by Fiona Palmer
‘Mum, they’ll be fine,’ said Flick as she got out of the car and came to stand with them all. ‘Gee, anyone would think the farm would fall apart without her,’ she muttered. ‘Bye, Jimmy. We’ll miss ya.’ Flick wrapped her arms around him.
Toni smiled at her mum. ‘Bye, Mum. You take care.’ She hugged her. It was the first real contact they’d had in weeks. Maggie gripped her almost to the point of squeezing tears from Toni’s eyes. She realised just how much she’d missed her mother and how comfortable she felt in her embrace. Like coming home.
Jimmy released Flick from his big bear hug, and turned to Toni. ‘You enjoy this trip, okay?’ he demanded, before pulling her in for a customary goodbye hug. It was short, quick and awful. Then he was opening her door for her.
Toni was thrown. Something didn’t sit right, and Jimmy wouldn’t meet her eyes. He was giving her what she wanted, she realised, just as he’d said. Jimmy stood with Maggie, who pulled out a tissue to dab at her eyes. Toni got into the car and shut the door, and Flick started the car.
Toni had her gaze set out the window on Sunnyvale. She felt a strange sensation of loss wash over her.
‘It will still be there when you get back,’ said Flick.
‘Funny, I’m sure I’ve said that to you a few times.’
Toni and Flick headed down the driveway, waving. They turned onto the main road and Toni watched Sunnyvale slip from view. It wasn’t her mum’s teary face that she pictured while following her daughter blindly across the world. No, it was the distant look in Jimmy’s eyes, almost dejected and shut off, that caused the chill on her skin.
The airport was huge. People were coming and going, and there were massive planes outside taking people all over the world.
‘I’m so excited,’ said Flick, wide-eyed. She would be one of those people very soon, and Sunnyvale would be just a dot. ‘Our first plane trip.’
Her mum didn’t look as excited; she looked slightly anxious. So much for wanting to be the big adventurer when she was younger, Flick thought.
They worked out where to go to check in, and afterwards they looked around to find somewhere to wait.
‘Mum, there’s Uncle Charlie!’ yelled Flick, dropping her stuff and running across the terminal. ‘Kylie, Floss! What are you guys doing here?’
‘Had to come and see you off,’ Charlie said as they walked back to where Toni was standing. ‘Maggie told me all about your adventure.’
In other words, Uncle Charlie knew about Rocco.
Toni wrapped her arms around her uncle. ‘Hey, Charlie. It’s great to see you.’
‘You too, Toni. Looking good as always,’ he said with a wink.
Charlie was ageing well. He had a bit of a belly on him and his hair was very thin, but other than that he was still the same as when she’d seen him at Christmas last year. Toni hugged her cousins, Kylie and Floss. ‘Great to see you both too,’ she said.
‘Dad didn’t want to miss an opportunity to see you, especially before you leave. You’re going to have so much fun,’ said Kylie. She was only a year younger than Toni. Her mother, Val, was the reason Uncle Charlie had left the farm. He’d gone to the city to follow his heart.
‘Where’s Aunty Val?’ asked Flick.
‘Mum’s looking after all the grandkids so we could come,’ said Floss. She resembled Charlie the most, with blonde hair and blue eyes. ‘But she said to give you all a hug and to wish you a safe trip.’
They found a place to sit and chat while they waited for their flight. Kylie was telling Toni all about Charlie’s diabetes and the chronic arthritis in his bad arm.
‘I’m fine, don’t listen to Kylie,’ Charlie said. He leant closer to Flick and whispered, ‘How’s your mum going?’
‘Okay, I guess. I think finding Rocco will really help her, and hopefully she can forgive Nan. I’ve never seen them estranged like this.’
He patted her hand. ‘I hope you find Rocco, he was a great bloke,’ said Charlie.
Toni must have overheard, as all of a sudden she was sitting closer. ‘Uncle Charlie, did you know?’
Silence. Then he cleared his throat. ‘I knew Maggie loved Rocco and that he loved her.’ His face reddened slightly. ‘And she didn’t have to tell me, but I knew that he was your father.’ He put his hand up to calm Toni. ‘Before you ask, it wasn’t my place to tell you any of it. That’s between you and Maggie.’ He reached out, taking her hand. ‘You can’t go back and change the past. We all make mistakes and have to live with our choices. Don’t let this weigh you down. Keep moving forward.’
‘What if we find him?’ Toni asked. ‘What then?’
Charlie smiled. Even in old age you could see the family resemblance
‘Darling, the Rocco I knew was an amazing bloke. He was like a brother and I missed him when he left. Him and Giulio brought our farm back to life and made our family feel whole almost like it was before the war took Thomas and George. If Rocco is alive then I would love to meet him again, and I’m sure he’d be delighted to know you’re his daughter.’
Flick blinked back emotion, hoping that his words got through to her mum. She knew Toni was worried about finding him and what that would be like, but on the other hand they also were scared it was too late. God, Flick hoped it didn’t come to that. She glanced at her watch.
‘Mum, it’s time we went through.’
‘Have a wonderful time,’ said Floss, pulling Toni into a bear hug.
‘Keep Charlie out of trouble,’ Toni replied.
Kylie laughed. ‘You know him so well. Have a great trip.’
They all hugged each other and Charlie, Kylie and Floss turned to leave. They glanced back at Flick and Toni, who waved a final goodbye.
Flick looked at her mum. ‘All right. Italy, here we come.’
19
THE airport doors opened on a whole new world. Florence, Italy. There were masses of people, most smoking, and chatting with their hands. It was kind of the same, but different. Florence had cars, but they were smaller and unfamiliar makes. There were streets, but they were cobblestoned. It was a city, but the buildings were older than any they’d seen in Perth.
It took them a while but eventually they found a taxi that would take them to their hotel. They passed many double-decker tourist buses, and the taxi driver pointed out the Ponte Vecchio, which, he told them in broken English, was Florence’s first bridge and the only one surviving from the medieval days.
They arrived at their hotel, where they would be staying for just one night before catching the train to Arezzo the next day.
‘I can’t wait to go for a walk and stretch my legs,’ said Flick, fishing out the euros they’d changed at the airport and paying the taxi driver.
‘Let’s get booked in and see what we can find,’ said Toni as they pulled their suitcases up the stairs of the hotel. ‘We still have half a day. May as well make the most of it, and I’m way too excited to sleep!’
After booking in – which was difficult as Valdo, the concierge with yellow teeth, spoke rough English – they dumped their stuff in their tiny room. It had a rickety bed, the smallest TV Flick had ever seen and a window that seemed to overlook the roof of a small restaurant.
Heading back down eagerly, they got a map from Valdo and rough directions to the Accademia Gallery to see Michelangelo’s David.
‘Buonasera,’ called out Valdo as he waved his arms, causing his padded white jacket to rise up to his ears.
‘Buonasera,’ they both called back. ‘I think he likes you, Mum,’ teased Flick as they headed off at a brisk pace, hoping to take in as much as they could.
‘Ha, ha,’ said Toni. ‘God, am I glad to stretch my legs. Hopefully the walk will help us sleep, probably help with the jetlag too. I’m totally confused,’ said Toni. ‘I have no idea what the time would be at home.’
‘Me either. Who cares?’ said Flick as she studied the map.
They made it to the Accademia, which seemed from the outside like all the other three-store
y buildings around Florence. The only clue to their destination was the massive queue of people. They joined the line, which seemed fifty metres long.
Flick grabbed her mum’s hand and jumped up and down on the spot. ‘Mum, this is so amazing. I mean, look at the road made out of small cobblestones and all the old Renaissance buildings. It’s unbelievable to think we’re here.’
A man was sitting nearby painting, and another was selling big colourful pictures that he had laid out on the ground. In the twenty minutes they’d been in the line, four people had nearly trod on the pictures. Flick coughed as a wave of smoke floated past.
‘Everyone seems to have a fag in their mouth,’ she said as she leant against the wall of the Accademia.
‘I should have gone to the toilet before we joined this queue,’ said someone nearby.
Flick glanced at the three ladies, about her mum’s age, behind them. They were all in tourist gear: shorts, walking shoes and cameras, but one was wearing a West Coast Eagles polo shirt. ‘Hey, are you Aussie?’ she said to them. ‘We’re from WA.’
‘So are we!’ said one of the ladies, laughing.
‘What a small world,’ said Toni. ‘Have you been here long?’
‘What? In this queue?’ said another lady. They all laughed. ‘No, just two nights for us. We leave this afternoon.’
They introduced themselves as Lorna, Gaye and Sue, and together they chatted for another half an hour about the best spots to visit before they finally made it in the museum. A man stood there as they went in, asking them not to take photos. As they strolled around, it was hard to grasp the age of the things they were looking at. Flick wished she could pick up some of the display pieces and feel them, just to make them seem real. There were old books and stones and sculptures, but the one thing they really wanted to see was the David.
‘There he is, the man of the hour,’ said Toni, dragging Flick towards the massive marble statue. It took their breath away. ‘He’s huge.’ Toni looked up at the statue of David in awe. ‘He looks a bit like Chad, don’t you think? The face part,’ she clarified with a grin.
Flick frowned and stepped forward, away from her mum’s watchful eyes. She still hadn’t told her mum about what happened.
‘How did Michelangelo get everything to look so real? Look at his hands, the muscles in his arms.’ Flick stared. It truly was the most amazing sight – solid marble that looked as soft and supple as real skin.
‘Come on,’ said Toni, taking her arm. There was a bench seat in a half circle around David so they went and sat down, facing his perfect marble backside.
‘Now, that’s a rock-hard arse,’ said Flick with a smirk. But when she glanced at Toni, she wasn’t smiling. ‘What?’
‘Has something happened with Chad?’
‘Ah, yeah.’ Flick squirmed on the seat. ‘We, um, broke up.’ She’d had time to adjust but the mention of his name still stirred up painful memories.
‘Oh, honey. When?’
‘Just after shearing.’
‘What happened? Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Mum, I’m fine. Chad just wasn’t the right bloke for me. Just another one in my string of bad choices. I didn’t want to worry you. You had enough on your plate.’
Toni pulled her into her arms. ‘Never do that. I want you to always feel you can come to me and tell me anything at any time. I can’t believe you kept this from me. I would have been there for you.’
They sat like that for a while, huddled together, watching the crowds of people see David for the first time. Even though it was noisy, it still felt like they were sitting in church, experiencing something powerful.
An hour later they saw the Duomo. It was like nothing Flick had ever seen, and no picture seemed to capture what her eyes saw. The cathedral stood tall over the city with its magnificent Renaissance dome, decorative arches and embellishments. Its exterior was covered in a mix of pink, white and green marble, making it stand out from the neighbouring terracotta-roofed buildings. The interior by comparison was quite plain, with the mosaic pavements the main attraction. Flick felt like lying on her belly to study the intricate mosaics that people had been walking over for hundreds of years. Then there were the elaborate stained-glass windows, each with a story to tell. Next they climbed the elegant bell tower, in matching pink, white and green marble, up the four hundred-odd narrow stairs that only fit one person at a time. They had been warned about the stairs but never expected this many. They were steep, with no handrails.
But the view was worth the climb. Flick threaded her fingers through the protective wire and gazed out the arch window. Thousands of red-tiled rooftops were scattered below like mismatched bricks. Streets seemed to disappear as buildings pressed against each other. Flick shook her head in awe. She was in bloody Florence, Italy! She was seeing things that used to belong only in books.
‘Pinch me, Mum.’
‘Pinch me too,’ Toni said with smile.
Toni wrapped her arm around her and together they looked out over Florence. Flick took her eyes away from the incredible view to take in her mum’s profile. So strong and beautiful. Flick had never been so proud, standing here beside her mum.
20
THE train rocked along the tracks as Toni and Flick stared out the window at the passing land. Upon seeing the green rolling hills and small farms, Toni felt a calming peace, as if she had room to breathe. It was so different from home, which was heading into a dry, hot harvest. Here, trees were thick with colour, not like the spindly Australian mallees and gum trees with leaves only at the top. And the variety here was amazing. Cypresses, olives, Swiss pines and maples, the different colours, shapes and sizes giving the landscape such depth and interest. But it didn’t make Toni love her homeland any less; if anything it made her miss it.
‘What are you thinking about, Mum?’ said Flick with concern.
‘I don’t know. I was just thinking how much I’m loving this, yet I still miss home.’ Toni waved her hand over the scene before them. ‘Look at this, look at where we are, and I’m here wondering if we’ve had a frost.’ Toni laughed.
‘That makes sense,’ said Flick, leaning against window.
‘Really?’
‘Of course. The farm is you. You are the farm. It’s been your whole life and I don’t think you realised just how much it means to you.’
Toni smiled, in awe of her daughter. ‘It’s funny how life changes on you, without you even realising. I have trouble remembering you’re twenty. I can still remember putting your hair up in ponytails.’ Toni turned back to the window. As she watched the small farms flash past, another lurking thought made its way to her mouth. ‘I wonder what Rocco does now – if he’s alive, that is.’ She wondered what he was passionate about. Was he still building houses? Had he been a fisherman? Or did he end up in an office? Had he been on this train before? Had he worked in any of the places they passed? And the biggest question of all – did he have any other children? If so they’d be half-siblings for Toni.
‘By the end of this trip, hopefully we’ll know,’ Flick replied.
They lapsed into silence as they went through places like San Giovanni Valdarno and Montevarchi in eastern Tuscany, where two-storey stone homes had small square windows and vegetable gardens crammed into available dirt, then back into the countryside, characterised by mountains, olive groves, vineyards and chestnut forests.
‘Do you miss Jimmy, Mum?’ said Flick, eventually breaking the silence.
It was so out of the blue that Toni had to take a moment to process her words. ‘What?’
‘Jimmy. Do you miss him?’
Toni raised her eyebrows. ‘Is this a trick question?’
Flick laughed. ‘No. I’m not blind, you know, and I just want you to know that I’m happy either way. Well, so long as either way means Jimmy still gets to hang around.’
Toni sighed. ‘Well, I don’t think you have to worry about that any more.’ Toni couldn’t help think of the way Jimmy ha
d let her go. It was frustrating, yet wasn’t it what she wanted? ‘I know you love him and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise that.’
‘How could it?’ said Flick, leaning forward on the table between them.
Toni couldn’t meet her daughter’s gaze. They’d never spoken about Toni’s relationships before. ‘I’d hate for him to ever leave.’
‘Are you worried he won’t want you?’
Hell. Had Flick hit the nail on the head? Was Toni worried she wasn’t good enough to keep him?
‘I know Jimmy thinks you’re beautiful and you guys get on so well. I just want you both to be happy. And for what it’s worth, I think you’re perfect for each other. He calms you down, and you inspire him.’
‘Have you quite finished?’ Toni asked, grinning. But she didn’t forget Flick’s words. ‘My head just isn’t in the right space for anything difficult at the moment. It’s bloody complicated enough.’
‘But what if you could be deliriously happy, Mum? Life’s all about taking chances. If you’re holding back because of me, don’t. I’m old enough now to handle whatever you do.’
‘Is that why you broke up with Chad? Because you weren’t happy?’
‘Pretty much,’ said Flick. ‘I think I deserve better.’ She slid her hand across the table and Toni took it and gave it a squeeze.
‘I did all right raising you, didn’t I?’ Toni’s eyes glassed over with tears.
‘Most of the time,’ teased Flick.
When they arrived at Arezzo they went straight to the car hire place, which was across from the train station. After some quick paperwork they jumped into their little grey Mercedes five-door.
‘Now we have our wheels we can search Italy for Rocco,’ said Flick with a grin, which soon slipped from her face as she watched the crazy traffic around them. ‘Holy crap, how are we going to get out of here?’
They didn’t leave until they had their route out of Arezzo sorted. As it was, they still took a wrong turn and had to cross back over the road three times before heading in the right direction. On the way to Montone they drove on a two-lane road that was patched like a quilt. On either side of the road, mountains rose up, covered in lush, leafy maples and pines, while clouds made dark shadows over them.