by Jodi Thomas
Josh groaned and rolled over, pinning her underneath him. His muscular thigh separated her legs as his chest pressed her down. Bethanie raised her hand to block the sun from her eyes. Josh rose to his knees above her, smiling tenderly as his long, strong fingers swept from her shoulders to her thighs. Bethanie moaned and swayed to the caressing fingers washing over her. The wind brushed a cooling breath across her body, only to have the heat return again as Josh’s hands stroked fire to her flesh once more.
She watched him above her. His powerful muscles tightened as he brushed her flesh with his fingertips. The sun splashed diamonds across his damp shoulders and the breeze moved a black curl over his forehead. The hair covering his chest was already dry and swaying slightly across his lean form in the breeze. Bethanie spread her arms wide above her head and gripped the ground, lest her dream take her skyward. She studied his wonderful body in detail. He seemed fascinated as her bright nipples peaked beneath his thumb’s circular motion. Then, his attention wandered suddenly, and his hands followed in intricate pursuit.
The cool wind on one side and Josh on the other competed for her warmth until Bethanie could endure no more. She lifted her hands and pulled him closer to her. Running her fingers into the softness of his damp hair she gloried in his smothering kisses. When his lips found her yielding mouth, his weight flattened her against the grassy earth. She was lost somewhere beyond her wildest fantasy. Josh’s kiss was demanding, pleading, begging. She could no more deny him than stop the beating of her heart.
He held her shoulders tenderly as he entered her, laying claim to what would always be his. Bethanie cried out in joy as he moved within her. There was nowhere else at this moment other than in his arms. As she felt his release deep inside her, an explosion shook her entire body. They were one in a timeless ritual of love. She clung to him, reluctant for even the tiniest moment to pass.
Josh lay for several minutes holding Bethanie, wondering how this time could have been even more wonderful than the first. He knew she was made for him, a perfect match. “I heard an old legend somewhere,” he whispered into the dampness of her hair, “about how man once was double in height. When God decided to have two sexes He cut man in half. When a man finds his other half on this earth, he walks twice as tall.” Josh kissed her forehead. “I’ve met my mate.”
“I love you,” he whispered. His hands could not resist returning once more to cup her breasts. Even though his passion was spent, Josh couldn’t believe the softness which filled his palm. “I’ve thought of you constantly these past days.”
He pulled the bedroll blanket over her as she lay resting in his arms. “You’re so perfect. The very touch of you may someday drive me mad.” Josh moved his hand lazily down her side to her hips.
Josh studied Bethanie’s face, but her eyes were closed as if in sleep. “Dream, Bethanie, if you wish, but it is the reality I prefer.” He pulled her closer, allowing her to feel his need for her. “We’d better get married fast. I don’t plan on spending a night without you in my bed.”
Though Bethanie lay perfectly still, Josh began kissing her throat, pushing her hair from her silky skin as he moved toward her mouth. As he reached her lips, Josh pulled back to study her face.
He saw an eruption of pain in Bethanie’s eyes as she looked at him. She twisted violently away from him. A sudden chill pierced Josh. He reached for her, but she rolled away.
Bethanie stood quickly, avoiding his touch, and silently began to dress. He could hear her short intake of breath, telling him her sorrow was too great for tears. Her slight cries tore at his heart with more pain than a blade could inflict.
“What is it?” Josh knew something must be terribly wrong. Could it be possible she didn’t love him? No, Josh’s mind rejected that thought. No woman could respond so willing with her entire body and not be in love.
“I tried to tell you before,” she began, fighting to control her breathing. “Didn’t you stop by the house?”
“No, I saw you when I rode in.” Josh stood and pulled on his pants. He knew by her tone that something must have happened. “What’s wrong? Is it Ben? Is he hurt?”
Bethanie bit her lip until she tasted blood. “Ben’s married.” She could see disbelief and anger blend in Josh’s handsome face. Her hands were shaking so badly she could barely button her dress. Her own pain was multiplied by the hurt she must deal Josh after loving him so completely.
“Married?” Josh yelled. “Are you crazy? Ben married? To who?” Josh stepped toward her. “Is this some cruel joke? Ben would never marry; he’s tied until death to that wheelchair.”
“He’s married to me,” Bethanie whispered as she turned to face Josh. There was no hiding. She must hold her head high. What was done was done.
Josh’s face drained of blood. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” he said, unable to even pull on his shirt.
“Yes. We were married two days ago by a preacher.” Tears rolled unchecked down Bethanie’s face. “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t let me.”
Shock turned to anger in Josh. “Hell, Bethanie, I was only gone a week. Didn’t you believe I loved you and would come back?” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her violently. “I’d fight any man for you, but not Ben, not my own brother.” The full force of her words registered on him like an avalanche of iron, and he jerked away from her. She was his brother’s wife.
“We thought you were dead!” Bethanie gulped in fright and heartbreak. The memory of Ben’s words returned to her mind. He’d said he’d kill anyone who touched his wife. “Wilbur came to take me back to San Antonio and Ben offered to marry me to stop him. It was the only way we could think of to stop Wilbur.”
Josh slammed his fist into the bark of a nearby tree, not noticing the bloody splits in his flesh, so deep was his hurt inside. “Dear God, Bethanie, what have you done?” He raked his unharmed hand through his wet black hair. “What have you done?”
Anger flashed in Bethanie’s eyes. “What have I done?” she cried. “I’ve married your brother because I thought you were dead.” She stepped closer, her face hot with anger. “Where were you? Why didn’t you come back or let us know you were alive?”
Josh frowned. He felt the depth of his loss in every cell of his being. “I had work to do.” His discovery of Mayson’s plan seemed feeble now. What did it matter if Mayson swindled every rancher in Texas? Josh had lost Bethanie. He had lost the only woman he’d ever loved.
Bethanie closed the distance between them. In anger she began pounding in his chest with a fiery rage aimed at the world. Josh gave no defense. Finally her anger turned to sorrow, and she collapsed in his arms. “Hold me,” she whispered beneath her tears. “Hold me once before you let me go forever.”
“No,” Josh cried as he crushed her to him. “No, Bethanie.” How could he live without her? How could he see her and not touch her? How could he fall asleep without her softness beside him? Anger pulsed through his every cell and solidified into grief.
“We have no other choice, Josh,” Bethanie answered. “Hold me now, for when we leave this place, I’ll be Ben’s wife.”
Tears rolled down Josh’s cheeks as he buried his face in her damp hair. He felt her soft body beneath his touch and moaned. “If I live forever and reach all my dreams, my only memory will be of you. God, how I love you, Bethanie!” But he knew she was right, there was no other way. If they spoke of their love again, it would destroy Ben and the moral code all three set their lives by.
“In time you’ll forget me.” Bethanie tried to console him even in her own grief.
“The moment I draw my last breath,” Josh answered.
Bethanie silently pulled away from Josh and moved up the path toward the house. Her heart was pounding so fiercely she thought she might die from its rumbling. To lose him once had caused withdrawal into her own world, yet to lose him twice pushed the realms of her sanity.
Without being conscious of her reasons, Bethanie did what her mother had always done when she w
as sad. She turned to work. Somewhere the logic lay embedded inside her that if she worked hard enough and long enough, there would be no time to think of unhappiness.
* * *
Long after Bethanie left him, Josh sat beside the waterfall. She was gone from him. As dead to him as she had thought he was to her. How could he live with the pain he now felt? How could he ever see beauty again without her by his side? Would he ever watch a sunset and not see the warm gold of her hair? Would any woman ever feel so right in his arms? She was as vital to him as the air and now he must leave her.
Before he left the hidden falls, Josh knew what he must do. He would congratulate Ben, then announce he was leaving with Williams, another rancher, to drive a herd northwest. The mining camps in Colorado were in need of beef, and rumors were you could get as much as forty dollars a head. He would explain to Ben that he must get back to roundup. Ben would understand his hurry, and Bethanie would know the true reason.
The next morning Ben was in a wonderful mood and had even invited neighbors over to celebrate his brother’s return and the first Weston marriage.
Bethanie tried to keep from watching Josh as the company arrived. She’d taken great care to look her best in her one good dress. She didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for her or Ben.
As Josh and Ben talked with the men on the porch, Bethanie tried to concentrate on the women sitting around the dining table. They were sisters and obviously “cut from the same cloth,” as Bethanie’s mother would have said. She guessed they could be no more than forty, yet the Texas sun had already tanned their skin to a wrinkled brown. One was married and the other two were widows of the war. Most folks around these parts just referred to them by the collective name of “the sisters.”
Bethanie tried to look cool and calm as the three women watched her every move. They talked about the weather and canning for about half an hour before the conversation turned to Bethanie’s wedding. They had several questions about how she and Ben had met and why they had married so soon. Bethanie patiently answered with only the bare facts as she saw Josh move to the large elm outside the window. He was talking with one of the men, but she could feel his eyes watching her. The need to go to him was a physical pain within her, but she forced herself to remain motionless.
Finally one, the oldest of the three duplications, interrupted her thoughts by asking how different it must be being married to a cripple. Bethanie smiled and replied she had no idea, for she’d never been married to anyone else. Bethanie was saved from any further questions by the door opening and the last remaining husband of the sisters motioning time for departure. From his manner it would have been impossible to tell which of the three women was his wife.
When Bethanie moved to the doorway to say her goodbyes to the visitors, she saw Josh leading his horse from the barn.
“I better be leaving.” His words were friendly, but Bethanie could see the pain in his eyes.
Ben waved to the neighbors and turned his attention to Josh. “Before you go, I want to ask you one more thing. Beth has taken a liking to that falls you’ve always considered yours. I wonder if you’d mind if she planted a garden down by the water. I’ve already told all the men it’s off limits.”
Josh’s gaze raised behind Ben to Bethanie as she stood at the doorway. “It’s hers…and Dusty’s.” He added the boy’s name. “She’ll need some help to plant.”
Bethanie was surprised Ben even knew she wanted the space for a garden. Ruth must have told him. “Thank you,” she said to both Ben and Josh. “I’ll plant herbs that can heal any wound.” When she looked into Josh’s eyes she wanted to add, “Except a broken heart,” but Ben was too near.
“Well,” Ben sighed. “Take care of yourself, little brother, and we’ll see you in the fall.”
Josh pulled his hat low. “I might just stay up in those mountains and try my luck at mining.”
Ben laughed at what he thought was his brother’s kidding. “You do that, but if you ever need me you know where to find me.”
“Take care of Bethanie and Dusty.” Josh’s words were losing the battle to stay lighthearted.
“With my life,” Ben answered.
Bethanie could not speak as Josh turned and rode away. She wanted to run behind him and beg him to take her, but could not. She was another man’s wife and Josh’s code would never allow any answer except the one at hand.
The days that followed melted together for Bethanie. Ben talked with Mike, trying to think of a way to incriminate Mayson, but the man was as slippery as a water moccasin in knee-deep mud. Nothing but the few words Josh overheard the morning after the stampede pointed to Mayson’s involvement. Bethanie had lived in Texas long enough to know that a man didn’t accuse his neighbor of anything unless he had proof or an itchy gun hand.
Bethanie’s pain over Josh lessened into a dull ache as the days grew longer into summer. She forced herself to plant her garden, as planned, beside the waterfall. Here the young plants were protected from wind by the cliffs and sun by the trees. The area was beautiful, with fifty yards or more of forest growth sprawling out in both directions from the pool at the base of the falls.
Somehow the fire she had discovered with Josh forged her determination to be a better wife to Ben. She was patient and kind and, above all, industrious. Ben’s attitude was as constant toward her as the orbit of the earth, yet Ruth grew gradually more kind. The women worked side by side without talking most of the time, but a warm acceptance grew between them. Ruth readied the kitchen each morning, and Bethanie cleaned up late each night. Ruth even provided her with a few old dresses to clean in so Bethanie could save her brown dress for Sundays and evenings. She found enough blue wool material and began sewing another dress. Each night. she dedicated an hour by the fireplace to tatting. The thin white string in her fingers slowly wove into tiny lace circles she would eventually put on her collar and cuffs.
Bethanie and Dusty’s presence brought a great change in Ben, thanks to Dusty. For the first time in years, Ben left the area around the ranch house. The boy had taken a great liking to Ben and offered to drive him anywhere. Dusty even oiled an old buggy that had been left abandoned in the barn for years.
Ben would never have left on his own, for just the dropping of a rein would have rendered him helpless. He would also never have asked a hired hand to waste his day traveling around with him. But the boy was a different story. Dusty would pull the buggy around back, for Ben didn’t want anyone to see him drag his legs. He had a rail built, so that he could pull himself up beside the buggy. With Dusty to drive the buggy, Ben could cover his ranch land. The boy loved going everywhere with Ben, and Ben loved his new freedom.
Ben loved to talk about politics, and Dusty was a willing listener. With Texas recovering from the war, governors were passing quickly. When the South had been defeated in 1865, Governor Murrah had fled to Mexico The men would sit around after supper and talk about who would be the next man to lead Texas. Dusty would never leave until the last man said good night.
Dusty was often the topic of conversation at dinner between Bethanie and Ben. She suggested he move into Josh’s room. Ben liked the idea, but Dusty refused, saying he would sleep in the bunkhouse with the rest of the men. He could be no more than twelve, Bethanie thought, but he never let anyone forget that he thought himself a man. Maybe that was why he loved Ben so. Ben never talked down to him. He ordered Dusty around sometimes, but then, Ben ordered everyone around.
Ben and Bethanie’s first argument came one evening, close to the end of their first month of marriage, and it, too, was thanks to Dusty. Bethanie ate half her dinner before she mustered the nerve to ask, “Ben, I think we should do something about Dusty’s education.”
Ben wiped his beard with his napkin. “I think the boy will learn all he needs to know working here on the ranch.” He returned to the meal, as if his statement had concluded the discussion.
Bethanie wouldn’t be put off so easily on something she believed in. “I could
teach him a few mornings a week, and I know a man back East who would send a new supply of books every three months.” Her food was completely forgotten now, and what she’d already eaten lay like lead in her stomach. She’d never opposed Ben.
Ben didn’t realize he was in a battle. “He’ll have enough trouble learning how to stay alive.”
Bethanie leaned closer to Ben. “Texas will not always be wild and eventually his education will pay off.”
Ben was growing tired of the discussion. “I think not, Beth.” He wheeled his chair backward and headed for his desk.
Bethanie wouldn’t abandon her cause. She didn’t want Dusty to grow up to be like so many men in this wild country, ignorant of the world outside the range. “We’ll talk about it more tomorrow,” she stated firmly to herself as she began stacking the dinner dishes.
Much to Ben’s displeasure, they talked about it for three days running. Bethanie never yelled or pouted, but stubbornly, unrelentingly presented her side. On the fourth morning Bethanie won and ordered Dusty’s first schoolbooks. Ben spent the morning mumbling about being warned once never to marry a redhead. Dusty fought the idea of book-learning as violently as Ben had, and lost in half the time.
As Bethanie began her second month of marriage, a fleeting thought turned into a nagging worry. The days passed and she waited for her time of month to come, slowly realizing the possibility to be fact. She was pregnant.
The sickness in the morning was slight, but she only took warm tea until noon. Ben paid no notice of her change in eating habits. Her new problem monopolized her thoughts as she went about her daily duties. She was going to have a baby, and she had not yet spent a night in her husband’s bed.
Chapter Ten
The hot Texas sun burned spring away as the nights fought relentlessly to remain cool. Spring’s early promise of lush green now lay dried and parched under the daily baking. Old-timers predicted a harsh winter to come as they stared day after day at cloudless skies.