeting. Most importantly, Max had done all that on his own. Their mother had no idea to what extent her son had fallen, and Gia had been too shaken with Beppe’s stabbing and then his leaving for Tuscany with his grandfather to offer any support.
Max had been lucky that he’d had a solid emotional core before he’d sunk out of control. He knew deep inside what was right and what was wrong and he needed to strip himself bare through his recovery and find his way up again. If he hadn’t had that unyielding base that supported his whole being, he might have never come out the other end.
Gia was so damn proud of her little brother.
She’d told him so, right after he joined that support group. Even though they talked a lot that night, much was also left unsaid. Despite that, they’d managed to mend their relationship and were certainly on better terms now then they had been in a very long time.
Gia was very happy when Max introduced her to Lisa – a friend from the group. Lisa had just relocated to Italy from London and was dealing with her father’s recent death, as well as starting a new life in a foreign country. She and Max were very close, constantly spending time together, and Gia kept her fingers crossed that they would become more than friends. After an endless string of girl-of-the-week and one night stands, it would do Max a world of good to have a nice steady girlfriend, especially if that someone were Lisa. She was an artist and a very intelligent, calm, grounded girl – exactly what Max needed. But to date they had never crossed that friendship line. Still, Lisa helped Max a lot as a friend. Gia remembered hearing hushed conversations at night and Max running off to Lisa’s house when he needed a sanctuary.
People come in our lives for a reason and exactly when we need them – wasn’t that what Beppe’s grandfather used to say?
Gia was starting to believe it was true. Paolo Salvatore had come into Beppe’s life when he’d needed him the most. Even though he had whisked Beppe away to Tuscany, he’d effectively saved his life. It ha
d taken Gia a long time to finally admit that. She’d hated Paolo for so long for taking Beppe away, and then she'd hated him more for keeping Beppe even longer.
Only, Paolo hadn’t made him stay. Beppe had remained in Tuscany willingly. He had felt obligated to help his grandfather get his affairs in order before he left for Sicily. He felt it was the least he could for all that Paolo had done for him. Gia had always wondered if it just been an excuse. She often thought the real reason Beppe hadn’t wanted to come back was that he hadn’t been ready to face the real world, or her. But if that was the case, why hadn’t he just told her the truth?
Whatever his reasons, it didn’t change the fact that Paolo had been a great influence on Beppe. Gia wasn’t sure how he’d been able to achieve it, but with his guidance and support, Beppe had overcome everything that had happened in his life and moved on.
Looking back Gia could now say she was thankful to Paolo for being there for Beppe.
Just thinking about the two years Beppe was away sent little stabs of pain to Gia’s heart. However, it was nothing compared to the full blown agony at the time.
In Paolo, Beppe had finally found the father figure he’d been craving his whole life, and even though the separation had changed their relationship completely, it was worth it. Seeing Beppe happy, calm and content made Gia realise she would make the sacrifice again if she'd had to.
Beppe was still Gia’s closest friend. But they’d never be anything more than that. Remembering what it felt like to have the person you love most in the world torn away from you still hurt. Gia was determined never to be put into that position again.
Besides, Beppe was trying to start his life in the real world again, he didn’t need a girlfriend to deal with. He needed a friend and that was enough for Gia.
Oh who the hell was she kidding? Gia had never loved anyone, but Beppe. Yes, there had been more than a few boyfriends, a couple of casual relationships, but she’d never felt for them what she felt for Beppe. Not even close. The strength of her feelings for her best friend scared the shit out of her, because they made her vulnerable. If Gia hated anything in the world it was to be vulnerable. Weak. Helpless.
To need someone in order to breathe.
What was more, Beppe hadn’t wasted any time pinning after Gia. He’d dived head first into his new life and never looked back. He flirted like it was an Olympic sport and had a new girl in his bed every week. Gia tried to understand that he had a lot to make up for. He’d never been with someone but her before he left for Tuscany and she seriously doubted that he’d had any girlfriends there. She wasn’t jealous – none of the girls meant anything to Beppe but a good time. Gia was the one he came to when he needed advice and support, or wanted to watch a movie in comfortable silence. He came to Gia’s bed when he missed sleeping next to someone he actually cared about. Gia was still his family and that was enough.
Financially, Beppe was set for the rest of his life. He sold his parents’ house and bought a huge top floor penthouse in a new development just off Piazza de Ferrari. His grandfather had sold everything he’d owned, except the house in Tuscany, given most of the money to Beppe and moved back to Sicily where he was originally from. Paolo had worked hard all his life and had owned multiple vineyards, wineries and properties, but he didn’t need any of that anymore. His wife and his daughter were dead, his grandson wanted to move back to Genoa and start afresh. Paolo was tired and his health wasn’t what it’d been years ago, so the logical thing to do was sell everything and retire.
It took Beppe two years of constant partying and an endless array of girls until he got it out of his system and started thinking what he wanted to do with his life. Thanks to his grandfather’s generosity, Beppe didn’t have to immediately find a job to support himself and that gave him freedom to pick something he was really passionate about without worrying about the financial aspect of it.
Beppe chose to study Law at the University of Genoa. He wanted to specialise in working with disadvantaged children and domestic abuse cases. It really surprised Gia to see him so passionate about it too. It was a glimpse of the guy she used to know before his father broke his spirit. Gia could see he was serious and knew that Beppe would succeed. He would be an amazing lawyer.
One thing Beppe hadn’t been able to fully overcome yet was the ridiculous notion that he’d turn out to be just like his father. Intellectually, he realised that was not possible – people didn’t magically turn into unstable, abusive monsters overnight. Gia had tried to convince him that he didn’t have a bone in his body that matched his father’s despite their shared DNA, but she could feel that the fear was constantly present at the back of his mind. So, to remind himself that he was not Marco Orsino and never would be, Beppe got numerous tattoos, had his tongue, nipple and eyebrow pierced and danced like he’d been born on the dance floor.
He’d had the dragon on his shoulder fixed as soon as the skin healed and to this day it was his most treasured tattoo. The next one, he’d had done when he returned from Tuscany. It was a phoenix on his right ribcage and its spread wings spilled over onto his back. Like the dragon, it was done in simple, sensual ebony strokes. Beppe had also tattooed ‘It’s not the end that I fear with each breath, it’s life that scares me to death’ – part of the lyrics from ‘Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated’ by Rise Against – on the inside of his right upper arm. It had worried Gia when she read it, thinking that maybe Beppe hadn’t overcome his past as well as she’d thought. But he dismissed her fears saying it was just a reminder that death is not the worst that can happen to a person and one shouldn't take anything for granted. Life might be scary but it was worth living and trying to make the most of it.
Last year he’d spent a month getting an amazingly elaborate design on his left shoulder that spread down his upper arm and across his shoulder blade. It was beautiful – wide tribal strokes, morphing into a sun, a shooting star and burning flame, all mixed abstractly together into an extravagant piece of art. Like all his tattoos this one was done in black, but the artist had managed to play with shades of black and gray and create something truly amazing.
Gia loved each and every one of them but had been worried that they wouldn't take him seriously at the University when he showed up in all his tattooed/pierced glory. He’d laughed and said he always removed his visible piercings and covered his tattoos with long sleeved shirts before he went to class.
“Time’s up, sis. If you want a ride you’d better get your butt out here now,” Max shouted as he passed by Gia’s room. Shit. Had it been ten minutes already?
“Coming! Don’t you dare leave without me,” Gia yelled as she hurriedly smoothed her hair and applied some lip gloss.
“Not making any promises.” Max’s voice sounded very distant and Gia had no doubt her brother would leave her if she didn’t hurry up.
Grabbing her bag and her shoes, she sprinted down the stairs and out the door to find him just starting the car. He grinned at her as she hopped from one leg to the other, trying to put her shoes on while keeping her balance and holding her bag.
“I hate you,” she huffed as she slid into the passenger seat next to him and deliberately slammed the door.
“No, you don’t,” said Max and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek.
******
“Hi,” Beppe said as Gia opened the door. Her mouth fell open for a good ten seconds before she managed to close it. She swallowed roughly, closing her eyes for a beat too long before she opened them to greet him.
It had been exactly one year, ten months and ten days since the last time he’d seen her and she looked fucking gorgeous. Her cheekbones were sharper, her hair longer and her skin had a gorgeous summer tan. Her eyes... her expressive hazel eyes were so familiar, and yet so foreign. The girl, no, the woman that stood before Beppe was still his Gia though, and he loved her desperately. But he knew he was going to have to get to know her again. She’d changed. But, so had he.
Gia stepped over th
e threshold and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder. Beppe gathered her into his embrace, pulling her as close as he could without cutting off her air supply. Gia trembled in his arms and he started rubbing soothing circles on her back, murmuring words of comfort in her ear.
All too soon, she pulled away, but kept her hands on his shoulders. She peered up at him with glassy eyes, but she wasn't crying. She seemed happy to see him.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said and smiled so deeply her dimples showed.
Beppe couldn't remember the last time he’d seen her smile so widely.
“Me neither. I’ve imagined this moment so many times that it kind of seems surreal.”
Beppe leaned in to capture her lips with his own, unable to resist the urge to kiss her any longer. He’d imagined those lips on his every single day he’d been away. However, before he’d had the chance to taste them, Gia turned her head to the side and his mouth landed on her cheek. Beppe kissed the soft skin that smelled and felt exactly as he remembered. He rubbed his nose over it, and then rested his forehead against her temple.
Beppe wasn’t an idiot – he knew Gia had withdrawn when he told her he was going to stay longer than he had originally intended. But deep down he’d hoped that the moment they saw each other again everything would fall back into place. For him, it had. Unfortunately, it hadn't for her.
“I will always be your friend, Beppe. But... I can’t give you more. I’m sorry,” she whispered and Beppe sighed audibly. He nodded against her temple, pulled back and tugged her by the hand.
“Come on, I have so much to tell you,” he said as they walked inside.
Then, Now, Forever (Heartbeat #2) Page 6