by Candi Heart
My eyes narrowed, and a sinister smile crossed my face as I came up with a plan of my own. Who let the dogs out? I did, lady, and you’re about to see what it’s like when your life really goes to the dogs!
ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS about spending two months secretly watching my next-door neighbor was that I became very familiar with his habits and routines. Thus, when Matt rounded the grassy corner on his way into the park, I was ready.
It was a little after midnight, and the stars were out. The breeze was still warm and balmy, and there wasn’t a soul in sight. Not wanting to catch the attention of any curious onlookers who happened to be out at that hour, I opted to spread my picnic blanket out in a secluded alcove that was blocked on all sides by trees. Only an observant eye would spot the corner of it from the main pathway. Fortunately, the man I was waiting for happened to have very observant eyes, and he was curious.
I heard him before I saw him, the faint jingle of his keys, followed by the gentle crackling of leaves.
He took three more steps off the beaten path, gazing searchingly into the darkness, before his eyes widened in astonishment. “Alana?”
I leaned back onto my hands, smiling at him from the picnic blanket. “Well, fancy meeting you here.”
He took a step closer, then another. His lips parted as he gazed around in wonder before curving up into a tentative smile. “What is this?”
“This is exactly what I was talking about at the pet store.” I gestured around my midnight setup with a hint of pride. “It’s... a friendly get together.”
Take that, Steph.
His eyebrows lifted a fraction of an inch, and for the first time since I’d met him, the man was speechless. For a moment, his eyes merely flickered around the little clearing, soaking in every detail, before finally circling back to rest on me. They softened, as was customary for him, but they also brightened, twinkling silver in the light of the moon. “You always manage to surprise me,” he said quietly.
“Is that good or bad?” I asked.
“I love surprises. I can’t get enough of them... and I seldom do.”
That caught me a little off guard, not the words themselves, but the intensity that went along with them. As soft as they were, they carried a weight to them, a deep meaning and hurt that couldn’t be ignored.
The event, though, was not designed to be serious. I wasn’t lying when I said it was supposed to be a friendly gathering. It was intended to be a silent banner of proof that, yes, we could be friends, and, no, a vengeful blonde clothes hanger couldn’t stop us.
Giving him a little grin, I patted the blanket beside me.
He flashed an instant smile and sat down, then glanced quickly at the basket between us. “You brought provisions?”
“I certainly did.” I reached into the basket and pulled out my gourmet feast: a box of crackers, a block of cheese, a bottle of sparkling cider, and two plastic cups. “After all, what kind of midnight picnic would it be without food?”
His eyes danced with amusement as he picked up the cider. “I half-expected it to be champagne.”
For whatever reason, those words sent a little blush into my cheeks, but I simply handed him a cup. “Cider is the drink of neighbors, a drink shared with friends.”
“Ah, I see. Well, I do love midnight picnics. It’s spontaneous and fun, and I’m intrigued by it... and by you.”
We silenced as we laid out the contents of the little basket under the light of the full moon. It wasn’t until several minutes later that either of us dared to speak.
“I still can’t believe you did all this,” he said softly. “I’m a little blown away.”
I blushed again and looked quickly at the grass. I was pleased that he was pleased, but I was completely unwilling to say so.
We lapsed back into silence for a moment, sipping cider as we gazed out over the sweeping lawns.
He suddenly cast me a cursory glance. “How did you even know I’d be out here?”
Confession time. Now, do I tell him I’ve been secretly watching him walk past my window in the dead of night for the last two months, or do I feign ignorance? Forgive me, neighbor, for I have stalked.
“I haven’t been sleeping well, so I admit I saw you walk past my window a few times,” I answered, landing somewhere in the middle. “I figured it’s sort of a habit, a routine, coming out here so late.”
“Yeah, well, I love the stars and moon. It’s so peaceful here. I just can’t resist.”
We nibbled thoughtfully on the crackers and cheese. It was a beautiful night for stargazing, and everything was going perfectly for quite a while, until his shoulders stiffened and he gave me a sideways glance.
“I’m sorry about what happened...at the pet store.”
I tensed as well and slowly set my cider down. “It’s not your fault. Steph is a grown woman, and she can say whatever she wants.” Then, feeling the need to avoid even the appearance of complaining, I quickly added, “She probably didn’t even realize the way it came out—”
Matt winced and shook his head, cutting off my apology in its tracks. “Yes she did.” All the air rushed out of his body in a weary sigh as he ran his hands back through his hair. “She didn’t used to be like that... or maybe she did. Heck, maybe it is just something I never noticed before, blinded by love or whatever.”
That little detail escaped your impossibly attentive eyes? Somehow, I doubt that.
“What brought you two together anyway?” I blurted it before I could stop myself, then literally cupped a hand over my mouth like I could rein it all back in. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that. I swear I didn’t mean anything by it. I know it sounded awful, but—”
“No, it’s okay,” he said, shaking his head forgivingly.
“Seriously, Matt, I don’t know what I was thinking, saying that out loud.” I shook my head apologetically. “It’s just that you guys seem really different, and—”
“We are really different,” he replied. “I see that now.”
When his lips twitched up in a quirky smile, I allowed myself a tentative breath.
“We met in a bar in LA, and it... Well, it just sort of happened.” He paused and absentmindedly shredded a blade of grass. “I went home with her, or maybe she went home with me. Anyway, we fell into this weird sort of rhythm, and by the end of the first week, she’d moved in.”
I didn’t understand his tone; he sounded neither troubled nor nostalgic. There was something indifferent about it, as if he’d simply woken up one day, found a beautiful psychopath in his bed, and decided she might as well stay. From everything I’d come to know about Matt, it didn’t make sense, except that I had seen him pick up a pathetic stray before. The only difference was that Sadie was a whole lot less annoying.
“So there was nothing specific, no magic moment?” I asked, confused. “Nothing that really drew you to each other?”
It was a highly personal question, and I knew it probably went a little too far over the line, but Matt never seemed to have a line. For whatever reason, he was very open with me, as if I was allowed to know all his secrets.
“Honestly?” A melancholy sadness painted his face as he gazed back into memories of times gone by. “I can’t remember. In the beginning, it was just sex and a good time. I didn’t have the chance or take the time to really get to know her before I jumped into a relationship with her. And that was a huge mistake.”
“You’ve been together for a while now. Do you feel like you know her now?”
“Yes, but I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with her. Do you know she spent an hour yelling at me because I didn’t squeegee the shower door? She expects me to do that every time I take a shower, as if she’s got some problem with there being water in the freaking bathroom! She’s a neat freak, to the point of obsession. I told her squeegeeing is for washing car windows at the gas station, and a big fight broke out. My home is supposed to be my safe haven, but instead, it’s like some kind of detention center
, with all these rules and a perpetually angry girlfriend as the warden. I dread going home. That’s why I take so many walks, because I need to clear my head. I’m not happy with Steph, not at all, but at the same time, she took a giant leap to come out here to the Big Apple with me. She gave up a lot, quit her job and said goodbye to her friends. I’d feel horrible telling her we just aren’t working.”
“Just follow your heart, Matt. If you love her, stay with her, but it isn’t fair to either of you if you stay with her just because you feel guilty. Like I said before, she’s a grown woman. She decided to come with you, and she shouldn’t hold that against you, even if it doesn’t work out.”
“Well, the guilt only makes it worse. I’m miserable. That’s why I can’t write. I just want to laugh and be happy. Is that too much to ask for?”
“No, not at all.”
Fortunately, that was the last mention of Steph that night. I certainly didn’t mean to bring her up in the first place, but honestly, I was almost a little glad that I had. Even if I didn’t quite understand it, and even if the pieces didn’t really fit, I at least had a better idea of what was really going on behind my neighbor’s closed doors and open windows.
“Magic moment, huh?”
I looked up suddenly and saw Matt staring at me with a strange grin on his face. A scarlet blush heated my cheeks as he echoed my words back at me. His eyes twinkled as they held mine, and I found myself unable to look away, like a moth who’d strayed too close to a mesmerizing flame.
“It’s just... I didn’t think anyone ever talks like that, except in fairytales and romance novels.”
My heart swelled, and I beamed with extraordinary pride inside. I had to remind myself that we were only friends, and there was no point in letting him see that I’d internally melted. So, I flippantly shrugged and shot him a smirk. “And I thought people who look like you only live on airbrushed billboards.”
That compliment actually broke through the grip of our connection, because he actually threw his head back and released a burst of laughter that echoed out into the quiet night.
I knew then that I was completely right about Matt: Like all men who were even vaguely attractive but never gave it much thought, the guy was totally oblivious to his effect on the rest of the world.
“I’m not kidding,” I insisted, shaking my head and letting out a martyred sigh. “It’s distracting, and you should know it’s something of a strain on the rest of us.”
“Says the girl who has such a warped self-image that she thinks she needs to go on a diet.”
Another bout of internal pride swelled within me, but I kept it carefully locked down and managed, “Gee, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
I tossed a cracker at his face and continued with my sarcastic grin. “I’m sorry we can’t all be as naturally beautiful as—”
Before I could spit out the rest of that sentence, he kissed me. It came out of nowhere, right in the middle of my sentence, capturing the words I breathed out. The glass of cider I was still holding spilled onto the blanket as our lips met. I was still trying to register what had happened when he pulled slowly away, watching my face all the while.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a whispering exhale, looking almost as surprised as me. When he saw that I couldn’t possibly speak, a panicked look overtook his face. “Alana, seriously, I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I swear I didn’t plan it.”
Still, I could offer him only silence.
In a moment of sheer mortification, he pushed desperately to his feet. “I’m so, so sorry. I can just go if—”
This time, it was me who captured his words with a kiss, my turn to catch him off guard. It stopped his retreat squarely in its tracks when I flew across the blanket and grabbed the sides of his face, but instead of freezing like I did, he was ready.
With the skill of someone who had done it many times before, his fingers slid through my hair, and he tilted my head back to place my face at a better angle. He looked only once, a heated glance that took in every detail, and then he closed his eyes and pulled me closer.
Never before had I been kissed like that, and never before had I kissed like that myself. I didn’t know whether we were just that well suited or he just inspired the same kind of confidence in me physically that he did in the rest of my life.
Our lips crashed against each other, in tender but strong movements, at the sort of frantic pace of two people who had waited longer than they could stand for that very moment. It was heaven, literally all I could possibly ask for, but I quickly discovered that Matt had a little more than just kissing on his mind.
I gasped aloud as he pulled me suddenly onto his lap, sweeping away the remains of our picnic. My legs wrapped automatically around his waist for balance as his tongue slipped seductively into my mouth.
The air was hot between us, hot and damp and getting hotter by the minute.
“Is this okay?” He asked only once, a quiet request and a promise to withdraw at the same time.
Our eyes locked for a suspended moment in the darkness as I wondered what to say.
Is this okay?
I didn’t know.
He has a girlfriend—yes, a terrible, vengeful, psychotic witch he couldn’t care less about, but she’s his girlfriend nonetheless. They live together. Sure, he hates it, but they do live together. They’ve been dating over a year, moved across the country together. No, he doesn’t love her, and I’m sure she doesn’t love him, but they’re technically still together.
On the other hand, we’ve fallen so fast and hard for each other, Matt and I, I reasoned. In fact, never in my entire life had I found anyone I clicked with so completely. Matt’s face seemed to occupy my every thought; his voice occupied my every dream. Under normal circumstances, all of that might have fallen squarely into the category of unrequited love, but it was clear that Matt felt the exact same way.
It wasn’t just the lingering looks that convinced me, not just the fact that he often made up excuses to see me or that he took me to his favorite restaurant or helped me wash a million dogs. It wasn’t even the fact that he literally jumped on top of me that very night, right there on that picnic blanket. Most of all, it was that he had intermingled our dreams, made mine his. He seemed to cherish my hopes and goals as dearly as he did his own. He was willing to do anything and everything in his power to turn them into a reality. For some reason, Matt truly wanted me to be happy, whatever the consequence and whatever the cost.
Is this okay?
While I might have taken precautions to hide my little secret picnic from the public eye, I had forgotten one simple fact: The police were also very observant, and they were trained to look for things that were out of the ordinary.
A beam of light came out of nowhere, blinding us in a sudden glow, and the sound of heavy footfalls stomped angrily our way. “Hey! You two break it up! This is a public park, and it technically closes at sundown!”
Matt froze for a terrified second, his face paling in the moonlight. He then sprang to his feet and pulled me right along with him. “Run!” he shouted as he dragged me into the thicket of trees.
A soft chorus of laughter and breathless profanities shook through us as we scrambled through the dense underbrush, doing our best to pull on our clothes all the while.
He never let go of my hand, and we didn’t stop moving until the cop and his flashlight faded into the copse behind us. Even then, we kept running, until Matt pulled us to a sudden stop, wrapped a protective arm around me, and gazed back into the dark.
“You think he came to join your little friendly picnic too?” Matt teased.
“Well, he did have handcuffs,” I joked, panting, “and a really big... nightstick.”
The two of us erupted in laughter, clinging to each other for support as the adrenaline slowly subsided and we tried to catch our breath. Our exuberance was so loud that I feared the police officer was going to hear us and come thudding after us in his
heavy boots again.
“You know, I don’t know which is worse, being chased by the cops or having my house trashed by your girlfriend.”
He raised a brow. “Steph trashed your place?”
I explained in a series of heavy whispers.
“What the...?” he said, furious. “Look, I’ll talk to her about this, and we’ll pay for any damage. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I won’t make any excuses for her. She’s just jealous. Maybe it’s best I stay away for a while.”
“Why? Are you afraid she’ll slash my tires next?”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t do that.”
“How sure are you? My house looks like the annual Running of the Bulls was held there.”
“She’s my girlfriend, Aly. I have to make her my first priority... or at least make her think she is.”
In that instant, a flash of realization flashed in both of our eyes. We knew what we were about to do before the cop stopped us, and we knew what that would have turned us into. Just like that, like that officer’s bright light interrupting our tryst, it was as if the lights suddenly came back on. The blissful dream we’d been sharing gave way to abrupt reality, tearing away any shred of hope and stunning us both in our tracks.
Matt took a step back, his hands trembling. “I-I just can’t.”
My eyes welled with tears, and I realized that I was trembling just as hard. “No, and I don’t want you to,” I whispered, feeling like I’d dodged a bullet I hadn’t even seen coming. “I don’t want you to ever be that guy... and I don’t want to be the other woman either.”
He closed his eyes, and a pained sigh escaped his lips. “This sucks. The truth is, all I want is to be that guy.”
My heart broke, then simultaneously came back together, albeit with a little scar running straight down the middle. I forced a watery smile and kissed him softly on the cheek. “But then you wouldn’t be you. The Matt I know would never cheat on his girlfriend.”
“Yes, but the Matt you know doesn’t love his girlfriend,” he said sadly, peering up at the moon, as if that silvery orb held the answers he sought.