Mabry.
“I broke up with her that night.”
“Goddammit!” His eyes blaze as he clamps down on his jaw. He sits there for a moment, jaw clenched so tight causing muscle in his neck to twitch. He’s considering his next verbal assault.
I need to get out of here and be alone, so I can think straight. I decide to swallow my pride. “I’m sorry.”
“This is one expensive fuck, Bradley. I hope this teaches you to be more discriminating and to stop putting your dick into every hole that walks by.”
“You mean like you, Dad?” I sneer.
“Oh, here we go. The blame game. My personal life never interfered with raising you. I provided well for both you and your brother. You had everything you needed growing up.”
“Except a father.” I bolt out of the chair and head to my office, never looking back at him.
Back in my office I continuously pace the floor. I can’t stop thinking about Mabry. Running my hands up my face and through my hair, I feel my heart pounding hard against my chest. I loosen my tie, trying to stop the choking sensation in my throat. I walk to the window and brace my hands on either side of the frame. Looking out, I’m able to see the Charleston Harbor. Watching the waves, I try to calm my breathing and think clearly. I keep telling myself that I have no idea what her reaction will be when I tell her about Becca, but the gnawing sensation I feel deep in the pit of my stomach tells me everything is about to break.
Please God, don’t let me lose her over this.
My phone chirps with a text. I pull it from my pocket and look down at a picture of Mabry’s legs, her stilettos and her sheer black stockings hooked to a black garter.
Mabry: Hey sexy beast. I’m waiting 4 u.
I consider making up an excuse not to go over, but know I have to talk to her before she hears this from anyone else. I’m afraid that once the sun comes up tomorrow the office rumor mill will be in full swing. Letting out a deep sigh, I reluctantly type out a response and hit send.
Brad: B right there. I love u.
As I head over to Mabry’s, I try to mentally prepare for my past to collide with my present, and pray that my future with her doesn’t become a casualty.
I hated lying to Brad tonight about where I was going after work. I’m just not ready to tell him I’m seeing a counselor. I’m not sure why, exactly. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want him to view me as weak. I’ve always thought going to any type of counseling was a sign of weakness. It probably comes from the fact that my dad never took me after my mom’s death. I had convinced myself that I just had to suck it up and get over it by myself. Of course, at the time I was fine with that. I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. Looking back now, I can see how irresponsible and thoughtless it was of him. I wonder how different our lives and relationship would have been if he had sought help for both of us back then.
A bell chimes as I enter the counseling office of Jennifer Clark. The waiting room is decorated in calming brown, green, and cream hues. An overstuffed sofa is against one wall, flanked by two small end tables, with matching chairs facing it. A stack of out dated magazines on meditation and self-help are spread across the coffee table between the sofa and chairs. The lighting is dim, with just a few lamps in use. The sound of synthesized angel harps floats out of a boom-box and mixes with the trickling of water from a small fountain in the corner of the room. The room reeks of jasmine and has several green plants sitting around. It’s like a New Age purgatory.
I take a seat and scan through one of the magazines, needing to keep my hands and mind occupied. I sit alone for several minutes struggling with whether or not to stay or leave. Being here makes me uncomfortable despite the clichéd calming elements. I’m afraid of what questions she’s going to ask me, my answers to them, and what they’ll reveal about me. I’m afraid I’ve inherited more from my mother than just my looks and the counselor will finally be the person to voice what I’m terrified of, a future of becoming just like Mom. When I hear the music of Yanni play, I decide this isn’t for me. Tossing the meditation mag on the table, I stand, but then I hear the sound of a door opening down the short hallway leading to the back of the office. My hand reaches for the doorknob, but before I’m able to make my escape, a woman takes a few steps in my direction.
“Mabry Darnell?” she asks.
I cringe just before turning to face her, knowing I now have to go through with the appointment. “Yes, I’m Mabry Darnell.”
“Hi, I’m Jennifer Clark.” She extends her hand and we shake.
“Here’s the paperwork I filled out online.” I hand over my insurance info and the questionnaire regarding my history.
“Thank you. You can go on back. I’ll be right with you. It’s the last door on your right.” I simply nod and head down the hall to her office.
Once inside, I take a seat in the chair by the door. Then I get up and move to the sofa by the window. Then I move back to the chair. Finally, deciding the sofa is where I want to be, I drum my fingers on the wooden armrest. Just when I’m about to bolt, the woman enters, closing the door behind her.
Shit.
“How are things with you today?” she asks, taking the seat across from me.
The question catches me off guard. If things were okay I wouldn’t be sitting in a counselor’s office. I give her a weak smile and simply answer, “Okay.”
The room is quiet as her eyes roam over my questionnaire. I dart my eyes around the room, trying not to look at her expression, wondering if she’s thinking what a nut case I am based on my answers.
“So, Mabry, I see this is the first time you’ve been to see a counselor.”
“Yes.” My answer comes out quick as if she startled me. “Sorry, I’m a little nervous.”
“I can tell. We’ll start off easy.” She gives me a warm smile. “Why have you decided that now is the right time to seek counseling?”
“I have some things in my past that are effecting my present. I constantly push people away and I don’t want to anymore.”
“Why do you think you keep people at a distance?”
“I’m terrified of getting hurt,” I answer in a low voice.
“It’s interesting you use the word “terrified.” That’s a pretty intense word, more than scared or afraid,” she points out. “Is that why you’ve not had any long-lasting relationships?”
“I haven’t had any relationships except for my best friend, Sylvie, and even that I hold at a distance.” I feel a pang of guilt when I admit that. Sylvie has been a good friend to me and the fact that I haven’t let her completely in makes me feel ashamed.
“I see on your form, though, that you are in a relationship now. What’s his name?” The look in her eyes is caring.
“Brad.” I can’t help the smile that appears on my face. Just saying his name calms me down.
“Well, obviously, you didn’t push Brad away.”
“I tried to.”
“Why didn’t you succeed?” she asks.
“Brad’s different and I’m different with him. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I never have, but it was always serious with him. From the moment we met, he made me feel things and I hadn’t felt anything in a long time. I caved in to those feelings and then craved them. At first, I tried to be with him, detach from it, and then go about my life.”
“Compartmentalizing your emotions, without them spilling over into the rest of your life, is a very difficult thing to do, especially for us women. We’re very emotional creatures.”
“I’ve always been able to do it before with other people,” I say.
“Well, you say Brad’s different.” She tosses my words back at me with a smile. “What is it about him that caused you to stop pushing?”
“He makes me truly happy. I’m not talking the superficial “happy,” like when you get a promotion at work or buy a fabulous pair of shoes. True happiness is when you feel contentment and joy deep in your soul, no matter what problems are swirling around
outside of you. People underestimate that feeling. It’s such a simple short word, but it holds so much depth and power. When it’s been absent from your life for so long you forget just how precious a gift it really is.”
The rest of the session with Jennifer flew by. We discussed more about Brad and me, as well as my past encounters with men. I was surprised how much easier it got to talk to her once we started. Even though we didn’t touch on the subject of my parents or my self-harm, I feel the weight I’ve been carrying around start to ease up. For the first time since my mom’s death, I feel hopeful about my future. I finally believe it will be possible to have one with Brad.
I rush back to my place excited to let him know he can head on over. I’m in such a good mood I decide to have a little fun. I could tell earlier, when his hand ran up my thigh and by the look in his eyes, that he was wondering if I had a garter on under my dress. I position myself on the sofa, twisting and turning my body in order to get the garter down to the stilettos in the shot. As I type out a short text, I can feel the heat and tingles build just thinking about his sexy smile when he reads it.
Me: Hey sexy beast. I’m waiting 4 u.
Brad: B right there. I love u.
I’m a little surprised and disappointed that he didn’t respond with one of his cheesy or sexy comebacks. Brad was pretty pissed that his brother interrupted us. The dynamic between the two of them is interesting. Being an only child I didn’t know if it was typical sibling rivalry or not. In front of others, the brothers would joke and act like I assume brothers acted, but behind the scenes I had noticed contentious looks pass between them. Brad didn’t talk about his family very much. I knew the issues with his parents. But the only thing he ever told me about Peyton was that they have never been close. I hope things with his brother didn’t get out of hand after I left.
I was standing by the window in the conference room waiting for the meeting to start. As I listened to Matt, another first year-lawyer, tell me about some girl he met last night, I felt a vibration start in my chest and quickly spread through my entire body. Initially I ignored it. Maybe the coffee I was drinking went down the wrong way. Another vibration shot through me a second after the first one subsided. I looked at Matt to see if he noticed anything strange happening to me. Obviously he didn’t, because he continued to mindlessly talk. My eyes swung around the room, coming to an abrupt halt on an azure blue gaze.
Damn.
Things were pulsing and throbbing on me that hadn’t pulsed or throbbed in a long time and I was still glued to the eyes. Finally, I forced myself to take the rest of her in. The view just got better and better. All the parts were there and they were aligned in a spectacular fashion. I had to talk to her before the meeting.
“Good luck with that, Matt,” I said, not hearing anything that had come out of his mouth since she walked in.
I was halfway across the room when I was stopped by a hand attaching itself to my upper arm. “Hey Brad.”
“Hey Mia.”
“You want to grab a couple of seats before the meeting starts?” I’d known Mia for a year. She and I interned together at the firm last summer. She’s been trying to get into my pants ever since our first week. She was beautiful, but like with every other woman, nothing in me stirred enough to want to act on her interest.
“We’re probably going to be sitting for a good while, so I’ll wait until just before it starts.” I took a step toward my azure blue target, but Mia still had a firm grip on my arm.
“So did you hear about Robinson? He got caught cheating on the bar and …”
Her voice disappeared as I watched Peyton saunter up to azure blue with a big grin on his face.
Fuck.
What the hell is he doing? She was my vibration. Heat crawled across my skin as my chest tightened. What was wrong with me? I didn’t even know her name. All I knew was that she was the first female who ever elicited this much of a reaction out of me.
“Sorry, Mia.” I tugged my arm away from her claws. “I need to talk to Peyton before things start up.”
I made it over to azure blue and Peyton in three quick strides. Her eyes shifted from him to me before I reached them.
Slapping Peyton on the back a little harder than probably necessary, I said, “Mornin’, brother.” Azure blue gave me a slight smile.
After recovering from my slight assault, he looked at me annoyed.“Mornin’.”
My eyes were once again glued to hers as I asked Peyton, “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
“Sorry, I was still trying to recover from having the wind knocked out of me. Mabry Darnell, this is my “little” brother, Brad.”
Double entendre, motherfucker.
I flashed her the smile before I turned to him. “You might want to get that checked out. I mean, if that little tap knocked the air out you,” I looked back at Mabry, “you might be having trouble with oxygen flow, which causes your appendages to stop working and your stamina to be nonexistent.”
I flashed the smile and cocked an eyebrow in her direction. She laughed and then the most beautiful smile I had ever seen appeared across her plump lips. I swallowed hard.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Brad? My appendages and stamina are in top-notch condition,” Peyton said in a low voice.
“Mia is looking for you,” I told him as I stayed focused on Mabry.
“Oh really, well, if you’ll excuse me then. Mabry, I’ll catch up with you later,” he announced before walking away.
Mabry and I took each other in for a few more seconds.
“Hi,” I said with a grin.
“Hi,” she said returning my grin.
“I’m Brad.”
She narrowed her eyes at me and a slight giggle left her. “I know.”
“Yeah? How do you know my name?” I stood there, chest all puffed out, feeling pretty cocky that this gorgeous woman who makes every part of my body hum had obviously asked around about me, wanting to know my name.
“Um… your brother just introduced us like five seconds ago,” she said, a little sarcasm seeping into her tone.
Fuuuuck meeee!
Not my smoothest moment.
Over the next month, Mabry and I ended up working a lot of cases together. Our personalities and work styles complemented each other. She challenged me intellectually, pushing me to delve deeper into research, look at things from a different perspective before making decisions. I valued and cared about her opinion of not only my work, but of me. The two of us were in my office working late on the Peterson case. We were sitting on the floor between the sofa and coffee table eating the takeout we had ordered. My sleeves were rolled up to my elbows and her hair was piled up on top of her head. My tie and her shoes were off. Being with her was so natural as if we had been together for years. I’ve asked her out pretty much every day since our first meeting and she’s continuously turned me down, but I was tenacious and didn’t give up easily. Besides, I knew she liked me just as much as I liked her. There was no way the pull and connection between us could be one-sided. She was telling me about law school while she spread the containers of food out in front of us. I could watch her talk all day.
“…I had a 4.0 GPA and since I interned every summer during school, when I told Mr. Dukes I was coming back to Charleston he told me about his college buddy, your dad. He put in a good word for me and here I am.”
“That was the best decision my father has ever made,” I said grabbing a set of chopsticks. I glanced up at her and saw a light pink blush speckle her cheeks. “You’re a great lawyer, Mabry.” She shrugged her shoulders dismissively. Playfully, I poked her with one end of my chopsticks, causing her to look at me. “Hey, I mean it. You’re better than most of the junior associates here.”
“Thank you,” she said, giving me a shy smile.
“Aaaand…?”
Her beautiful eyes looked off to the side as she sucked in her lower lip, then they darted back to me. “Thank you very much?”
&nb
sp; Shaking my head I said, “You’re supposed to say, ‘Thank you very much, Brad. That means the world coming from someone as brilliant, gorgeous and hot as you are.’”
“Sorry, I need practice. I’m not real good at ass kissing.”
“Well, I’d be more than happy to let you practice on my ass.” I threw a smirk and a wink at her.
A breath caught in her throat as she darted her eyes away again and nervously rummaged through the takeout bag. I loved tipping her off balance. She was so cute that way.
She huffed, blowing her bangs up and off her forehead. “They didn’t include any forks,” she said, slightly annoyed.
Swallowing a piece of my sesame chicken, I said, “Use the chopsticks.”
Scrunching up her eyebrows she looked at the two sticks as if a person would need to be a rocket scientist to figure out how to use them. She tentatively picked them up and peeled the paper away that they were wrapped in. I continued to eat while watching her out of the corner of my eye as she tried to position the chopsticks correctly between her fingers and attempted to pick up a piece of chicken. I felt her eyes on me, watching as I popped another piece in my mouth and then picked up some rice and vegetables with ease. She attempted using the prehistoric eating tools a couple of more times without success. She was stubborn and determined to master them herself.
Unable to keep the smile off my face and the laughter out of my voice, I turned to her and asked, “Mabry, you’ve never used chopsticks before, have you?” Sarcasm flowed through each word.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Smartass.”
“I’m a smartass with a belly full of Chinese,” I said patting my stomach. “It’s delicious too. Gimme.” I extended my hand, flexing my fingers for her to hand over the chopsticks. She looked back and forth between my hand and the sticks before finally slapping them into my palm. “Turn around.”
“Turn around?” she asked confused.
“Yes, so your back is to me.”
“What are you going to do?” She sounded alarmed.
“I’m going to show you how to feed yourself. Just trust me and turn around.” She did and I moved in closer to her.
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