Because, in truth, I still don’t quite know the answer to it.
“I’m not sure yet. I just want to explore a bit more, to figure out what actually makes me happy. I’ve rushed into the whole settling down thing. It didn’t work out. I want to take some time and figure out what I really want, you know?”
“Are you happy?”
“I am. Midsummer Nights, Jodie, it’s all helped me find a little piece of myself. And so have you.” After the words slip out, I wish I could take them back. They’re the truth in an odd way. Even though I barely know this tattooed business owner across from me, I feel like I do. I feel like every piece of him I uncover is a piece that makes sense, that helps me find a piece of what I want. Embarrassed to have made such an intimate confession, though, at least for the stage of our relationship so far, I avert my eyes, not wanting to be staring into those gorgeous greens as I make this confession. Yet, a big piece of me absolutely does.
He doesn’t seem taken aback by my statement, though. The way he looks at me just makes me feel like he understands exactly what I’m talking about. He reaches over to pat Henry’s head, the drooling dog making sad eyes at Jesse for finishing his sandwich. He says, “There’s just something about being here, huh? About the waves and the sand, the people here. It just makes you feel so…”
“Free.” The word is a whisper in the summer breeze. Despite the screaming two-year-old at the table behind us and the rowdy groups of teenagers passing by, the word seems punctuated in the summer air. I look back up at Jesse now, his eyes piercing right through me, underscoring the levity of the word and of the fact he gets what I’m saying.
We sit for a few moments at a grimy picnic table in front of Sammy’s Subs, crinkling up our paper and laughing about a few of our recent customers. We exchange stories, share laughs, and just soak in the evening.
There’s no pressure, no discomfort. There’s an ease between us I’ve never felt with anyone else, not even Chris. It doesn’t matter that my hair is air drying in the salty wind or that I have a splotch of cheesesteak grease on my tank top. Sitting here with Jesse, I feel the depth of what this place is, the depth of the freedom it’s given me.
When Jesse walks Henry and me back to our place, I pause outside my door. For a flicker of an instant, I think he’s going to kiss me. For a moment, I think I might want him to, despite my rules.
I know I vowed not to let myself fall again. But there’s something different about Jesse, something that makes me feel like it might be okay to let go. He makes me feel like I won’t lose myself. In fact, he makes me feel like I can actually find myself again.
He doesn’t lean in, though, the Maryland night sky watching our amicable, platonic parting instead.
“Thanks for dinner,” I say as Jesse pats Henry on the head.
“Well, I only owe you what, like forty-nine more?” He laughs.
“I think Henry is game for that. Listen, how about if I stop by tomorrow after work? That’ll give me time to get a few things organized, and then I can help you get some things running.”
“Sounds great. But no rush. Like I said, no pressure.”
“Perfect. Thanks again.”
“Anytime.”
With that, we part, Henry and I going inside and shutting the door.
“Someone’s falling in love,” Jodie sings from the kitchen island, looking up with a smile plastered all over her face as I walk in the door.
“We went for subs, Jodie. Nothing major.”
“Oh, it’s major all right. And I couldn’t be more thrilled. So tell me, when’s the beach wedding going to be?”
I shake my head, rolling my eyes as I head into my room. “Good night, Jodie,” I shout.
“Good night, lovebird. Sweet dreams.”
I shut my bedroom door as Henry leaps into my bed, telling myself Jodie’s just plain crazy.
But that night, my dreams are sweet… and they involve a certain green-eyed guy who may, in fact, be stealing my heart after all.
Chapter Eleven
“Hope we’re not interrupting. Is everyone decent?”
I look up from the computer at J & J’s to see Jodie skipping through the front door in her bright red sundress. She’s got company with her—Darren, looking supersleek in his black pants and tight shirt. Jodie’s grinning ear to ear, and the two are holding hands.
“Clearly we’re decent,” I answer, looking back to the computer as I finalize the last few steps in getting Jesse’s books in order. “What are you doing here?”
“Well,” Jodie says, leaning on the counter.
Jesse is standing beside me. He’s been looking over my shoulder for the past hour or so, taking in all the information about accounts payable and debits and other accounting lingo.
“Darren and I are heading out to dinner and we thought the two of you might like to join us. If Jesse’s done cracking the whip, that is.” She winks in a creepy fashion, and I shake my head. Jesse just smirks.
“If anyone is cracking the whip, it’s this one. I told her an hour ago to take a break.”
“Workaholic. So boring. It’s official then. You two are coming with us. Let’s show them what fun really looks like.” Jodie leans into Darren.
“But I’m almost done here.” I really do want to finish up. I have things looking really good.
As I’m getting ready to show Jesse the next section, the screen goes black. My mouth opens, and I’m raging. Jesse pulls my hand away from the mouse.
He’s turned the damn computer off. “You’ve done enough already. Seriously. Thank you. All the stuff you’ve shown me is already going to save me so much time. We can perfect the system later. Come on, I owe you. Let me take you out.”
I stare into those green eyes. I want to say no. I want to finish my work. I want to say this double-date scenario isn’t a good idea.
But damn, those eyes can make me do just about anything.
“Okay,” I say, and Jodie literally jumps up and down clapping.
“So let’s go. What are you waiting for? I’m ready to get my drink on,” she says.
“Are you sure you can handle this one?” I ask, turning to Darren. He’s just smiling.
“I’m not so sure. But she’s worth a try.”
The two now are kissing quite comfortably in the waiting room. Jesse and I pretend to stare at the floor. I finally clear my throat.
“Sorry. We just can’t help ourselves,” Jodie says.
“Well, try?” Jesse leads us out of the shop, shutting off the lights and locking up on the way out the door.
Darren and Jodie walk ahead of us, leaning on each other, Darren’s hand on Jodie’s hip. I try not to think about how awkward this is because Jesse and I are nowhere near their level of intimacy.
“So, this isn’t awkward at all,” Jesse says as we watch Darren’s hand slip a little lower on Jodie.
“Not at all,” I say, laughing.
“Do you think those two would even notice if we ran away right now?”
“Probably not for at least twenty minutes,” I say, laughing. “But I can’t really say anything. At least Jodie’s happy. They seem to make a cute couple.”
“Yeah. I guess love really is the answer for some people.”
“But not for all of us.”
“I’ll drink to that as soon as we get to the restaurant.”
We laugh now, both sharing in the common theme. I don’t know what’s happened to Jesse, but I sense a familiar pain and hesitancy in him. We seem to get each other when it comes to the L-word.
The four of us really do enjoy the evening. Jesse and Darren talk about tattoos and fitness. Jodie fawns over Darren. I study Jesse and try to map out more about him. After a few rounds of drinks, nothing is as awkward, even when Darren and Jodie get all googly eyed over each other throughout the night—or when Jodie rather loudly tells me she’s going back to Darren’s place for some fun.
When we leave, all feeling a little bit more relaxed, and Darren and
Jodie go their own way, Jesse turns to me, hands in his pockets, as we walk home.
“So, what are you up to next Saturday?”
I mentally think about my schedule. “Nothing actually. I’m off work as far as I know.”
“Good. I want to take you somewhere.”
I feel the grin widen on my face. “Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
My grin fades a little. I’m not a surprise kind of girl. “I don’t like surprises.”
“Correction. You typically don’t like surprises. You haven’t seen my kind of surprises yet.”
“It makes me nervous.”
“Good. Nervous means you’re living right. I’ll pick you up at eight in the morning.”
“What should I wear?”
He thinks about it for a second. “A swimsuit.”
I feel my cheeks flush. “I don’t think I’m wearing just a swimsuit.”
“So toss a T-shirt over it and some shorts. We’re going to be outside, though. Consider it a beachy rite of passage.”
“I don’t like the sound of this.”
“One more question,” he says, ignoring my fears. “Are you afraid of anything?”
Now I’m really getting nervous. “Let’s see. I’m afraid of spiders, snakes, clowns, and airplanes.”
“Okay. Well, we should be fine then. I think.”
“What do you mean ‘you think’?” Now the fear is creeping in.
Jesse just laughs at my obvious terror. “It’ll be great. I promise. And I’ll even take you to lunch afterward.”
“If we survive the surprise, that is.”
“Right. If we survive.”
“Jesse Pearce, has anyone told you that you really know how to make a girl nervous?”
“Avery Johannas, has anyone ever told you that you need to trust a little more?”
It’s an innocent comment, but it stabs a little.
Trust.
It’s something I haven’t really felt for a long time. But as we say our goodbyes, Jesse looking like he might want to kiss me again but fighting it off, I smile inside.
Jesse Pearce might be a little bit wild and a little bit reserved… but there’s something about him that makes me want to trust him, even if he’s got me scared shitless for next week’s surprise.
Chapter Twelve
“Have fun, lovebirds! Take lots of pictures. I’m so jealous,” Jodie screams from the couch as I head out the door with Jesse. “Can’t wait to hear where you two go.”
Henry cocks his head at Jodie’s animated words as I head out the door with Jesse.
“See, there’s a woman who appreciates a surprise. She was practically jumping up and down when I said I had no idea where we were going.”
“After today, you’ll be a believer in the value of a surprise, too,” Jesse says as he leads me to his car, a black convertible.
The top is down. So much for worrying about my hair looking good.
“We’ll see. So can’t you tell me now?”
He grins. “You really do hate surprises, huh? You’ll know soon enough.”
Jesse pushes his sunglasses back on his head. He’s wearing simple navy board shorts and a muscle tank, showing off all the tattoos.
“I have some awesome news,” Jesse says.
“What? You’re going to tell me where we’re going?”
He gives me a look that says “in your dreams.”
“Of course not. But someone came in for a tattoo yesterday, and she picked your artwork.”
“Are you serious?” The smile that spreads on my face is certainly horrifyingly cheesy, but I can’t resist.
“Absolutely. She loved it. It looked great. See, I told you people would be into it.”
“I can’t believe it.” I lean my head back against the headrest, stunned. Someone is wearing my art. Accountant Avery drew a tattoo that someone wanted to have. It’s crazy. I’m thrilled.
“So now the pressure’s on. You need to get more to me.”
“I thought you told me no pressure.”
“Well, now I have customers we need to think about.” He grins, letting me know he’s not 100 percent serious.
“I’ll see what I can do.” My head is already swirling with ideas and designs. I can’t wait to get back and draw some more.
“Speaking of customers, when are you coming back for another tattoo?” Jesse asks, making conversation as we pull out of the parking lot.
The topic of discussion calms the nerves in my stomach about where we’re headed. “Eventually. I want to wait until I have something I really want.”
“I was starting to worry maybe you were seeing someone else.”
“What?” I ask, whipping my head to look at him.
“For tattoos, I mean. I thought you had a new tattoo artist. Usually customers are back quickly, at least local customers, for a new tattoo.”
I grin, inwardly chiding myself for jumping to conclusions and misinterpreting his comment. “Right. No, of course not. Besides, I’ve heard J & J’s is on the up and up now with their financials. A girl like me respects that sort of thing.” I wink at him.
“Doesn’t take much, huh? Some organized ledgers, some perfect calculations.”
“Stop, or I might get hot and bothered,” I tease, laughing as I study the surroundings. It’s a perfect, sunny day, the streets lined with people ambling toward the beach. As we stop at a red light, I laugh at a mother in a sundress yanking on her two children’s hands as she screams at the father, carrying an umbrella, two lounge chairs, and at least three beach bags.
“What are you laughing at?” Jesse asks, peering over at me.
“Nothing. Just thinking you couldn’t pay me to be that guy right now.”
Jesse looks to see who I’m talking about, laughing as the tiny little guy saunters across the street, still being yelled at by his wife.
“It could be worse, I suppose,” Jesse says. “I mean, I’m sure they’ll have fun once they get there.”
At that, one of the beach bags bursts, and towels, sunblock, and all sorts of things scatter onto the road. The kids are screaming, and the dad is trying to figure out what to do.
Jesse sighs, and then springs into action. He puts the convertible in park, jumps out, and helps the guy gather up the items off the street, ushering him to the sidewalk before jumping back into the car.
“That was so nice. My hero,” I say once he’s back.
“Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want people thinking the tattoo parlor owner is a softy or anything.”
“My lips are sealed. On one condition,” I say as the car zooms through the now-green light.
“What’s that?”
“Tell me where we’re going.”
He shakes his head, grinning. “You’ll know in about three minutes. We’re almost there.”
I sigh, glancing over at Jesse, whose eyes are now on the road.
How did I get here? A year ago, Chris and I were probably grocery shopping, and, if things were really adventurous, going to lunch at a local deli. Now, here I am, wearing a swimsuit in a convertible, my newly wild hair blowing in every direction, with a tattoo artist named Jesse Pearce who is surprising me with some mystery adventure.
It’s funny how different life is. It’s funny how I’m sitting in this convertible with Jesse, who is pretty much a stranger to me in many ways, yet I feel more comfortable than I did sitting with Chris—despite the nervousness of the surprise status.
Looking at the tattooed hunk in the driver seat, I realize with unsettling certainty that I’m okay with him being in charge. Because even though I don’t know him all that well, even though we’re still getting to know each other, and even though we’re just friends, I can’t help but think he’s so much different than the love I used to know. He’s compassionate and adventurous. He’s supportive. He pushes me to be who I am but also to be something new.
It’s weird how it took coming to Ocean City and getting a tattoo to find someone
who is so good for me.
It’s weird to think how, despite all my promises to myself, the sight of his rippling muscles as he grasps the steering wheel, the intricate tattoos on his arms, and the stubble on his jaw make something both familiar and foreign flutter within me.
Soon, however, I can’t distinguish the fluttering of my growing feelings for Jesse from the anxious, half-vomit feelings from where the car is parked.
“No way,” I say, looking up at the sign, shaking my head violently as I wonder how far I’d have to run to get back home.
“Yes, way,” Jesse says, shutting off the convertible as he smiles, looking at the sign with a different sort of anxiousness.
I look back at the sign, thinking how right now, the grocery shopping and lunch might be an okay idea.
***
“Welcome to Pete’s Parasailing. I’m Pete. Thanks for choosing us today. Who’s ready to get up in the sky?”
My hands are shaking, and I’m still considering bolting out the door. I don’t know how Jesse convinced me to even walk into this place.
This is absurd. This is ludicrous. Avery Johannas doesn’t do things like this. She just doesn’t, even when she’s trying to reinvent herself.
“It’s going to be great. Seriously. It’s beautiful up there. Just try it,” Jesse says to me, probably sensing my hesitancy. It’s not like I’m keeping it a secret—I’m shaking like a leaf and shaking my head over and over.
“Oh, come on. Don’t be scared. I’m an expert. Plus, between you and me, if I had those hunky arms to hold on to up there, I’d be all in,” Pete says, pretending to whisper to me. He leans over to slap his knees, chuckling like he’s just told the most outlandishly humorous joke we could ever hear.
Pete’s wearing neon yellow board shorts and a Mickey Mouse T-shirt. He’s got some black Crocs on and is also wearing what looks like a safari hat.
Pete, in short, looks like he’s spent a few too many hours in the sun… or a few too many hours drinking margaritas. Judging by his knee slapping, I’m guessing it might be a mixture of both.
Basically, Pete looks like the last person on earth I’d trust with my life.
“Now come on, sexy lovebirds. Let’s get the release forms signed and get you on up there while there’s still daylight,” he says, winded from his laughing spasm.
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