Turned Out by His Hood Mentality 3

by Diamond D Johnson

  10:16 P.M.

  “Out of all the shit that we could have done tonight, this is what you’d rather do? Bae, I could have flown us anywhere in the fuckin’ world for the weekend, and we could have come back Monday morning. Why you choose to do this?” Billionaire asked me as he reclined his seat and looked over at me in the passenger seat.

  We were at the Swap Shop, but at the drive-in movie theater. I already had the throw blanket wrapped around me that I liked to use when I was in the house, I had all types of sweets, and I was straight. Yes, I loved when my birthday came around, but the older I got, it really wasn’t the celebration that I cared about. Instead, it was just the fact that I was thankful to be here.

  Not to sound like a broken record, but with what happened in Mexico, I could have been spending my birthday God knows where, if I hadn’t been rescued. This birthday, I just wanted to keep it simple, although my husband went out of his way to do everything over the top. After breakfast and taking my new car around the block a couple of times, we went to the next part of my birthday celebration. Billionaire took me to look at three gorgeous homes, because true to his word, he wanted to put us into something bigger since our family would soon expand. I loved him to death, but I knew he was such in a hurry to find us a house, so I could sell my townhouse.

  The second home we looked at, I fell in love with it. I mean, it was really something out of a movie, and my fingers were crossed that this would be the home we got and that everything went according to plan. After that, I was pampered at my favorite salon and spa. The only thing I wanted to do after the wonderful day I had was kick back with my husband and enjoy this drive-in movie.

  “It’s the simple things I love. You know that. I enjoyed my day. You made me feel like a real-life queen today. I’m not mad at you anymore,” I cooed, making him laugh at me.

  Billionaire was dressed down in his laidback attire tonight, which wasn’t anything but some sweats and a V-neck. He was so laid back that he was even rocking his durag. I knew he would have rather been anywhere in the world with me except in the car at a drive-in movie, but he was doing it to make me happy.

  “You was never mad at me. You was just acting like a spoiled ass brat,” he said while opening a pack of banana Now and Laters that he’d picked up from the corner store. That’s where we stopped on the way, so we could have our snacks for the movie. Billionaire even had some boiled peanuts in the cup holder that he was waiting to eat once the movie started. We were there to watch Bad Boys, and I was excited to see it. Loving to be snuggled up with him whenever we watched a movie together, I crawled over to his side of the car and got in his lap. We were riding in his Porsche, so there was plenty of room for me to squeeze in.

  “You don’t be letting a nigga fuckin’ breathe, ma,” he joked and threw his head back into the headrest of the car.

  I laughed as I snuggled closer, and within ten minutes, the movie started. I was fighting my sleep so hard once the movie started, although it was actually good. Billionaire’s phone buzzing in his pockets had me getting up. He lifted my body a little bit so he could dig into his pocket and retrieve his phone. Once he had it, I laid back down on his chest.

  “Yo,” he spoke into the phone.

  I could hear a male voice on the other end, but I couldn’t really make out what they were saying. What came from Billionaire next made me jump up, so I could look at him.

  “Are you fuckin’ serious? When? I just fuckin’ talked to him this morning! He called and wished Normani a happy fuckin’ birthday and everything! What the fuck, man!” Billionaire barked, and I even heard his voice crack.

  I couldn’t figure out who he was talking about because a few of his people called him today, and he was telling everybody that it was my birthday. I talked to a few of his friends and family on the phone because they all were wishing me a happy birthday. Although it was dark in the car, the light from the movie screen outside was bright enough to shed some light into the car, and I saw a tear drop from his eyes.

  I mouthed, “What’s was going on?” but he wouldn’t tell me. He just continued his conversation.

  Almost five minutes later, he hung the phone up, and when he did, he let out a loud, thunderous growl that scared me shitless.

  “Baby, what happened? What happened, Billionaire?” I asked and took his phone, so I could see who had called because he wasn’t answering me. It was his dad that he’d just finished speaking to.

  “Fuck niggas killed my uncle, man,” he said, and a tear fell from his eyes.

  My hands went over my mouth as I thought about his uncle Malcom. Like Billionaire said, I’d just talked to him this morning on the phone. He was calling just to chop it up with his nephew, but Billionaire told him it was my birthday, so he and I talked on the phone for a few. I remember one of the last things he told me; he basically thanked me. He felt like Billionaire meeting me had a lot to do with the changes he was making in his life. A tear fell from my eyes, as well.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry,” I kept saying as I used the back of my hands to wipe away the tears that were falling from his eyes.

  “Get back in your seat, ma. Ima drop you off at the house,” he said after allowing me to console him for about one minute.

  “Where are you going? Let me go with you,” I said, not moving off his lap.

  “To go see what the fuck is left of my uncle, ma. I’m taking you home, Normani. Ain’t no telling if them niggas who did him dirty are still out there, and I ain’t about to take you to a possible war zone. On top of that, you barely got any fuckin’ clothes on. I just lost a nigga who I looked up to as a second father. Bae, it ain’t the time to go toe to toe about this shit right now. Let me drop you off at the crib, so I can find out what the fuck is going on,” he said.

  I knew when to test him, and I knew when to back off, so without saying anything else, I just climbed over and got back in my chair. I tossed my blanket onto the back seat and put my seat belt back on. This was the part of Billionaire that made it so hard to love him. I could hear it in his voice that mentally, he was getting ready to check out on me. He was going to shut me out, just like he’d done when he found out the truth about Khari and who she belonged to.

  There was so much I wanted to say, but now wasn’t the time because I personally knew how much Billionaire cared for his uncle, and nothing I could say would be enough to make this situation a little bit better. With tears in my eyes, I looked over at my husband, scared because I didn’t have a clue what he was about to get himself into once he dropped me off at home.

  “Now, Denim, baby. You know it’s too soon for you to join me here. Baby, go on back to them two beautiful girls. My daughter needs you too. You’re her only child. As much as I love you, it’s not time for you to be with me just yet. You have other people who need you more than I do,” my grandma Berline said.

  She looked so beautiful. Just like I imagined her before she got strung out on drugs. My grandma died from an overdose when I was in the tenth grade. This woman standing would chaperone my elementary school field trips whenever my mother had to work and wasn’t able to make it. This was the woman I had been following around since I was able to walk.

  My grandmother was the best grandparent in the world, but once she got strung out on drugs, she changed, but my love for her never wavered. I loved my grandmother to pieces. This was my mother’s mother, and she and I had always had such a great relationship. I remember when she died. I cried for about a month straight because I just couldn’t find the proper ways to cope after her passing. My mother had to pull me out of school for an entire semester. I had to complete my school assignments at home, and my mom would just turn my assignments in for me at the end of each week. That’s how bad I was after I lost her. It just felt like a piece of me had been lost, so it was hard for me to move on.

  I was in high school when it happened, so my mother tried to keep a lot of things from me. I honestly didn’t even know that my grandmother was an addict until one day
, I happened to be eavesdropping on a phone conversation that my mom was having with one of her friends. She broke down on the phone about how she wanted her mother to get clean. That’s when it hit me. Back then, my grandmother knew how to hide her drug use, but later on down the line, she started getting sloppy with it. There were times when we would pop up at her house, and she would be so high out of her mind that my mother would get angry and leave her there.

  My mom tried to get my grandmother to go to rehab, but she would decline her offers every time. Once my grandmother had reached her breaking point, I just remember her losing so much weight, to the point that she was unrecognizable. So, to actually see her now, looking like she looked before she allowed drugs to take over her life, it brought tears to my eyes.

  I reached out to touch her because I just wanted to make sure this moment was real. My hands touched her soft ones, and she gave them a light squeeze. I released a sigh at the words she had just spoken as I prepared to let her in on how I felt.

  “Grandma, you don’t get it. Everybody hates me. Billionaire hates me, his parents hate me too, although my mama didn’t tell me that she hates me, I know she does because I put her right in the center of all my drama. Once I tell Khari the truth, she’s going to hate me too. I was selfish for what I did. I don’t see how I ever thought this messed up plan that I came up with would ever be okay. I just want to walk away from it all. I’d rather be here with you. That way, I don’t have to face what I did. I know once I open my eyes and go back into the real world, it’s going to be a constant reminder of my actions. I can’t live like that for the rest of my life. I’m going to drive myself crazy. Besides, I feel like everybody will be better off without me. Don’t you think?” I asked as I looked up at my grandmother with tears in my eyes, feeling sorry for myself.

  She was dressed in all-white, looking like an angel. Although I was trying to convince her that I would rather be with her, I could tell that I wasn’t getting through to her. I saw it in her eyes that I wasn’t persuading her enough.

  “If you run away, then you’ll look like a coward. Your kids need you more than anything. My new great-grandbaby deserves a chance at life. If you don’t fight, your new baby will not stand a chance. Your kids will never hate you. I know you hear them when they come into your room and talk to you. Denim, you need to open your eyes. You’ve had enough rest. Go. Go and be with your family. I’ll be waiting here when it’s your chance to come home for good, but right now, my sweet grandbaby... right now, it’s too soon,” my grandmother spoke.

  She let go of my hands and turned her back to walk away.

  “Grandma,” I called.

  She turned her head to look at me over her shoulder and gave me a warm smile.

  “Open your eyes, Denim,” she said one last time, and then she faded away.

  The smell of Blueberry bubble gum was the first thing I smelled once my eyes popped open. It was a warm, candy breath that I smelled right now. I knew that it had to be one of my kids all up in my face, preferably Khari, since that little girl was the candy queen. The second my eyes opened, I heard a bunch of screaming and saw a lot of moving going on around me. For at least the first twenty seconds, it was hard to focus on what was happening in front of me because the blurriness needed time to fade away.

  The sound was coming back, and I could hear my mother screaming for a doctor to come into my room. I felt kisses on the right side of my face and the left. The more I settled into what was going on around me, I started to gain feeling in my body. Seconds ago, when my eyes popped open, I didn’t feel a thing. I had an uncomfortable tube plunged deep into my throat, and all I worried about was getting that out of me.

  “Can you see me, Mommy?” my beautiful daughter, Khari, asked. Her mouth was blue, and her clothes were dirty with everything that she had probably eaten today on it. She had the blueberry breath that I smelled when I woke up.

  Khari was standing next to the bed, and to let her know that I could see her, I nodded my head up and down. I tried to lift my hands, to point to her mouth and nonverbally fuss at her for eating a bunch of candy, but it felt like my hand weighed bricks, so I wasn’t able to do it. It even pained me a bit when I nodded.

  “We missed you, Mama,” my oldest daughter, Rylo, said as she stood next to Khari with happy tears in her eyes.

  I wanted to let my children know that I missed them too, but I couldn’t talk yet. Everything about hospitals scared me. I hated the cold rooms, I hated needles, and I hated the sight of blood. Before I even had time for my panic to kick in, a doctor rushed into my room, along with two other nurses.

  I lay there confused, just trying to piece everything together. A headache was beginning to form because I was trying to figure it all out and possibly remember how I’d gotten there in the first place. Because it wasn’t coming to me quickly enough, I was bringing on pain to myself.

  “Sleeping beauty has finally risen,” the handsome, white doctor joked once he came in and stood by my bedside. I rapidly blinked my eyes, hoping that he could read between the lines and take the damn tubes out of my throat because it was so uncomfortable and somewhat painful.

  “I’ll get your tubes out in a second. I need to check you. I want to make sure that you have feeling,” he said and pulled out a pen from his lab coat.

  It was crazy how he read me without me even saying anything. Then again, he was a doctor, so there was no telling how many patients like me he’d had to deal with. My eyes stayed on him the entire time because I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to stick me with anything. He went to the foot of the bed and removed the blanket that was wrapped around me. The second the blanket was removed, and I saw the baby bump in my stomach, tears flooded my eyes. I cried because everything was slowly coming back.

  I hardly had time to process everything because I felt the pen hit me on the bottom of my right foot, and my leg kicked, showing that my reflexes were working. He did the same thing to both of my legs. Next, he came around and tested my knees. When he picked my hands up, I did have feeling. There was feeling in all my body. I reached down and touched my belly with my right hand. There was definitely a baby still inside of me.

  “Yep. You and that beautiful baby are definitely two fighters. When you name him or her, make sure you give them a special name that shows the world the type of strength that they have. Denim, I want you to know that I have been dealing with cases like yours for many, many years. What you just fought through was hard enough to fight through on your own, so imagine doing it with a baby. A baby that I projected wouldn’t make it when you were brought into this hospital almost three months ago. You are lucky to be alive. You and the baby. We’re going to get these tubes out of you, and I’ll page an ultrasound technician to come in, so you can see your baby and hear the heartbeat.

  “Your children and your mother have been listening to the heartbeat and seeing the baby every day. That part is always the highlight of their day, but I’m sure nothing tops you waking up and joining them again. Welcome back,” the doctor told me and then placed a hand on my shoulder before he walked out of the room.

  Two hours later

  “You gonna come home today, Mama?” Khari asked as she lay on the bed with me.

  This little girl had been talking my ear off from the second I opened my eyes, but I loved every moment of it. To the right of us, my mother had Rylo sitting at a circular table, and she was braiding her hair. The tubes were finally out of my throat, but my throat was still so sore. It really felt like I had swallowed a bunch of rocks. I did basic things today once I woke up. With the help of the nurses, I sat up in the bed, and I even stood up for one whole minute.

  I broke down crying once it hit me that certain basic things, I would have to learn all over again, like simple standing and walking. I hadn’t worked my legs in so long that walking would be a process for me. The nurses had already let me know that I would have to start physical therapy once I was discharged from the hospital. They were talking ab
out keeping me there for another week or so. It was so crazy how I had been in this bed all this time, but the second I woke up, I was actually ready to go home. Something about this hospital room was so depressing.

  The only thing that brought me joy was being around my kids and my mother. I was shown an ultrasound of my baby not too long ago, and that had me emotional as well because this baby was definitely fighting its little heart out. Knowing who my daughter’s real father was and knowing who the real father to my new baby was just brought me so much pain. That man was the reason I was there.

  When the kids weren’t listening earlier, my mother put me back in the loop of a lot of things, but mainly she was just catching me up to speed and telling me the amount of time that Reggie was looking at spending in prison. It was good that he would be put away for a very long time, but I wanted him dead for what he’d done to me.

  “Not today, baby. Soon, though,” I told Khari.

  I lay with my head on the pillows propped up behind me, and I could feel myself growing tired, but I knew this little girl wasn’t done talking my ears off yet.

  “Mama, I got two little brothers or sisters on the way. You got a baby coming and Normani,” my daughter said, which surprised me.

  I looked at my mother, and she quickly looked away, which let me know that she had to have known that news too.

  “Uh, huh, Mama. Normani has a baby coming too. You know her and daddy got married? Yep, that’s where I been living, but I go to grandma’s house too. You and Normani got something in common, Mama. Y’all both gonna have big bellies,” Khari said, followed by her sweet, innocent giggle.

  My baby would tell everybody’s business, so if you didn’t want your news spread out in the world, then it was best you didn’t talk around her. Before my daughter brought up Normani, I promised that I’d forgotten all about her. When Khari mentioned her name, that’s when Billion’s grandmother’s party came back to me, and I thought about the encounter that Normani and I shared in the bathroom. I thought about the things that I’d said to her. Truthfully, I thought that I’d run her off, but I guess I didn’t.