He closed her door without waiting for her promise, but she knew she’d be praying for Chad, for Kara, and for herself. What happened to Susan? Brad said Chad married her. How did he know? Why hadn’t he ever told her? She’d already pulled from the driveway and started down the street before the implication of what he’d said sank in. Chad and Susan married? Living together, having children together. Pain such as she hadn’t experienced since that night hit her, and she pulled to the side of the street to will it away. She couldn’t still hurt this much because of Chad. He meant nothing to her anymore.
After several moments, she put the gearshift back into drive, followed the street west to Interstate 55, and headed toward Springfield. At the airport she returned the car and called Karen who agreed to meet her at the front doors. When she saw Karen’s blue compact car, she ran out and climbed in the front seat.
“Where’s Wayne? And the kids?”
Karen pulled away from the curb and followed the drive around to the exit. “I wanted some special sister time, so they stayed home. We’ll pick them up before we head south.”
“Okay, sounds great.”
“So, tell me about this job teaching. When does school start? Are you excited? I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe how much you’ve accomplished in the last few years.”
“Since the accident.”
Karen nodded. “Yeah, since then. You went through a lot. Maybe now you’ll find someone special and replace the family you lost.”
Tears sprang to Amanda’s eyes at her sister’s careless words. “You can’t replace people, Karen. No one will ever take the place of those I lost.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Karen took her hand from the steering wheel and touched Amanda’s arm. “I didn’t mean it that way. I was thinking of Job in the Bible. Remember how he lost his children along with almost everything he owned? God restored all that he’d lost. That included his kids. His family. I only meant maybe God has someone for you. You’re still young.”
Amanda looked out the side window and brushed at her eyes. “You know I can’t have children. Men want whole women, not damaged goods.”
“Giving birth is not what makes a woman whole, Amanda.” Karen’s voice held a touch of annoyance. “You know that, and I don’t know how we got on this treadmill anyway. You believe whatever you want to, because far be it from me to talk sense into you.”
Amanda laughed. “Does a little bit of temper run in our family?”
Karen grinned and fluffed her auburn hair, which held even more red than Amanda’s. “Wayne says this red highlighting has seeped right down into my brain cells and sets me off now and then. I told him I’d wash it out if I could, but God gave it to me, so He must’ve wanted me with a little spice.”
“Yeah, I blew up at Brad this afternoon when he stuck his nose in my business.”
“Oh my, you’re gettin’ hit from all sides, aren’t you?” Karen’s green eyes sparkled as she smiled. “Come on, tell me about it.”
“No.” Amanda frowned. “He just thinks I should help out with the tornado victims.”
“So, he’s right. Why wouldn’t you help out? You’ve got the summer free, don’t you? Besides, it’s a great way to get out of the house.”
“I did help. One day.” Amanda turned back to the window.
Karen drove in silence for too short a time. “Okay, I can’t figure it out. If you don’t tell me why you won’t go back, I’ll ask Brad.” She picked up her cell phone and flipped it open.
Amanda swung around. “Don’t you dare.”
“Then tell.” She closed the phone and put it back on the seat beside her.
“This isn’t fair.” Amanda folded her arms, but she’d tell. What difference did it make? Karen knew all her secrets anyway.
“It’s what you get for being the baby. Now go on. Spill.”
Amanda sighed. “Chad Randall.”
“What?”
“Chad’s sister and her husband died in the tornadoes, leaving their ten month-old daughter. Chad’s trying to get the farm cleaned up enough to bring her home. She’s in foster care right now.”
“Oh that poor baby.” Karen pulled off the road into a vacant parking lot and stopped the car. She turned to look at her sister. “Are you going to let an old hurt keep you from helping that child? This isn’t like you, Amanda. Whatever happened between you and Chad was a long time ago. You can’t still be carrying a flame for him, can you?”
“Of course not.” Amanda’s eyes widened at the thought of everyone thinking exactly that if she refused to go back. “Besides, I am going back to help. Why wouldn’t I?”
She refused to acknowledge Karen’s smug smile as she started the car and drove back onto the road.
Chapter 4
T his doesn’t look so bad.” Amanda stood in the middle of the dining room floor at the farm and looked around.
Linda set a bucket of supplies on the floor. She turned slowly, taking in the room. “True, but let’s have a look-see. These windows were broken. I’ll bet we find glass pieces in unexpected places, so be careful.”
“You ladies doing okay?” Chad walked across the room and ripped the cardboard off the window. Sunlight streamed through the opening. “Now maybe you can see what this place really looks like. I picked up the mess and swept up the worst of it, but there’s dirt and grime that blew in and broken glass. Please, don’t get cut.”
Amanda met his gaze. Had he singled her out in his concern? More likely he’d been looking her way by chance. She broke the connection first. She could do this. She could work near him and not let her imagination run wild. Such as thinking Chad cared for her.
Chad went into the kitchen and uncovered the windows there, too. As light flooded the rooms, Amanda saw the film of dust covering every surface. A sparkle revealed a sliver of glass wedged at the corner of the refrigerator on the floor. She went into the utility room for the broom.
“Sorry we’re late.” Elva and Mable came in as Amanda started back toward the kitchen. “What do you want us to do?”
Amanda stopped short as Chad came through the door and almost collided with her. He grinned but didn’t step away, leaving her the choice of backing up or staying where she was. She decided backing up would be like blurting out to him and everyone else that Chad sent her blood pressure into overdrive. She stayed, took deep, slow breaths, and turned to face the two women.
Before she could remember what they’d asked, Chad spoke, “I appreciate you ladies pitching in to help. The house has to be clean and safe before I can bring Kara here, and I don’t have time to work on it with everything outside that needs attention, too. That and the legal red tape are keeping me pretty busy.”
“We’re glad to help.” Elva spoke up. “You tell us what needs doing and go about your business. We’ll get it done. We want that little girl with you where she belongs.”
“Thanks.” He stepped around Amanda without so much as a look. “The two bedrooms on the back of the house were hit pretty hard. Especially Kara’s room.”
Elva and Mable followed Chad down the hall toward the back while Amanda turned to the kitchen. Linda ran water in the sink and started cleaning.
“I saw some glass Chad missed.” Amanda took the broom. “I thought I’d sweep these two rooms first. I suppose even the walls and woodwork need to be wiped down.”
Linda leaned forward and swiped her finger down the window casing. She stuck her finger out for Amanda to see. “Wouldn’t hurt. The refrigerator needs to be cleaned, too. Power’s been off a week. Wonder when that’ll come back on.”
“I don’t know. I noticed an oil lamp and some candles in the living room. Chad’s been indoor camping.”
“It isn’t so bad.”
Amanda twirled around and almost dropped her broom at the sound of his voice entirely too close behind her.
“Sorry.” He jumped back, his hands out. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
His grin said otherwise. He reached past her,
opened a drawer, and pulled out a hammer.
“You have tools in the kitchen?” Amanda couldn’t resist asking.
“Sure, it’s called a tool drawer.” His quick wink sent her heart pounding.
He turned and walked out through the dining room to the deck. She held her hand over her heart to slow its beating, glad Linda stood behind her at the sink and couldn’t see. No sense in letting everyone witness her infuriating responses to Chad.
“Amanda.” Linda’s voice was soft but firm. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
“What?” She turned and looked at Linda with wide, innocent eyes. At least she hoped she looked innocent. “Do you want me to work on the counters first?”
“That isn’t what I mean, and you know it. Go ahead and sweep, but tell me something. Do you have feelings for Chad?”
Amanda glanced toward the door when she heard pounding against the side of the house. Chad using his hammer, no doubt. “How could I have feelings for anyone? I’ve been so busy the last few years working and finishing school, I haven’t had time for romance. I still don’t.”
Linda smirked. “Good evasion. So the answer’s yes. What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing.” Amanda resumed sweeping. She pushed her pile of dirt toward the dining room, catching the sliver of glass as she went. “My feelings don’t matter anyway. Chad doesn’t care about me. He proved that a long time ago.”
“I don’t know what happened, and you don’t need to tell me.” Linda kept her voice soft. “But there’s one thing I do know. Unforgiveness hurts the person who refuses to forgive. And another thing. There’s always two sides to any disagreement. I know you, Amanda. You have a quick temper, but you’d rather walk away than fight for your rights.”
“What is this? Pick on Amanda week?” She swept her dirt into a pile and held the dustpan in place.
Linda wiped out the sink and started on the counters before responding. “Just think about what I’ve said, okay?”
Amanda moved into the dining room, sweeping and muttering as she went. “Sure, you and Brad and Karen, not to mention Mom and Dad. I’m glad everyone else knows what I should do.”
Linda’s chuckle followed her.
Amanda had swept the dining room when she heard scraping sounds and pounding overhead. She took a bucket of water and some rags and began cleaning every washable surface. She used wood polish she found in the pantry and dusted the table, chairs, and sideboard. From the quality of the house and furniture, Jessica and Steve had done well for themselves. Maybe they both worked. She had to work while Jeff was in college, which is why she didn’t go back to school after they married.
By noon the dining room and kitchen passed Linda’s exacting standards. Amanda had even found time to clean the bathroom, although it didn’t appear to have suffered any damage and didn’t need more than a quick going over.
Elva and Mable brought a basket of laundry from the back and left it in the utility room. Mable shook her head. “The baby’s room was a mess. I don’t know how the little thing survived.”
“The baby bed is in the corner near the outside wall. The window broke, but we couldn’t find any pieces in the bed. No blood either, so she wasn’t cut. Surely God kept His hand upon her.” Elva’s lips pursed as she sighed. “She must’ve been so frightened. I can’t imagine what that baby suffered in here all alone with so many loud noises going on.”
While the older women talked, Amanda’s heart grew heavy with compassion for the baby. Charity would have screamed in fear. Had Kara screamed and no one heard her? Had she cried herself to sleep when no one came? Even without seeing the baby, Amanda longed to hold her close and comfort her. Lord, please be with little Kara. Help Chad make a good home for her. Bring everything together here so they can be a family.
Elva stuck her head out the patio doors and called to the men outside, “Are you at a place where you can stop for lunch? We’ve got sandwiches. It isn’t much, but it’ll knock the hunger away.”
“You bet,” Ron’s deep voice answered.
Amanda heard him yell to the other men. The scraping sounds overhead intensified until all grew quiet and the three men showed up on the deck. John and Rick had been unable to return.
Chad came in for the ice chest. He grinned at Amanda. “Drinks are on me today. I filled the chest you left Saturday with ice and soda.”
They set the sandwiches and cans of soda on the dining room table. They gathered inside for prayer then took their filled plates outside. Amanda watched Chad. He seemed so relaxed. His smile came easily, but it always had. She’d loved that about him. He hadn’t joked about life, but he’d faced its challenges with optimism.
Now he moved and stood with tension. Did anyone else notice? She saw pain deep in his blue eyes. He hurt more than he let on. Did he have anyone to talk to? He’d married Susan, but he was single now. What did that mean?
When she’d lost Jeff and Charity, she’d had her in-laws. She couldn’t count the times she and Janice had cried together. Who did Chad have to cry with? Did he have the Lord to help him?
Amanda finished her sandwich and stood while the others visited. She stepped off the deck and walked around the house, looking at the damage. Sawdust and wood chips littered the yard. The fallen tree was now a large pile of short logs. Amazingly, the wall where the tree had fallen didn’t appear to be damaged at all. Makeshift screens had been tacked over the broken bedroom window.
After she rounded the corner of the house, a twig popped behind her. She knew before she turned.
“Chad.” She forced a smile. “I hadn’t seen this part of the house yet. Is this where most of the damage is?”
He nodded. “Kara’s bedroom. Amazing, isn’t it? That she’s alive, I mean. The tree could’ve crushed her. The broken glass could’ve cut her, or she could’ve been sucked out the window. She didn’t get a scratch and doesn’t seem to be affected by it at all, except she wants her mother.”
“God had His hand on her.”
He gave a short, bitter laugh. “Maybe, but why’d He take Jessica?”
“I don’t know.” She’d asked the same question so many times and still didn’t have the answers. Why did God take one and leave another? Why had she been left?
She stopped and faced Chad. “Maybe God didn’t take Jessica and Steve. Maybe He only welcomed them home.”
Chad stared into her eyes for a long moment as if trying to understand. Finally, he looked away and shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t matter. They’re gone and Kara’s still here. I’ve got to make a home for her and she hates me.”
“What?” That was the last thing she expected to hear him say. “How could she hate you? She’s a baby.”
He folded his arms and leaned back against the house. “Yes, a baby that screams when I get close to her.”
“When did you see her last?”
“Sunday. I go this coming Sunday afternoon.” He captured her gaze. “Will you go with me? Please, Amanda. I wouldn’t ask, but I really don’t think I can go through that again. Not alone. Please?”
She stared at the ground trying to decide what to say. What to do. He had no idea how much she wanted to hold his niece close and love her. She was Jessica’s baby and she’d loved Jessica like a sister. She would love her baby, too. She knew she would. How could she though? This was Chad. The man who had betrayed her with her friend. He was engaged to her, but he married Susan. Why had Susan married him if he’d done what she said? She wanted answers, but she didn’t want to ask the questions.
She looked up. “I don’t know—”
“Don’t answer now,” he interrupted. “This is only Tuesday. Why don’t you think about it? Pray about it if you want. I’m not trying to crowd you, Amanda. I’m only asking for help, and surely you know I wouldn’t if I didn’t need it. May I call you Friday evening? That’ll give you time to decide if you can trust me.”
“I don’t…” Her voice trailed off because she couldn’t honestly say she tr
usted him.
He grinned at her. “I’m not as bad as you think. Can’t we be friends? Maybe we can talk sometime. Get caught up on each other’s lives. I’ve got about a thousand questions for you. I figure you might think up a couple to ask me.”
Amanda sighed. “All right. I’ll give you my cell number.” If he had a thousand questions, she had a couple all right. A couple of thousand.
What would it hurt to have her curiosity satisfied?
Amanda spent Wednesday and Thursday looking for work. Summer jobs weren’t as easy to find as she’d expected. Seemed the high school and college kids had already snatched them up. She put in several applications, even making the rounds of the fast-food restaurants with little encouragement. After handing one more application to a prospective employer, she drove back to her folks’house in her mother’s car. She had enough money from the sale of her car and furniture in California to buy her own transportation, but she’d hoped to have some income before she did.
Relying on her parents had been one of the reasons she hadn’t wanted to move to Litchfield. Mom didn’t seem to mind having Dad chauffeur her to and from work, but Amanda minded. She needed a job soon. One that wouldn’t interfere with her school duties. She had orientation workshops later in the summer to attend and there would be lesson plans to ready for teaching. She’d need some time to prepare her classroom and materials. Which meant she’d probably only have a couple of months to work before preparing to teach. Just thinking about it both overwhelmed and excited her. She could scarcely wait until that first day of school.
She pulled down the street to her house when her cell phone played the default melody. Curious, she turned it on and answered.
“Amanda?” Chad’s voice set her pulse racing. He said he’d call Friday evening, not Thursday afternoon.
“Yes.” She wouldn’t let him know she recognized his voice.
“It’s Chad. You said I could call.”
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