No.
She had to stop doing this to herself. Gia needed to learn how to live her life without him again. She’d done it once, she could do it again. Telling herself that keeping her distance romantically would keep her heart safe was wrong. Whether she was sleeping with Beppe or not didn’t matter. He was still a part of her life, a part of her, and that gave him way too much power. Nobody should have that much power over another person!
The phone’s text alert startled Gia out of her depressing thoughts. It was Francesco, he was here. Gia texted that she’d be right out and taking one last look in the mirror to make sure she looked somehow presentable, grabbed her bag and left.
Francesco took her to Porto Antico where a local band was performing. ‘Invasori’ was an up and coming indie rock band that was fast on its way to national recognition and top of the charts. It was a balmy evening and people were spread about, drinking, laughing, swaying to the music. The food and gelato stalls were strategically placed all around, and the tang of the nearby sea along with the spicy scent of food and sweets, mingled delicately together to create the unique aroma that was Genoa.
Gia was thankful the music was loud so that she didn’t have to talk much. Francesco seemed to sense her mood, but instead of being annoyed with her, he attempted to help her relax and have some fun. He teased her into ordering ice-cream to share and looked cute and even younger than usual as he scooped his gelato with a plastic spoon that was way too small for his hands. He’d traded his usual expensive suits for jeans and a t-shirt, and his dark hair was falling in his eyes without any product in it.
The evening with Francesco turned out to be exactly what Gia needed. His company was comforting and she didn’t feel any of the usual pressure a ‘first date’ normally entailed. They danced, ate more ice-cream and when Gia was exhausted from bouncing on her feet, Francesco led her to a secluded spot with a few benches. He cuddled her against him as they continued to listen to the music.
Gia let go of everything and just felt. She felt the bass guitar’s sound vibrating in her bones; she felt the lead singer’s strong voice filling her head; she felt Francesco’s strong arms around her, his warm breath near her ear and his hot skin along her back. When he moved in to brush a kiss against her neck, Gia didn’t resist. She sank deep into the sensation of his wet tongue on her skin.
******
Beppe had never thought of himself as the stalker type. Women usually chased after him, not the other way around. Of course, with Gia everything was different. She was never one to follow the rules. She created her own. As much as Beppe admired that, he was really hating it at the moment.
He’d tried calling, texting, going to her house. Nothing. Gia was completely ignoring him. With the exception of barging in her bedroom and demanding she hear him out, he’d tried everything. He knew he’d made a mistake, he fucking knew it. All he wanted was a chance to make this right. He’d grovel, he’d plead, he’d apologise a million times if only she would listen.
They’d been through so much, how could something as insignificant as Beppe being a complete jackass and singing an inappropriate song make Gia shut him out for good?
On top of the shit pile that his life was turning into, he’d seen a photograph of Gia accompanying Francesco Naldo to a charity event in the newspaper. She'd looked ravishing in a floor length moss green dress. That bastard had his arm around her waist and both were smiling charmingly for the camera. Beppe had gone ballistic. Francesco was known for always attending such events alone. What the hell did that mean then? Was their relationship getting serious? It'd been less than three weeks since he’d first kissed her, how was that possible?
This was why Beppe found himself lurking across the street from ‘Orchidea Nera’ waiting for Gia to finish her shift. He didn’t want to make a scene at her work place, so he’d kept a safe distance. The moment she came out that door, he’d figure out what to do because right now he didn’t have any fucking clue.
Beppe knew he deserved her anger and he craved it. He craved anything Gia was willing to give him. Her silence was killing him. Even when he’d been in Tuscany they’d talked on the phone for hours every week.
God, he missed her so fucking much.
He took out the pack of cigarettes he carried in his back pocket and lit one up. Still no sign of Gia even though it was close to midnight. Beppe didn’t care – he’d stay until she showed up. His cigarette was half gone when the staff door opened and Gia walked out. The street was well lit and if Gia looked up she wouldn't be able to miss him. She didn't though. She started rummaging through her bag, searching for something. A few seconds later she took out her phone and started tapping on it. She looked so good, even after a long shift. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, but a few strands were wafting round her face. Beppe’s fingers itched to play with them, softly tuck them behind her ears. Slowly exhaling the cigarette smoke Beppe had been holding since Gia had exited the restaurant, he threw the stub on the ground grinding it out with his heel.
At that moment, Gia lifted her eyes from her phone and looked straight at him. Beppe froze. Should he wave? Walk towards her?
Do something you idiot!
He couldn’t. He was dumb struck. He’d missed those sparkling hazel eyes so much that the moment he saw them again he didn’t want to make a move and lose them. Again. Gia frowned, tucked her phone back into her bag and casting him one last look, strode away in the opposite direction.
Beppe didn’t follow. Her eyes had held a clear warning: Don’t.
What the fuck was he supposed to do now?
******
Walking away from Beppe after dodging his attempts to get in touch with her for two weeks was hard. Too hard. All Gia wanted to do was cross the street and throw herself into his arms. She was missing him so much her chest hurt every time she took a breath. The only thing that stopped her from giving in and wrapping her arms around Beppe, was the thought of what would happen once she released him from her embrace. He’d never approve of her relationship with Francesco. If he overreacted and embarrassed her in front of everyone over a kiss, what would he do if he found out their relationship was getting serious? He’d nag her about it, berate and disapprove of everything Francesco did and sarcastically comment on every single aspect of their lives. Gia knew that because it was what he always did when she went on more than a couple of dates with someone. Beppe couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else getting close to her and would selfishly sabotage any chances of a relationship developing any further.
Until now, Gia had let him.
Not anymore.
Deep down she knew she’d eventually forgive him and let him back into her life. Gia loved Beppe and she always would – there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. But for her sanity’s sake, she needed some time. She had to get her feelings under control again and Francesco was a vital part of that. Gia liked him, a lot. In her heart she knew she’d never love him, or anyone, as much as she loved Beppe, but still, Francesco was a great guy and they got along really well. He was mature, confident, caring and knew what he wanted out of life.
He’d never pack a bag and just leave.
Gia needed the security of that knowledge more than she needed earth-shattering love.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Motherfucking son of a bitch!” Beppe let out a string of curses that would have made a sailor blush. He threw the newspaper he was reading across the room and stormed to the balcony, where he took the packet of cigarettes out of his jeans pocket and lit one with shaking fingers. Exhaling the smoke, Beppe felt the calming effect of the nicotine as it spread through his system.
They were in the paper again. Gia and Francesco. He’d taken her to yet another event.
Beppe knew, he just fucking knew, that the bastard wanted Gia as his official girlfriend, if not more. He felt that knowledge in his gut, twisting and pushing and making him want to vomit
No.
Francesco Naldo was not going to have
his Gia. He was a crook, a mafioso, a fraud, a no good fucker.
Beppe couldn't figure out why Gia was falling for his lies. Why couldn't she see the truth?
Love is blind.
No!
Gia was not in love with Francesco, she couldn't be. Not after only five weeks. She'd turned to Francesco to escape the pressure Beppe was putting her under, nothing more. He was convinced of that. But he could see how she could get tangled up in Francesco’s charm. The man was older, more mature than Gia’s peers, good-mannered, successful. He was also an excellent chef, just like her father.
As much as it pained him to admit, Beppe was certain part of Gia’s fascination with Francesco was the fact that he reminded her of her father. She’d been an absolute daddy’s girl and had adored her dad. His illness and his death had been extremely hard on her. It didn’t take a psychology degree to figure out that Gia was looking for a strong, older man to replace the void her dad had left in her heart.
Beppe didn’t give a damn about her daddy issues. He wasn’t going to let Francesco take advantage of Gia and drag her so deep she’d never be able to get out. At first Beppe had been afraid that Francesco would sleep with her, use her, leaving her hurt and miserable once he’d gotten everything he’d wanted from her. But now his fears were growing exponentially. If Francesco was introducing Gia to the world as the one woman in his life, Beppe wasn’t under any illusion Francesco would let her go easily.
If only she’d talk to him. Beppe hadn’t spoken with Gia in over five weeks.
That had been the longest time he'd gone without hearing from her. Not since the time eight year old Gia had given six year old Beppe a plaster and effectively saved him from his father’s wrath that day.
Friday was his birthday. Every year he made it a big event. Beppe always put a lot of thought into organising it. This year was going to be no different, although he missed Gia's being involved.
He’d sent her an invitation last week, even though they both knew she didn't need one. Inside he’d written: “Come to the party, cara. I don’t want to celebrate without you. Please. I miss you.”
He was hoping that would be enough to bring her to his apartment. Then he’d say whatever she wanted to hear just so she didn’t shut him out again. He’d backed off on his attempts to get in touch after that night in front of the restaurant. The glare Gia cast in his direction had cut him deeply, and her walking away without a word had wounded his pride and his heart equally. Beppe didn't want to lie to her and tell her that things could go back to heir just being friends. He didn't want Gia as his best friend, not anymore. He wanted her as his partner, his other half, his soul mate, his future. But, if lying to her and hiding his true feelings was what it took to get her back in his life, he’d do it in a heartbeat.
Beppe was tired of trying to fill the void Gia had left in his soul, with meaningless sex. He’d never let anybody else know him as well as Gia, and he certainly didn’t want to let any other woman into his life. Or into his heart. Beppe still went out with Max and his other friends, but he hadn’t had sex with anyone in two months. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it any longer. Gia was only part of the reason. He just didn’t want to do it to himself anymore. Sleeping around might have eased his desire to be touched, kissed and loved, if only for just one night, but it hadn’t done anything to dull the pain in his heart. Only Gia could do that. Always her.
******
“Wake up, Gia,” Beppe whispered and Gia felt his breath brush the skin under her ear.
“Come on, baby, wake up.”
Gia opened one of her eyes, unwillingly, and noticed it wasn't even daylight.
What the hell?
“I need you to wake up and not be mad at me. I promise it’s worth it,” Beppe said and smiled one of his breathtakingly sweet smiles that usually melted any of Gia's resolve to be mad at him. Usually. Not in the middle of the fucking night! Gia grumbled and tried to turn away from him, to put the blanket over her head and continue sleeping. Beppe was expecting that and stopped her mid-turn, while at the same time managed to circle his arms around her body and lift her off the bed. He sat back down with Gia in his arms. She noticed, for the first time, that he was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, while just a few hours ago when they’d gone to bed he’d been naked.
“Beppe, I’m going to kill you,” she groaned against his neck, the warmth and the scent of his skin already having their usual effect on her.
“No, you’re not. Now, come on, get dressed because we have to go.”
“Go? Go where? What time is it? Aren’t you supposed to go to school in a couple of hours?” Gia perked up a little bit, opening both her eyes and looking straight at Beppe’s dark, excitement-lit eyes.
“It’s 6:00 am. To the beach. No, it’s Saturday,” Beppe answered her questions and smiled so deeply Gia felt the urge to sleep fade away. She wanted to get lost in that smile, somehow catch it, bottle it and have it at her disposal any time she needed it. “Come on.”
Right.
Gia was mentally starting to wrap her mind around what he’d said before smiling so charmingly – he wanted to go to the beach? At 6:00 am on a chilly October morning?
“Why?” was all she managed. Gia grumbled threateningly as she left Beppe’s lap and went to put on sweats and a hoodie from her closet.When she was dressed, Beppe came to loom in front of her – he’d just turned sixteen and Gia felt he was way too tall for that age, and their two year age difference didn’t do anything for the height difference either – and said,
“Remember how you're always saying you’d love to see the sunrise? But that you probably never would because you can’t get up that early? Like ever?” Gia nodded. “Well, today is that day. We’re going to the beach to wait for the sun to rise.” Beppe’s smile got even broader if that was possible and his eyes sparkled under his thick, black eyelashes.
“Couldn’t you have chosen a morning during the warm, summer months for this?” Gia said trying to frown. But her heart was melting over Beppe's thoughtfulness.
“Come on,” Beppe said, ignoring her bitching. He kissed her nose, before he took her hand in his and led her out of the house.
It took them about fifteen minutes to walk to the beach. Gia woke up completely in the crisp, morning air, but she was still wishing she could sneak back to bed. When they got to the beach, Beppe led them to a secluded spot away from the loungers and parasols. It took them another ten minutes of walking on the damp, sticky sand until they reached the spot he had prepared.
“What time did you get up today?” Gia asked amazed at the setting in front of her. A blanket lay on the sand, another one was folded on top of it and there was a picnic basket as well.
“I couldn’t sleep.”He tugged on her hand and gestured for her to sit down when they reached the blanket. Gia sat down and immediately felt Beppe’s heat behind her as he sat himself. He positioned Gia comfortably between his legs and wrapped the blanket around them both. The heat from Beppe’s skin and the warm blanket relaxed Gia. The only thing missing in that perfect moment was...
“Coffee,” Beppe said as he handed her the take away cup that he took from the picnic basket. He retrieved one for himself too, and they drank their hot beverages in silence for a while.
The first burst of the sun rays started to appear over the horizon. The light skipped over the water, like a cheerful ‘good morning’ greeting. Gia drew a sharp breath, amazed not only at the beauty of the scenery in front of her, but with what Beppe had done.
How was it possible that this boy, this gorgeous, good-natured, soft-hearted boy hadn’t fallen victim to his father’s constant abuse? He had the scars and the physical proof of the beatings, but he hadn’t become a victim emotionally. How could Beppe be so good after everything he was subjected to at home? Why wasn’t he lashing out?
“What are you thinking about?” Beppe whispered in Gia’s ear, his question bringing her back to this beautiful moment.
“I was thinking
how perfect you are, despite everything that’s going on in your life. How strong you are and...” Gia tried to swallow and continue talking but the lump in her throat wouldn't let her. Beppe tightened his arms around her and kissed the spot under her ear as she laid her head back on his shoulder.
“And?” he prompted.
“And how scary it is to love you as much as I do.”
“I love you, too,” said Beppe and propped his chin on Gia’s shoulder. “I always have. That’s what keeps me from going insane. As long as I have you, I know I will be fine.”
Gia felt him smile against her shoulder and she smiled in turn. Just then the sun broke upon the horizon, the sky becoming lighter with shades of rose, and butter, and lavender. Seeing this beautiful sunrise while enveloped in Beppe’s arms was the most perfect moment in her life.
Gia wanted to see Beppe. Badly. Being haunted with the memories of all the amazing things he’d done for her when they were teenagers wasn't helping. She was missing him so much she felt like a shell of her former self. She’d thought Francesco would fill that void, but he couldn’t. Nobody could.
When she’d got the invite to Beppe’s party, her knees had gone weak and her hands had started shaking. Even though Gia had been incredibly rude to Beppe, ignoring all his attempts to contact her and walking away from him on the street, he’s still sent her an invite to his party and told her he missed her.
Gia needed to go. She was burning to be close to Beppe again. She wanted to talk to him and just be with him. It was time to forgive and move on.
Her decision made, Gia’s shoulders slumped in relief. She’d been carrying the weight of her problems with Beppe for so long that she hadn’t realised how much it was affecting her. Between her job and Francesco she hadn’t had much time to sit and think about Beppe, and that was exactly how she had wanted it to be. Not anymore. She grabbed her bag and walked out the door, going to the mall to buy him a present. Gia was going to a birthday party this Friday.
Then, Now, Forever (Heartbeat #2) Page 12