“Nor I you. Sometimes you’re like two different men.”
“Ha! You, my dear, have struck the proverbial nail on the head.”
“You think you are two different men?”
“Not exactly. But since we’re having this open and honest conversation, I will confess I’ve always felt a warring inside of me. Sometimes doing the right thing only results in making me feel like a fool. That’s when I say to hell with it all. Then maybe I go too far in the opposite direction.”
“I think I understand that.” And I did, surprised that I could. It was not so different from the way I’d felt as a child.
“Perhaps we will be friends,” he said, turning his head to one side to study me.
Odd, but I knew in that moment that I wanted more than that from this man. It didn’t make sense, even to me. But I realized I definitely wanted to be more to him than a friend.
“I will demand your allegiance to me,” he said.
“I won’t be obedient, if that’s what you mean,” I replied, thinking of my father and his hatefulness to my mother and me. “I will not be obedient to any man, not ever again.”
“That’s absurd,” he said, his eyes flaring. “I did not demand your obedience— and I never would.”
“Is it loyalty you want then? I can give you that. I believe a woman should be loyal to her husband as long as he does nothing to cause her doubt.”
He shook his head. “Your honestly is— refreshing to say the least. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman quite as honest as you.”
“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. I’m not accustomed to social games. I never learned how to play them.”
“Don’t apologize, I meant it as a compliment.”
“Oh.”
He frowned. “Isabella, what did you mean when you said you would not be obedient to any man, ever again? What does that mean? Has some man— ”
“My father,” I said quickly. “It was my father. I had not meant to say anything about him, but when you seemed angry about your wife’s independence…”
“A father’s expectation that his child will be obedient is not uncommon.”
“It was more than that. He was spiteful and controlling. He was a very critical man and he could often be cruel. To my mother and to me.”
“I didn’t know your father well, but I never would have guessed he was that kind of man.”
“Do we ever truly know what goes on in another family’s life? Behind the walls of one’s home?”
“You’re right. My family is a perfect example of that. Was he malicious?” he asked, “I mean did he ever hurt you physically?”
I felt the pain of all those years wash over me. Felt the ache in my heart as I envisioned my father’s angry contorted face, his raised fist and shouted words. I bit my lips to keep them from trembling. “I— really don’t want to discuss it. “Maybe one day.”
He lifted his hands in acquiescence. “It’s all right. I don’t mean to pry.” He sighed heavily and looked at me. “Look, I understand. You’re having a wedding pressed upon you to a man you don’t know. I’ve just told you things I probably shouldn’t have about my boorish behavior with my wife. It’s no wonder you are skeptical. So a promise from me would probably mean nothing to you.”
I lowered my chin, finding it hard to meet his eyes. If he only knew how confused I was about him.
“I won’t give you a meaningless promise,” he said. “I hope that over the next few weeks and months, my actions will show that I am not a monster. “
“Monster? Of course, my son is no monster.”
We both turned to see Mrs. Fitzgerald walking across the courtyard toward us. She was smiling, but even so she was a formidable-looking woman, marching across the floor, staring straight at me.
I thought about how kind she had been to me yesterday after the funeral. I also thought that she was not the type of woman one would want for an enemy. Ian stood and so did I. I removed the shawl and placed it on the chair. Ian’s words had left me feeling awkward. Now Mrs. Fitzgerald’s appearance gave me the perfect opportunity to leave.
“Why, you’re not leaving are you, Isabella?” she asked. Her eyes darted between Ian and me.
“I’m afraid I must,” I said. I didn’t make an excuse. I had a feeling whatever excuse I gave Mrs. Fitzgerald, she would only try to persuade me otherwise.
“I’ll walk you out,” Ian said. I noticed he had become a little more formal since his mother’s appearance and I wondered about that. There always seemed to be an odd battle of wills going on between them.
“But I’ve hardly had time to say hello,” she said. “I mean have you made a decision? I need to know so I can make plans— one way or another.”
She turned as we walked past her and held out her hand, as if imploring me to stay. I must admit my inclination at the moment was to run toward the door as fast as I could.
Ian still held my hand and I felt his fingers tighten. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and saw him move his head toward the steps and the front entrance.
“I’ll give you all the details when I come back in, Mother,” he said, not looking back at her.
His smile made me feel as if we were comrades and I smiled back at him.
In moments we were outside in the sunlight and I could hear the ocean. Suddenly, I could breathe again.
As we waited for the carriage to pull around, he released my hand and I turned to look at him.
“Thank you,” I said. “I hope your mother won’t think me rude.”
“Not at all. My mother is a creature of impulse. She can be moody and quite intimidating at times.”
“She doesn’t seem to intimidate you.”
“Oh, she certainly did when I was a boy. She ruled over our household like an Elizabethan queen. She even ordered my father about at times and he was not a timid man. James and I would often hide from her when we were young, just to avoid the questions,” he said.
“And now?”
“Now she and I understand one another. By the time I go back in she will no doubt have moved on to another subject.”
He took both my hands in his and held them against his chest. I looked into his incredible eyes and I was lost.
“I’m glad you came today, Isabella,” he said.
“So am I,” I admitted, surprised at myself.
He pulled my hands to his lips and placed a soft, lingering kiss across my fingers.
I shivered, unable to take my eyes away from his face. I felt hot and cold…breathless. And I didn’t want to leave.
The carriage stopped and Ian opened the door. He helped me up into the seat and I turned to him. “There’s one thing I ask of you,” I said.
“Anything…what is it?”
“This is awkward.”
“It’s all right, Isabella. You can tell me anything.”
“If within a year you know in your heart that love between us is not to be, I want you to promise you will let me go.”
He looked at me oddly and shook his head. “I don’t think I can promise that.”
“Why not?”
He frowned, his look troubled and pensive. “I’m not sure. Maybe you’re not the kind of woman a man lets go so easily.”
Suddenly I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I was not used to compliments or such kindness. He could be distant and aloof. Yet sometimes his eyes could be so tender, so vulnerable that I found myself wanting to put my arms around him, wanting to console him— but for what? He was a man who had everything. Maybe I sensed that despite all that, his life had not been much easier than mine.
He closed the door, his hand lingering there for a moment before he told the driver to go.
I did not look at him again, but I knew he stood watching me until the carriage was well out of sight.
Chapter Four
I arrived home at mid-afternoon when the rays of the western sun illuminated the tops of the trees in the marsh. It was one of the most beautiful times o
f the day. It was then the cooling shadows began to form beneath the trees and the forest grew still.
I went to the parlor and stood at the window, staring blankly at the moss draped forest that surrounded the house. There were so many things to do, so many preparations to make, but I could not put my mind to any of them.
Since the days were growing warmer, I sat in a chair before a cold, empty fireplace. I was still sitting there when Mrs. Reed came in.
“Could I get you a cup of tea, Miss?” she asked.
“That would be lovely, Mrs. Reed. Thank you.”
When she came back and poured the tea, she stepped back and stood with her hands crossed at her waist. She had a curious expression on her face. “Anything else, Miss?”
“Sit down, Mrs. Reed,” I said, motioning to the matching fireside chair nearby. “I need to talk to you. Would you like some tea?”
“No, Miss. Already had mine in the kitchen. The cookies are fresh. Made them myself just this morning.”
I smiled and nodded. But truthfully I didn’t feel like eating a thing.
“I’ve agreed to marry Ian Fitzgerald,” I said.
She couldn’t repress her gasp. “Oh dear,” she said.
“What is it?” I don’t know why her expression of fear irritated me. Heaven knows I had fears of my own. But somehow I felt protective of this man I was to marry, even though I barely knew him.
“It’s not for me to say, Miss Brady, but I’ve known you since you were a wee lass. And I worry about you just as I do my own daughter.”
“I know, Mrs. Reed. And you can say anything to me you wish to say.”
“You’ve heard about this man haven’t you? This Fitzgerald man? Well, you know what they say about him.”
“What have you heard?”
“Why that he might have been responsible for his wife’s death. Some say it was an accident. But others say they quarreled often, and they quarreled that very day. That he has a ferocious temper and she was a wild and headstrong girl who did as she pleased. That she had taken a lover and he caught her.”
“Yes,” I said. I rubbed my temples where a headache began to throb. “Yes, Mrs. Reed, I have heard all those things. Mr. Fitzgerald and I talked about all of that today.”
“Indeed?” Her eyes widened.
“I won’t discuss his personal life, but I will tell you that I don’t believe he could have harmed her, or that he could harm anyone for that matter.”
“Really, Miss?” She stared at me in disbelief.
“For heaven’s sake.” I tried in vain to hide my exasperation. “I certainly wouldn’t have agreed to marry him if I feared him. And it’s not as if I’m blinded by love— this is an arranged marriage. I’m sure you know that.”
“Well, I’ve heard that was so.”
“Mrs. Reed.” I smiled, trying to regain some of my composure. “I appreciate your concern and I know it comes from your tenderness for me. But I assure you I’m entering into this arrangement as cautiously as I can.”
“Yes, Miss. I’m sure you are, Miss.”
I knew I hadn’t convinced her.
“You’ll be moving to the house on the bay then?” she asked.
“Yes. It’s quite beautiful there.”
“I hope so, Miss. I hope you will be very happy. And you know you have my best wishes.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Reed. Will you be able to work some extra days? There’s so much to do.”
“If you will give me a list of things to do, I will see to it and we’ll soon have the house cleaned properly. I’ll help you go through your things and anything else you need done.”
“That will be splendid,” I replied.
“Might I ask when the wedding will take place?”
“I think it will be soon,” I said.
I hoped tomorrow would bring more enthusiasm for me. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to go to bed and sleep for days. I didn’t want to think about what was to be. I didn’t want to think about marrying a man I hardly knew. I didn’t want to think about the family at Marshbay, or about becoming adjusted to a new way of life. I had no one to talk to about all my doubts and so I tried to push them away.
I got up from the chair, saying, “I think I’ll lie down for awhile.”
“You do that.” Her look was still filled with concern. “I’ll make you a nice supper and put it in the oven before I go.”
“Mrs. Reed, there is one thing I wanted to discuss with you before all these changes take place.”
“Yes?”
“I know your cottage must be crowded now that your daughter and her family have moved in with you. “
“Oh now, we’re right cozy,” she said. “You don’t have to worry about me finding other employment. I’m sure I’ll find something at one of the big houses in town. And my son-in-law is working at the livery.”
“I want you and your family to live here, as long as you wish. It’s large enough for all of you and the children will have room to play. It’s close enough to town so it won’t be an inconvenience. “
“Oh, Miss Brady.” Tears filled her eyes and she stood up and embraced me. “I never dreamed…it’s too much. Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure,” I said. “It would make me very happy. And I’ll be able to provide a pension for you after I’m married. You shall live comfortably from now on without having to work. You can travel…go visit your sister anytime you wish.”
“Oh, my Lord.” She put her hands to her cheeks. “I never dreamed of anything like this.”
I put my arms around her.
“Oh, my ,” she said. “How can I ever thank you?”
“It is I who must thank you. You worked so hard for us and you were always so caring and tender with my mother. I wanted to do something for you, and I’m pleased I’ll be able to. Now, there’ll be no more about it. I just hope you enjoy it.”
“I’m sure we will. Oh, I can hardly wait to tell my girl the news. Thank you, Miss Brady. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
I knew I was burning my bridges to the past. But there was no turning back now. As I walked up the stairs I felt sure Ian would understand what I had done and would have no objections. After all, his interest and that of his family was in the land, not in the run-down old house.
Chapter Five
Before the wedding I was often at Marshbay to discuss wedding plans with Mrs. Fitzgerald. She and I and Ian were seated in the courtyard one morning when Mrs. Fitzgerald asked me what I expected my wedding to be like.
“I’ve always dreamed of an evening wedding in the spring, with ferns and flowers from the marsh,” I admitted. “By the ocean at sunset.”
I could see I had startled her so I went on to explain. “I do realize how changeable the spring weather is by the ocean, so a wedding there could be unpredictable.”
“Oh yes,” she said. “That could prove to be very unpleasant.”
I glanced around “Well, this courtyard is so beautiful, and, as it is outdoors, I would be happy to be married here.”
I thought my choice would please her, but grew uncertain when I noticed her glancing uneasily toward a large bolted door at the end of the house facing the courtyard
“We will need to do something about that door, then,” she announced.
“Mother,” Ian said, “It’s been a long time.”
“Not long enough,” she snapped. “I can still see her lying there before that door and that beast of a horse above her. Oh I’m sorry, you must excuse me.” She then hurried toward the house, her handkerchief to her mouth.
“Oh, dear,” I said, “I’ve upset her.”
“No.” Ian said. He stood and quickly pulled me to my feet.
“I need to be honest with you. You’ve no doubt heard that was where the accident with Marguerite happened?”
I suddenly saw the bolted door in a new light. “I knew what happened was in her studio but I didn’t really kn
ow where that was. If it will bother you or your family, of course I’ll change the location.”
He shook his head. “I know how much you love the courtyard.”
“I do, but…” The truth was that the beautiful courtyard reminded me of him. Of our conversation the day I told him I would marry him. It was the place where I first realized my feelings for him. But I had no idea the place must hold terrible, gruesome memories for him and his family.
“Isabella, I think I know you well enough now to know that you are not a girl who asks for much. I don’t want to deny you anything. If I know Mother, by the time of the wedding, no one will know there was a door there.”
“You’re sure it won’t bother you?”
“It won’t. I’ll be too busy looking at my beautiful bride.”
I carried those words in my heart and they comforted me as I counted the days until my wedding day.
On the appointed day, the carriage delivered me to Marshbay about an hour before the wedding. My dress would be waiting for me in a room near the courtyard.
As I stepped from the coach Ian, who had obviously been waiting, hurried from the doorway to help me down. I glanced up at the skies, happy I hadn’t insisted on an ocean-side wedding. The weather had been beautiful— warm spring days with the breeze from the ocean gentle and fragrant— until today. Though I’d hoped the gray skies might clear, as the day went on the clouds had grown thicker and more ominous.
“Don’t worry,” he said, squeezing my hand. “Whatever the weather decides to do I’m sure Mother has prepared for it.”
I had to smile. Mrs. Fitzgerald could drive you crazy with her perfection and her organization. But I confess I don’t know what I would have done without her help.
Ian escorted me into the house. I had succeeded in pushing away all thoughts of that door and Marguerite. My wedding might be different. But I meant to do my best to make it as beautiful and memorable as I could.
He stopped at the foot of the stairs.
“Go put on your dress. I need to change and then I will be waiting for you in the courtyard.” His eyes were tender as he looked into mine. “Everything will be all right. We will make the best of this, you and I.”
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