by Fiona Palmer
‘Time you cooked something new,’ she muttered to herself, trying to steer her mind to more practical thoughts. Opening the drawer, she pulled out her favourite CWA cookbook and thought about dinner.
But something caught her eye out the window.
Who would be stopping by to visit during harvest? Did they have sheep out? she wondered.
Taking off her apron, she placed it over the back of a chair and headed outside. The sun was bright, the day warm already, and her blue cotton dress was perfect for the rising heat. She looked at the strange ute by the house. Not one she recognised. Please don’t let it be a salesman.
Maggie stepped to the edge of the verandah as an older man in a hat walked closer. He looked like your average farmer in work clothes.
‘Hello,’ she said politely. She saw the man’s face and something about his eyes took her breath away. Her hand went to her chest, her heart started pounding.
‘Ciao, Maggie. You look as beautiful as ever.’
He stepped up, joining her on the verandah, giving her a full view of his face. It couldn’t be?
‘Rocco?’ she whispered.
He dropped his wide shoulders, relaxing. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d recognise me. I’d know you in a crowd though, same blue eyes. Like the sky.’
‘Oh my.’ A quivering hand went to her mouth. It was her Rocco. She could see the young man he used to be. The same face, only more lines. The same full hair, only now grey. But his eyes had never changed. In them she saw the handsome man she’d loved. Without realising it, her arms went around him and she sank against his chest. It still felt like she belonged here. Her body was alive as it remembered his embrace. A flood of feelings rushed forward, she felt dizzy and her legs threatened to give way.
‘Rocco.’
Rocco kissed the top of her head before pulling away slightly. ‘Here, let’s sit down.’ He helped her to the chair.
Maggie couldn’t take her eyes off him; she couldn’t believe it was him, even though his touch was real. He’d lived in her memories for so long. Some days she’d tried to picture how he would have aged, but the 1946 version always won.
‘Is it really you?’
He took both her hands, holding them while his thumbs rubbed gentle circles. ‘It’s me. You look good, Maggie. Life has treated you well.’ She smiled and reached out. He closed his eyes as she caressed his face. ‘I’m sorry to hear about the passing of Arthur,’ he murmured.
Maggie dropped her hand. ‘How did you know about Arthur?’
‘I saw it in the paper a few years back.’
She nodded, but her mind was racing. What did he think about her being married to Arthur? Why didn’t he ever try to make contact, even just to say hello, or would his wife disapprove?
‘I hope you don’t mind, but I had to come and see you. All my life I’ve carried you in my heart.’
It had never for one moment occurred to Maggie that Rocco might come after all these years. ‘Does your wife know you’re here?’ she asked. ‘Francesca told the girls you were married.’ Maggie held her breath.
‘I was married. She left me fifteen years ago. Carol lives in Perth, not far from our daughter, Susan. I’m on the farm with my son, Mark, and his family.’
Listening to Rocco mention his kids caused her chest to ache. They were supposed to have been together, making their own family. Tears started welling in Maggie’s eyes. It should have been her alongside Rocco all those years.
‘Why didn’t you come back for me?’ she said as tears fell to her lips.
‘Oh, Maggie.’ Rocco’s face twisted in pain as he scooted her into his arms, his lids blinking away his own tears. ‘I did come for you. Didn’t you get my letters? I sent you many while I was in Italy, asking you to wait for me and telling you how much I still loved you.’
Maggie laughed and cried at the same time. ‘Oh, I got them eventually, fifty-three years later.’ Confusion etched across his face. ‘My granddaughter found them when she was renovating the house you built. I think my mother hid them from me. None of them were opened.’
‘Oh my lord.’ He shook his head. ‘I told myself many reasons why you never replied over those years, but I never gave up hope.’
‘I went to write you but no one could find your address. I’m starting to wonder if that was my mother’s doing also.’
Rocco shook his head. ‘I’m starting to think you were right not to name our child Phyllis.’
Maggie chuckled through her tears. ‘I did warn you.’ She pulled out a hankie and dabbed at her eyes. ‘You said you came for me? I never saw you. Did my mother stop you?’
He took a deep breath. ‘I’ll start at the beginning, shall I?’
Maggie nodded. ‘That sounds good. Do you want to walk while we talk?’
‘Can we see the cottage?’
‘What’s left of it, sure.’ Together they stood but Rocco held her hand in his tightly.
‘I’m not letting you go again, Maggie, so you’d better get used to it.’
A fresh wave of tears spilled out and she threw herself into his arms. Years of frustration, regret, hopes and dreams melded together as she clung to Rocco. How could life have been so cruel to them? How could Phyllis?
‘I’ve missed you so much, Rocco. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.’
‘I too have been waiting. Life has not felt complete until now.’
They began their journey to where the old cottage used to stand, and Rocco commenced his story.
‘The boat took me to Naples, I went back to my family. I tried to find work until I could get back to Australia and to you. Even though I didn’t hear from you it never stopped me. As soon as immigration for Australia reopened I did not hesitate to find a farmer willing to nominate me. The Williamsons took me on and I worked with them and many others, saving money to buy my own farm.’
‘Which you did,’ said Maggie with a proud smile. ‘Maggie Downs.’
‘Yes, after you, bella. I came to see you the moment I could get a break and the Williamsons let me take their ute. I arrived back on Sunnyvale nearly four years after I had left. It was too long, but it was the best that I could do.’
Maggie nodded, listening intently. ‘Of course. It was a miracle you made it back here at all.’
‘I thought Phyllis wouldn’t be so happy to see me. For all I knew you might have moved. I had no idea what I was walking into. And I hadn’t sent you a letter since arriving in Australia, I was trying to keep it a surprise.’ He shrugged. ‘But upon seeing Sunnyvale and the house, it was as if I’d never left. A great wave of happiness ran through me. Finally I would have you back in my arms.’
‘Until my mother did something, right?’
Maggie stopped. They were just by the old cottage. All that remained was some dry wood and the old stove in a mound of dirt. It was hard to believe they had been together in that cottage, which was now collapsing back down into the earth. Even the stables were gone, but in her mind Maggie saw them clearly. The Clydesdales as they had been, and Contractor.
‘No,’ said Rocco.
‘No? What do you mean?’ She turned to face him. Was it her father? Surely not.
‘Arthur came to the ute. He recognised me straightaway.’
‘Arthur?’ Maggie’s mouth dropped open. What had Arthur done?
‘I said I wanted to see you and he said that his wife was unavailable. God, Maggie, his words shocked me. I couldn’t believe it. You never had feelings for Arthur, even though it’s what everyone else seemed to want. I couldn’t believe it but then you came running outside, chasing a little girl. You took my breath away as you laughed. Finally here you were, like a dream come true. So beautiful. But you belonged to another man and you seemed happy. You scooped up your child and went back inside. That was the last time I ever saw you.’
He ran his hand over his face and sighed. ‘Arthur said he didn’t want me around. That you had moved on and had started a family and you were happy. As I
drove away all I could think about was how that was supposed to have been our family growing up in this home together.’
Maggie gripped Rocco’s arms, her heart breaking as she swallowed back the sobs of despair. ‘No, Rocco. Oh no.’ She put her hands on his face, looked deep into his hurting brown eyes. ‘That little girl was Antonia and she was your baby.’
His face went blurry and she tried frantically to blink away the tears.
Rocco’s face twisted in pain. ‘I know that now. When Antonia and her daughter came by and told me, it was such a shock. At first I wouldn’t let myself believe it but when I finally let myself see her . . . my God, she was me . . . and so much of my sister, Francesca. Nothing about her looked like Arthur and I knew it was the truth.’ Rocco sniffed back his tears. ‘I lost it, Maggie. All the years, our dreams, our hopes, all wasted. We had a daughter and I hadn’t been there.’ Tears dropped from his cheeks like rain. ‘I fell to pieces. I’m not proud of how selfish I was and I regret not stopping them from leaving. I needed some time. It was just so much to take in. I had my own family to consider.’
‘I know. I felt the same when I finally got your letters. It was so overwhelming knowing that you’d intended to come for me. I’d held onto hope for so long, I was so sure our future was together.’ Maggie wished she could take away the pain, take back time and change things. If only she’d seen that ute that day. If only her mother hadn’t hid her letters. If only Arthur had told Rocco the truth.
She gestured for him to sit on the ground. ‘Let me tell you my story now.’ Maggie sat in the dirt beside him. Nothing else seemed to register, not the uncomfortable stones or the little ants crawling about. She only had concern for Rocco. ‘After you left I struggled to get by. Each day was as painful as the last but Charlie tried hard to help. Although with him marrying Valerie he was preoccupied. He knew how much I loved you. But a few weeks later I realised I was pregnant. I was so happy, I was carrying your baby, our baby. It gave me the courage to continue. But I realised that if mother found out she’d send me away or give our baby away. Arthur found me sobbing one day when I was getting the cows in. He held me tight and listened to my story. He said he’d marry me and pretend the baby was his.’
Maggie paused, remembering it like yesterday. The smell of the cows and Arthur’s musty scent. ‘It seemed like the only option, one where I could stay and keep our baby. I kept waiting for your letters, hoping you’d come back for me, but the days went on. I married Arthur and Antonia came along. Even though life went on, you were still in my heart. And Toni had your eyes. How could I forget you when every time I looked at her I saw you?’
Rocco smiled. ‘You called her Antonia, after my mother?’
‘That’s what we’d decided, right? It wasn’t going to be Phyllis.’ They both chuckled and wiped away tears. ‘It just seems like a waste,’ she said eventually.
‘No, don’t think of it like that, Maggie. I have two children I love, Mark and Susan, and grandchildren who are wonderful. We can’t go back in time and make life how we wanted it, but we can start now. I’d like to get to know you again, and my daughter. If she’d have me?’
Maggie smiled. ‘I’m sure she would. She had a difficult time with Arthur, mostly after his accident. Don’t get me wrong, Arthur was a wonderful father and he loved us dearly. I eventually grew to love and respect him, Rocco. I can’t say my life was horrible either, but you were never far from my thoughts. Arthur gave us a great life, and I guess I can see why he did what he did. He loved me and in those years he loved Toni like his own. As it transpired, Arthur couldn’t have any children, so she was the light of his life.’
‘And I remember how you used to laugh about him and how your families wanted to set you up. Well, it must have pleased them all when you married.’
‘Yes, it did. I think that’s why it was so easy to fool everyone about Toni. Except for Charlie. He was my confidant.’
‘Oh, dear Charlie, how is he?’
‘Still alive and kicking. He moved to the city to be with Val after Arthur and I married. They have two girls. He would love to meet you again. You were like a brother to him.’
‘As he was for me.’ Rocco wrapped his arm around Maggie. ‘Can we start our life again now? I know we are in the middle of harvest, but will you visit my farm and meet my family? They know all about you, the one who got away.’
Maggie laughed and squeezed his hand as if to prove she wasn’t going anywhere. ‘That sounds perfect. Will you write to me?’
‘I’d love to. After all, you were the one to teach me how to read and write English, amore mio.’
Her heart melted at the Italian words for ‘my love’.
They gazed at each other while a magpie sang in a nearby tree. If she closed her eyes, it was just like fifty-five years ago when Rocco had first kissed her. Her heart raced and the feel of his soft kiss was heaven. His arms were still strong, a man who worked hard even in his seventies, and he still smelt like Rocco.
‘I’ve never stopped loving you,’ Rocco whispered against her lips.
And in that moment Maggie was eighteen again.
39
MAGGIE looked through the kitchen window, watching the man she loved with his daughter. Sniffling, she wiped away a tear. It still moved her, seeing them together. They often spent hours walking around, talking farms. On one of the many nights he stayed, he’d mentioned how amazed he was with Toni, how she could give Mark a few lessons on farming. ‘She’s so bright and runs this farm so well, she was born for it,’ he’d said with a smile.
Maggie loved it when Rocco cooked meals for them that his mother had taught him. Often Stefano would join him, and they would create Italian feasts. It was like having their own Italian restaurant on the farm. So much had happened over the two months since Rocco had come home.
Maggie wanted to be by Rocco’s side always but she gave him up gladly for Toni. Even so, she kept her eyes on them. Like today: Rocco was asking Toni something very important, and Maggie was dying to know the answer.
‘Mum, you can come out now!’ yelled Toni.
Grabbing a tea towel she walked out, pretending to dry her hands as if she’d been doing the dishes and not trying to eavesdrop.
The sun was setting on another day outside. It was still very hot but their harvest was done, and finally they could all rest easy. Flick rode up on Contractor, with Stefano alongside on the motorbike and Fella trying to keep up.
‘Looks like everyone is just in time,’ said Toni.
‘Hey, Nonno,’ said Flick, testing out the new affectionate name. She dismounted and, keeping the reins in one hand, walked over to give him a hug. ‘You just get here?’
‘About an hour ago.’
Rocco’s eyes sparkled any time he hugged Flick or Toni. It melted Maggie’s heart, knowing the girls still had someone to count on. She knew they missed Arthur; even Maggie still missed him. He would always be remembered and never left out of their family. Their feelings for Rocco would never detract from that.
‘Ciao, Rocco,’ said Stefano as they shook hands.
Flick shot him a dirty look. Rocco and Stefano had been banned from speaking Italian in Flick’s company unless they were teaching her. But when they were alone they would go back to their native language and Maggie would sit and listen, not understanding a word of it but loving how it sounded.
‘Rocco is coming to live with Mum,’ said Toni.
‘Really?’ said Flick.
‘If that’s all right with all of you,’ said Rocco. ‘Mark’s been trying to get me off the farm for years, for some reason he thinks I interfere too much. But I promise only to help out when you need me here. You’re the boss,’ he said directly to Toni.
‘As long as you remember that, then we are good,’ Toni teased.
‘Then I say, yay,’ said Flick. ‘Does this mean you’re going to move in with Jimmy, Mum?’
‘She bloody well better be,’ said Jimmy as he joined them, walking from the sheds with Gyp
sy by his side.
Toni nodded but her face looked grave. Maggie knew she wasn’t finished. She may have happened to overhear that Toni had some important news for Flick.
‘Flick, I know you and Stefano are heading off tomorrow on your sightseeing adventure down south. I’m sure Stefano will love the Margaret River beaches and hopefully won’t come back with a surfboard.’ They laughed. ‘Stefano, it’s been truly wonderful having you on Sunnyvale, you will be missed around here.’
‘Hear, hear!’ shouted Jimmy.
‘I’m so glad you’re staying another month.’
‘Or more,’ said Flick with a grin.
‘But just make sure to come back and spend some time with us again.’
‘Grazie, Toni. Of course.’ Stefano blew her a kiss.
Toni cleared her throat and faced her daughter. ‘Before you leave I need to give you this.’
Flick screwed up her face. ‘What is it? Travel money?’ she said hopefully.
Toni pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to her.
Flick read the scrap. ‘Simon Templeton.’ Her eyes flew back to Toni. ‘As in, my father Simon?’
‘Yes, I discovered his last name. And after some more searching I found him. He works at his family’s winery – that’s the address and his number.’
Maggie put a hand on Toni’s shoulder. She was so proud of Toni for doing what was right. Rocco glanced up at Maggie and smiled. Finally they had their big family.
‘What . . .?’ Flick’s face was frozen in shock.
Everyone went silent, watching and waiting for an explosion or tears. Instead she threw Contractor’s reins at Stefano and flung her arms around Toni. ‘Oh, thank you, thank you, Mum. I can’t believe you found him.’
‘So this is okay?’
‘It’s perfect. I can’t believe it.’
Toni held up her hands. ‘Just don’t get your hopes up. He’s still getting used to the idea but he does want to meet you.’
Flick gave her a smile that said she understood all too well.