She leaned forward, kissing him thoroughly before she whispered, “I’ve waited a long time for you to come back to me. Now that you have, I’m never letting you go again.”
Chapter Nineteen
Sophie climbed into Dalton’s lap, lost in his kisses as she threaded her hands through his hair. With the sun on her back and his hands roaming her curves, she was on fire. Some doubt crept in as she wondered whether it was too soon to resume a physical relationship, but it seemed they’d already passed the point of no return as he unbuttoned the first few buttons of her denim shirt and moaned when he noted she wasn’t wearing a bra.
“You are so sexy,” he whispered, his lips trailing over her collarbone. “I’ve fantasized about this so many times while we were apart.”
“Me too,” she murmured, tossing her head back, her hair spilling over her shoulders to give him unlimited access to her body. She wanted him to take her, in every way, to make her his again and put all of her fears and doubts to rest. This was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and she wanted that new life to start today.
“I didn’t know if I’d ever get this chance again.” His lips skimmed her warm skin as he whispered, “I swore if I did I wouldn’t take a single second of it for granted. And I won’t, Soph. I won’t take this or us for granted. I’ll remind you every day how much I love you.”
Dalton had always made her feel more loved and appreciated than any other man she’d ever been with, but she wouldn’t object if he felt compelled to remind her periodically. “We’re so lucky to have found this,” she said, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. “Most people spend their whole lives looking for what we have.”
He grinned when she reached for his belt buckle. “Have you become a bit of an exhibitionist since I left?”
The blush crept up her neck warming her cheeks as she realized how close she’d come to making love to him in broad daylight in plain sight of her neighbours, not to mention the fishing and sailing boats that drifted in and out of their bay.
“I guess I’ve just been thinking about this for so long.”
He kissed her, his hands curling around her hips. “Me too, sweetheart.”
She knew he’d been teasing and didn’t expect her to answer questions about her love life since he’d been gone, but she wanted to put his fears to rest. “For the record, I haven’t been with anyone since you left.”
He closed his eyes before tipping his head back as relief stole over his handsome features. “I knew I had no right to ask, but I’m not going to lie, I was dying to know if you’d been intimate with anyone else.”
She had been on a few dates and there was one man who would have seemed perfect for her a couple of years ago, but there was one thing that prevented her from taking their relationship to the next level. He wasn’t Dalton.
“I didn’t want another man.” She shook her head. “Some of my friends told me I was crazy to wait for you, especially since you implied I shouldn’t.” She held her hand over his chest, her palm pressed against his heart. “But they didn’t understand how I felt about you. They couldn’t have known that it felt like a part of me was missing without you.”
His mouth quirked as he buried his hands under her hair. Massaging the base of her neck, he said, “No one else has to get it, babe. As long as we know what we have, that’s the only thing that matters.”
She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. “Let’s take this inside. I want to show you how much I’ve missed you.”
“I want that too.” His hands drifted down her back, finding their way under her baggy shirt. “But we’re in no hurry, are we?”
She didn’t know about him, but she was in a hurry. Still, she sensed some hesitancy on his part and needed to know the reason. “Is something wrong?” Her heart started thumping wildly, reminding her how fragile their bond was. “You know you can tell me if we’re moving too fast. If you need a little more time to-”
He laughed, cutting her off. “I was just thinking that I was concerned about pushing you too fast. I don’t want you to think that sex is a deal breaker for me, Soph. I just got back in to town. If you need to wait a while to make sure that I’m-”
She kissed him hard, hoping to vanquish any doubts he may be having. “Does that answer your question?”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
There was so much she needed to say and as fearful as she was, she had to let him know he’d filled a void she beginning to think would remain empty forever.
“I love this place,” she said, sliding her hand over one of the refurbished boards behind his head. “But it didn’t feel like home until you walked through that door.” She swallowed, hoping she’d be able to get the words out without tears. “I didn’t know what was missing. I tried re-arranging the furniture half a dozen times. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong. Now I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.” She stared into his eyes, thinking she’d never felt more at home than she did in that moment. “You weren’t here to share it with me.” She pinched her lips together as she set her hands on his broad shoulders. “I’ve heard people say that home is wherever their soul mate is and I always thought it was kind of cheesy. But it’s not.”
He kissed her gently. “You are my home, Sophie Easton. My home, my heart, hell, you’re my everything, girl. None of it matters if I don’t have you.”
“Prove it.” She’d never intended to be so bold, but this didn’t feel like the time to be coy. “Marry me.”
His jaw dropped as his eyes scanned her face. “You’re serious?”
“I know I don’t want to live another day without you.” She curled his hands around hers. “I know that whatever the future holds, good or bad, I want to face it with you.”
His breath was ragged as he exhaled and closed his eyes, dipping his head.
She was afraid she’d gone too far and thought about giving him an out, but she didn’t want to take back what she’d said. It had come from her heart, and even if he didn’t feel the same way, she wanted him to know how committed she was. So she waited him out until the silence stretched on so long she believed he was thinking of a way to let her down gently.
“I’m sorry.” He scoured his face with his hands before easing her off his lap.
She watched him get up and cross the small deck, bracing his hands on the railing as he stared out at the open water. She wanted him to say something, anything, to let her know what he was thinking, but she knew she had to be patient and give him the time he needed.
The silence was deafening as she waited for words she was beginning to think were never going to come.
Finally he turned to face her, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into? I’m a recovering addict, Sophie. That means one day a time, and nothing is for certain.”
He looked almost angry as he asked the question and she couldn’t help but wonder what she’d done to stir up those emotions. “I understand.”
“Do you?” He narrowed his eyes. “I’ve thought about proposing to you a hundred times since we started dating, especially while we were so far apart. I imagined getting down on one knee and surprising you with a big, beautiful ring. But I couldn’t visualize you saying yes. Whenever I got to that point in the daydream that vicious voice inside my head would ask me why the hell you’d want to take a chance on a guy like me.”
Even though he’d been through a lot of therapy over the past several months, he clearly had more work to do before he believed they deserved each other.
“I wouldn’t be taking a chance.” It would have been easy to look away instead of facing his rage, but she held steady, locking eyes with him, daring him to contradict her.
“How can you say that? Don’t be so naïve. Marriage is always a risk. You know the stats. Half of all marriages fail.”
“Ours won’t.”
“How can you be so
sure?”
“We’ve already been through hell.” She crossed her arms, mirroring his stance. “And we’re still here, more in love than ever, wanting to be together. The way I see it, if we can get through that we can get through anything.”
“I want to believe that,” he said, his expression softening. “You don’t know how much I want to believe that. But I’d hate myself if I hurt you again.”
“What are you so afraid of?” She never thought she’d be the one trying to convince him to face his fears, but she was willing to do whatever it took to seal their future. “You think you’ll relapse?”
A muscle in his jaw twitched before he finally spit out, “I’m a realist. I know there’s no way of knowing for sure where I’ll be a year from now.”
“Where do you want to be?” When he refused to answer, she asked, “Do you want to be with me?” Silence. “Well, do you? ‘Cause that’s the only thing that really matters.”
“You know I do.”
“Then marry me.”
She never imagined a marriage proposal as a proposition or a dare, and she certainly didn’t think she’d be the one uttering those two little words, but now that she had she didn’t care if she wasn’t getting the romantic proposal she’d been dreaming about since she was a little girl. The only thing that mattered was making Dalton her husband.
“I can’t.” He knelt in front of her, his hands on her thighs. “And it’s not because I don’t want to. Believe me, I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
She bit her lip, refusing to meet his eyes as the tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. “Then why are you saying no?”
“We need a little more time, baby.” He kissed her cheeks, absorbing her tears. “I need a little more time.”
Hearing those words pained her, but she refused to argue with him. If this wasn’t what he wanted, she wouldn’t waste her breath trying to convince him otherwise. She wanted to marry a man who couldn’t stand to live without her, not a man who constantly reminded himself of the potential pitfalls.
“Fine.”
“Don’t think this means we won’t get there,” he whispered, grasping the back of her neck as he touched his forehead to hers. “We will. I really believe that.”
“I guess only time will tell, won’t it?” She cleared her throat, leaning back to put as much distance between them as possible.
“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”
“Not mad, just… disappointed.”
“Why do I get the feeling that’s even worse?”
“Probably because it is.”
***
Dalton wasn’t ready to go home when he left Sophie’s so he went to his sister’s house. He was dying to see his niece and nephew and he knew Sabrina would be expecting him to check in.
“Hey,” she said, throwing her arms around him when she opened the door to find him on her front porch. “This is a nice surprise. Dylan said you were headed to Sophie’s, so I didn’t expect to see or hear from you until tomorrow.”
“Hey, sis.” He hugged her back fiercely, thinking how lucky he was to have people in his life who weren’t willing to give up on him. “It’s good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
“Not half as much as I’ve missed you.” She grabbed his hand, leading him through the spacious foyer into the cozy family room. “I’m so happy you’re back. Dylan said you seemed to be doing well.” She turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. “But you don’t look so hot. Were you just putting on an act for my husband or did something happen with Sophie?”
Dalton wasn’t ready to answer any questions about Sophie yet. “Speaking of Dylan, where is he?”
“He forgot something at the office,” she said, gesturing toward a seat at the breakfast bar. “He went back to get it after we put the kids to bed.”
“Damn,” he said, checking his watch. “I was hoping to see the little munchkins.”
“It’s after nine,” Sabrina said, reaching into the fridge for a pitcher of sweet tea. “They’ve been in bed for an hour.”
He watched his sister pour, thinking back to a time when he and his mother used to share quiet moments over a glass of her favorite beverage. “How’s Mama, sis? I mean, really?”
“You know her,” Sabrina said, smiling. “She gives everything she has to her charity work. I swear her goal in life is to give back as much as she possibly can for as long as she can.”
“I’ve talked to her a few times,” he said, reaching for his glass. “Tried to reassure her that I was fine.”
“Are you fine?” Sabrina asked. “Really? Or were you just tellin’ Mama that to put her mind at ease.”
“I thought I was.” He sighed, setting the glass down on the granite countertop. “But coming home has stirred up a lot of stuff I thought I’d dealt with.”
“Does this have something to do with Sophie?”
“It has everything to do with Sophie.” It hurt to remember the expression on her beautiful face when he left her standing on her front porch. He told her he’d call her when he got home, but he had no idea what he was supposed to say. He couldn’t give her what she needed and he suspected he’d already exhausted her patience.
“Tell me what happened,” Sabrina said, gripping his hand. “You obviously need to talk about it.”
Before therapy he would have retreated into his shell had something like this happened, but he knew he couldn’t continue to deal with his feelings that way if he wanted his future to be better than his past.
“She wants to marry me.” Just saying it aloud made him break out in a cold sweat. Not because he was afraid of commitment. He had no doubt Sophie was the woman for him, but he was terrified of letting her down again.
“Oh my God!” Sabrina’s nails dug into his arm as she rolled forward on the balls of her feet. “That is so amazing! Wait until you tell-”
“It’s not gonna happen.” It was like letting the air out of a balloon, watching his sister slowly deflate. “At least not yet. It’s too soon.”
“Too soon?” Sabrina glared at him as she took a step back. “You’ve known that girl for years.”
“I mean…” He knew it wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. How could it when it barely made sense to him? “Too soon after re-hab.”
“You came home now because you felt you were ready, right?” Sabrina curled her hand around her half-empty glass.
“Ready to fight the addiction on my own? Yes. Ready to be married? No.”
“I know how much you love her,” Sabrina said, softly. “That’s not the issue, is it?”
“No.” He braced an elbow on the counter before lowering his head to his hand to hide his shame and confusion. “I love her more than anything. Maybe that’s the problem. I love her too much to let her take a risk like that until I know I’m a sure thing.”
Sabrina regarded him carefully before she said, “You’re trying to protect her, but you can’t.”
“I have to!” He didn’t expect his sister to understand why he’d made this choice, but she wouldn’t convince him to take a risk he wasn’t ready to take. “She’s not thinking clearly. She’s just happy to have me back. She’s missed me as much as I’ve missed her and she thinks getting married will somehow-”
“Make you both happy?” Sabrina smirked as she brought the glass to her lips. “Gee, what a novel concept.”
“It’s not that simple and you know it.” Dalton knew Sabrina and Dylan had endured a lot before they finally decided to be together, but neither of them were fighting to control a dormant beast inside of them. One who could rear his ugly head and demand attention at any moment. “I need to be normal for a while first.”
“You, normal? Good luck with that.” Sabrina punched him in the shoulder when he rolled his eyes at her teasing.
“I need to go back to work, spend time with my friends, go back to dating Sophie.”
“Can you go back?” Sabrina asked. “If I asked a man to marry me and he turned me down
, I don’t know that I’d want to keep dating him.”
An acidic taste flooded Dalton’s mouth as he considered the possibility of losing Sophie for good. “She knows I love her.” As though that was reason enough for her to continue their relationship. “She knows how much I want to marry her. Just… not yet.”
“You know how many times we, as women, encounter guys who are afraid of commitment?”
“God, it’s not like that,” Dalton said, pushing his glass away. “I’m not waiting for someone better to come along. I know there’s no one better for me.”
“Does Sophie know that?”
“Of course she does.”
Sabrina leaned against the counter behind her before setting her empty glass down. “You know what they say, actions speak louder than words.”
“Meaning?”
“You’re telling her you love her, that you want to be with her, but you’re not willing to make a commitment.”
“I am committed to her,” Dalton said, trying to see the situation from Sophie’s perspective. “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
“But you haven’t convinced her she’s the one you want for the rest of your life. There’s only one thing that will do that… having your ring on her finger.”
“I can’t risk hurting her again,” Dalton said, feeling his tenuous grip on control slipping away. “You didn’t see the look on her face in that hospital room, Sabrina. I destroyed her. I won’t do that again.”
“Don’t you think you’re hurting her now?” Sabrina shook her head. “I can only imagine what she’s thinking and feeling, how many tears she’s spilled since you left her place.”
“Don’t.” He couldn’t think about Sophie like that. It hurt too much.
“Don’t what?” Sabrina asked. “Give it to you straight? As your sister, it’s my job to tell you
when you’re making a stupid mistake.”
Dalton considered his sister’s words carefully before he said, “But what if I do re-lapse? Think about what that’ll do to her.”
Possession (Texas Titans #8) Page 22