Around him, the world crumpled, shattering like glass. Life drained from him and pooled on the floor, leaving him only enough to move his body, walk out the door, stumble down the stairs, and collapse on the cold marble. Tears didn’t come. They were already spent. Hatred didn’t ignite. The fire inside him had been doused by Malcolm’s icy reality. Fear couldn’t take hold. In a world where he’d just lost everything that had come to matter to him, fear had no meaning.
Will fled. He didn’t know where he could go. His room was too close to that man. He needed more distance—space. But everywhere around him were reminders of what a fool he’d been, of how right his initial evaluation of Malcolm’s sadistic cruelness had been.
He needed to talk. But to whom? Kaleana was the only person likely to know anything about it, and she would be too loyal to Malcolm. She was complicit. Syrus would know what to do. His advice would be invaluable. He’d be able to help Will think of a way to stop Malcolm, to draw attention to what was going on.
Downstairs and out the back door. Will needed to keep moving. If he stopped, everything he’d learned would catch up to him. Any time he paused, the sheer magnitude of what was going on suffocated him. Down the path to the beach. Dark clouds in the sky ensured his privacy. The ocean swirled, crashing against the shore in angry anticipation of the storm.
He sat on the beach, digging his fingers into the clumpy sand. The water came in and out, covering his ankles and lapping at his pants. If only the current could whisk him away, take him far from here. But where would he go? What existed beyond the horizon? Nothing but more nation-states of the Federation. More Alphas abusing more Zeds. More Betas caught in between. Did a Zed sit on the opposite shore, hurt and lonely?
No. Will had to be the only Zed on earth foolish enough to fall in love with an Alpha. And not just any Alpha, one who actively worked against Zeds and justice. Weariness consumed him, an exhaustion of body and mind and emptiness of spirit. He lay back on the sand, staring at the sky, hoping for some answer. He looked to the heavens like the ancients had. The answers he’d find there couldn’t be worse than the answers science gave.
The tide was coming in. Each wave encircled more of his body. The clouds overhead broke, sending the first fat raindrops onto his face. Yes. Let them wash away his pain. A few drops turned to many, and soon a sheet of rain poured onto him even as the ocean surrounded him. Will surrendered.
37
Thirty-Seven
Tension hung in the dining room. Walken’s visit had unnerved everyone. It was why Malcolm had decided to eat with them instead of staying away.
“Where’s Will?” Malcolm had tried to ignore the empty seat. He was probably in his room, processing everything that had happened. Malcolm was inclined to let him be. However, Will needed the support of the others right now. Missing a meal would only make it harder to rejoin the group later. “Tony, why don’t you go get him? He’s probably in his room or the library.”
“No, I was just in the library, and he wasn’t there,” Syrus said from his end of the table.
Malcolm tried to ignore the worry in Syrus’s voice. It didn’t help his own growing sense of foreboding. “His room, then.”
Tony nodded and left. The meal resumed except for a few wary glances from Carson. Ten minutes passed. That was why he’d asked Tony to go. He’d be able to comfort Will and make it easier on him. A few minutes later, Tony returned.
Without Will.
“I can’t find him anywhere. I’ve checked every room. He’s not in the house.”
Malcolm kept his surge of panic under control. Tony already looked worried enough for both of them, and he wasn’t one to excite easily. The unease in the room grew as the others questioned Tony. Malcolm wasn’t listening. He pulled his Glass Tab from his pocket and brought up the security feed. He scrolled through the images. Either the tab wasn’t moving fast enough or his eyes weren’t—he couldn’t tell. Finally he found it, footage of Will leaving through the back door. He accessed the live feed from one of his exterior cameras and zoomed in, searching the landscape. The storm made it nearly impossible to see, but Malcolm made out a dark spot on the beach. He zoomed in further. It was Will. It looked as though he’d fallen and was perhaps unconscious. The water swirled around him when a wave came in, rendering him almost invisible.
Malcolm ran.
The back door banged so hard from his forceful exit that the window in it shattered. In the back of his mind, Malcolm thought to warn the others to watch for glass as he heard them following, but it seemed of little consequence if he was too late. Rain pelted his face, stinging his eyes as he searched the beach. He kept his eyes on the line of white foam where ocean met sand. As focused as he was, he still almost tripped over Will.
The sight before him horrified him more than he could have imagined. Will hadn’t fallen. He lay passively, allowing the water to consume him.
“Will!” Malcolm knelt in the sand and scooped Will into his arms, scooting him back, away from the tide. “Will!” Relief overwhelmed him when Will coughed up water.
“Leave me alone.” Will shook his head in a groggy, lolling motion. His eyes remained closed.
“Not a chance.” Malcolm lifted Will and took him up the path to the house. By this time, the others had caught up to him. “Kaleana, go get some warm towels. We need to get him dry.”
“I’ll have Marcy get some soup, warm him up from the inside.” Tony ran ahead with Kaleana. The storm had cooled the air.
“I-i-i-is he g-g-g-gonna be all right?”
“Of course he is. You know Malcolm won’t let anything happen to any of us, especially not Will.”
Nick’s confidence in him was inspiring, but Malcolm wasn’t so sure. Will’s skin was pale, and he shivered. Rufus appeared with an umbrella for the last half of the walk.
“I can carry him for you.”
Malcolm shook his head. “No, I have him.” He didn’t want to let go. “Thank you.”
Rufus kept pace with him, shielding Will from the rain. Syrus waited at the door with Carson. “What is it?”
Malcolm didn’t have time to answer. Nick or Stu would tell him. He took the stairs two at a time. His first instinct was to take Will to his room, their shared space. Given recent events, though, that was no longer appropriate. Besides, Will’s room was closer. Rufus opened the door for him, and he rushed to place Will on the bed.
As soon as Will hit the sheets, Kaleana entered with an armful of towels. “We need to get him out of those wet clothes.”
Malcolm was already pulling off Will’s shirt. Once his skin was exposed to the air, Will’s shivering increased. Kaleana helped Malcolm get him dried off and dressed in some flannel pajamas and socks. He moved him to the other side of the bed until they could change the sheets. Malcolm held Will’s feet in his hands, trying to warm them. “Come on, Will.”
“I have some broth for him, Malcolm.”
He looked up to see Marcy place a tray on the bedside table and pull up a chair. He hadn’t noticed it before, but everyone had gathered in the room. Even Jess was there. “Thank you, Marcy.”
“Of course. Will, can you open your eyes for me?”
“He hasn’t opened them since I found him.”
“All right.” Marcy lifted Will’s head in one hand and took a spoon of the broth in the other. When she fed it to him, he sputtered and choked. “How did you find him?”
“He was on the beach, letting the waves crash on him.”
“He’s likely got some water in his lungs, and it feels like he might have a fever.”
Panic seized Malcolm’s heart. “Call a doctor.”
Malcolm felt a hand on his shoulder. “You know we can’t.” Kaleana’s reasonable voice grated on him. How could she act as if denying Will medical care was natural all because of a stupid genetic test?
“I don’t care.”
“Malcolm, he’ll be fine. Let us take care of him. We haven’t survived this many years because we’re daft.” Ton
y spoke from behind him.
“There’s a lot we can do without providing medical care or dispensing drugs. He’s surrounded by people who love him, and we’ll take care of him. Don’t worry.” Marcy said.
“This is ridiculous. The boy needs a doctor.” That was the first time Malcolm had ever heard Jess raise her voice.
“Call for a doctor and what he’ll get is a Geneticist taking him away. Is that what you want, Jess? If you’re not going to be any help here, go wait downstairs.”
Jess left. Malcolm couldn’t blame her.
“The best thing we can do is keep him warm, dry, and fed. He should be monitored around the clock in case his fever spikes, so it’d be best if all of you would go to your beds. We can take shifts.”
“Marcy’s right. Thank you all for your concern.” Malcolm kept his gaze on Will’s face, trying to will him to open his eyes. He didn’t care if he hated him for the rest of time. He needed him to be all right.
“We all love him, Malcolm.” Tony bent down and kissed his cheek.
Logically, Malcolm knew Tony spoke honestly, but he found it hard to register that he wasn’t the only one who loved Will. They didn’t love him the way he did, the way that would devastate him should something happen to Will. Their love was kind, gentle, encouraging. Malcolm’s was rough and cold, with an intensity that frightened him.
“Thank you, Tony.”
“T-t-t-tell him we l-l-l-love him and w-w-want him to get b-b-better.”
“I will.” Malcolm wanted to reach out and reassure Stu, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go of Will’s feet, as if he alone held Will to the earth.
“Come on, Stu. We want to make sure we’re wide awake tomorrow so we can keep him entertained.” Nick winked at Malcolm. He tried to muster a smile in response, but it wasn’t possible.
Rufus and Carson were silent on their way out, only stopping to pat Malcolm on the back. Malcolm appreciated having so many people care, but he couldn’t find any solace in it. He didn’t know how much help their support would be if Will didn’t pull through.
“You should go to bed too, Syrus. I’ll stay with him.” Kaleana kissed Syrus on the cheek.
“All right. Take care of him.”
Kaleana sat on the floor by the bed, leaning her back against Malcolm’s legs. As always, she knew exactly what to do. Her weight grounded him, gave him hope that he wouldn’t drift away. The only sounds in the room were Will’s labored breathing and Marcy’s encouraging words as he struggled with the broth. It seemed to take forever for Marcy to get through the entire bowl.
“There. He’s taken it all, which is a good sign. I can stay with him tonight and come get you in the morning.”
“No, I won’t be able to sleep anyway. Thank you for your help.”
“Get me if you need me or if there’s a change. I bet his fever breaks, and he’ll be just fine. It’s scary tonight, but the morning will bring good news.” Marcy left Malcolm alone with Will and Kaleana.
He kept his hold on Will’s feet. They had warmed, and Malcolm gently rubbed them, hoping to provide some soothing comfort and encouragement.
“I have some Cillen pills in my room. I could slip him one, and he’d be better in an hour’s time.” Malcolm finally let slip the thought he’d been harboring since he’d found Will. It hadn’t been safe before with the others present.
“Yes, so he could be awake and standing for the Geneticists when they come. You know the collar would detect it in his blood. Not only would they kill Will, they’d arrest you and send all of your Zeds to the DGI. Then what?”
“Kaleana, I can’t. I can’t sit by here and not help him.” He choked on the words. Tears sprang to his eyes.
“You haven’t got another option.”
“If they came, they wouldn’t be able to get in, not unless I let them.”
“I understand you feel the need to do something, and I’m happy to entertain your fantasies, but you know that’s all they are.”
“They don’t have to be.”
“You’d start an all-out war with the Geneticists if you denied them entry. This is the largest non-Geneticist compound in New Cali, probably in the Federation. They’d make an example out of taking it down.”
She was right. Malcolm knew it. Still, he thought of saving Will and taking a boat out to sea. They could go and never turn back. But what kind of dream was that, leaving behind everyone else? He needed Will more than he needed anything, but he also needed his family, and they needed him. Besides, there was no escaping the collar. Even if they all left together, one missed Eval and they’d all be dead.
It wasn’t fair. He was one of the most powerful non-Geneticist Alphas in the Federation, but he couldn’t save the life of the man he loved. The ability existed, the technology, the will, but it was to no avail because of their stupid laws. Malcolm didn’t care what happened to him, but if he gave Will medicine, he’d be condemning him to die. He shuddered to think about it. The Geneticists wouldn’t be merciful. Then there were the other Zeds to consider.
No, he knew his idea could never work. That didn’t keep him from wishing the world were different. Will didn’t deserve to suffer, not when there was the technology to spare him. The whole thing was ridiculous. Malcolm’d had access to drugs from the time he was born and had never needed them. He’d never been prone to illness. What a waste. What was the use of advanced pharmaceuticals if the people who needed them most were forbidden to use them? It was one more damned piece of the puzzle he didn’t have an answer for. There probably wasn’t one. He knew there was no satisfactory explanation. How could there be? Such inhumanity could not be justified.
“You want to tell me what happened?”
“You saw. He was just lying there.”
“That was the fallout, not the actual event.”
Malcolm didn’t want to say it out loud, to confirm to Kaleana that it was his fault. The guilt already descended on him with crushing force. But he needed to tell someone. Maybe it would relieve the oppression enough so he could at least breathe again.
“He found out. When Walken showed up, I remembered I’d left a program running to compile some of the data from the hack. I messaged Will to shut it down. Before he did, he saw the completed program and copied the data to his tab. It didn’t take him long to see the proof that the whole system is a scam, proof that I lied to him. He confronted me, and I let him walk away. His entire world fell apart today, and I wasn’t there to help him put it back together. And this happened right after he’d seen that girl’s leg fixed in minutes with the Med Machine. It was too much.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it is. He’s my responsibility, and I wasn’t there for him.”
“You couldn’t have been. We both know Will’s got a lot of anger at the world bottled up inside. It has to be given the time and space to burn out before he’ll see reason.”
“Then I should have stood in the fire with him.”
Kaleana shook her head. “What do you think he’d say if he saw you right now?”
“That he hates me, but I’d love him for saying the words if it meant he’d be fine.”
“He will be fine. And when he wakes up, he’ll talk some sense into you.”
Malcolm didn’t care what Will did when he woke up, as long as he did.
38
Thirty-Eight
“You can stop pretending you’re asleep. It’s just me.”
He’d been caught. All morning people had been streaming in and out of Will’s room. At first, he hadn’t wanted to face the day. Then he hadn’t wanted to face their questions, so he’d pretended to be asleep. Will opened his eyes to see Syrus perched on the side of his bed.
“I’d like to think that everyone’s been so worried that they hadn’t been able to hear the difference in your breathing, but I don’t think any of them hear well enough to tell anyway. Sometimes I wonder how you all go through life not hearing so much of it.”
“It’
s easier to sacrifice some hearing when you’ve got your sight.” Will sat up, trying to ignore his throbbing headache.
“I don’t understand why it takes losing your sight to develop real hearing. Seems we should all just have the hearing to begin with.”
“I’ll bring it up at my next meeting with the Geneticists,” Will deadpanned.
“Ah, there’s my boy. Now how does a lad with such a great sense of humor end up trying to kill himself?”
Will looked at his hands. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”
“That’s certainly what it looked like.”
“How would you know what it looked like?”
“Joking around won’t distract me. You should know better.”
Will sighed. “Well, I wasn’t. And even if I was, what does it matter?”
“If I were the violent type, I’d slap you for that remark. Do you really have such little love and concern for your fellow Zeds? For Malcolm?”
“Malcolm couldn’t care less.”
“I’ve never sensed as much fear in my life as I did from Malcolm when he brought you into the house. Your fever broke around midnight, but he still didn’t leave your side until Marcy assured him this morning you’d be fine. Even then, Kaleana had to tear him away to sleep.” Syrus’s tone was more serious than Will had ever heard. Will knew Syrus wasn’t lying, but he didn’t know how to reconcile the man who’d saved his life—multiple times—to the man who knowingly facilitated the enslavement of Will’s people and lied about it.
“I didn’t go down there to kill myself. I just needed to get away. I lay down, and the rain and ocean felt so good, like they could just sweep me away.”
“And why would you want to leave this place?”
Will couldn’t tell him. He’d already made that determination. The people under this roof were the only family he’d ever had. He couldn’t disrupt their lives with knowledge he wished he didn’t have. Besides, he still didn’t know how this would play out.
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