Why would he ask such a question? She shook her head. “No. Why?”
He chuckled. “Remember how he used to peek out the window when I brought you home, especially if we were later than he thought we should be?”
“Yes, but we never missed a curfew.” Sarah thought back to those nights. “That was one thing he could never complain about you.”
“What do you mean one thing?” Kevin acted insulted. “If he complained about me, he must have looked long and hard to find anything.”
Sarah laughed. “Your ego is still intact.” Her voice dropped to a near whisper. “To be honest, in the end, there was only one thing my parents held against you.”
“The baby.” Kevin grew serious as he pulled into a line of traffic. “I’m sorry, Sarah. They were right. That was my fault. Back then I’d have done anything I could to change what happened.” A soft smile lit his face. “After last weekend, I’m not sure I’d change anything except one.”
“What?” Sarah felt as if her throat would burst with the emotion that clogged it so much that she could barely squeeze the word out.
He glanced at her and then back at the road. “I’d have waited. We got ahead of things, Sarah. I should’ve kept my hands to myself.”
They rode in silence for several minutes as Kevin drove east through the city traffic. Finally Sarah said, “It wasn’t all your fault, Kevin. I agree we should’ve waited, but since we didn’t, we just have to be thankful we’ve been allowed to meet Trey. He’s so much more than I ever expected. We did the right thing by him. Adoption was the best choice for Trey.”
The words were out of her mouth before Sarah realized she’d included him in the decision. Although adoption had not been his first choice, she realized he’d seemed relieved when she told him she wanted to give the baby up. He willingly signed away his parental rights.
Sarah’s musings kept her from watching where Kevin drove. He’d already turned into Grant Park not far from Lake Michigan at the beginning of Historic Route 66 before she noticed.
He flashed a smile at her. “Since you’ve developed an interest in the Mother Road, I thought you might like to take a walk with me right here at the beginning of Route 66. Or as near as we can get to the start and not get run over by traffic, that is.”
Sarah laughed with him as they got out of the car. She didn’t even object when he took her hand and slipped his fingers through hers. She smiled up at him. “I brought Tessa and her boys here. They loved this park.”
They stood close together watching the water spray into the air from Buckingham Fountain. Kevin leaned even closer. “Let’s come back some evening when the lights are on. I’ve heard it’s really pretty then.”
“You’ve never been here at night?” Sarah looked into his eyes.
He shook his head. “No, and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with the first time I see it.”
Sarah watched the water spray catch a ray of sunshine and tried to sort through the confusing thoughts and feelings the day had brought. Did she hate Kevin or love him? For eighteen years she’d nurtured hatred, but she felt no hatred now. She felt the warmth of his palm against hers and wanted to cry out at the conflicting emotions she didn’t understand. She couldn’t fall in love with him again. She just couldn’t.
Chapter 6
S adie has a secret angel.” Groucho the clown, alias Dr. Harold Jenson, frowned over the heads of a dozen small patients at Sarah in her clown costume. They were gathered in the children’s activity room.
Sadie the clown clutched her oversized red purse close and scowled at Groucho. “Hush, you tattletale clown. It’s my angel I caught, and I ain’t gonna share neither.”
“Make her share.” Groucho told the kids, bringing a cheer and a rush toward Sadie. “Make her show you her angel.”
Sadie shook her head but soon gave in to the eager little faces surrounding her. “Oh all right. But only one at a time gets to see my special angel. And you gotta keep my secret. Promise?”
A little girl leaned against her knee. Sarah moved the bright red purse to her lap and opened it. She reached inside slowly to stretch out the suspense, then pulled a hand mirror to the top so only the first child could see. The little girl’s eyes grew wide and she covered the “Oh,” that escaped her mouth with a chubby hand.
Sadie smiled at the child. “Now don’t you tell who my angel is.”
One by one the children looked into the mirror to see who Sadie’s angel was. Some were surprised, while others scoffed that they already knew, but all walked away with a smile.
While Sadie showed her angel, Groucho attempted to blow up a balloon, letting the air out several times to the children’s delight. Finally he got the job done, and he pretended to tie a thick cord to it. He held the balloon by the knotted stem with the cord loosely wrapped around it. As the last child left Sadie’s mirror, Groucho began walking around the room among the children, holding his balloon high.
“Don’t reckon anyone wants a balloon.” His oversized lips painted in a permanent frown emphasized his negative attitude.
He spoke over the children’s cries of “I do.”
“Nope, reckon not. Might as well pop this one.” He fumbled in a deep pocket in his overalls. “Gotta pin here somewhere.”
“I’ll take it, Groucho!” A boy of about ten years jumped toward the balloon still held high in the clown’s hand.
“Oh.” Groucho acted as if he’d just seen the boy. “You want a balloon?”
“Yes.”
Groucho lowered the balloon until the string dangled in front of the boy. “Here, take this.”
When the boy grabbed the string, Groucho walked away with the balloon still in his hand. The boy’s expression was priceless as he stared at the limp string he held, then up at Groucho, who carried the balloon out the door into the hall. Sadie ran after him. After a stunned moment, the nurses in attendance, the children, and the boy holding the string began to laugh.
Before their laughter faded, Groucho returned with three helium-filled balloons in each hand. Sadie followed with six more. They passed them out to each of the children before taking their leave amidst applause and requests to return.
“That went well, didn’t it?” Harold smiled at Sarah, although his painted frown overshadowed the smile.
“Yes, like it always does. The kids love Groucho and Sadie. Except when they’re afraid of them.” Last week a little girl cried so hard when she saw them, the nurse had to take her back to her room. This group of kids had been cooperative and a lot of fun to work with.
“That doesn’t happen too often.” Harold paused at the intersection of another hall. “I never thought I’d make a good clown, but I’m glad you talked me into it. Laughter is good for the kids. You can’t deny that.”
“I’m glad you agreed.” Sarah gave him a smile. “Here’s where we part. I’ll see you later, Harold.”
Sarah turned to the right while Harold went left. She’d done some clowning in college and loved the freedom it gave to let herself go. When she became Sadie, she was an uneducated clown who got to hold the little ones occasionally and above all give them something to laugh at when life had dealt them a raw deal.
In the ladies’ lounge, Sadie became Sarah again and cleaned the makeup from her face. She packed her red nose and oversized plastic glasses as well as her red and green hair, colorful dress, striped stockings, and red shoes in the large bag she carried.
Finally ready to face the business world again, she headed back to her office and the sandwich waiting to be consumed in what was left of her lunch hour.
Tricia glanced up with a smile. “How’d it go?”
“The kids were great. We had a lot of fun.” Sarah flashed a smile as she walked past. “Groucho didn’t even ask Sadie for a date.”
Tricia laughed. “Cute, Sarah, but not so fast. Who’s Kevin? He wouldn’t be the phone number I looked up for you last week, would he?”
Sarah stopped cold, her hand against
her chest. “Kevin? Why do you ask?”
“Because he called while you were gone. He said you already have his phone number, but I wrote out the message just as he gave it to me. He sounds awfully sure of himself. But then maybe he would be since he says he wants to discuss the home.” She shrugged. “You’ll have to be the judge. It’s on your desk.”
“Okay. Thanks, Tricia.” Sarah crossed the threshold into her office while her heart picked up its beat. What could Kevin want now? For three days she’d pushed him from her mind, only to have him intrude again. She saw the paper on her desk and picked it up as she sank into her chair, her lunch forgotten.
Be ready Friday night at seven. I’ll pick you up at your house. We need to talk about your home. Oh, wear something nice, and I’ll treat you to dinner.
Sarah sat and stared at the note. What should she do? Was there anything left to talk about? Kevin said the contracts had been signed. He’d already said there was nothing he could do.
She didn’t know Kevin’s phone number. A quick search of her purse turned up everything except the paper Tricia had given her with his number on it. She’d have to wait until she got home to call him and cancel. And cancel she would, because she refused to spend any more time in Kevin’s presence than she had to.
That evening at home when Sarah called Kevin, his phone rang with neither him nor the answering machine picking up. After trying three times, she muttered, “Why won’t he answer? I know he has an answering machine.”
When she went to bed a few minutes later, she saw the Bible Trey had given her on the bedside table and picked it up. She ran her hands lovingly over the smooth leather, thinking of the young man who had her smile and Kevin’s dimples. What a joy he must be to his parents. What a joy he could have been to her. A mist covered her vision, and she blinked it away. She mustn’t think that way. Giving Trey up was the best thing she’d ever done.
She opened the book to the Psalms and read the twenty-third chapter. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He make me lie down in green pastures….”
Did God truly watch over His children and supply their needs like the verses said? She’d drifted from His presence over the years, but maybe she needed to do more than attend church on Sunday morning. By the time she finished reading and praying, her eyes were drooping, and she went to sleep with a strange feeling of security she hadn’t experienced for several years.
When Sarah still hadn’t reached Kevin by Thursday evening, she gave up. Unless he’d changed, he’d be on her doorstep at seven the following evening, expecting her to be ready. That evening, she searched her closet for something suitable to wear and finally settled on a navy blue dress with matching two-inch heels.
Friday evening when her doorbell rang, Sarah’s heart lurched, and although she’d been listening for the sound, she startled and hurried to the door. In the entrance hall, she stopped and steadied herself with her hand against the wall. Kevin meant nothing to her. They were only having a business dinner.
Taking a couple of deep breaths, Sarah forced herself to relax. She could do this. She could go out with Kevin and keep her mind on the home. Truly she could. With a trembling hand, she opened the door.
“Hi.” He smiled, and her heart thudded.
“Hi.” Her lashes shuttered the emotion that must be shining in her eyes. Oh how mature! Her mind flashed back twenty years to her first date. Kevin took her out to eat that night, too. At the local drive-in. He’d just gotten his driver’s license, and she’d felt so grown-up to be car dating. Something was wrong here. She didn’t want to feel like a fifteen-year-old girl all over again.
Her chin lifted and her eyes opened wide, meeting Kevin’s searching gray eyes. “Well.” She spoke over the pounding in her chest. “I’m ready if you are.”
She clutched her purse in her hand and stepped out, pulling the door closed. “So where are you taking me tonight to discuss our business?”
He smiled and tucked her hand under his arm as they walked to the curb where his car waited. “I assume you’ve moved past carhop service, so I thought of Latarini’s. I think you’ll like it.”
She could have moved her hand, but didn’t. Maybe his mention of their past shocked her into leaving it there. Maybe her memories, and obviously his, kept her from rebelling. Maybe she just liked the feel of his suit coat under her fingers. She allowed him to lead her to the passenger side and help her in. Kevin had always been a gentleman. His thoughtfulness chipped away at her resentment.
At the elegant Italian restaurant, she was surprised to discover Kevin had reservations. The maitre d’ led them to a table on one side and waited while Kevin held Sarah’s chair then seated himself. The round table, covered by a white linen cloth, held a tall crystal vase with one long-stem yellow rose. Sarah felt as if she was being courted.
“Kevin.” She looked over her menu at him. “Why are you doing this? We could have discussed the home over the phone. Why did you bring me here? This will cost you a fortune.”
He chuckled. “Right now, Sarah, I have a fortune, more or less. Relax and enjoy the evening. Tell me, when was the last time you dined in a place this grand?”
Sarah looked across the room at the luxurious furnishings from the elaborate chandelier in the center of the dining room to the plush carpeting under their feet. She thought of Harold and shoved guilt aside. She could eat like this more often if she’d give the doctor even a hint of encouragement. She didn’t want to though, partly because she felt uncomfortable with the idea of becoming a stepmother, but mostly because with the wrong person, rich surroundings turned to dust.
When she met Kevin’s gaze without answering, he lifted his eyebrows and shook his head. “I thought as much. Why don’t you look at the menu and stop worrying about my motives. I assure you, they are pure as the driven snow.”
“Sure, snow in April,” Sarah muttered under her breath and heard Kevin’s chuckle.
“None of that, Sarah.” He shook a finger at her. “Remember that snow we had the last of April when we were kids? We even built a snowman.”
“Yes, and it lasted until the next day when the sun came out.” They’d had fun. She and Kevin. Amanda and Chad. That was the year before Trey was born. The two couples had done so many fun things together. They’d made a lot of plans. Plans that never materialized for any of them. She’d thought Amanda and Chad would make it, but they broke up after they went to college.
She lowered her menu and asked, “You and Chad were good friends. As close as Amanda and me. I’ve totally lost track of Chad. Do you know what happened to him?”
Kevin shrugged. “Not really. I heard he became a teacher.”
“Did he ever marry?”
Kevin nodded. “That I do know, because I was his best man.”
“Have you ever been married?” She knew she shouldn’t care, but she had to know.
He grinned. “Nope.”
She couldn’t stop the smile that lifted the corners of her mouth any more than she could stop her next question. “Why not?”
The gray of his eyes seemed almost blue as they swept over her features. His smile disappeared. “Let’s just say I’ve never found another woman as beautiful and as appealing as you, Sarah.”
A discreet clearing of the throat brought their attention to a waiter who stood at Kevin’s side. “Would you care to order, sir?”
Sarah chose salmon, while Kevin ordered steak. For a while their conversation turned to less personal things, such as the restaurant, their food, and the live band playing across the room. Once Sarah mentioned Marilee’s Home, but Kevin brushed her concerns aside.
“Let’s talk about that later. Maybe after the theater.”
Sarah smiled. “You’re taking me to see a movie?”
“Certainly, if you like.” Kevin winked at her. “I’m guessing you still like to watch the big screen. When was the last time you went to the theater, Sarah?”
“Are you trying to check out my dating schedule?” Sarah lau
ghed.
Kevin’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, so you have a schedule. Not that I’m surprised. You must have admirers standing in line begging for your attention.”
“Hardly.” Sarah couldn’t stop another giggle from bubbling out at the thought. She hadn’t had so much fun in ages. “But for your information, I do occasionally go out. And no, there’s no one special in my life. That’s one thing I don’t intend to change.”
Most of Kevin’s comments were more teasing than serious. Sarah took them for what they were and didn’t worry about any underlying meaning as he joked with her about the fictitious men in her life.
Kevin wasn’t such a bad sort after all. She’d been angry with him for too many years. But his charm broke through her defenses. Maybe Harold’s comment that they’d been children when Trey was born caused her to see him in a different light. She remembered how frightened he’d been when she told him about the baby. No wonder he suggested abortion. At least he never mentioned it again.
On the way to the theater, their conversation moved to Trey, and Sarah recognized pride in Kevin’s voice. “He’s a great kid, Sarah. His parents have to be so proud of him. They’ve done a good job.”
“Yes, they have.” An unexpected pang of loss struck her so she looked out the window. “I try to imagine what it would’ve been like if I’d been able to raise him, but I can’t.”
“I know.”
She looked back at him and saw a muscle twitch in Kevin’s jaw. She waited, but he didn’t say anything more, and she wondered what he was thinking. They arrived at the theater, and the moment was gone.
When they walked down the darkened aisle, Kevin’s hand at the small of her back felt warm and more natural than she’d expected. They took their seats, and she leaned close to say, “Remind me that we are here to talk about the home.”
He gave her a blank look for a moment and then smiled. “Yes, that’s a good idea, but maybe we should wait until later. Okay?”
So he hadn’t planned to discuss the home after all. Why, then, had he invited her out? She should be angry, but she wasn’t. She nodded and smiled because she couldn’t help reacting to those dimples that hadn’t lost their appeal. She was so glad Trey had inherited Kevin’s dimples. Just wait until he got to college. He’d have more girls chasing him than he could handle. She giggled at the thought.
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