Esther stopped at the door with a stack of dishes in her arms. “Now you’ve got my curiosity. What kind of bargain?”
Amanda laughed. “He doesn’t know it, but I’d have gone with him to get Kara tomorrow anyway. He’d have a hard time keeping me away. And before you say anything—” She held a hand up to her mother who started to speak.
“I know you think I’ll get hurt. We’ve already gone over that, and I understand the risks of loving and losing a child, not to mention getting hurt by Chad all over again. I won’t deny it’s a possibility, but it’ll be fine. I promise I won’t wear my emotions on my sleeve. At least I have a job that pays my way until school starts.”
“I’m your mother, Amanda.” Brenda Davis sniffed. “I have a right to be concerned about my children. Only I’m concerned about Chad, too. And that baby. What if they get too attached to you?”
Amanda sighed. “I’ll be busy with school in another six weeks. Chad has to go back to Rockford to get ready for his classes and get Kara settled before school starts, too. We know what future we had was destroyed by our past.” She looked from her mother to Esther, who still waited at the door. “Give us some credit for being smart enough to let dead dogs lie. We’re friends, that’s all.”
Esther gave her a smile that could’ve meant anything and went through the door into the dining room. Her mother turned back to the stove and picked up some pot holders. “The roast is done. Would you mind mashing potatoes while I take this up?”
“Sure.” Amanda helped get the food on the table and then called the men in from the living room while Esther went out the back door to find her children.
They had just sat down when they heard the front door open and Karen’s voice. “Mom, Dad, are we too late?”
Dad chuckled and answered as his oldest daughter appeared in the dining room doorway surrounded by her family. “That depends. We haven’t eaten up the food if that’s what you mean.”
“Oh good. We’re starved.” Wayne stepped past his wife. “Are the extra chairs still in the closet?”
“Yep, help yourself.” Dad winked at Mom. “Think we might need a bigger table.”
“Oh no.” She shook her head. “We’ll scoot a little closer together and make room. More cozy this way. One of you girls, come here with your chair. I’ve got room beside me and Grandpa’s got room at his end.”
She moved to one side and eleven-year-old Treva set a folding chair in place between her grandmother and her cousin, Ellie. Amanda watched her nieces fit in beside their grandparents. She moved her chair closer to Chad’s and pulled her seven-year-old nephew’s chair toward hers to make room for Karen on the other side while Wayne found room across the table. Sawyer looked from one end of the table to the other and said, “How come I’m the only boy in this family?”
Everyone laughed as his dad answered, “Now you know how I felt growing up with two sisters.”
Amanda shared a smile with her sister as their dad held a hand out to either side and said, “Let’s pray.”
Chad reached for her right hand and she took Sawyer’s with her left. She tried to concentrate on the feel of her nephew’s small smooth fingers rather than the warm sensation of being surrounded and protected by Chad’s strong, capable hand. She scarcely heard her dad’s prayer blessing the food. Chad uncurled his fingers from hers first, leaving heat in her face that she hoped didn’t show.
After the rush of filling their plates subsided, Mom asked her son-in-law, “Wayne, have you met Chad Randall?”
Wayne met Chad’s gaze and shook his head. “No, I don’t believe so.”
“Oh that’s right,” Amanda said. “You guys got married after—”
Her gaze flew to Chad’s. He smiled and finished her sentence, “After we broke up.” He looked across the table to explain. “Amanda and I dated through high school and while we were in college. We met again this summer, and she’s been graciously helping me out of an impossible situation. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
Wayne nodded. “Karen’s told me about the damage from the tornadoes. I’m sorry about your family. That’s got to be hard.”
“Yeah, it is. Thanks.” Chad didn’t say more and the conversation drifted to other topics.
By the time their dessert plates held only crumbs of apple pie, Amanda was ready to go see Kara. Chad had entered into the discussion of her dad’s favorite football players and teams, and seemed in no hurry to leave.
“There’s a game on now if you’d like to relax and watch it.” Amanda’s dad pushed back from the table and stood.
Wayne followed his lead. “Sounds like a good idea to me. Brad, Chad, you guys coming, too?”
“Sure.” Brad stood.
Amanda knew if she didn’t do something quick, she’d lose Chad to the world of Sunday afternoon sports, and he’d miss an important time of bonding with his niece. She grabbed his arm as he stood. “No way. Chad can’t join you because he has a date with a beautiful little girl.”
Brad grinned. “Really, Amanda. We aren’t overly humble, are we?”
“Not me, you goofus.” Amanda laughed at her older brother. “I’m the chaperone. Kara is his date and she is beautiful, believe me. She’s also not quite a year old and she wouldn’t understand being stood up, so we’ve got to get going.”
As she talked, she tugged Chad away from the table. He laughed and went willingly. “Mr. Davis, thanks for the invitation, but looks like I’ve got to go.”
“Maybe another time. There’ll be another game next Sunday. Glad to have you.” Amanda’s dad left no doubt that he had forgiven Chad for any hurt from the past. Amanda hoped Chad got the message.
“Thank you, sir.” Chad smiled and turned to Amanda’s mom. “Mrs. Davis, I haven’t eaten so well for a long time. Thank you.”
“You are certainly welcome.”
Amanda tugged on his arm. “Come on, Chad, we’ve got to go. Kara wants to play on the swings again.”
He nodded and looked from one adult to another as they stood waiting. “Now that we’ve got the house ready, my niece is being released into my custody. I’m getting legal guardianship, but if all goes well, I hope to one day adopt her. I’m the only family she has.”
Mom’s eyes were suspiciously moist. Amanda half expected her to grab Chad in a motherly hug, but she didn’t. Karen, however, had no such reservations. She pushed past Amanda and squeezed Chad to his obvious surprise, although he gave her a couple of awkward pats on the back.
She pulled back and grinned from Chad to Amanda and back. “You’ve got my support, Chad. If you need anything, just let us know. And if that little girl needs more family, you know where to find us.”
“That’s right.” Esther agreed, and Brad’s grin spread across his face, although he didn’t speak.
As Wayne and her parents added their support, Amanda looked up and saw raw emotion on Chad’s face. She whispered so only he could hear, “Didn’t I tell you?”
He shook his head and blinked. “I don’t know what to say. Mandy told me you believe in forgiving. Now I know why she’s such a wonderful person. She has to be coming from a family like this. Thank you all. Kara couldn’t find a family any better to influence her life for good than this one.”
As they said their good-byes and headed out the door, Amanda’s heart sang. Sharing Kara with her family sounded like an excellent idea. If only the sharing could be permanent.
Chapter 11
O n Monday morning Amanda’s excitement moved through her emotions like a bubbling stream. She stood beside Chad as he turned the old-fashioned door ringer that would bring Kara to them.
Kathy let them in. Her smile seemed dimmer than usual. “She’s in the family room playing with some toys.”
After they entered the family room, Kathy’s daughters slipped out without speaking. Kathy watched them go then turned back and shook her head. “They’ve been moping around all morning. We may have to stop taking babies if this keeps up. They get so attache
d to the little ones. We all do, but this girl’s been special.”
Amanda sank to the floor beside Kara, who hadn’t noticed them yet. “Hey sweetheart.”
Kara looked up with a surprised expression before her arms waved and she squealed. She flopped forward on hands and knees and crawled the short distance to Amanda, then grabbing fists full of Amanda’s clothing pulled herself to a standing position. Amanda laughed and squeezed her tight.
“Are you ready to go home, precious?” Amanda looked up at Chad who still stood just inside the room watching as if he were afraid to venture closer. “Come on, Chad, Kara’s glad to see us.”
“I see that.” He turned to Kathy. “Does she have any belongings?”
Kathy motioned toward the couch. “There are a few clothes and toys in the bags there.”
“A few? Three bags full.” Amanda laughed and stood with Kara in her arms. “That seems like a lot for such a little person.”
“I know.” Kathy smiled. “The girls and I get carried away sometimes.” She patted Kara’s back as she walked past. “Like I said, this one has been special. She’s been loved and it shows. The behavior of even the babies tells a lot about their background. I don’t mind letting her go home because I know you’ll love her. Can you get all of that?”
Chad lifted the two large trash bags and swung them around to rest against his shoulders. “I can come back for the smaller one and the diaper bag.”
“I’ll carry those.” Kathy slung the diaper bag over her shoulder and picked up the smaller plastic bag. “We may as well make one trip.”
On the way to the truck, Amanda decided she needed to have a serious talk with Chad. What could be sweeter than the feel of Kara in her arms? If she could, she’d gladly hold her on her lap all the way home, but Chad hadn’t even touched his niece yet. If he didn’t get over his fear of her, how could he provide the security she needed?
Kara smiled and babbled in her own baby language as they went down the walk to the street. Amanda let Kathy hold Kara and set her in the car seat. Kathy kissed the baby’s cheek, told her bye, and then backed out and closed the door.
She swiped at her eyes as Chad set the bags in the back of the truck. “I’ll miss her.”
Amanda shook her head. “I couldn’t be a foster parent, but I admire those of you who do.”
Kathy shrugged and laughed. “They aren’t all like Kara. Sometimes when they leave, I’m ready for the break. With all of them, I pray I’ve made a difference in their lives for the better.”
“I’m sure you do.” Amanda climbed in the truck. “Thank you for being here for Kara. We appreciate your loving care of her. You and your girls.”
“You’re welcome.” Kathy stepped back and lifted her hand in farewell. “May God go with you and Kara.”
She turned and walked back to the house.
Chad didn’t speak on the drive to the farm, and Amanda decided her talk could wait until a better time. When he pulled in beside her car and stopped, he turned to her. “Would you mind staying this afternoon to make sure she’s settled in? If she recognizes the house, it might upset her.”
Amanda nodded. “I know. I wondered about that, too. If you need me, I’ll stay. I still have some closets to go through.”
“There’s plenty of time for that.” He looked out the windshield. “I thought I’d run into town and pick up some groceries. What do babies eat, anyway?”
“Maybe you should stay with her and let me go to town.” Amanda smiled at the startled look Chad turned her way.
Kara let out a squeal at the same time. He jerked and twisted to see her. “Is she all right?”
Amanda laughed. “She’s fine, just getting tired of us sitting here. She wants to get out and see where we are.”
“Oh.” Chad opened his door and slid out.
He came around to help Amanda, but she already had her door open. He held it while she jumped to the ground. She waited until he opened the back door of the cab and shook her head when he stepped back to let her tend to Kara.
“You’ll get used to her, Chad. She isn’t as fragile as you think.” She lifted the strap and pulled Kara from the seat. “In fact, she’s a sturdy little girl who’s going to wrap you around her little finger before you know what’s happened. Isn’t that right, precious?”
Kara babbled her answer and clapped her hands as Amanda settled her on her arm. Amanda laughed, losing her heart all over again to the little girl. She couldn’t resist a sweet hug and kiss on the smooth little cheek that entered her heart as balm. If any child could fill the emptiness of her arms and her heart, this one could. Only she couldn’t keep Kara. She wasn’t hers to hold for more than a few minutes at a time, and as Chad became used to his niece those minutes would fade into nothing.
Chad lifted a bag from the back. Amanda reached in and pulled the diaper bag from the backseat. She sighed. He wasn’t ready to bond yet, but he would be tonight after she went home. He’d have to. Kara might sleep through the night, but if she went to sleep early, she’d more than likely be awake just as early.
Inside the house, Chad stood in the middle of the living room floor. “I should probably put this in her room, don’t you think?”
She nodded. “Chad, are you still sleeping on the sofa in here?”
“Yeah, why?” He gave her a puzzled look.
“Because I assume you intend for Kara to sleep in her bedroom and that’s quite a distance away. Why don’t you sleep in one of the other bedrooms? The master bedroom would be closer to her, so you could hear her since it’s just across the hall.”
An emotional mix of fear and pain shadowed his eyes as he stared at her in silence. Finally he shook his head. “I can’t do that. Maybe the spare room. Don’t they have intercom-type things for babies?”
“Baby monitors? Sure. I haven’t seen one here though.”
“I’ll buy one. Where do I find them?” He looked so helpless, standing with the bag of Kara’s clothes resting on his shoulder as if he might bolt at any moment.
If she could take his pain and fear and bear them for him, she would. He had to work through the grief just as she’d had to when Jeff and Charity died. And he had to get over his fear of Kara by taking as much responsibility for her as possible. She’d help him today, but he’d have to start taking over so he could gain the confidence he needed to parent his niece. Before long he’d be going back to Rockford where he’d become a single parent, and that thought settled as a heavy weight on Amanda’s heart.
“Let me make you a list. If you’d like to grab lunch in town, I’ll fix for Kara and me here.” She laughed at the relieved look on his face and would’ve teased him about running out on her, but figured he wouldn’t appreciate her joke since that was exactly what he was doing.
After Chad left, Amanda took Kara into the kitchen and set her in the highchair with a cracker for each hand. “You chew on that while I look for something to go with it.”
The pantry revealed several boxes of macaroni and cheese. A further look into the canned goods and Amanda had tuna and peas. That should be easy to fix.
She backed out of the small space and smiled at Kara. “Hey, no one ever said I was the best cook in the land, did they?”
Kara gave her a wide smile smeared with wet cracker and squealed her agreement. She looked so adorable. Amanda laughed. “Hang in there. This shouldn’t take long.”
Fifteen minutes later, cheesy sauce joined the wet cracker on Kara’s face. As her tummy filled, her eyes drooped. Amanda cleaned her little charge and took her to the rocking chair in her bedroom. They settled into a regular rhythm while the warm, sweet weight of Chad’s child found a home in Amanda’s heart.
Within minutes Kara slept, but Amanda didn’t stop rocking. For the first time in five years, she felt almost whole. She kept a steady movement, her arms relishing the soft burden until one tear slid down her cheek. Another followed. She couldn’t do this. She stood and gently deposited the baby in her bed before slipping f
rom the room.
Silent tears continued to fall as she hurried down the hall into the living room and curled up on the sofa. This shouldn’t be happening. She wiped the tears that wouldn’t stop and still they came. It was no use. She’d cried after Charity died until she thought she had no tears left, but now she didn’t know why she cried.
Chad and Kara were far too important to her. She’d never stopped loving Chad through all the years while her heart was broken. He hadn’t loved her enough, but she’d loved him too much. Only that wasn’t true.
Susan had stolen from both of them. She’d taken their love and left them hurt and empty. Then she’d grabbed the remains for herself, but to what end? How could she possibly be happy after what she’d done?
“Oh Susan, why’d you do such a thing?” Amanda’s whisper remained unanswered, because there was no answer that made sense. Sin had many excuses, but never a good reason.
She wept and prayed, Lord, I don’t understand why Charity and Jessica had to die, but I trust You. I know they’re with You now and that’s wonderful. I was spared. Kara escaped injury. Your Word tells us all things work together for good to them that love God. I love You, Lord. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving Chad, but I don’t know why we’ve been thrown together this way. Help me to trust You completely.
After a while Amanda dried her tears and rose from the sofa. The kitchen needed cleaning after their lunch and Chad would be getting home soon.
Only he didn’t come home when she expected. She had the kitchen spotless and had rummaged through the drawers, sorting and trying to decide what Chad might need and what should be put in storage. She taped a second box shut when she heard the crunch of tires in the drive outside. Fighting the urge to run and welcome Chad home, she stayed in the kitchen to finish her job.
The front door opened and closed. Amanda watched from the kitchen until Chad stepped into the dining room and set several plastic bags on the table. She couldn’t stay back any longer. “What did you do, buy out the stores? No wonder you were gone so long.”
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