by Harper Bliss
“Perhaps.” Claire shrugged. “We’ve all had a lot on our mind lately.”
Nadia nodded sympathetically. “I know. I’m not judging, just… poor Steph. I haven’t exactly been there for her, either.”
“Speaking of heart ache and all that…” Claire hesitated, but, in the end, blurted out the words anyway. “Margot and I are still sort of on the rocks. Does she talk to you at all about us, or does she keep it all to herself the way I would expect her to?” She held up her hands. “I’m not prying, Nadz. I just want to know how she’s coping. We had another argument last night…” At least last night’s argument had ended well.
Nadia took a sip of the water that came with her coffee before slumping against the backrest of her chair. “Remember that night when Juliette proposed to me? We were all so happy then. When did it all turn to shit again?”
“You still have that ring on your finger.” Claire fixed her eyes on Nadia’s left hand.
“I know. I never believed it would, but it feels different now.” She touched her ringed finger with the index finger of her other hand. “If we ever find the time to get married.” Nadia rested her eyes on Claire. “But to answer your question: Margot has talked to me about you. I know things have been more difficult than expected.”
Claire’s attention was snagged by a woman walking up to them. She looked vaguely familiar. “Nadia? Mais, alors,” the woman said. Claire witnessed how Nadia momentarily froze in her seat.
“Doctor Dievart.” Nadia turned to greet the woman, painting a rather forced-looking smile on her face.
“And who have we here?” Dievart pinned all her attention on Claire for an instant. Jesus. Those eyes. So eery and clear.
“Doctor Dievart, this is my good friend Claire. Claire…” Nadia just tilted her head.
Almost instinctively, Claire wanted to say she’d heard so much about the neurosurgeon, but realised her potential mistake before the words left her mouth. “Enchantée,” she said instead. Clearly, Doctor Dievart was a woman on the prowl, the way she gazed into Claire’s eyes as she squeezed her fingers in a firm handshake.
“Please, call me Marie.”
“Can’t stay away from the hospital?” Nadia asked. Claire couldn’t help but wonder what Margot really thought about this new addition to Saint-Vincent. The short conversation they’d had about Dievart hadn’t exactly been enlightening.
“Self-confessed workaholic.” Dievart tapped a hand against her chest, drawing attention to a very low cut blouse. If Juliette ever met this woman, she’d go off the deep end. “I just want to be as much up to speed as possible before I start next week.”
“Admirable,” Nadia said.
Claire cringed as she watched her make small talk. She hadn’t fully grasped before, but this must be agony for Nadia. Exactly how it had been for Margot when Inez had returned. Seeing the effects of the return of a former lover in action, in the cold light of day, her own emotions removed from the equation, changed her perspective somewhat.
“Well, I’d best get going. I sure hope to see you again, Claire.” Out of the blue, Dievart addressed Claire again, fixing those pale eyes on her.
Claire nodded and, unexpectedly amused, watched how Doctor Dievart raised her hand briefly for a wave before heading towards the hospital.
“Damn,” Claire said, when she was out of earshot.
“Tell me about it,” Nadia replied.
“Such overt sexual aggression.”
Nadia scrunched her lips into a pensive pout. “She says it’s because of the time she spent in the US.”
Claire eyed Nadia quizzically for a few moments too long, lost in a thought she shouldn’t be having.
“What?” Nadia asked.
Claire shook her head, hoping to convey that they should end their conversation about Dievart, but, at the same time, too intrigued to stop herself completely.
“Go on. Out with it,” Nadia insisted.
“It’s just… you and… her, Nadz? I don’t really see it.” She was definitely more Claire’s type, what with the obvious bossy attitude.
Nadia shook her head. “If you don’t mind, I would really rather not talk about it.”
“Understood.” Claire was quite convinced that Juliette had nothing to worry about anymore. “Has she been introduced to Margot?”
“Oh yes,” Nadia was quick to say.
Margot hadn’t breathed a word about this introduction. “What does that mean?” Claire had lost all interest in her salad.
Nadia leaned over the table in a conspiratorial manner. “The woman is a predator. She’ll go after anyone who looks half-way decent and pings her gaydar.”
Claire’s eyes widened. “Did she make a pass at Margot?”
“She didn’t really get the chance, but she did enquire about her afterwards. Don’t worry. I set her straight.” Nadia sighed. “I have no doubt she’ll subject me to the same questionnaire about you when I see her at Saint-Vincent later. And I’ll have to disappoint her all over again.” This put a smile on Nadia’s face. “Don’t get me wrong. She’s all right, just a bit too out there, I guess. And not displaying the best social skills. You can so easily tell she’s used to getting what and who she wants exactly when she wants.”
“She’s very striking,” Claire remarked, still half-musing on what Nadia had just said.
“Half the hospital staff is going gaga over her already.” Nadia locked her eyes on Claire’s. “But weren’t we talking about another striking doctor before this one turned up?”
Claire nodded, but found herself unable to refocus her thoughts on Margot completely.
NADIA
Nadia couldn’t stand the fact that Claire had seen her with Dievart. Why did that woman turn up everywhere she went, anyway? She supposed she had better get used to it. Now that Claire had met Dievart, though, she was bound to pop up in conversation with Juliette, and this could never work in Nadia’s favour.
Luckily she’d been able to avoid her for the rest of the afternoon, but, as she exited the Hotel de Ville Métro station on her way to meet Steph, Nadia was half expecting to find Dievart strolling through Le Marais, scanning for prey. She didn’t come across as a woman who went without attention for too long stretches of time.
Nadia found Steph seated outside L’Univers next to a terrace heater. She kissed her on both cheeks and threw in a stiff hug for good measure. A half-empty bottle of beer stood on the table in front of her. The way Steph looked in that moment, Dievart would eat her alive. Nadia couldn’t believe she’d even entertained the notion—no matter how briefly—of introducing her to Steph. It also struck her that she’d been spending too much time thinking about the neurosurgeon. With her bravado and forwardness, she got under her skin so easily.
“Good to see you, Nadz.” Steph painted one of her trademark crooked smiles on her lips. Steph’s smirk contrasted heavily with the rest of her exterior—slumped, defeated, sunglasses covering her eyes—and Nadia knew Steph would have to put up a show first before allowing herself to talk about what mattered. Especially in a place like this. Nadia should have arranged to meet her somewhere else, somewhere more private.
Nadia cozied up to the heater, scooting close to Steph. “There’s not a ray of sun in sight, Steph, why hide those beautiful eyes?”
“Trying to protect my cover.” Another grin. “I’m a celebrity now, albeit quite a notorious one.”
Nadia couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m sure everyone recognises you here either way.”
Steph shrugged and grabbed her beer.
“I hear you’re back at work.”
Steph nodded, drank, and didn’t say anything. A waiter came outside to take Nadia’s order. She asked for a glass of rosé.
“You’re in a talkative mood.” Nadia nudged Steph’s knee with hers. “Talk to me, Steph.”
Steph pulled up her shoulders. “What’s there to say? Your fiancée wants Dominique to come out so she can prove to her daddy that being gay is okay. I think it
’s the most stupid idea anyone in PR ever came up with, but who am I?”
Nadia arched up her eyebrows. “I meant talk to me about how you are doing. We don’t need to talk about work.”
“Work. Drama. Friends. Love. In our lives, it’s all related.” Steph brought the bottle back to her lips. “And don’t tell me Juliette didn’t ask you to meet up with me. I’ve worked for her for a very long time. I know how she operates.”
“Jesus, Steph. What’s with the paranoia?” Even though what Steph had said was partially true, Nadia was here as her friend first and foremost.
“Are you trying to make me believe she didn’t send you?” Steph deposited the empty bottle on the metal table with an unnecessary bang.
“Like I need an excuse to see you?” Nadia was quickly becoming too stubborn to confirm Steph’s suspicions. She also wondered how many beers Steph had had.
“I’m sorry, Nadz. I just don’t know what to say. Everything is so fucked up.”
“You choose the subject of our conversation, but, before you do: full disclosure.” Nadia needed that glass of wine to arrive pronto. “I have talked to both Juliette and Claire. I know about their plans for Dominique. And they have asked me to talk to you, but I’m only here to find out how you are. Nothing else.”
Steph sighed. A bearded man walking past waved at her, momentarily distracting her. “I just didn’t think that going back to work would be all about her so quickly. We do have other clients.”
Nadia nodded, encouraging Steph to continue.
“Dominique came to see me, and I had to send her away. I had no choice. And then Jules asks me if I would be okay with her delirious plan? What’s all that about, anyway?”
The waiter exited the bar and brought Nadia’s wine as well as another, not asked for, beer for Steph. A silent agreement, Nadia guessed.
“You have to understand what Juliette is going through.” Nadia greedily drank from her glass.
“Oh, I understand. I know exactly what it’s like to be judged for who you love.” She played with the beer bottle. “I had to call my own mother and tell her it wasn’t true. That Le Matin is a sleazy paper selling lies. I mean, it is a sleazy rag, but it wasn’t exactly a lie, was it?”
“Oh, Steph.” Nadia put her hand on Steph’s knee.
“I don’t need sympathy, Nadz. It’s my own damn fault. I shouldn’t have been so stupid.” She took a few long draughts from the new bottle.
“You fell in love. There’s nothing stupid about that.”
“If only that were true.” Steph’s voice regained a bit of strength. “Additionally, what Jules fails to understand is that, even if she goes through with her big plan of making France a gay-loving nation, I’m not exactly a person anyone on the right, with their hypocritical family values bullshit, will ever embrace.” She shook her head. “There is no happy ending here. Not for me, anyway.” Her breath hitched in her throat, her arm swaying as she brought the bottle back to the table. “Not that I would ever want or need any extremists to embrace me, mind you.”
“How about we hop into a taxi and I take you home?” Nadia could already tell this evening would not end well.
Steph leaned towards her in a rather wobbly manner. “Have you ever heard of a place called Le Noir?”
“What?” As a matter of fact, Nadia had heard of it, but Steph mentioning it on the terrace of L’Univers was all the more reason to insist on taking her home. “I’m going in to pay your bill, then we’re going home, okay?”
“Don’t worry about it. I have a tab.” Steph picked up her beer again. “And I don’t feel like going home. It’s fucking depressing there. I’m going to Le—”
“Come on.” Nadia rose and dragged Steph up with her. She held her by the hand with a firm grip, made a detour to the door to hand the waiter a twenty, and pulled Steph towards the Avenue de Rivoli, hoping a taxi wouldn’t be too hard to flag down.
Steph was silent on the ride to her Père Lachaise flat, her eyes opening and falling shut. No one took care of her, Nadia thought. She must feel so alone.
After hoisting her into the ramshackle elevator in her building, Nadia realised she hadn’t been to Steph’s place in years. The instant Steph opened the door, her cat came running, begging for food. Steph picked him up and held him tightly against her chest, murmuring pet words. Nadia looked in the kitchen cupboards and found a box with kibble for Pierrot. Once the food was in his bowl, the cat wriggled its way out of Steph’s arms and she made for the fridge, removing two bottles of beer.
“I’m all out of wine, Nadz,” she said. “So sorry.”
“That’s fine.” Nadia knew she probably shouldn’t, but she could do with the release that came with another drink. They sat down in a threadbare sofa. Nadia couldn’t imagine someone like Dominique in this place. Steph never invited her friends over, and Nadia now saw why.
“I’m not ashamed of who I am,” Steph said after they’d sat drinking in silence for a while. “But I don’t need all this shit.”
Nadia knew approximately what Steph meant, but she didn’t press her for more information. Then she remembered Claire’s words from earlier that day. About what Steph really needed. Nadia got rid of her beer and shuffled closer to Steph.
“Come here,” she said.
“What the hell, Nadz? Are you coming on to me?” She finally took off her sunglasses, revealing dark circles under her eyes that could only be the result of at least a few weeks of interrupted sleep.
“You’d be hard pressed to find a softer bosom than mine to cry on.” Nadia looked her friend in the eyes. “Come on.”
She witnessed how the resolve on Steph’s face broke, how she gave in to all the pain she’d been keeping inside for weeks. Steph moved closer, her face disappearing from Nadia’s field of vision as she put her head on her shoulder. Nadia wrapped her arm around Steph and squeezed tight.
It didn’t take long for Steph to burst out in heaving sobs against her neck, tears raining down Nadia’s blouse.
Nadia patted her hair. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Just let it out.” Nadia sat like that with Steph for a while, only interrupted by Pierrot who hopped onto her lap after he had finished his food.
“Oh fuck,” Steph said, when she finally pushed herself away from Nadia, automatically reaching for a box of tissues on the coffee table. Nadia didn’t think the presence of the box so close to the sofa was a coincidence.
Steph hid her face in a tissue for a few seconds. “I’m sorry,” she said, after blowing her nose, making Pierrot look up briefly.
“I’m sorry you had to go through this.” Nadia scratched Pierrot behind the ears and he promptly started to purr. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” Steph had dropped the defensive act completely.
“If you could choose any possible outcome, which one would you pick?”
Steph pulled another tissue from the box. “The fuck if I know. It’s not as if there was ever even a remote possibility of us living happily ever after, was there?” She dabbed at her eyes. “It’s better this way. It hurts now, but I’ll get over it.”
“Perhaps you should take some more time off?” Nadia didn’t care if doing so would conflict with her own wishes. She only cared about Steph not being this sad.
“No. I can’t stay home any longer. I need to work.” She blew her nose again. “I just need to get Jules to drop her stupid idea. Don’t you think it’s ludicrous?” She turned to face Nadia head-on, her skin blotched and her eyes red-rimmed.
Nadia took a deep breath, stalling for time. “I surely think Juliette is pursuing the idea for all the wrong reasons. She’s out to prove something. And she’s running from the situation with her family. But some high profile politician will have to come out at some point…” Truth be told, Nadia hadn’t given Juliette and Claire’s idea that much thought, what with everything she had on her mind, and the extra strain it could possibly put on their relationship, but, objectively speaking, it was a bold, brave plan. Sh
e couldn’t in good faith speak against it.
“So what should I do?” A new desperation clung to Steph’s voice. “Advise Dominique to come out, but keep on pretending I never existed?”
“No.” Nadia’s voice rose. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You just said so yourself. And, ultimately, it’s up to Dominique.” Nadia shoved Pierrot to the side and grabbed her purse off the floor, unearthing her phone.
“What are you doing?” Steph asked.
“Texting Jules that I’m not coming home tonight. I’m staying with you.”
EPISODE NINE
STEPH
Steph’s hand shook as she turned the doorknob. Her stomach collapsed when she saw Dominique standing in the doorframe. She wore one of those skirts that were tight around the knees, and memories of how damn difficult it was to hike those up flooded her mind.
“Bonsoir,” Dominique said, a sweet smile on her face. “I’m so glad you called.”
“Come in.” If Steph had really wanted to keep this meeting business-like, she would have invited Dominique to her office at Barbier & Cyr instead of her home. She had no well-defined plan, just a bunch of unfocused thoughts swirling through her brain.
“Love what you’ve done to the place,” Dominique joked. She sounded nervous.
“Still shabby chic, I’m afraid.” Steph rummaged around in the kitchenette to hide her discomfort and poured them each a glass of wine without asking.
“How about your promotion?”
This sort of borderline small talk was driving Steph insane. “Soon.” Steph shuffled around on her feet awkwardly, fully aware that her studio was too small for the two of them when things were like this. “Please, sit.”
Dominique shrugged off her coat and draped it over the one chair Steph had room for, revealing a blouse so tightly tucked into her skirt it made Steph’s mouth go dry. Steph thought she looked skinnier. She’d had a lot to deal with on top of the heartache. At least Steph had been able to take a time-out, but there was no rest for Dominique. Where did she get the energy to be on full-go mode all the time?