by Leigh Lennon
“I shared my rape in the group. I can’t go through this again, not today, so please don’t ask me to.” I’m relieved, too, because I don’t think I can listen. I smile and nod in agreement when she continues, “I’m just emotionally exhausted, but it helped not to go through the details but still letting others share in my burdens. We all have had these horrible things happen to us at the hands of others. Anders was there, sharing his story.” I look surprised; I thought he told everyone upon arrival. “He doesn’t tell the ones who have had an experience of a violent nature; he waits until we are ready, and I was the last from our group to open up.”
“It is a tough story.” I admit.
“You know, I’m so young, and I’ll need to figure out what I want to do to support this little munchkin.” She points at her stomach. “But I want to help people as he has. I stayed afterward to speak with him about applying for an internship; it is a program he’s passionate about.”
All I can do is smile at Jolie, relieved for now that she may be okay, eventually. She’s taking her own recovery by the balls and not looking back. She’s kicking ass for the welfare of her baby. I now understand Grace’s choice to place us together because I’m filled with hope—for both her and for me—that normalcy can be part of our future.
28
Emma
After a little less than a month of living with Jolie, I must say I love her in a big sister sort of way. It helps that she reminds me so much of Jane in many ways. More so than Jolie filling a gap in my life is the fact that Tyler is flying into Albuquerque this weekend. At first, he wanted to bring the baby, and the thought brought on a full-blown anxiety attack. I spoke to him later, and he informed me that my dad and Justine were thrilled to keep the baby for the weekend. He mentioned in passing that routine was so important to her already that they decided to stay at our house. It made my heart break. I was such an advocate about a strict routine early on, and Ty is following my wishes. It is sweet in a way, but also a reminder of all the failures I allowed in my life since the day we brought our baby into the world.
Having taken off for a long weekend, he’s flying in on Friday and leaving Monday. Due to me still being new, Anders and Grace decided it is best I stay on site in the family quarters they have for this reason. Tyler wanted to take me to a hotel in town, but Grace called him with her concerns.
When I did speak to him, he never once seemed mad at my decision to come here. I was nervous about the savings I drained, but in the way my dad does things, he insisted on paying for it, thus replenishing our savings by thirty thousand.
All day, my nerves have been all over the place, and even though she’s young, Jolie notices. “Emma, he’s flying all this way to see you. This is a good sign.”
I never stopped loving Tyler. Even in the thick of it when I was despondent and rarely acknowledged him. Grace scheduled an extra therapy session just to prepare me with coping mechanisms. Grace, who is as open about most things as I am, asks me, “Are you planning on being with Tyler this weekend sexually?”
I laugh when I say, “Oh, I fucking hope so. I’m horny as hell for him.”
Not embarrassed by my candidness, she chuckles. “Okay, so he’s a guy away from his wife, flying all this way. I have a feeling he will be more than willing to put out.”
Yes, that is true. This is Ty we’re talking about, and when he puts out, he’s always so passionate and precise in his methods. I’m hot for this man already.
“Okay, so that’s one thing I shouldn’t have to prepare you for then.”
“No. Sex with Tyler has always been, well, very satisfying.”
She only smirks. “Okay, so onto the next subject that may be one to find you two in disagreement. I want to know how you feel about Aspen at this point. You have been here a month, and you seem pretty fond of Jolie.”
“She’s sweet. She reminds me of my younger sister, Jane.”
“Have you talked to her about the baby?”
“No, besides her discomfort of being pregnant, neither of us bring up the baby much.”
“That’s not surprising on either of your parts, but, Emma, I placed you two together for a reason. I think you both could be a comfort for one another.”
I only nod when she continues, “So back to Aspen; what will you ask about her? Let me think, she’s seven or eight months by now. She should be sitting up or recognizing people. Are you curious about any of her milestones?”
Is she trying to make me feel like shit? I know I should care, but I feel no maternal connection. “I mean, I wonder as much as I would about a cute kid I saw on the street. But, as a mom, I feel nothing.” I stop and stand, pacing back and forth. “Do you not think I want to feel or will myself to love her, to be the mother she needs? To be a parent alongside my husband. I want this. But it is as vain as willing myself to fall in love with the next person who walks in this door.”
There is a tightness in the expression of my eyes as I sweat profusely. She’s pushing me too hard. I can’t do what she’s asking. Looking down at her notes and then up at me, she says, “This is what I want you to try. Come up with five questions about Aspen to ask your husband while you are alone. Take in everything he says, from his answers and the way his eyes sparkle at the mention of this little lady who has claimed his heart as you have done in the past. The love for Aspen comes from the love he has for you. You may not have gotten pregnant in the traditional way, but don’t let that fool you. That’s your baby, the baby you carried and loved for nine months, and she was made in love.”
Why do five simple questions bring on a full-blown anxiety attack? I’m breathing in calming breaths to offset the uncontrollable trembling taking over my body. Grace continues, “Just try. If you find you can only do one question, then that will be a win for you, Emma. Don’t beat yourself up, sweetheart. We will get you there.”
Just then, Anders walks in, and Grace and I start laughing. There is really no one cuter than Anders, except for my husband, and we both continue to crack up. Grace finally says, “Not even Anders?” Remembering how I said I couldn’t will myself to love the next person who walks in the room. Everyone is always commenting on how swoon-worthy he is, but no one compares to Tyler.
“No, not even Anders,” I say.
“What the hell are you two going on about?”
“Nothing, Anders,” Grace says, and I don’t miss the way she looks at him. She’s older than Anders but still a beautiful lady. She reminds me of Justine, so that may be why I adore her so much.
“Okay, well, I don’t believe that for a minute. But, Emma, your husband is here.”
I stand to get to Ty as soon as I can. “Where is he?”
“Norman from maintenance has taken him to the room. I figured you might want some privacy when you see him for the first time.”
I give him a big hug and lean back. “You are a genius, Anders.”
I open the door to the guest quarters where we are staying this weekend, and I don’t see him, but his luggage is in the middle of the little apartment. I hear the faucet in the bathroom turn on, then off. The door opens, and out walks my Tyler. He seems to have gained a touch of weight, but it looks good on him, and his hair is very short. His eyes meet mine, and he stops in front of his luggage. He comes to me, but it only takes me a second until I kick the door shut and take off my shirt and he has my bra unlatched.
I don’t say a word to him, and only crash my mouth to his, while I unbuckle the belt on his jeans. Within record time, his pants are off, and his large hands are around me, cupping my ass. He has always been an ass man, but when he trails his fingertips down my back, massaging my butt slow and deep, my core is instantly wet. I need to feel him inside me, and we still have not talked. I pull back and say, “Hi, you.” With a big smile, I move his one hand to the front of me, giving him access to my pussy. As much as he loves my ass, he loves my pussy, too. He falls to his knees, looking up at me.
“Hi, to you, too,” he says as his mouth find
s its way to my core. I’m so wet that all he has to do is touch my inner folds with his tongue and I could cream on him. My hands find their way to his dark hair, and I’m rubbing his head, while he is moaning. “Fuck, Ems. You are so wet.”
“What can I say, I fucking missed you. I won’t last long, Ty. Make me come and do it now.” He always loved my bossiness, and it doesn’t seem to have changed. His tongue works its way, circling my clit, and I’m glad he has not forgotten what makes me hot and bothered. It takes less than thirty seconds, and I hold onto him for dear life as my entire body spasms. “Fuck, Ty. I missed your tongue.”
Standing up, he crashes his lips to mine, and when his tongue collides with me, I can taste myself on him. “I fucking taste great,” I say.
“Yes, you do.” He agrees with me, taking my hand as we find our way to the bedroom. Pulling the blankets back, he places me on the bed, sliding in next to me. “As much as I need to be in you, Ems, I need to take you in.” Settling under the blankets, he pulls them back again as he searches my body up and down. “I want to sit here, holding you for now.”
“Okay, I can agree with that.” With a mischievous look on my face, I continue, “Your dick had better be inside me in the next ten minutes.”
He wears a cheesy smile while I ask, “What?”
“I missed your bossy little mouth more than I can tell you.” He’s pulling my hair back, looking at me intently as if his gaze would burn a hole in my soul. “Shit, Ems, I knew I missed you, but it all hit me right now how incomplete my life is without you.” Placing his hand on my cheek, he strokes my face gently. “Babe, you look good. I mean, I see a little of my old Ems in you right now, and it gives me hope.”
Rising on my elbow and placing my hand on his chest, I feel a tear run down my cheek. “Fuck, Ty, I’m so sorry. I mean, why are you still with me after all the shit I pulled? I put you through so much and here you are.”
“Ems, I would walk over broken glass for you. Don’t you know that by now?” he asks, kissing my forehead. Tyler pulls me close. “Ems, our problems will still find us tomorrow, but for now, all I want is to make love to my wife.” He is right, and for that very reason, we fall onto the bed, in a tangled heap, as he ravages my entire body.
Pulling back for just a second, I decide to take the plunge right this minute. “Um, how is the baby?” It is all I can ask, and my body starts to shake. I don’t hate this baby. Hell, she’s a part of me.
I see his face light up, and he kisses my forehead again. “Ems, I know that was a hard question for you. Do you really want to know, or are you asking this because you think it’s something I want you to ask?”
I don’t know the answer to that, but I decide to be honest with him to the best of my ability. “I’m not sure, hon. I mean, she’s our baby. I’m curious, and I’m working hard at the hang-ups I have about welcoming the baby into my comfort zone. Grace really thought I needed to broach it with you, and I won’t lie, it is hard to discuss.” I’m on the verge of tears, and Emma Wallace Hunter is not a crier. She’s also not someone who refers to herself in the third person, and here I am now. I can’t help but laugh at my inner dialogue. “Sorry, I’m speaking to myself right now, and I’m quite funny.” Even Tyler laughs at me although this is a serious conversation. “But seriously, Tyler, how is the baby? Tell me one thing about her. Let me try to get to know her better. She’s my child, after all.”
My forwardness makes him smile. I guess he will take what he can get when it comes to forming some sort of bond with our daughter.
Sitting up against the headboard, he pulls me with him and places his arm over my shoulder. “I read to her every night, normally pictures with bright colors. But afterward, I pick up old and new family albums. I’m introducing her to those who love her who aren’t around her often. She adores your dad, and Justine is crazy for her.”
Justine, of course, she is. That is Justine. She’d love an alien if said alien was important to my dad. “How’s Rose, and how is she adjusting?” I have yet to see a picture of my niece but know my stepsister is the best mom. I want to feel sorry for myself, but the one thing Grace taught me early on was to stop comparing myself to others; even if I feel we are given similar circumstances.
“Rose is doing well. Lorel is a very easy baby. Brody and Rose are getting married next year sometime and plan to move to Oregon.”
“Moving away from Justine? She wasn’t willing to do that for Jones?” I ask, not out of malice but just because I’m confused. I never thought Rose could be farther than ten minutes away from Justine.
“You know it is different when you find that right person. Jones must not have been her right person, but he sure seems to be Lila’s right person. They have been up a couple of times, and each time, they both come over for the day and spend as much time with Aspen as they can.”
“Lila, maternal?” I ask, my jaw gaping open.
“I’m not sure, but she loves her niece.”
Talking about my family causes hope to bloom inside me. I have not met Lorel, but in my mind, I can visibly see Rose rocking her and kissing her little nose. Then there is Lila, who is in her first adult relationship ever. I am still having a hard time visualizing my wild sister and the very normal Jones together. However, as I close my eyes, I instantly see him bring Lila into a warm embrace, pulling back her dark hair to drop a kiss on her forehead. Then there is Jane, and it is not hard to imagine her happy because I have seen it every day since she met Kai.
Taking in these images, I understand I am fighting to get back to my whole family and not just my husband. He is my number one person, yes, but I also want to see my sisters again, meet Rose’s daughter, and be at her wedding when she says I do to Brody. I want Justine to hug me and have dinner with the whole gang, including Ryan, Rafe, Hildy, and my parents when they visit. I want to be that wife, mother, friend, sister, and daughter I was once. When I think of how far I still must go, I break out in a sweat, and Tyler holds me close as though he has an insight on the reel playing in my mind. He squeezes me, not letting me go, and that is the best comfort I have been given in a long time.
“Ems, baby, we are going to get through this. I know we are.” Ah, I hope he’s right.
After making love to exhaustion, I hop in the shower to get ready for dinner. All Ty told me was he’d be taking me out on the town and brought me my favorite black dress and a pair of Jimmy Choos that Justine had bought for me at Christmas. It is funny when I think back to that Christmas. All I wanted were those black Jimmy Choos and a blue box from Tiffany. I got those shoes from my dad, with the help of Justine, I’m sure, and a diamond pendant necklace from Tyler. After Christmas, I went out and bought the prettiest black dress to complement the two wonderful gifts. I searched for the dress to accentuate both items bought with such love and care for me. It was so simple back then. I wish my only concern now was to find the perfect dress.
Before I have a chance to wash my hair, the shower curtain swings back, and I’m face to face with my naked husband. Though I can tell he has gained a few pounds since working out has been on the back burner, he’s still the most beautiful man I have known. Pulling my back to his, he cups my breasts and trickles kisses down my neck. “Ty, babe, we will never get going if you keep doing that.”
“What can I say, I missed my wife,” he says as he turns me around, planting a long and sensual kiss on my lips.
Oh, I have missed this man, too, is all I think, but I don’t say anything. I let him hold me, which is as sensual and intimate as making love.
As we hold each other in the shower, I realize I don’t need anything fancy, only him. “Ty, why don’t we just stay and order in?” I suggest.
Looking at my naked body, which has gotten softer with the birth of the baby, he only smirks. “No way in hell am I keeping you in tonight. It has been too long since I flaunted the most beautiful person in the world, so you are going to get dressed, wear the fuck me shoes, and put on your pretty necklace along with that dre
ss that hugs every sexy curve of yours. I’m going to spoil you, and when we get back here, I’m going to fuck you every way to Sunday and then fall asleep with you in my arms. Then I’ll wake up a happy man tomorrow morning knowing I get two more days of this.”
His little monologue turns me on more, if that is possible. Taking hold of his very alert cock, I stroke it as I whisper in his ear, “I like that plan.”
Barely able to speak, he only asks, “Which part?”
Kissing him, I work my way down his whole body until I’m on my knees. About to swallow him whole, I say, “Pretty much the whole plan, but I especially like the fucking me every way to Sunday part the best.” Licking the tip of his cock and working my tongue down the sensitive part leading to his balls, I stop and say, “I think you will like this part, too, if I’m able to interject a little into the plan.”
Threading his hands through my hair, he adds, “Fuck, Emma, I missed you. And yes, interject away. Add to the plan if you must. I can suffer through it.”
Yes, this is my smartass of a husband, and I love him more than I can even articulate at this moment.
29
Tyler
Monday morning rolls around too quickly, and soon, I will have to say goodbye to Ems. I have soaked up as much of my wife as I can on this trip. She has only brought up Aspen one time, and it was on Friday evening. I didn’t push it because it is something we can discuss this morning at our counseling session; the in-house therapist wants to meet before I leave. When Grace called me last week to discuss this trip, she asked me to join Emma’s daily sessions to address the heavy stuff. I had assumed she was talking about Aspen. That is the one heavy thing we can’t seem to come to terms with.
As I drag my ass out of bed, I turn to see Emma still cuddled with the blankets all the way up to her chin. She’s done that from the first time we were ever together. We must have dated less than a couple of weeks before I slept with her, and that was a subject I wasn’t ready to mention yet with my new boss at the time, Emma’s father. I remember being so nervous about it, and Nick would not have been happy we had sex so early, but I loved Emma the second she opened her mouth and spouted out the hateful first words she ever spoke to me.