She gave me an exasperated look—again, familiar. “They’ll think we’re…” Her eyes widened meaningfully as she waved her hands looking for the word. “Together.”
My head jerked back a bit as I finally realized what she was worried about.
She widened her eyes even further. “You see?”
I shook my head. “No.” Anger reared up but I tried to smother it. I wasn’t sure if I was more annoyed with myself or hurt by Liv’s apparent horror at being caught kissing me, but either way I felt my normal state of control wobbling under the strain of these emotions.
I wasn’t an emotional guy. I mean, I was in the sense that everyone has emotions. But I didn’t show those emotions. Not often, and not to anyone who wasn’t Liv.
I had so many emotions I wanted to show Liv, but anger wasn’t one of them. I’d hoped that tonight would be the night that she’d see how I felt. I’d sort of thought that kiss had been enough. At this point it was impossible to tell if she was being obtuse on purpose or if she really didn’t understand.
“I want to be together,” I said.
There. I’d spelled it out. Judging by her blank stare, she either hadn’t heard me or was in a state of shock. I tried to ignore the tension inside me, the painful squeeze in the area of my lungs that was making it harder and harder to remain calm.
This right here? This was my worst nightmare.
After the most painful silence of my life, I watched her swallow. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”
I stared at her for a moment, a muscle in my jaw twitching as I tried to hold it together. “I don’t believe you.”
She inhaled quickly. I knew I’d surprised her with that. Probably my angry tone as much as the words. Well, tough. I was pissed. And I was hurt. But more than that, I was tired of pretending that there wasn’t something more here than friendship.
“Tell me you don’t feel it,” I said, my voice quieter this time, but the words a clear challenge.
She met my gaze and hers was filled with so many emotions I couldn’t read them all. That was rare. I’d always been able to read this girl.
I was in too deep. There was no backing up now, and I didn’t want to. I’d rather the pain of heartbreak than living with the despair of not knowing for one more day. “Do you have feelings for me?”
Her eyes widened. “Of course I do.”
“Not friendship, Liv. I’m not talking about friendship.” Nothing had prepared me for how hard this would be to say. I might as well have been slicing open my chest and letting my organs fall out onto the floor between us. “Do you…” I cleared my throat. “Do you like me?”
“I, uh…” Her eyes got even wider, filled with panic and fear. Her gaze darted around the room. “I’ve always had a crush on Mikey, you know that.”
It wasn’t an answer, but I didn’t know whether to be glad that she was evading the question or heartbroken. “I deserve the truth, Liv.”
Her gaze shot back to mine and she clamped her mouth shut. I could see the wheels turning, but there was no denying that she was terrified.
But why? Because she didn’t want to hurt me or because she didn’t want to admit how she felt?
A little part of me was clinging to that kiss. She hadn’t just responded, she’d lost herself in that embrace just like I had. I couldn’t have made that up. That realization gave me enough encouragement to continue, despite her resistance. “Don’t try and convince me you still have a thing for Mikey,” I said. “Don’t lie to me.”
Her brows came down in a frown and she opened her mouth to protest, but I was ready. “I was watching you before.”
“When?”
“When we first arrived,” I said, moving in closer so she couldn’t be distracted by the crowds of people around us. No doubt they were watching, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. “Julie and her friends were talking to me—”
Her brows drew down farther and despite my simmering anger, I felt a triumphant smile tugging at my lips. “You were jealous,” I said.
She took a half step back. “No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes,” I said as I took another step closer. “You were.”
She scowled up at me and my smile won out because she couldn’t argue the point and she knew it.
“And do you know what else?” I asked, my voice as smug as my smile.
“What?”
“Mikey was standing right next to you the entire time,” I said. “And you didn’t even notice.”
Her scowl turned petulant. “No, he wasn’t.”
“Yes, he was.”
She blinked up at me. She couldn’t argue that either. “What’s your point?”
“My point is, I want you to stop lying to me.” I met her gaze evenly. “I want you to stop lying to yourself.”
Was it a bold move? Yes. Yes, it was. I wasn’t playing around anymore. My life was changing in every other way, and I was ready to take this leap.
“Liv, I know you’re scared, and I’m scared too. But you have to know…none of the successes in my life mean anything if I don’t have the love of my life by my side. If I don’t have you—” I heard her gasp as I took a deep breath. “As my girlfriend.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment, but I was content to wait. I’d said what I’d had to say and now it was her turn.
Maybe she would have answered me in some way, or maybe we would have stood there all night waiting for her to finally acknowledge that things between us were not nearly as friendly as they had once been.
But our weighted silence was interrupted. The atmosphere in the gymnasium shifted and voices were raised as people rushed toward the doors.
“What’s going on?” Liv asked, tearing her gaze away from mine to look over at the people swarming the door.
I swallowed hard. Well, hell. I’d had a plan for this evening. A very well thought out plan, mind you. But my plan was based on factors out of my control. I’d let optimism play a part in the planning, and now that my optimistic fantasies were not going as planned?
Well, this plan now seemed rather pathetic.
One of the people near the door shouted, “Check it out, a helicopter just landed on the football field.”
Liv looked up at me, and whatever she saw there clued her in to the fact that this had something to do with me. “What’s going on?”
I opened my mouth and closed it. Heartache didn’t begin to explain what I was feeling. This was definitely not how I’d envisioned this moment.
Her big brown eyes looked up at me, and I forced a tepid smile. “Surprise.”
Chapter Seven
Liv
Surprise?
Surprise?
I gawked at the helicopter with its whirling blades and loud engine, along with the rest of the students from Harmon High.
It wasn’t every day that a helicopter landed on our football field. I glanced up at Oliver beside me. He was the only one who wasn’t shocked. “Did you do this?”
He didn’t look down at me and that alone had my heart hurting all over again. “Yes.”
I stared at his profile. So handsome. So stoic. So…Oliver.
“Why?”
I thought I knew why, yet I seemed to be completely unable to avoid masochism tonight. If there were any doubt about my urge to seek out pain, one need only look to that kiss.
The kiss.
The only kiss that had ever made my heart swell and break all at once. The moment my lips touched his I knew that nothing would be the same, and that hurt like hell. But, at the same time, some part of me had exploded with joy.
And then, my body had taken over. All thoughts had been dashed by the flood of hormones or pheromones or whatever it was that had made my entire body go hot and weak, like I might melt into a puddle at his feet.
But I hadn’t, because he’d held me tight. He’d held me in a way I’d never known I’d wanted to be held—like I was precious and perfect and—
“Why?” I demanded. Now was not
the time to go swooning over a kiss. Not when my entire world was being flipped upside down and the ground was being jerked out from under me.
Oliver finally looked down at me but his eyes were shuttered. “For you.”
That was it. That was all. My stomach gave way, sinking down to my knees. What was it I’d said all those weeks ago? Something silly about wanting a helicopter to whisk me away from our classmates. Something about being swept off my feet…
I don’t know how long I stared up at him, but he held my gaze evenly, though he was impossible to read. But he’d said it all, hadn’t he? He’d laid himself bare.
And I…I had no idea what to say in response.
My heart was fluttering like mad in my chest and as much as I tried to pinpoint what I was feeling, I couldn’t. It was like the closer I tried to look, the more it eluded me. How did I feel?
I didn’t know.
Or maybe I did but I couldn’t face it. All I knew for certain was that I didn’t want to hurt him, and I didn’t want to lose him, and for the life of me I didn’t know how to get through this without doing both.
But this moment was stretching out for far too long. The crowd around us, teachers included, were starting to ask questions. People were starting to talk, to speculate.
I snagged Oliver’s arm. “Come on.”
I started dragging him toward the helicopter but slowed down so I could shout to him. “Is this safe? We’re not going to be beheaded like in Indiana Jones, right?”
He gave me that funny smile of his—the one that said he was amused and confused all at the same time.
For a second there, we were us. The super hottie genius and his oddball sidekick. My relief was bittersweet. This was how we were meant to be. Anything more was the stuff of fairytales.
Even if I could believe that Oliver wanted me over every other girl in the world—and let’s face it, that was a doozy to digest—I’d learned long ago that relationships don’t last. Hadn’t my own father shown me how fickle love could be? Friendship could weather anything, but romantic love was tempestuous—a force of nature that could ruin any bond, especially when it ended. And it always ended.
We reached the door of the helicopter and Oliver did something he’d never done before. He picked me up. With a strength I didn’t know he possessed, he picked me up and set me inside the helicopter and then followed in behind me with a giant step of those long legs of his.
Stupid tall people with their stupid long legs.
That’s what I wanted to say. I wanted to make some joke about how it wasn’t fair that he got to get in all graceful while I had to be plopped inside like a bag of groceries. But I didn’t say any of that.
Why?
My stupid mind was busy saying the same phrase over and over.
He’s sweeping me off my feet.
That thought had me staring at him openmouthed as he exchanged some words with the pilot that I couldn’t hear. When he turned back to me, he didn’t quite meet my eyes.
My heart lurched in response. It wasn’t rare for Oliver to avoid eye contact, but not with me. He’d always looked me in the eyes even when he went to great lengths to avoid the rest of the world.
Something nagged at me. Something heavy and unpleasant.
It wasn’t jealousy this time. It was fear.
No, terror.
Oliver was my rock; he was my everything. I couldn’t lose him. And I would if we tried to be anything more than friends. He’d eventually realize that there were others out there who fit in to his new world better than I did. He’d take one look at me and see that he could do better. And what then?
Then our friendship would be ruined and my heart would be broken. The damage would be irreparable. Better to shoot this idea down now before I lost my mind and let my emotions take over. It was so tempting to say screw it to logic. It would be oh so easy to get lost in his arms again, to let my brain shut down as he kissed me into a blissful state of denial over how this would end. My heart was already swelling with a ridiculous hope—fluttery and achey, it pounded away a million miles an hour like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest.
Stupid heart.
Stupid hope.
When he sat beside me, I clasped his hand in mine. I opened my mouth to speak but he pulled his hand away to fix headphones over my ears before doing the same for himself. Only then did he finally meet my gaze. I read his lips more than I heard his voice. “Just…enjoy the moment, okay?”
I nodded, too choked to speak even if he could hear me. And then he was turning to face the window and I was too. Despite everything—the fear, the heartache, the overwhelming confusion—I had this crazy urge to laugh.
It was exactly like I’d predicted. Granted, I’d been kidding at the time, but this guy had made my ridiculous daydream come true. All of our classmates—Julie and her friends, Mikey, Stuart—they were all watching with varying degrees of shock and awe as a helicopter took us away like we were some sort of royal couple or something.
I glanced over at him. Couple. The word refused to compute. No one would ever believe it, not really. The moment our helicopter disappeared from view, the crowd below would be asking themselves what’s he doing with her? He could have anyone.
He avoided looking my way, continuing to stare out the window even as the high school disappeared behind us. After a few more seconds of staring, my heart lodged somewhere between my esophagus and my throat, he turned to face me.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
His lips did that upward twitch that I loved but the sight of it was tempered by the sadness and hurt I saw in his eyes.
We needed to talk.
I needed to talk. I couldn’t avoid it any longer, because he was right. He deserved the truth.
And what is the truth?
I had no idea.
Liar.
We circled around the town, and I did my best to focus on the sites below me. I cast him a quick little smile when we circled over my house. I wished I could tell my mom to look out the window so she could see me. He didn’t meet my gaze, his eyes weren’t quite meeting mine.
I swallowed down a wave of sadness that made me want to weep. This was so not how tonight was supposed to go. This wasn’t us. We were friends. The best of friends.
If I thought for a second that he’d really be happy with me…
I couldn’t even let myself go there. The thought of it brought with it a sensation I couldn’t quite explain. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was easier to shut out all thoughts of what if. What was the use in going there? It would be selfish on my part to even let myself imagine it. Why? Because it wasn’t what was best for him. It wouldn’t last, and when it ended…
Tears welled up and I had to blink quickly to get rid of them.
When it ended, we would end. I’d be left with nothing.
I couldn’t risk that. I just couldn’t. There was no way I could face a future without Oliver.
All too quickly we landed…at the airport.
When the engine died and Oliver helped me back out of the helicopter, he gave me a funny little grimace. “I had this idea that we’d land on your front lawn, but there wasn’t enough room.”
I let out a short laugh. “This is perfect.”
Then I turned and saw the limo. “Y-you…you rented a limo?”
He shrugged.
For a moment we both stood there staring at the limo. This was…unexpected. What had he been expecting from this night?
My stomach flipped with the memory of that kiss. That hadn’t been some spontaneous kiss. I’d been telling myself it was—even with the helicopter’s arrival, which had clearly been planned, I’d been telling myself that it was some hormonal surge—he was only human, after all.
But now…
“Can I give you a lift home?” Oliver shoved one hand in his pants’ pocket and gestured toward the limo with the other, a self-deprecating smile playing over his lips.
It did nothing to d
isguise the sadness in his eyes.
The hurt I’d caused.
My chest squeezed so painfully I gasped for air. I’d never meant to hurt him. I sure as heck didn’t want to hurt myself.
But it was better to get this over with now, right? It was better to end this before it began so we could still have our friendship.
Friendship was better than nothing.
No, his friendship was everything.
“Let’s do it,” I said with a smile that felt brittle. He took my elbow as he led the way toward the limo. He opened the door for me—of course he did. Heaven forbid he do anything to make this easy.
Just once I wished my best friend would stop being so perfect.
Once we were seated side by side, facing a glass wall that hid the driver, I knew I couldn’t procrastinate any longer. The car started to move—where and when he’d gotten directions to my house? I had no idea.
Clearly this had been organized, planned…it had been carefully planned in a way that was so very Oliver.
Under any other circumstances, this would be a dream come true.
As it was, I found myself staring at his hands which were resting on his dark pants. They were elegant hands. Long and lean, the hands of a pianist or a sculptor, and they fit perfectly with his tall, lean look. He was already ridiculously handsome, but give him a few more years to finish maturing into a man and he would be dazzling. His looks, his celebrity status, his wealth—he’d be the world’s most in-demand nerd.
The silence weighed on me, but I knew he wouldn’t break it. He’d said all he’d had to say. He wanted to be with me.
I clasped my hands together in my lap to keep them from trembling. He didn’t mean it. Or, if he did, he didn’t know what he was talking about. He was confused, and he was scared, and it was up to me to be strong for both of us.
For him.
I took a deep breath and forced my gaze up until I was looking at his profile—his perfect, handsome profile.
Man, it was hot in here. Too hot, and the air too thick. How could anyone breathe back here? I resisted the urge to lean over and open a window. Fresh air would do nothing to help this moment.
Tall, Dark, and Nerdy: High School Billionaire #1 Page 11