by Ella Fields
“Really?” I smiled when he took my hand and pressed a kiss to it.
“Really,” he whispered. “I have it on good authority that you love my mouth on yours, which wouldn’t be the case if my breath was always rank.”
He was right. Still. “I wouldn’t care if it was.”
“Well, in that case …” He grabbed my cheek with his damp palm, bringing my lips to his for a quick kiss.
“Burnell! Get down here. You’re still on school time, no fraternizing with the ladies,” the coach barked.
Pulling away with a chuckle, he bit his lip and poked my one dimpled cheek. “That why you were late?”
I was still trying to clear my head from that kiss. “Huh?”
“Paint, Dais. You’ve got it on your cheek.” His eyes moved over my body, and he laughed again. “Shit, and all over your dress and arm, too.”
“Oh.” I glanced down, finding white paint on my arm and yellow paint on my blue sundress. “Damn it.”
“Better go.” He jumped back down. “Wait for me?”
I nodded then made my way through the crowd of students to the front of the school.
“Hey,” Alexis puffed, running after me as I neared the front steps. “I looked for you. Where’d you sit?”
“Next to some girl who wasn’t very happy about it.” She raised a brow, and I blew a piece of hair out of my face. “Never mind. I lost track of time.”
“Again?”
I shrugged. Quinn never made me feel bad about it. If anything, it only made him smile. I liked his smiles. I knew them, too. Like the back of my hand. If he was annoyed, I’d be able to tell.
“What are you doing now? Wanna hang out?” she asked.
“Not sure, but yeah.” A senior winked at Alexis as he walked by, but she ignored him.
We talked about our history projects until Quinn came out. Freshly showered, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
“Great game.” Alexis punched him playfully in the arm, and he mock-winced, making her roll her eyes and laugh.
“Thanks. It was fun.”
“Ready to retire the football?” Alexis waggled her brows. “You looked great out there. You’re going to have scouts eating out of the palm of your hand.”
Quinn smiled at her. “Only one thing I wanna play, and one college I wanna play it at, unless this one changes her mind and wants to go someplace else.” He squeezed me to him, then lowered his head to my ear as we walked into the parking lot. “My place or yours?” He nibbled my earlobe, and I giggled, pushing his head away.
“Yours.” I paused when we reached his truck. “Coming, Alexis?”
She stared at us for a beat. “Nah, actually. Just remembered we’ve got that paper due on Monday.”
Quinn’s lips tugged to the side as he opened the door for me and chucked his bag in. “And what, you mean to tell us you haven’t already finished it?”
She glared at him. “Shut up.” He waited, and she relented. “Oh fine, yes. But I need to double check some facts.”
“‘Kay, need a ride?”
Alexis shook her head. She was acting a little off, which was happening more frequently when the three of us had hung out this past year.
I could tell she was growing uncomfortable, so I waved and climbed into the truck. “See you tomorrow?”
She nodded and began to make her way to the bus stop. “Wish she’d take a damn lift when offered,” Quinn grumbled as he got in and started the engine.
“Yeah, but you know how she is.”
He backed out and joined the line of cars leaving the lot. “We’ve known her almost as long as we’ve known each other, though.” He tapped the wheel as we waited. “We know where she lives and what her parents are like.”
That was true, but it was still, and probably would always be, a sore subject for Alexis.
We pulled into his driveway ten minutes later, and he led me straight up the stairs to his room.
“Won’t your mom be home soon?” I asked as he closed the door and started walking me backward to his bed.
He brushed my hair aside, and his lips lowered to my neck, placing soft kisses there. “Book club. It’s Friday.”
Oh, right. He tugged my dress up and over my head, leaving me in my white cotton bra, matching panties, and Chucks. I kicked the Chucks off, biting my lip when Quinn threw a muscular arm behind him and pulled his shirt over his head.
There was never a lot of opportunities for us to be completely alone unless we were out in the fields. But that kind of weirded me out—cows watching with beady eyes and being out in the open.
I backed up until the back of my knees hit his bed, then flopped down onto it. Quinn followed, climbing over me. “You’ve still got paint on your face,” he whispered.
“Probably,” I replied, my eyes stuck on his face as his gaze roamed over my chest before meeting mine. He grinned, then ducked his head, licking the paint on my cheek.
“Don’t lick it.” I giggled.
Resting his forearms on either side of my head, he pressed his forehead against mine. “Thanks for coming today.”
He always said that, as if he thought I might not one day. “Always. I’ll always be there. Even if I am a little late and … uh, unkempt.”
He nudged my nose with his. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“Careful, mister.” My pulse started fluttering.
“Or what?” He breathed out huskily.
“Or one of these days, I just might slip and tell you that I’m madly in love with you.” It all came out in one breath, but I didn’t regret saying it. I’d always loved him. He had to already know that, yet his eyes widened.
“You love me?”
“You’re such a goober.” I smiled nervously. “You knew that.”
“I did. But it’s …” He blew out a loud breath that tickled my lips. “It’s one thing to know, and a completely different thing to actually hear it. To watch those words spill from your lips.”
My hands drifted up his bulging biceps, feeling them twitch under my touch until they found his face and then his lips. I traced them, prompting them, almost, to say the same words back to me.
Because I knew too, and I also wanted to hear it.
He bit my finger playfully, then kissed it, his eyes glowing with specks of gold from the late afternoon sunshine spilling through the crack of his curtains. “I think I’ve been in love with you since I could remember, but it’s changed.” Noticing my sudden concern, he pecked my lips, then continued against them, “Gotten stronger every fucking day, month, and year. To the point where you’ve become a permanent part of me, and I don’t know if I could ever exist without you.”
With my heart slamming viciously in my chest, I breathed, “Like the moon and the stars.”
He grinned, laughing softly. “Yeah, like the moon and the stars.”
With his gentle lips on mine, I ran my hands through his still damp hair, moaning when his hips lowered, and I felt him hard at my core. His tongue found mine and the two of them licked, rubbed, and sucked in a familiar rhythm that had wetness quickly gathering between my legs, and my breathing turning ragged.
Quinn pulled away, his voice deliciously rough when he asked, “Can I touch you again?”
“Don’t ask, please just do.”
With his top lip curling, he tugged down the cups of my bra and took an already hard nipple into his mouth while his hand smoothed over my stomach, traveling south until he reached the elastic of my panties. My legs spread wider and shivers assaulted me as he teased the skin above it gently, running his finger over it. He moved over to my other breast at the same time his hand dipped inside my panties, gently parting me with a groan as his lips released my nipple.
“God, you’re so wet.”
“Uh-huh,” I mumbled, my throat turning dry when he found my entrance and lightly teased it. It felt too good to feel embarrassed about it. Returning his lips to mine, he carefully pushed his finger inside. It was something
we’d only done a few times over the past few months, but I liked it. A lot.
I wanted to touch him, too. I was beginning to love touching the silky hardness of him. It was kind of fascinating and made me feel lightheaded, watching how he reacted to my skin on his.
I reached down to do just that when he released my lips and removed his hand from my panties. “Wha—oh.” He tugged them off and tossed them to the floor somewhere, then his mouth was on me. Right there.
Holy crap. I tried to close my legs and squirm away, but he held my thighs open.
It was so foreign. But so good. My eyes rolled back, my hips bucking off the bed to meet his roaming tongue. Despite never having done this before, he seemed to know enough, which I chose to be thankful for and ignored the urge to stalk his web history for porn sites.
My body grew hotter, tingles racing down my spine to my toes. Which curled when he sucked on me, hard. My thighs clamped around his head, and I came apart.
“Christ.” He sat up, wiping his chin with the back of his hand—which I found ridiculously hot. “Can we do that again?”
Laughing breathlessly, I grabbed his hand and pulled him back over me. The high he’d just given me had me feeling brave. “Why don’t we do something else instead?” My limbs felt like jelly, and my attempt at a suggestive smile probably made me look dopey.
He got it, though. “What?” Swallowing, he glanced away briefly. “You’ve only just turned sixteen, Dais, we can’t—”
“Why?” I grabbed his cheeks, bringing his gaze back to mine. His eyes were turbulent as he struggled with indecision. “Moon and the stars, remember? What’s it matter if we do it now or a year from now?”
He sighed. “Well, you’ll be older for one, and two, your dad might kill me quickly if he finds out then. Now? Well, he’d torture me slowly, I’d bet.”
“They won’t know.”
“You really believe that?”
I wanted to. As perceptive as our parents could be, it was mainly our moms we had to worry about. “I don’t think they’ll know. I just know I want this … with you.”
He scowled. “It would never be anyone fucking else.”
“All right.” I grinned, his show of anger lighting another fire in my belly. “You know what I mean.”
His restraint gone, my bra came off, then he shoved his jeans down to the floor. Lying there naked, I wasn’t all that nervous. Quinn had a way of making me feel comfortable in almost any situation. The fan whirred over our heads, the nightstand drawer opened and closed, and I gasped. “You have condoms?”
His face turned a bit pink, and I tried to reach for him to feel his flushed cheeks. It was such a rarity as he grew older, but still happened now and then. “Dad got them for me when I turned fifteen. Said I’d better not need to use any for a long time, then proceeded to try to give me the most embarrassing sex talk known to mankind.”
“How did that go?” I watched as he stood, dropping his boxer briefs and carefully rolling the condom on, my eyes wide and stuck on that impressive part of him.
“I’ll tell you later, when I’m not hard as stone and dying to do something about it.”
“Fair enough.” I reached for his length when he climbed back onto the bed, but he gently nudged my hand away.
“Don’t, I’m …” His cheeks reddened further, and I wanted to squeal at how much it made my heart fill with affection. “I probably won’t be very good, or last long.”
“Come here,” I said.
He did, climbing over me. I grabbed those warm cheeks, smoothing my thumbs over them. Picturing him just like this in my head for later, I couldn’t wait to recapture everything about how he looked in this moment on paper. The way his lashes fluttered and his eyes swam with vulnerability, and how I knew if I pressed my hand to his chest, I’d feel his heart pounding just as fast as mine was. “You’re so beautiful.”
He guffawed. “What?”
“You are.” I tugged his head lower, kissing his lips quickly. “I could stare at you all day, every day, for-freaking-ever.”
A pained sound left his mouth. “Fuck, Dais. This is all backward. I should be the one saying you’re beautiful.” He blinked, eyes sweeping over me. “You’re everything good in this world. You glow so brightly, I never stood a chance.”
Breath wheezed out of me in a rush. “I love you. Whether this lasts seconds, minutes, or an hour, it’ll last forever where it counts.”
His throat bobbed. “You’re right.” Grinning suddenly, he whispered, “Plus, we’ve got forever. There’ll be many more chances for me not to embarrass myself.”
Giggling, I pressed my mouth to his, and he spread my legs wider, taking a few seconds to align himself.
Oh, God. What we were about to do started to penetrate my woozy brain. Nerves arrived, starting up a jig in my belly, but then he was pushing, his lips pausing on mine as he tried to work himself inside. “Is this going to work?” I asked after a minute.
His only answer was a drawn-out groan as he reared his hips back and pushed all the way in, breaching that barrier in one hard thrust and making my legs tighten around his hips while I let out an embarrassingly pained sound.
It hurt like nothing else I’d ever felt before, and it was all I could do to breathe through it.
“Shit.” His head tilted back, his eyes hooded, and his breath heavy. “That wasn’t meant to happen so fast. I just thought I needed to maybe push harder. I’m sorry.”
“Like a Band-Aid, right?” I tried for funny but failed as the burning grew stronger when he shifted.
I cringed. He stilled. “Sorry, but God”—a throaty sound left him—“it feels so good.”
I didn’t know much about sex, other than what they’d taught us in school and that one time I’d walked in on my parents doing it in the kitchen years ago when I’d gotten out of bed for some water. But I knew hymens had to break. And that it wasn’t something that would be pleasant, so I simply said, “Don’t hold back, move. It’s going to hurt either way until I get used to it.”
Staring at me intently for a moment, he swallowed and said hoarsely, “’Kay. Love you.”
I nodded, and he started easing slowly in and out of me, eyes locked on mine and his hands shifting under my shoulders, one tangling in my hair, softly stroking.
No matter how much my nether region felt like it was about to burst into flames, watching him was heady. The small grunts that left his parted lips. The slight furrow of his brow. The way his pupils dilated as he got lost in the sensations that had his big body shuddering and thrusting.
He was exquisite. All bronzed skin, beads of sweat dotting his forehead, and the silky smooth expanse of his broad chest.
I wanted to live in these minutes forever.
“You okay?” he asked, though it was more of a garbled pant of words.
“Yeah,” I said, not lying. The burn had faded just enough for me to imagine that this thing called sex might be worth all the fuss.
“I think I’m gonna come … shit.” His head dropped to my neck, his teeth gently sinking into my skin as his hips started rolling and thrusting with no finesse whatsoever.
Then they stopped, and he groaned loudly into my ear, his body trembling. I ran my hands over the damp skin of his back, thinking he’d maybe fallen asleep for a minute there until he blew a raspberry on my neck and lifted his head.
“Goober.” I squished his cheeks together and scrunched my nose.
Those luscious lips curled over straight white teeth. “That was out of this world awesome.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
He kissed me gently. “Amazing.”
Kiss. “Mind blowing.”
Kiss. “Unforgettable.”
Kiss. “I want to do it again.”
I laughed, pushing him away. “I think I’ll need a few days to recover first.”
His brows shot up. “A few days?”
“Yes. At least.”
He groaned, dropping his head to my breasts. “Did yo
u like it?”
“I loved it. Mostly, I loved watching you.”
He lifted his head. “Dais …”
“Don’t worry.” I poked his cheek. “It’ll stop hurting.”
“The more times we do it, right?” His eyes lit up, brows waggling.
“Oh, my God. I’ve created a monster.”
Chuckling, he gently pulled out of me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and rolled until I was sitting on his stomach.
“Ew. I might be bleeding, Quinn.” I tried to lift off him, but he grabbed my hips and held me firm.
“Don’t care.” He pulled my hair over my chest, trailing his fingers over it, down my breasts to my stomach. “Goddess.”
I smiled, my heart feeling fuller than ever before. But then the bedroom door burst open, and someone squealed.
Present
I found it strange, inconceivable even, how the heart, the main organ in which provides our life force, could keep functioning throughout unending trauma.
How could something so vital to our well-being, to our survival, sustain such injury, such destruction, yet continue to beat? It didn’t seem right.
I didn’t mean to sound so dramatic, so ungrateful. Because for all the sorrow and pain that caused my throat to tighten every second of every hour of the days that followed seeing Quinn, I was somehow getting up each morning and surviving. I was proud of that fact, even if I felt irrevocably and interchangeably broken. Not to mention, kind of lost.
“Am I boring you, Miss …?” The professor’s gruff voice boomed through the lecture hall.
Lifting my head from the desk, I wiped some drool from my bottom lip and grimaced in apology and embarrassment when I realized he was talking to me. “Ah, Daniels. And, um, no. Not at all.”
Oh, my God.
He gave me a small smile, shaking his head before returning to the presentation of Egyptian artwork on the large screen below.
“Hey,” some girl whispered from a few seats over.
I glanced over, startled. I thought I’d managed to nab a seat in the corner on my own.
“Hi,” I whispered back.
She studied me, the freckles dusting her nose shifting as she scrunched it. “I think you’ve got a Cheerio in your hair.”