by Heidi Champa
“No, I’m good. Thanks for the offer, though.”
“You sure? It seemed like you were really upset before. I mean it, Wes. You can talk to me.”
I shook my head, but my resolve was starting to waiver. Maybe Sam was the exact right person to talk to. I knew I could trust him, even if we weren’t ever going to be more than friends. Before I could stop the words, they started to come out of my mouth.
“Today’s the anniversary of my sister’s death.”
I stared at the wall in front of me, too scared to meet his eyes. His hand covered mine, our fingers interlacing.
“Jesus, Wes. I’m so sorry. Maya told me you and Daniel had a sister who passed away a long time ago.”
“It was years ago. I’d just turned seventeen.”
His grip on my hand tightened, and I fought every urge I had to pull away. Clearing my throat, I went on. I knew I couldn’t give him any more detail than that, but it felt good to say even a small part of the truth.
“It’s okay, really. I mean, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just sometimes today is a little rough for me.”
I finally looked at him, not sure what I’d see on his face. His eyes were filled with concern and care.
“Why didn’t you want to tell me?” he asked, his voice soothing.
I shrugged, trying to keep the sadness out of my voice.
“I don’t know. It’s not something I talk about a lot. Most people in my life don’t know about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s hard to talk about. So I just don’t. You know me. I’m an expert in avoidance.”
I tried to smile as Sam pulled me close, his lips gentle against mine.
“Avoiding something that hurts is normal, Wes.”
“I guess so.”
We sat in silence for a moment, before he spoke again.
“What was her name?”
His question was so simple, but it meant so much to me that he asked. No one I’d ever told before had bothered.
“Michelle.”
Sam smiled and any lingering doubts I had about telling him disappeared. I let out a deep breath and smiled. He leaned in and kissed me, just a quick peck on the lips. He took my glass from me and set it aside. I found myself wrapped in his arms, Sam’s hand resting right over my heart.
“I’m really glad you told me, Wes.”
“Yeah, I am too.”
“See, you were right. Talking in bed is a good thing,” he said with a chuckle.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Things got quiet and my eyes grew heavy. I let myself curl against Sam, my mind clear for the first time all day. It felt right, good. The next thing I knew, Sam was shaking me awake. I smiled at him, hugging him close for a moment, but his body was rigid, his face serious.
“Hey, I don’t mean to rush you out, but Maya will be home soon.”
Every good feeling I’d had before I’d fallen asleep evaporated in an instant. He rolled away from me, and I sat up quickly. My head spun a bit, but I ignored it as I put my feet on the floor. The angry red numbers on the clock told me I didn’t have much time. Reality was back, much to my chagrin.
“Right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” I said, the guilt returning again.
As I slipped my clothes on, I searched his face for a hint of anything I’d seen earlier, but it was all gone. Casual Sam was back, just like I knew he would be. Sharing with him about Michelle seemed so foolish, and the regret burned in my chest.
“It’s okay. It’s just, you know, you can’t be here when Daniel drops her off.”
“Of course. Sure.”
He walked me downstairs, and I pulled the door open. Before I could walk outside, he pulled me close. I wished he hadn’t.
“I had fun today, Wes.”
There was that word again. Fun. Because that was all we were supposed to be having. I started to worry I’d crossed a line earlier, but I knew I’d have to work that one out on my own.
“Yeah, me too.”
DESPITE MY confusion and the nagging feeling I was setting us both up for disaster, I continued to see Sam. I put my feelings for him away as much as I could, deciding I could handle it. For the most part, I managed, but it wasn’t nearly as easy as I’d hoped it would be.
For starters, there was no more waiting weeks to get in touch. We texted and talked on the phone all the time. We’d grab a few hours together while Kelsey and Maya were out at the mall and sneak kisses when I’d pick Kelsey up from Sam’s place. It kept going like that for weeks, Sam and I sneaking around, stealing time together whenever we could. He’d enlisted me to clean his garage, but I hadn’t made much progress, as most of my time at his place was spent in his bedroom or on the couch in the newly cleaned basement.
We didn’t spend all our time in bed, though. Sam and I talked for hours, getting to know each other. Even though it went against everything he said he wanted and went against my better instincts, he seemed to have no problem opening up to me, and he was never short of questions about my life. Despite his need to label things as casual, we were doing everything boyfriends would do. You know, except actually going out together. The only time we ever ventured out in public was if the girls provided an excuse. I’d found myself volunteering to take Kelsey to soccer practice so I could run into Sam. It wasn’t always easy pretending to be totally fine with our arrangement, but the part of me that wanted more from him took a backseat to the part of me that didn’t want to ruin what Sam and I had. Whatever it was. And as much as I hated to admit it, the danger of getting caught was undeniably exciting.
I looked around the messy garage and tried to decide what to tackle next. Sam was at the office, which meant I had to do actual work. The rest of the jobs in the neighborhood were still going strong, but I cleared the whole day to work on Sam’s project. I was hoping he’d surprise me and show up like he often did, but it was almost five and there was no sign of him. After another half hour of work, I dragged the trash I’d accumulated to the curb. As much as I wanted to wait around, I decided to call it a day. I texted Sam and let him know what I’d accomplished and jumped in my car.
Daniel had pulled in the driveway right before me and stood smiling by his car as I approached.
“Well, well. How goes it, little brother?”
“Fine.”
He was grinning like a Cheshire cat, and I started to get worried.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because I finally figured out where you’ve been hiding the last few weeks.”
I raised my eyebrows but didn’t take the bait. That was exactly what Daniel wanted. There was no way he knew anything. He was trying to get information out of me, and I wasn’t going to play along.
“Oh, really. Where’s that?”
He hesitated and I knew I had him. Daniel should have known better than to think I would panic and blurt something out. I was used to his brand of brotherly torture.
“Well, I mean, I know you must be seeing someone,” he said, clearly fishing.
“Really? Why?”
He stared at me, narrowing his eyes for a moment before he threw up his hands.
“Damn it, man. Why do you have to be such a dick? You used to tell me things all the time. Now you’re being so damn secretive.”
I laughed, marveling at his perceptiveness. Usually, Daniel was oblivious to me and my love life. He’d come such a long way over the years. I almost felt bad keeping him in the dark. Until I thought about how he’d react to the news I was sleeping with Sam. He’d try and turn it into something it wasn’t, try and make it a big deal. It was the last thing I needed. I’d managed to come to terms with Sam’s rules. Well, basically. The last thing I needed was Daniel putting in his two cents and making me question it more than I already was. I kept telling myself that going any deeper with Sam would only lead to trouble for both of us, but my heart was having difficulty getting the message. For a moment, I thought of talking to Daniel, jus
t to have someone else’s opinion, but the thought was too ridiculous to really consider.
“Sorry to disappoint you, big brother, but nothing is going on. I’ve been busy, that’s all. It’s work stuff.”
“I don’t believe you. You’ve been walking around smiling, happy as a clam, and I know it isn’t clearing out attics that’s doing it,” he said with a huff.
“I wish I had something else to tell you, man.”
We started to walk inside, and Daniel threw his arm over my shoulder.
“I’m not giving up on this. I’ll get the truth out of you at some point.”
“Whatever you say, dude.”
I headed down to the basement before dinner, my phone buzzing in my pocket. When I pulled it out of my pocket, I saw Sam’s name on the screen. I smiled as I hit the Accept button.
“Hi, Sam.”
“Hey, Wes. How did it go today?”
“It went great. Well, as good as it could. You sure do have a lot of stuff. And I thought your basement was bad.”
“I did try and warn you.”
I pictured Sam’s face and grinned, surprised by how much I missed seeing him that day. Shaking my head to clear the thought from my mind, I tried to focus on the conversation.
“Anyway, I don’t know how much longer it’s going to take. After the next session, I might have a better idea.”
“That’s great. I’m not calling about the garage,” he said.
His words gave me shivers, but I quickly scolded myself for getting carried away.
“Oh, okay. Then why are you calling?”
Sam laughed and I felt it all over my body.
“Well, Maya and Kelsey will be at Daniel and Tina’s tomorrow, so I’m free for the evening. I thought you might like to have dinner with me.”
“Just dinner?”
He laughed again and I felt my face go hot. Now we were getting down to it. The real reason for his call.
“I think we might have time for a few other things too, Wes.”
It was my turn to giggle, but I stopped when I heard footsteps on the stairs. Daniel rounded the corner and looked right at me as I clutched the phone to my ear. I cleared my throat and took the smile out of my voice.
“Um, okay. That sounds good.”
“So, then I’ll see you tomorrow. How does seven sound?” Sam asked.
Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and stared. I didn’t want to give anything away, so I tried to play it cool.
“Perfect. See you then.”
I hung up and slipped my phone in my pocket, meeting Daniel’s knowing gaze.
“Now who was that, Wes?”
I shrugged, trying to make it seem like nothing.
“A friend from the city. We’re hanging out tomorrow night. I figured with the girls being here, I might need to clear out for a while.”
Daniel nodded, but I could see the wheels in his head turning.
“Uh-huh. Sure. And this friend, would it happen to be a guy?”
I nodded, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean anything. Most of my friends are guys.”
“So this isn’t a special friend?”
I turned away for a moment, pretending to have urgent business in the dresser.
“No. And do you hear yourself right now? You sound so creepy,” I said.
He opened his mouth to respond when Tina’s voice called from upstairs.
“Dinner’s ready, you guys.”
I slapped Daniel on the shoulder as I walked by.
“I do so enjoy our little talks, man.”
“Shut up,” he said.
WHEN WE came back to Sam’s place after dinner, my stomach was full of butterflies. It had been an amazing evening so far, and I didn’t want anything to get in the way of that. But the nagging little voice in my head wouldn’t shut up. It kept urging me to do something stupid, like tell Sam that I was crazy about him. I’d managed to keep it quiet for weeks, but my feelings for Sam were starting to rear their heads again. No matter how I tried to ignore them, they kept popping up in little ways. Sam would smile and I’d feel like I’d been hit by lightning. Or when his hand would brush mine, I’d nearly jump out of my skin. The little voice, the one starting to sound suspiciously like my sister, kept urging me to tell Sam how I felt, to be honest with him. But I kept ignoring it, no matter how loud she shouted. All my relationships ended badly, and I feared anything real between Sam and I would suffer the same fate.
Even as we fell into Sam’s bed, slowly shedding our clothes, I thought of opening my mouth and throwing everything into upheaval. Luckily for me, Sam had just the thing to turn my mind off. As he slowly lowered himself onto my cock, all the thoughts that had been running around in my head disappeared. I reached up and ran my hand over his chest, relishing the feel of his heat all around me. He lowered his face to mine and kissed me, taking my breath away.
“God, you’re so hot, Wes.”
It was nice to hear, but they weren’t the words I wanted him to say.
“You’re not so bad yourself, Sam.”
He braced his hands against my chest as he rode me, his head thrown back. I watched him move and squirm above me, and tried to keep my mind from wandering into dangerous territory. Sam closed his hand around his cock and started jerking, the sight too much for me in that moment. Digging my head into the pillow, I tried to keep myself from getting too excited. It was no use. Every little move he made drove me mad, as if he knew exactly what I wanted.
He leaned over me again, and I wrapped my arms around him, our kisses fevered and desperate. He sat up, breaking free of my hold, his moans getting louder and louder.
“Fuck, Wes, I’m gonna come.”
His whole body tensed as he came, hot and sticky on my stomach, his face contorted with ecstasy. Watching him did me in, and I started coming too, the room spinning as I fell from my dizzying heights, slowly returning to earth as my muscles relaxed. All I could hear was our heavy breathing, neither of us moving for a long time.
We finally managed to peel apart and clean up. When I returned from the bathroom, Sam pulled the blanket over us, and I let him wrap me in his arms. It felt so incredible. My mind was swimming, my guard was down, and I could no longer keep quiet.
“Do you ever wish this was something more, Sam?”
I felt him tense, and I was sure I’d fucked everything up. He ran his hand through my hair, and I braced for the worst. I told myself I was prepared for what he would say, the brush-off he would deliver. In my head, I’d rehearsed this moment many times. Sam would restate his desire to keep things simple between us, for us to be nothing more than what we were. I was also prepared for him to pull the plug on the whole thing since I’d broken our deal. Even though I’d imagined every feasible scenario, the truth was, I was scared to death. He sighed and I felt every muscle in me tense. This was it.
“All the time.”
I pulled back to look at him, my eyes wide.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
It was the one reaction I hadn’t planned for and never expected. He gazed at me and ran his thumb across my jawline.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, Wes. About you and me, about taking this to the next level. I know what I said before, about not wanting a boyfriend, but I think that maybe I was wrong about that. Before this whole thing started, I couldn’t imagine having someone in my life that I cared about. But you’ve changed all that. Even though I kept telling myself I wasn’t going to let you in, I did it anyway. See, I told you. I knew there was something about you, Wes.”
He kissed me hard, his hand slipping down my back. My already-full brain was ready to short-circuit. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Practicality overcame me, and my mouth started moving before the thoughts were finished forming.
“How is this going to work? I mean, with Maya and everything, isn’t it going to be difficult?”
He kissed me on the forehead, his hands running down my back.
“I don’t know exactly. But I’m sure we can figure it out as we go. All I know is, I’m tired of pretending that I’m not crazy about you, Wes. I’ve wanted to say something, but honestly, I was afraid of how you might react.”
They were the words I never thought I’d hear. I was stunned into silence for a long moment before my composure returned.
“I can’t believe you’re saying this,” I said, breathless.
“Well, believe it.”
We kissed and even though I was tired, things started to heat up again. Until his phone started vibrating on the bedside table. He groaned against my lips and sighed.
“I better get that. It might be Maya.”
He rolled away and answered, his tone quickly turning serious. Whoever was on the other end of the call, I knew it wasn’t good.
“Okay. No, okay, I’ll be right there,” he said, before hanging up.
Sam popped out of bed and quickly began dressing.
“What’s going on?” I asked, his demeanor totally different.
“I’m not sure. That was Tina. Apparently Maya and Kelsey have gotten into some kind of trouble. She wants me to come over now.”
I felt his panic, and I started to get worried.
“I’ll come with you,” I offered.
He shook his head as he slipped his shirt over his head.
“I should handle this on my own.”
“Please, I want to.”
He sighed and zipped up his jeans.
“Fine, but you should probably drive your own car and maybe show up a few minutes after me.”
His words crushed me, but under the circumstances, I tried to let it go. I bit my tongue and said the only thing I could.
“Okay. Sure.”
CHAPTER 14
I DID as Sam asked and waited nearly fifteen minutes before going into the house. By the time I opened the door, Maya and Kelsey were sitting at the table, their eyes and faces red. Tina and Daniel looked beside themselves, and Sam was leaning against the wall, clearly trying to keep his cool. I didn’t know if I should say anything when Daniel met my eyes, but the curiosity was killing me.