by Leigh Lennon
4
Tyler
“Good morning.” I hear Nick say from the reception area of our veterinarian clinic. I see him looking me up and down, and he finally says, “Ty, you look like hell.”
“I know, I feel like it.” I must be honest with Nick because he sees it all over my face. “I can’t sleep with Ems in the other room away from me.” And then, I feel selfish again. I’m thinking of myself instead of his second grandchild and the girl he loves like a daughter who is in the hospital. “Shit, Nick, I’m sorry. You don’t need this right now. How is Rose, by the way?”
He only smiles. “Rose is Rose, the spitting image of her mother in crisis. She told us all to get the fuck out of her room if we were going to feel sorry for her or Lorel.”
“I had a feeling those would be her exact words.” I laugh at the image of my sister-in-law saying that.
“They are good. I mean, it’s going to be an adjustment, but Brody and Rose, they will get through this.”
My countenance falls, and I can’t hold it in anymore. Rose and Brody have something that is real, but their relationship is so new. What Ems and I have was once real, too. I’m afraid we aren’t going to survive this. Sitting on the nearest chair, I place my head in my hands, not holding back the tears.
“Tyler, son, what can we do? What can I do? You need time, take all the time you need. Your place is secure. I’m hiring another person to take up your slack, so you can devote your time to Emma. Kevin is conducting interviews today.”
I look at Nick, and he shrugs his shoulders. I wouldn’t receive this treatment if I were at just any veterinarian clinic; even one I’m a partner in. With Nick, it’s different. He acknowledges it. “This is what I can do when I own the place.” What can I say; he is as scared shitless about his girl as I am.
The level of seriousness hits us both, concerning Emma. When I look up through my tears, I see Nick’s face. He would move heaven and earth for his girl. Giving me time home with her and time to take her to sessions might be what I need. However, she needs to want help on her own. “Nick, she doesn’t want it.”
“Why do you say that?”
Taking a deep breath, I’m about to do the one thing I told myself I would not do this morning. “She fired her psychiatrist and told me she’s not sick. She claims she’s just scared of almost dying like she did when she had the baby. She doesn’t even call Aspen by her name.”
“After today, I’ll be taking up your slack. I need to get back to the hospital and to Justine, but tomorrow, I want you at home with Ems. Take her to her sessions. Sit with her. Force her. Ty, after today, you are on a leave of absence. And because you are a partner, you don’t have to worry about money. I have a ton of applicants, so getting help won’t be an issue. Kevin is working on it.”
Our new office manager, Kevin, is not as efficient as Emma yet, but he does run a tight ship. I can’t see Emma ever returning to the life she knew before. I just hold on tight, hoping one day we will find our way back to one another.
My call to Dr. Marini is the first matter of business before I start seeing patients today. I need to find out the nature of her leaving his care. Taking my call immediately, he doesn’t hold any punches; that was one reason I thought he was who she needed.
“Your wife did sign a confidentiality clause saying we could discuss her care with you, a little. But, I can’t go in depth with you about our conversations, but I can tell you that your wife is experiencing a severe form of postpartum depression that occurs in less than one percent of women after delivery. The fact she almost died plays a huge part, and it’s a fear she takes with her. Now, she didn’t like when I mentioned the term postpartum psychosis, which is what I believe she’s battling, and that’s when she basically fired me.”
“That’s what I figured had happened.” I exhale, trying to calm myself. I don’t know how to help her, and she’s making it hard.
“Her diagnosis is easy to miss early on because she certainly suffered from postpartum. The problem is that she’s so adamant about not getting more care. It’s as if she’s given up or just doesn’t think she needs help.”
“And she fired you after she mentioned more help?”
“Yes,” Dr. Marini says. “I can refer you to a couple of doctors who specialize in this. If she doesn’t get the help she needs, I feel it’ll cause dire consequences in the future.”
“Thanks, Dr. Marini,” I say. I know what he means; the writing is on the walls. Leaving my office to check on our first patient of the day, I stop by Kevin’s desk. “If you need to move some appointments around, do your magic, but I need to go home at lunchtime, okay?” He nods in agreement. Besides Nick, Kevin is the only other person at work privy to my issues at home. I have this sinking feeling that Emma needs me around more, and I’m thankful Nick has made this mandatory.
I usually went home every day at lunch to check on Emma, but with Nick being out today, I didn’t think I could. However, like I knew he could, Kevin switched some appointments around. When I went home, it was the only time she ate. Emma was slender, but until recently, she had curves to her. Now she’s easily thirty pounds lighter, and on her trim figure, that is too much. On my way home, I’m overcome with compassion for my wife, and I find myself stopping at her favorite lunch spot to buy her something to add a little fat to her bones.
Pulling into our garage, I sense something—an ESP of sorts. Hopping out of my car, I leave the subs behind and run toward the door, yelling for my wife. “Ems! You all right, honey?” I immediately smell something that makes my heart race. Grabbing my cell phone, I call 911 as I search for Emma. I open the windows on my way to my wife, picking up her small frame and taking her outside while waiting for the 911 dispatcher. “Oh, Emma, what have you done?” I check her pulse right away. Feeling a faint one, I shout at her, “Ems, Ems, Ems.”
“911, what seems to be your emergency?”
“A gas smell is all over my house, I can barely breathe, and my wife was inside!”
In the front yard, I lie near her, feeling for a pulse again. “I just got her out. I can’t tell if she’s breathing, but she has a pulse.”
“Sir, we just pinged your cell phone and are sending an ambulance to your address now. I’ll stay on the line with you. She has a pulse, is that correct?”
“Ems, come on, honey, breathe,” I scream at her. I feel her neck, and with a large sigh, I say, “I feel a faint one.”
“Sir, do you have any medical experience?”
“I’m a vet.”
“Are you sure you feel her pulse?”
“Yes.” I let out a sigh of relief when I say, “I can see she’s breathing now, but it’s very shallow.”
Knowing she’s alive gives me pause to think, and I realize I can’t catch my own breath. The dispatcher is still on the phone, and I have forgotten for a second where I am. In my delayed response, I can only think of life without Emma, and that is not an option. My own mind races through all the possibilities, but I push them aside. I will not lose Emma today; not now. Stuttering out the words, I finally say, “I’m still here.”
The operator continues to assist me as the medics and firemen arrive within minutes. When they load her onto the gurney and wheel her into the ambulance, I hop in with her. Nothing will keep me from my wife. When they tell me we are going to Deaconess, I text Justine right away. She is the only one to break this news to Nick.
5
Justine
I’m watching my daughter finally sleep as I hold my granddaughter for the first time. Rose didn’t want to let her go last night. I understand this as I can’t imagine ever letting my little Lorel go either. Sure, this is not what we wanted, but she’s ours, and I love her more than I thought I could.
As I sit in peace, watching her little nose crinkle, making the cutest sounds in the world, I hear my text alerts going off like crazy. “Brody, do me a favor. Can you look at my phone and tell me who is calling? They’d better have one hell of a good reason
for interrupting my time with my newest granddaughter.” I think back to the first time I held Aspen, Nick’s granddaughter, and how I felt the same way. Though Aspen is not biologically mine, she means just as much to me as this baby in my arms.
When I married Nick almost five years ago, I accepted Emma as mine just as Nick accepted Rose and Kai as his. His protectiveness of Emma is the same with Rose. Knowing my children have a semi reliable dad, I love that he fills the role of stepdad and loves my kids unconditionally. Though Emma and I had our problems at the very beginning of my relationship with her dad, we overcame them. She now owns a piece of my heart like Rose and Kai do.
I watch Brody, who looks like he hasn’t slept in days, grab my phone, and his face instantly changes to one of horror. Walking over to wake his mother, Ruth, who is asleep in the other chair, he takes my sweet girl from my arms. Giving Lorel to Ruth, he leads me calmly outside.
“Brody, you are scaring the fuck out of me! What is wrong?”
He looks down at the texts one last time. “Where is Nick?”
“He walked down to the cafeteria to get us coffee. Brody … you are scaring me.” I finally take my phone from him and see the texts, sensing the grief in Ty’s messages. Just then, Nick rounds the corner with five Starbucks coffees in a carrier, smiling.
He instantly senses the worry on my face as Brody takes the coffee from him. “Justine, are the baby and Rose okay?” Nick has been my rock, and now I must be his. I don’t know how to tell him what he’s about to see come through the emergency room doors. I know the ambulance is not far away. Since I met Nick Wallace six years ago, he’s been my everything, and I can’t stand to see him hurt, not ever.
Pulling Nick in close to me, I embrace him. I can’t look into his eyes as I tell him this. “Honey, there’s been an accident.” Can I call it a fucking accident? Probably not. “It’s Emma. Ty is on his way here with her. I’m not sure what happened.”
I can’t hold Nick as he runs down the hallway to the emergency room. Looking at my future son-in-law, I’m relieved when Brody says, “Go. I won’t say anything until I know what’s going on.”
When I arrive in the ER just seconds after Nick, they have already unloaded Emma. Nick feels helpless, holding his stomach tight and biting the hell out of his cheek. Hell, we all feel helpless with Emma lying unconscious on the gurney. “Emma, honey, what have you done?” he says, running toward her and Tyler. “Tyler?”
“I don’t know, Nick. The gas was turned on in the house, and she was barely breathing when I got her out.”
“Emma!” Nick shouts. “You stay with us, you hear me?”
The doctor stops Nick and Tyler while I helplessly look on. Nick crumples in my embrace as Tyler, threading his hands through his hair, falls to the floor crying. The look from the doctor tells both Nick and Ty that they won’t be going back with the unconscious Emma. The doctor turns with a sympathetic wince and says, “I’m sorry. We have it from here, and I’ll be out as soon as I know something.”
Thankfully, Brody finds Kai, my son from my first marriage. He flew in from Sacramento for the birth of Lorel. I’ll be the first one to admit our family is oddly shaped. Emma is the daughter of Nick and Annette. Annette is also the mother-in-law to my son. Emma’s half-sister, Jane, fell in love with my son around the time I met Nick, bringing our little eclectic family together.
Running toward me, he’s breathless when he says, “I have Annette and Jane on the next flight to Spokane, Mom.” He’s always been my fixer. It doesn’t surprise me he has Annette, Emma’s mom, and Jane, his wife, on the next flight. Handing me the phone, he pauses. “Annette’s on the other line.”
Taking the phone, I try to calm my body. Emma is not my daughter, and she was twenty-six when Nick and I met. She was really a bitch at first, yet now, she has engrained herself so deeply in my heart. Between the love I have for my husband and her dad, I grieve as if that was Rose or Kai who was just wheeled in here. It didn’t take long for Nick’s family—that included his ex-girlfriend and her entire family—to become part of mine. Nick’s family, like mine, might not be his blood, but we soon discovered our family is who we choose it to be.
I can’t imagine her worry, so I grab the phone to give her as many details as I can. “Annette, listen, I don’t have any news except that Emma is in the hospital. Head to the airport now. Don’t pack and don’t worry about the ticket. Kai has all the details, and he will text them to you and Jane. Thankfully, Lila is here, so I’ll find her now. I’ll have Rafe or Hils pick you up.” I’m thankful in this moment for the close relationship I share with my ex-husband, Rafe and his wife, Hildy. I like him a lot more now, not married to the man. As my husband, he was a bastard. As my ex, he’s a friend.
My husband has not moved from my side, and his grief has transformed to shock. Pulling him close to me, I try to get his attention. “Nick, honey, I got Annette and Jane on the next flight. I just paid for it, so no need for Annette to worry about that at this point. I’ll go get Lila. Do you know what happened?” I’m hoping in the couple minutes I’ve been on the phone, there is some news, plus I really don’t know what to say.
With tears in his eyes, he says, “I can’t lose her,” quietly in my ear as he embraces me.
“Nick, you aren’t going to.” Looking at Tyler, I say, “I’ll be right back.”
Annette’s husband calls me for details. “I’m dropping Annette and Jane off, then going home and packing. I’ll be on the next flight,” he says. “Please find Lila for me.” I don’t have a chance to process all that is going on. I jump into action, now looking for Lila, Emma’s other half-sister and Rose’s best friend.
As I walk into Rose’s room, I see everyone there, admiring my newest little grandchild, but all they need to see is the anguish on my face, and they all stop, especially Lila.
6
Tyler
As Nick and I take turns pacing, the doctors have left us without any updates about Emma. I’m sure it hasn’t been long, but it seems like forever when someone I love like I do Ems is fighting for her life.
It happens that most of the family is here to welcome the newest member, so Lila, one of Emma’s youngest sisters, walks into the ER with Justine by her side. To say that Lila has a hardcore exterior is more than the truth, so when I see the tears falling from her face, I understand how real this situation has become for all of us. When she sees Nick, he takes her in his arms. Nick has always been like a second father to Lila and her twin sister, Jane. Once I see her pull herself together, she approaches me. “Ty, I’m sorry. I can’t stay here. I need to do something. Let me relieve your mom.”
I don’t have time to think, but I need my parents with me. I wonder if Lila has ever held a baby in her life. “Don’t worry, I’ll have Jones with me.” Her response is all I need to make me smirk for a second. Jones, her boyfriend, is great with kids. I have known him as long as I’ve known Justine.
“Thanks, Lila.” It is a little bit of a break from the fucking worst-case scenarios I have floating through my head.
Even Brody makes his way down to the ER. As soon as I see him, I walk over to him, and we both embrace in a bro hug. “Rose okay?” I ask.
“Yes, she needs some rest but won’t relax until I bring her news about Emma.”
He looks tired, too tired. I know that look. He’s running on adrenaline, and boy, I wish I could go back six months, knowing what I know now. “By the way, congratulations on your little girl.”
“Thanks, Tyler. And seriously, Emma is a strong girl. She’ll pull through.” His words are so full of hope that I can’t help but truly cling to them.
As he walks away, all I can do is pace. I lose track of time, thinking of the two most important women in my life and how they are both losing so much right now. We will never get this time back with Aspen, and when Emma gets better, she’s going to regret missing it.
Aspen doesn’t even recognize her mom. The second she sees Nick, Justine, or my mom, her face lights
up. It’s nothing compared to the way she beams when I come into view, but she doesn’t know her mom at all. She responds the same way she would if a vacuum salesman was to walk into our living room.
As I’m pacing, I see a familiar face walk by me. I hurry past the fireman and stop him. “Captain, you were at the scene today with my wife, right?”
“Yes, I remember. How is she?”
“We are still waiting. We have not heard anything at this point. Do you know the cause of the leak?”
“The stove was turned on. But nothing was in the oven or on the stove top.”
“Do you think that my wife …?”
“I really don’t know, sir.” Yet something behind his eyes leads me to believe he knows more than he’s willing to tell me. After I shake his hand, he leaves the emergency room with his crew.
When I turn around, the doctor approaches Nick and me. “I’m not going to lie to you; it was touch and go for a while. She would not have survived much longer. I don’t know if this was intentional, but I saw in her record that she’s suffering from postpartum. I have a call in to psych to assess her, but I feel she’s out of the woods for now. I can have you taken back there to be with her when she wakes up.” I look at Nick, and he motions for me to go. I need to see my wife. I have failed her in some way, and I won’t do it again.
7
Emma
I open my eyes to a familiar face staring down at me, and my heart races. I’m still here. I can’t seem to do anything right, yet here he is at my side.
The second my eyes focus on Tyler, he holds me tight. “Emma, I can’t lose you. Don’t ever do that again.”