3volve

  “Yeah, yeah, let’s not dredge up the past, eh. I made sure not to use up all the hot water.” He hangs his towel over the closet door.

  “Thanks.”

  The bathroom smells like a mix of citrus and mouthwash. I shave my legs in the shower—which I don’t do for just anyone. I’m not sure why I wanted to shave my legs, but I like having that option. I pull on boxer shorts and his college pullover.

  His eyes are closed when I get out, and I feel disappoint rush over me. I shaved my legs for this! When I climb in bed, I’m suddenly overly aware of his body heat next to mine. He’s going to be two inches away the entire night. Sure, we’ve been in the same bed before, but we’ve never slept in the same bed before. God, Mama would have chased him out of the house with a chancla yelling.

  Then again, before, there was always food and Vanessa between us to act as a buffer. I should probably say something—something very nonchalant. But should I? I fidget with my fingers, nervously shaking my legs between the sheets.

  He’s probably trying to get to sleep or already asleep. I should just close my eyes and do the same, right? Why do I fight with myself? I’m being a crazy person. Aaah.

  I turn my head to the side expecting him to be asleep except he looks wide-awake, staring up at the ceiling. Charlie’s clasping and unclasping his hands.

  Why is this so awkward?! We’re friends—just friends. “I thought you were tired.” I try to sound casual, but it comes out as a croak.

  “I can’t sleep.” He turns to me.

  The longing look he’s giving is making me uncomfortable. “I should leave; you probably can’t sleep with my fidgeting.” I sit up, but he stops me.

  “I just keep thinking this is the first time we’ve been alone,” he murmurs.

  I lay back down. “Weird huh?”

  “No.” Charlie shrugs.

  “Oh.”

  He turns to his side, sizing me up, taking in my outfit. I guess I chose correctly. I pull at my sleeve.

  “Would this be my pullover you said you couldn’t find?” He smirks tracing the letters of his alma mater.

  “Maybe.” I lock eyes with him, refusing to back down.

  “I knew you had it tucked away somewhere,” he says amusingly.

  “I like it.” I touch the lettering on my chest. “It’s comfy.”

  “So do I. It looks good on you.” His amusing tone is replaced with a pleading one.

  “Thanks,” I say, self-consciously.

  He inches closer to me, “Much better than those PJ’s you were going to wear.” He nods to the chair where I stashed my clothes.

  “I always wear those. I thought I would change things up.”

  “You don’t have to justify anything to me,” he says, placing his hand on my hip.

  I look down, shivering at the sensation of his callous hand on my skin. Goosebumps appear all over my body, with the persuasive voice in my head telling me to act impulsively. “I know.”

  “Is this okay?” he asks, unsure of himself. He gently rubs my right side, nudging me closer to him.

  I nod, my heart beating faster as his hand trails down my side. I lean in closer to him, not wanting to question what is happening.

  This has always felt right. In a world of uncertainty, in doubts and pain, Charlie has always been a constant, anchoring me to the world of the living. I don’t know why it took me this long to realize he was who I’ve wanted since that first day in detention.

  I reach up to brush my thumb against his jawline, feeling the growing stubble of his coarse beard.

  “The thought of this…is what’s been keeping me up,” he says huskily, leaning in to kiss me.

  Charlie’s lips are soft as he kisses me tenderly at first, melting away all my insecurities. Then a sudden urgency makes his kisses more fervent. A strong shiver runs down my spine from my wet hair clinging to the nape of my neck.

  His beard scrapes against my cheek as he trails kisses down my neckline. His hand is eagerly searching my torso beneath his borrowed pullover. Cupping my breasts with his strong hands, taking his time, he brings his hot mouth down on my erect nipples.

  We’re all limbs and hot breath against the sheets, his strong arms pulling me up on top of him. As I’m straddling him, he takes off my pullover, and we get lost in the beautiful moment together.

  Chapter 9

  My alarm goes off in the morning, but before I can reach for it, Charlie turns it off. He pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my slender body. Swiping my hair from my face, he kisses my forehead. “Morning my lady love,” he whispers in my ear.

  I groan, not wanting to wake up to the harsh reality of home life. “I need to make breakfast before the garbage disposals, which are my brothers, wake up. I can’t believe my mom found it manageable to feed those two all these years,” I say, pulling the covers over my head.

  Charlie laughs, slouching under the covers with me. “Stay in bed and rest. I can cook breakfast.” He reaches in to kiss me, but I pull away, covering my mouth, fully aware of morning breath. It is possible to be thoroughly embarrassed before you even get out of bed in the morning.

  He pulls back my hand, kissing my palm, and before I can argue, he’s already out the door. I lay back thinking, God has finally forgiven me for forsaking him in Sunday school all those years ago.

  I get dressed to check on the boys before I walk downstairs to watch idly as Charlie cooks. Luckily, they’re still asleep. On my way to the kitchen, I’m hit with the two most satisfying smells in the entire universe—bacon and coffee!

  “Mmm bacon.” I bite into a strip and sit on a stool at the kitchen island to watch him cook.

  “You know I’ve been thinking about what I should get you for Christmas this year, and it’s been so hard. But now I know.” He turns around with the frying pan to pour eggs into a dish. “How would you feel about a…wait for it…bacon pillow?”

  I pretend to gag, “I think bacon should be for eating. I don’t want to sleep on bacon. What’s next, a coffee swimming pool?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, how is that even practical?” he counters.

  “Oh and a bacon pillow is?” I say and we both laugh at the absurdity of bacon-scented objects.

  The boys walk into the kitchen groggily, eyes still closed, looking for food. “Oh boy, we have walkers.” I stand up to guide them to the dining table. “Now, sit, stay,” I tell them and they both groan.

  Charlie brings the food and sets it out on the table nicely. I’ve been getting better at cooking, but he makes it seem effortless. He’s definitely worth keeping. I smile as he feeds the boys. I swear their eyes are still closed while they eat.

  “So do you have a lot of homework before the break?” he asks them.

  “Nah. I finished it,” Jeremy says, quietly eating his food.

  “I have a bunch left.” Jeremiah looks up from his empty plate. He scoops more eggs and bacon on his plate, turning to Jeremy. “How did you finish already? We have the same classes.”

  “I’m the smarter twin.” He steals Jeremiah’s bacon and eats it.

  “Alright, alright, settle down,” I say, pointing my fork at them. “You can’t keep up little brother?” I ask Jeremiah, arching my eyebrows.

  He cocks his head. “For your information, I’m the smarter twin.” He cuts into his pancakes.

  “So, you spent the night, huh?” Jeremy asks Charlie, changing the subject.

  They both pause from stuffing their faces to stare at Charlie. Charlie looks between the boys and me, unsure of how to answer. “I…uh.” He scratches his chin. “Well, you see…uh.”

  “Yes, he did,” I tell them, shaking my head at Charlie. Sure, he exudes power and control in the office and in front of peers, but tweens? Oh no, he’s a deer in headlights this one.

  “Cool,” Jeremiah says casually.

  “Yeah, cool.” They both look at each other and shrug, then help themselves to another helping of pancakes and bacon. Phew. I thought they were going t
o give me grief, but they seem okay with it. Maybe life really is going back to normal for us.

  I laugh at them getting another helping of food, “Do you guys ever not eat?”

  “No,” they both say in unison, smiling. And for a brief moment, I see their twinness before they shuttle back into themselves.

  “Have your bags packed for today?” I pour myself more coffee from my amazing coffee pitcher.

  “Yeah, I guess,” Jeremiah says, putting his plate in the sink.

  Jeremy saunters in behind him, “Yep.” They both grab the lunch money from the counter and wave goodbye as they leave.

  I lean my arms over Charlie’s shoulder, whispering in his ear, “We have the house to ourselves.”

  And he promptly gets up from the table, picking me up and throwing me over one shoulder. He playfully slaps my ass on our way upstairs.

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  I text the boys, You on the way?

  I’m waiting for the bus. Jeremiah is the only one to text back. The “I’m” is bothering me.

  Germy?

  Idk.

  Great. I call Jeremy looking for answers. But he doesn’t pick up.

  “He’s probably deep in thought, no need to worry,” Charlie massages my shoulders. I give into how wonderful it feels. Tilting my head back, Charlie leans down, kissing me. “In a few minutes they’ll both be here. Maybe we can go upstairs for a bit, hmm…” he trails off kissing my neck.

  But I shake him off, “No, no, no. I have a bad feeling, like that time those little germs got it into their heads to walk to Bill Millers by themselves because I was too wrapped up to pay attention.”

  Charlie glides his strong hands down my sides, “But they were okay.”

  “That’s not the take-away from that story. Something could’ve happened. What if something happened? I should just go check and see if everything is okay, right?”

  He shushes me, “I think you should relax and not jump to conclusions. It could mean anything. Maybe he forgot something and had to go get it, so then he really doesn’t know.”

  “Maybe.” I pull out my phone to check for notifications, but it’s blank. “I’ll just clean.” I put my phone back and grab the laundry basket, picking up stray clothes upstairs.

  I should invest in gloves, or maybe a furnace. How are they okay with wearing or smelling like this? Ugh gross.

  I kneel down to reach the socks under the bed and straighten out their shoes when I see a letter from school. I stretch my arm further to reach it. Pulling it out I see familiar handwriting on the front.

  I shouldn’t read their mail. Would Mom read their mail? Pfft. She would totally read our mail. I tear it open, leaning against the bedpost.

  It’s a suspension notice, but not like the other one I read. This is a legit suspension letter, dated two weeks ago! He’s had this for two weeks and hasn’t shared it. Okay, okay, maybe he has a good reason. Don’t jump to conclusions. That’s probably why he’s been spending time at the library; he doesn’t want to disappoint me. Yeah.

  “Cris, Jeremiah is here,” Charlie yells up.

  Okay, don’t freak out. He could still be coming.

  I walk down with the letter, crushing it more with every bounce down the steps. Jeremiah is reheating a leftover turkey sandwich. Don’t freak out, Cris.

  He closes the microwave, looking up at me, and I see it: the guilt in his puppy-dog eyes. And I stop listening to the voice of reason, “What the hell is this?” I slam the letter down on the counter.

  Jeremiah shrugs, “I don’t know. Phone bill? I knew I used up too much data.”

  “Don’t be cute, germ. You’re covering for him right?”

  “He said he was going to tell you.”

  “Have you even been going to the library?”

  “I have. I can show you,” he walks over and opens his backpack. “See,” he shows me the sign-in sheet for tutoring sessions. I had it all wrong. It wasn’t him who needed the tutoring. He was doing the tutoring.

  “So you’ve been doing this?”

  “It’s not a big deal. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but bro code you know?” I look at him defeated, all the fight I had in me escaping fast. “I told you I was the smarter twin,” he smirks.

  And I sit on the stool dejected. “Too soon?” he asks, putting the turkey sandwich in front of me.

  I push it away, “You eat it while I’m gone.”

  “Where are you going? I swear I don’t know where he is.”

  Without answering him, I say, “Charlie is in charge.”

  I drive around the neighborhood looking for Jeremy, going around the same blocks again and again just to make sure I didn’t miss him.

  The school parking lot is empty. If I were a reckless teenage boy, where would I go?

  Then I see him loitering with three big guys down by the courts. They are all dressed in khakis, white shirts and collared navy plaid buttoned at the top. Tattoo sleeves on each arm. It’s funny how the more people change, the more they stay the same.

  Why would he hang out with these fools? Then I see it, one guy handing him a small package. And that’s all I need to go in there and stop what’s going on. God, how can he be so stupid.

  “Well if isn’t my little hermanito,” I say walking over. The three guys step up full of machismo. Please, knock off vatos aren’t intimidating.

  Whistling they say, “Ay mamacita. This doesn’t concern you.”

  “Jeremy get in the car,” I say grabbing his arm.

  “Go home sis. I’m busy.” He motions me off.

  They move in towards me, and I laugh. “Back away from us,” I say. “Now.”

  “Mmm mama, got the spice. A’ight.” He waves to the other two, “Vamanos.”

  I sigh, relieved. “What the hell are you doing with those vatos, eh?”

  “Nothing!” He stomps back to the car.

  “Give it to me,” I extend my hand out.

  “I aint got nothing man.” He slaps my hand away.

  “Don’t start with that macho stuff. A’ight?” I say harshly. “I grew up on these streets long before you came around. Give it.”

  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small bag, smashing it into my hand. And I open it and throw the contents out of the window as we drive home.

  Jeremy storms inside, slamming the door. Always slamming doors this one.

  Breathing a heavy sigh, I follow him. Jeremy is sitting on the couch with Charlie standing over him, arms crossed. A resounding look of discontentment flashes over his face when I get closer.

  “I’ll give you both a moment.” He scratches his beard and walks to the kitchen.

  “Do you have anything to say?” I ask Jeremy, sitting across from him on the coffee table.

  “Not really.”

  “Why are you being stupid?”

  He turns his head, not wanting to look at me. I extend my hand to turn his head back to face me. “Huh?”

  “I was having a little fun.”

  “You were being reckless. I thought you were doing better at least. First failing school, now this.”

  “I don’t need this from you.”

  “Yeah, and I don’t need this from you either.”

  “So you gonna lecture me again?”

  “No.”

  “Then what?”

  “Stay here, I need to grab something,” I say, getting up and walking to my room.

  I reach under my bed and grab a small flower box. I pull out an old photo album from inside. Walking back downstairs, I sit next to Jeremy on the couch.

  “I’m not going to tell you to make better choices, because that should be obvious. I’m not going to apologize again, because you’re being stupid.”

  He laughs. “Then what are you going to do?” he asks, egging me on.

  “I want to tell you a story,”

  “A story? Is this a joke?” he laughs.

  “Am I laughing Germy.” I stare at him serious-like.

  “I had this f
riend in middle school. We were close but then he got mixed up with a bad crowd. When we got to high school we never talked.”

  “So.”

  “So he was gunned down outside his home when we were juniors.”

  “He died and you don’t want that to be me, is that it?”

  “No. He didn’t die.” Jeremy looks confused. I pull out an obituary and a news article. “He was fine. Kid hid in time, lucky for him right? But the others weren’t so lucky.”

  He reads the article.

  “His little sister died from her injuries, and two others were injured. He was in and out of jail. Now he works as a mechanic, which isn’t a bad profession. But when you do stupid things, like hanging with those vatos, you need to think about someone other than yourself.”

  “Jer,” he says looking back at me, and I see that scared kid hiding under the table during a thunderstorm again.

  “I’m trying here. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I don’t want any of those mistakes to ever be the reason you turn to someone or something else. We both can’t be selfish and leave Jeremiah to pick up the pieces.”

  He breaks down crying. “I’m sorry! It was just that one time, I swear. I didn’t…I don’t want anything to happen to Jer, or you.”

  I pull him into a hug, stroking his back, saying gently, “Oh and if I ever see you with anyone you shouldn’t be with, even if I catch a glimpse of funk on you, I’m going to be your shadow. You won’t be able to pee without my say-so. Understand?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I got it.” He wipes his tears away. “I should go talk to him, huh?”

  “Mmhm, and if you play your cards right, he might make you a turkey sandwich.” He nods and runs upstairs to their room.

  Charlie comes over and nudges me with his shoulder. “Is he good?”

  “I think so.” I string my fingers through his.

  He picks up the obituary from my lap and laughs, “I have to hand it to you love, I’m very impressed. I mean that story. Whoa.”

  “A little deception never hurt anyone.” I lay my head on his shoulder.

  “If only he kept reading he would have seen Jack dying from a cardiac arrest on a toilet.” Charlie shakes his head.