I let my head rest in the crook of her neck, and I could feel her planting soft kisses on my arm that I had wrapped across her. She was in bed naked, and her soft body felt like butter in front of mine. I felt the dampness still in her hair, and I could smell the avocado shampoo that she used whenever she washed it.
“Is it handled?” her soft voice asked me.
I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to talk to my wife about street shit. She turned around in my arms and faced me, laying her head on the same pillow as me as she gazed up in my eyes. It was dark as fuck in the room, but I still saw her.
“You don’t have to answer that. I’m just glad you made it back home safe. I knew that if I stayed up, I wouldn’t do anything but worry myself sick about you, so I pretty much forced myself to go to sleep. I prayed that God would be a shield of protection over you tonight for whatever you were going to get out there and do. I know that I can’t say or do anything to make you feel better, so I’ll just continue praying for you. I’m sorry that you lost your uncle, baby, but I’m here. You know I’ll always be here for you, right?” her soft voice asked as she reached up and smoothed the side of my face.
“I know, ma. Go back to sleep. Ima be aight,” I said.
She leaned up and kissed me a couple of times on my lips.
“I love you,” she told me.
“I love you more,” I let her know, and she fell back to sleep in a matter of two minutes, while it wasn’t that easy for me.
Even when I did get to a point where I felt myself about to doze off, I couldn’t get into a good enough sleep. I tossed and turned for the rest of the night.
“Girl, I can’t believe your ass is finally up. I won’t even lie; I was beginning to lose faith and lose my mind at the same damn time. Khari would be in here in the bed with you, and she would be putting her hands on your eyes, trying to force them open and everything. That little girl is a damn mess right there. She’s the reason why I don’t want a damn daughter. My ass would be in jail if I had to deal with a slick ass mouth like hers all the time,” I joked to Denim as I sat with her in her hospital room.
She laughed at what I said because I was sure she knew that everything I said was true. It had been almost a week since she woke up from her coma, and this was my third time coming to see her. I just wanted to come and keep her company because she had been telling me how bad she was ready to go back home. She had to show progress in her strength, though, which she really wasn’t showing because Denim didn’t want to work with the nurses and the therapists.
I didn’t want to speak on it, but I felt that Denim was going through depression. It’s like, she’s been locked out of the world for almost three months, and when she woke up, life had gone on without her. I had been around to witness when Khari would go on and on about her father’s wife, Normani. Khari was only five years old, and she didn’t really understand the things that were taking place right in front of her. All she saw was a bonus mother that she’d gained in Normani and another little brother or sister on the way. Denim probably looked at it as her daughter finding interest in another woman while she had been in a coma.
I wasn’t sure if her feelings for Billionaire still ran deep, but she woke up, and the man was literally married, with a whole new baby on the way. If it was depression that Denim was fighting, I just wanted to be there to help her kick this shit. She looked really pretty today. Her mother had given her dreads a re-twist earlier in the week, so they were freshly done and pulled into a bun. It’s like her dreads just kept getting longer and longer. She wasn’t dressed in the plain, ugly hospital gown either. In fact, she’d already had her bath for the night, and she was in two pieced Victoria Secret pajamas.
My son had come to the hospital with me, and we stopped to pick up food for the three of us, but Denim had barely touched the food that I’d fixed for her. It was just the three of us in the room. Since all this happened, this was the first time that I’d come to the hospital, and her mother wasn’t here. Although she would probably never admit it, I knew her mama was glad to sleep in her own bed tonight. For almost three months, she’d been sleeping on the hospital couch as a bed.
“That’s why I’m praying to God that this one is a boy. I’ve been up for what? Five days, and Khari done already told me enough stories to last a damn lifetime. She just be involuntarily telling me information that I really don’t need to know about. I learned from her about Billion being married and having a baby on the way. Girl, and if I have to hear another damn story about a fuckin’ Normani, I’m going to pull out my damn teeth,” Denim told me, and I laughed.
I won’t even lie, the first time my son spent the night over at his dad’s house and Normani was there, he went on and on about Normani. Hurt my little feelings when he bragged about Normani making the best pancakes, or whatever else he was telling me about. For the longest, it was always Normani this and Normani that. Although I was annoyed about it at first, I had to look at the situation from a different perspective. Normani could have been somebody who my child didn’t like and was fuckin’ with my child. Then again, I would probably just have to beat her ass for that, but Lil Bill vouched for her, which was a good thing because my son took on his father’s attitude, and he hardly liked any damn body.
“That’s why when she comes around, I’m mindful of what I say. She’s like a little damn sponge. After you get home and you start feeling a little bit better and everything, I’m sure the two of you are going to have to meet and—”
“Nah, we don’t. Billion’s fuckin’ her, not me. If he vouches for her, and if he trusts her around Khari, that’s all that matters. I don’t need to be introduced to nobody’s bitch. Besides, she and I already started off on the wrong foot, and I’m not about to sit up and apologize to her for shit that I said. I want to get my shit together, get better, and be up out of Miami. I want to be far, far away from this shit,” Denim spoke.
I had to be gentle with her because, with the state she was in, I knew that her emotions were all over the place, but I felt like she was talking from a place of anger. Almost as if she was playing tit for tat with Billion and wanting to move just because he’d moved on.
“Move where? Did you tell that to Billion?” I asked, and she sucked her teeth.
“Tell Billion that I want to move from Miami? No. I didn’t think that I would have to consult with him about that. Khari lives with me. I’m the primary guardian, and the only reason she’s been staying with him is that I was incapable of doing it at the time, and—”
“And because he took her from you once your secret came out! Denim, woman to woman, you tripping. You got every reason to want to get the fuck up out of Miami. Personally, I’ve often thought about moving, but when you got kids with a nigga, you gotta think about how your actions will hurt the other party. Billion ain’t leaving Miami ever, and I know my son don’t want to leave here because this is where the rest of his family is, his friends, and his school.
“Not to say that I wouldn’t move, but it would be something that is talked about before I just make a drastic decision like that. If I move, it would be for a better business opportunity or something like that. You moving because you want to get back at Billion for moving on, and I don’t think it’s right. Ima head out, and I hope you are in a much better mood tomorrow. Just in case nobody told you this today, Denim, you got a second chance at life. Everybody don’t get to tell that same story. Be better than what you were before you ended up in this hospital,” I said, keeping it real with her.
She didn’t respond, but it didn’t matter because at least she’d heard me. I motioned for my son to come on, and before he walked to the door, he went over to Denim and gave her a hug. His headphones had been in his ears the entire time because he was playing a game on his phone, so I doubt he’d heard anything that had taken place.
Once we made it back to the car, I looked at the clock, and I still had some time to make it to the mall. I wanted to find my son a suit to wear on Saturd
ay, so he could attend his great uncle Malcom’s funeral, and I needed to find a dress as well. I heard the news from my cousin Roheem, and that was one thing that I hoped my gossiping ass cousin had his news all wrong about, but it was confirmed once I called Billion’s mother and talked to her. Of course, I tried reaching out to my baby daddy, so I could send him my condolences, but the second I tried to bring it up, he stopped me from even saying it.
The relationship that Billion had with his uncle was a beautiful one. Whenever the two of them were around each other, I swear it was always shits and giggles. The funeral was this weekend, and it was only right that I went to pay my respects. I was cool with Malcom too, although he was always talking shit whenever I came around.
As I was pulling out of the hospital parking lot, my phone buzzed in the cupholder. A smile formed on my face when I looked down and saw that it was Chris calling me. Listen, a bitch went on one date with this nigga and I told myself that I would take it slow because I wanted him to wrap up whatever old dealings he had with any hoes he was still fuckin’, although he claimed that he didn’t have hoes. Yet, I still jumped headfirst into a relationship with him.
I took him up on his offer when he approached me at the club, and we went on a date that weekend. It was all about me that night. Although Chris and I had entertained each other in the past, we didn’t really know much about each other. He went out of his way to find out my favorite restaurant and flowers from my cousin Roheem, so that night, I was wined and dined with all my favorites.
We came back to my spot, and my pussy was crying for him. A bitch hadn’t been touched in so damn long that I would have been a fool to not let the nigga fuck. I needed those back to back orgasms he had given me right there on the couch, in my bedroom, and in my bathroom. For the first time in years, I was in a relationship, and I knew that I didn’t have to worry about him playing me because, for whatever reason, I just trusted him. I already told him that if he fucked around on me, I had a bullet waiting with his name on it. I had been through so much shit with a nigga cheat on me that I knew all the red flags of him fuckin’ up.
“Hey, baby,” I answered with the phone to my ear.
“Where you going?” he asked, getting right to the point.
“About to go to the mall right quick. Are you still at the shop? I thought you were leaving early today,” I said.
I could tell that he was in the shop from the loud trap music that was playing in the background.
“I’m about to leave in a minute. I have your location on my phone, and I was just calling to see where you was headed. I thought you were coming over tonight. You gave any thought to what I told you?” he asked.
“I’m going to the mall. Me and my son have to find something for the funeral this weekend. I did give it some thought, but I have to talk to my son about it. I want to know how he feels about it too. It would have been simpler if I didn’t have kids, but I do, so certain things, I gotta think about a little further, especially when my son is involved. I don’t want to move so fast, and then shit don’t go right, and I gotta pack up all our shit and leave yo’ ass,” I vented.
Chris had asked me to move in with him about a week ago. He had a nice, spacious home that was actually big enough to accommodate the three of us, but it had only been a few months since we had seriously started dating, and I didn’t want to rush into things, and shit didn’t work out. I loved Chris. Like, really, really loved Chris, but this was one time that I had to be a little selfish with my actions because I wanted my son to be comfortable with this decision too. My son loved Chris, though. He even told me the other day that he was happy I was dating because he thought I would die lonely.
“See how I feel about what?” Lil Bill asked from the back seat.
I laughed because I didn’t even know his ass was listening to my conversation.
“Moving in with Chris,” I said. I wanted to see where he stood with this.
He shrugged like he didn’t even care.
“As long as I get to have my own room, then I don’t care. I like Chris’ house anyway. He got the gaming room that I keep telling you I want,” my son answered.
I groaned at his answer because now he had put me in a position where it was just up to me to answer, and I could no longer use the excuse of needing to check in with my son anymore on Chris. The idea of living with a nigga just scared me shitless. My baby daddy had scarred a bitch for life. When he and I were together, I felt like a lot of our problems didn’t really start until we moved in. That’s when I found empty condom wrappers in his pockets, text messages in his phone from other bitches and a bunch of other shit.
These niggas took you for granted once you moved in too early, and you didn’t have some type of commitment as far as marriage. All it took was one slip up for the nigga to knock me up, and I would just become another nigga’s live-in baby mama. I wanted more from a nigga this time around.
“You already told me all the shit that you’re worried about. Give a nigga a chance. Let’s do this. Move in with me, but keep your apartment. I’ll pay the rent. We’re going to give it two months, and if I live up to my word, you move in with me for good. I ain’t gonna break your heart, shorty. Give me less than a year, and I swear to God, I plan to make you my wife. Although I don’t have kids of my own yet, you got Lil Bill, and me and him are real close. Therefore, I got a little boy that’s looking at me, and I gotta show him the correct way that a man is supposed to treat his lady. I know he sees that shit when he goes around his father, but I want him to see it from me too. I’m trying to do some shit with you that I ain’t never do with another woman before,” he said.
I was blushing so damn hard that it felt like my damn cheeks would break. He was winning me over, though.
“After we leave the mall, I’m going home and pack a bag for the two of us, and then we’ll come over. We’ll finish this conversation tonight. Okay?” I asked.
“Cool. Be safe out there,” he said, and then we hung up.
For the rest of the drive to the mall, the only thing on my mind was the conversation that I’d just had with Chris. I knew that he and Billion needed to meet each other, but the way Billion was so damn snappy these days, now wasn’t the time.
“Ma, can I ask you something without you getting mad?” my son asked me from the backseat.
I turned the radio all the way down because I had a feeling that this would be one deep conversation.
We often had deep conversations. I remember when Lil Bill was old enough to actually understand what prison was and some of the things people did to get themselves put in prison. Once he understood that, then, of course, what followed was him wanting to know why his father had been sent to prison. I remember at seven years old, my son had asked me if his father was in prison for killing somebody.
Billion had always told me that when the time came, and our son wanted to know why he was sent away, he wanted to be the one to tell him the story. Until Billion told him, it was just my job to talk around the subject. I didn’t want to step on my baby daddy’s toes, especially since he wanted to be the author of his own story. Lil Bill knew the details, but he didn’t know big details about his father once being in the streets heavy, and I knew for a fact that Billion definitely had a few bodies under him.
For the most part, I didn’t like to hide things from my son, but I just hoped that he would not ask me something super deep and have me reveal something to him that I felt he wasn’t ready to know yet.
“What do you want to know?” I asked, looking at him through the rearview mirror. We were almost at the mall when he started this conversation.
“Is Khari my real sister? Like, is my dad her dad?” he asked, knocking the damn wind out of me with his question.
We were at a red light, and I squeezed the steering wheel, wishing I had some type of magic and that he had never asked me this question. But I made sure I never discussed Khari not belonging to Billion around my son. Even when I told the news to my mom a
nd to Roheem, I made sure I told them when my son wasn’t even home. That way, he wouldn’t sneak up on me and catch me talking about it. I had no idea how the hell he even knew about this.
“What made you ask me that?” I wanted to know.
“I been wanting to ask. I was just too scared to. The night of my great grandma’s birthday party, I heard when dad was talking to grandma outside the car. The back window wasn’t rolled all the way up, so I heard the whole thing. Daddy was crying, and he was mad, so I never wanted to ask. Then, another time, I heard him and Normani saying something about it. Is that true? I hope it’s not because Khari is the only little sister I got. I know Normani has a baby on the way, but still, I want Khari to still be my sister too,” my son said, and I could hear the sadness in his voice.
The crazy thing is, my son was a lot like his dad, and he hated to show his emotions. I remember a couple of years ago when he fell and broke his arm, I was the one crying, panicking, and carrying on as I watched him with an arm that was barely holding on. I knew my son was in pain, but he wouldn’t show it. When his father was still in prison, each time that Billion would do his daily phone call, after the call ended, Lil Bill would lock himself up in the bathroom for about ten minutes. When he came out, his eyes would be bloodshot red from crying because he wanted his dad to come home.
The fact that I could hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke, it brought sadness to my heart. I felt so bad because my son had been holding this in for months, and he was just now saying something about it. Billion told me at our son’s birthday party that he didn’t want me to say anything to Lil Bill about it. Although I had respected his wishes when he said it, I didn’t want to look my son in his eyes and lie to him either.
“A big part of me wants to tell you to ask your dad, but he’s already dealing with so much because of what happened to his uncle. What I will say is that the things you heard are right. Another man is Khari’s father, but that same man is the one who’s responsible for Denim being in the hospital. We don’t give him the recognition of being Khari’s real father because he’s a coward. I just want you to know that nothing changes. Khari will always be your little sister, no matter what. Think about it; since your great grandmother’s birthday party, have you and Khari not been around each other? Since the truth came out, has anything changed with your relationship with your sister,” I asked, and he shook his head no.
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