by Miranda Lee
His hands lifted to rake his rumpled hair back from his forehead, his eyes anguished. Turning abruptly, he strode over to stare through the window for a few moments before turning back to face her across the room.
'All right,' he admitted almost despairingly. 'All right, I love you. I've loved you all along, from the first moment I damned well set eyes on you. I took one look at you in my brother's arms—so sweet and warm and caring, yet at the same time so lovely and sensual and earthy—and I knew that everything I had felt for Charmaine had been a sham, a shallow, disgusting sham.'
His laughter was full of self-mockery. 'She knew it, of course. I was the only fool to be deceived, thinking lust was love. My only excuse was that she was a damned good actress, promising all sorts of things that made me think my relationship with her was the real thing. I suspected as much when I first found out she'd deceived me, but once I met you and saw what real love was, I finally appreciated the ugly reality of women like Charmaine. It revolted me to think I had ever touched her.'
'I… I really thought you'd loved her,' Sophia said incredulously. 'When you said you would never marry again, I thought that was because your heart was broken.'
'The only reason I told you I'd never marry again was because I'd fallen in love with you. God, do you know what it was like, promising Godfrey to marry you? It was my deepest dream, and my darkest nightmare. I tried telling myself it would seem a noble sacrifice, that others would pat me on the back for my brotherly love, when all the while, down in the hell reserved for ruthless bastards like myself I was plotting to steal, if not your heart, then your body.'
'But you didn't,' Sophia protested. 'And you're not a ruthless bastard! You're a kind, good man, a fine man. You did everything you could not to do the wrong thing. In the end, I offered myself to you, remember? In the circumstances, I made it impossible for you to resist the temptation.'
His smile was wry and rueful at the same time. 'You did at that, my sweet. And I do thank you for your generous words. Yes, I could no more walk away that night when I saw Harvey pawing at you than I could have cut out my own tongue. And it was good, wasn't it? You've enjoyed being in my bed, haven't you? And now, we're having a baby together. Does it matter that I'm in love with you? Is that so disastrous now? God…'
He shook his head in an agony of emotional distress. 'How long do I have to carry this burden of guilt around with me? You told me often enough that Godfrey wouldn't mind us being together, wouldn't mind if you had my baby, and I did my best to believe you, even when underneath I found it almost impossible.'
He dragged in then expelled another ragged sigh. Sophia was struck dumb by what she was hearing. 'The only way I could justify what I eventually stole from him was to reason that I had only won that part of you which he obviously hadn't—your sexuality. I thought that if I kept our relationship to a strictly physical one, if I left your heart to his memory, if all we ever seemed to have were meetings of bodies and not souls, then I could live with the guilt.
'But I see now I was deluding myself,' he went on with a cynical laugh. 'My supposed sacrifice in leaving your love for Godfrey was all a lie. While telling myself I didn't want you falling in love with me, underneath I craved it far more than I craved your body. I know now that you'll never love me as you loved Godfrey, Sophia. But does it really matter if I love you? Does it, dammit?'
'You're right, Jonathon,' she managed to say in a strangled tone. 'I will never love you as I loved Godfrey…'
A huge lump gathered in her chest as Jonathon stiffened, squared his shoulders against the hurt her words might seemingly have delivered.
'Because the love I held for your brother,' she went on shakily, 'is nothing like the love I hold for you…'
Jonathon's eyes snapped wide, fixing on her face with an expression full of the most heart-rending hope.
'Godfrey was the father I had lost, the friend I'd never had, a fantasy-like figure who fulfilled some of my schoolgirl needs; but you were right… he was as far removed from the real world as the characters in the books he loved. Although we grew to love each other and lean on each other, he was not, and would never have become, my love and my lover in the real sense of the word. I can see that now. Godfrey was an undersexed man, far more comfortable thinking about love than making love. The one time we were together was a disaster, physically. Godfrey knew it, but I… I was naïve enough to think things would improve with time.'
She shook her head, smiling with sadness at the memory. 'Godfrey was far wiser, though, than either of us gave him credit for. I think he pushed us together because he sensed the chemistry that had vibrated between us from the start. Oh, yes, I can see that too now. Why else did I become such a ninny whenever you came within breathing distance of me? Do you think I normally go round blushing and stammering like some simpering eighteenth-century ingénue? I can assure you I don't! But with you… with you, Jonathon, I was a constant mess.'
'Are you saying you've loved me all along?' he asked, utterly taken aback.
'No, I don't think so any more than I think you loved me all along. It was desire we both felt in the beginning. But, somewhere along the line, our desire for each other did deepen to love. We grew to know each other and we liked what we saw.'
'So wise,' he murmured, 'for one so young.' He came slowly forward to stand beside her bed and take her hand. 'I'm not sure why you liked what you saw, but I know damned well why I liked what I saw. I don't think I deserve your love, my darling, but I'm going to take it and guard it as jealously as the most precious masterpiece. For your love is a priceless treasure. Priceless …'
He bent and lifted the palm of her hand to his mouth, closing his eyes and kissing it tenderly for some long wonderfully intimate moments. At last, he opened his eyes and put her hand down.
'Mother and Maud are down the corridor, waiting to see you,' he said. 'Can I call them in?'
'Of course.'
'And Wilma hasn't been off the phone. I should call her back now that I'm sure you're OK.'
'Of course.'
'Do you promise to love me forever and ever, till death us do part?'
She smiled. 'Of course…'
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
'You're sure you can cope?'
'I've had children of my own, Sophia,' Ivy said with a new firmness. 'One five-month-old baby boy won't give me any trouble, will you, Godfrey?' She clucked the baby under the chin.
Godfrey slept on regardless.
'He's such a good baby,' Ivy assured her. 'Stop worrying.'
Sophia glanced down at her son and marvelled anew. Although he was the image of his father, with masses of dark hair and long strong limbs, he certainly took after his namesake with his placid nature.
She'd been so thrilled when Jonathon had suggested Godfrey as his name, the gesture proving so much more than a million verbal reassurances. Since their baby had been born Jonathon had been a much more relaxed man all round. He adored little Godfrey.
Sophia herself was besotted with the child, though she tried to hide it a little. Being a wife and mother was a matter of juggling one's affections, she realised, which was why she'd agreed to Jonathon's suggestion that they go away for a while so that they could spend some time alone together.
Sophia was more than eager to have her handsome husband all to herself, but it was hard to let go of her maternal responsibilities.
'I left a copy of his routine on the kitchen notice-board,' she said for the umpteenth time.
'Yes, dear.' Ivy was patience itself. 'If I'm in any doubt, I can ask Maud. If I get desperate, I could even call on little Godfrey's godparents.'
Sophia felt a resurgence of panic. 'But Wilma's never had a baby! And Harvey's hopeless with children. He said so.'
'Stop fussing, Sophia,' Jonathon said affectionately as he came down the stairs, suitcases in hand.
Sophia sighed. 'I'm beginning to become a worry-wart, I think.'
'Which is why you need a break. Come on, get your handbag; we have
a plane to catch.' Jonathon put the cases down near the front door then came back to give his mother, then the baby a peck on the cheek. 'Bye, son. Keep your grandmother in line and don't let her start you on the ballet lessons just yet.'
Ivy looked sheepish.
'You can play him Mozart instead,' he grinned, bringing a look of surprise from both his mother and his wife. 'Ready, Sophia?'
'Yes. Have you said goodbye to Maud?'
'Sure have. Don't worry about coming outside to wave us off, Mother. There's a bit of a breeze and it might wake Godfrey. See you in a little over two weeks. Open the door for me, Sophia. God, these cases are heavy.'
Once the front door was shut and the baby was out of sight, Sophia turned her thoughts to the holiday ahead of her. 'Just think. Two whole weeks on a tropical island. Are you sure I haven't forgotten anything, Jonathon?'
'Only the kitchen sink,' he laughed, 'and I'm not absolutely certain you haven't packed that either. What on earth have you got in here?' he asked as he slung the cases into the boot.
'Only clothes.'
He waggled his eyebrows at her as he came round to open the passenger door. 'You won't be needing too many of those.'
'Neither will you,' she countered with a saucy grin.
Jonathon bent to help her put her seatbelt on, taking advantage of the moment to kiss her.
Maud broke the highly charged moment by bursting forth from the house and running down the steps. 'I'm glad I caught you before you went. Wilma just called to wish you bon voyage and tell you not to worry about anything at the office while you're gone. She has everything firmly under control.'
'I don't doubt it,' Jonathon muttered drily under his breath. 'By the time I get back, she'll probably have control of the whole company.'
'You're the one who offered her a partnership,' Sophia reminded him on the quiet.
'In a moment of weakness before Godfrey was born. The woman's a vampire!' He straightened to throw Maud a parting smile. 'Thanks, Maud. If you're talking to Wilma, tell her not to do anything I wouldn't do.'
'Which gives her a wide range of options,' Sophia commented drily as Jonathon drove off.
'It does not!' he countered. 'I happen to be a very conservative businessman.'
'But not so conservative in the bedroom.'
'I don't notice you complaining, wife. Not that I've had all that much opportunity to show my talents lately.'
'Which is why we're off to Bora Bora for two weeks. Just think, Jonathon. Moonlight strolls along the white sands…skinny-dipping at midnight in the warm water… sharing a hammock under the softly swaying palms. Oh, I can't wait.'
He groaned. 'Keep up those descriptions and I won't be able to either.'
They glanced across at each other, their eyes glittering with anticipation.
'I do so love you, Mr Parnell,' Sophia said softly.
'And I love you, Mrs Parnell.'
'There's only one thing that would make our lives perfect.'
'Oh?'
'A little brother or sister for Godfrey.'
'You want another baby already?'
'Uh-huh. I know you suggested that I go on the Pill for a while, and I did get some from the doctor, and I should have started taking them last week, but I…I didn't.'
'Where are they?' he asked, frowning.
'I… um… I left them behind.'
'She left them behind,' he repeated drily.
Sophia gulped. 'You don't mind, do you?'
'Mind? I'm very disappointed!'
'You are? Oh, dear. Well, in that case I… I…'
'There I was,' he interrupted curtly, 'thinking that when I got to the airport you could open your case and throw the damned pills away. It would have made the luggage so much lighter.'
'Jonathon Parnell, you're teasing me.'
'Would I do such a thing?' He grinned.
Not once, she thought. When she first met him, he would never have done such a light-hearted thing. But he was a different man now, a different man in every way. Love had changed him. Oh, she was so happy. So very happy.
'I tell you what,' he said with a wicked smile and glittering blue eyes. 'What say when we get to the car park I open your case and you leave all your underwear behind?'
'Jonathon Parnell, I will do no such thing. You behave yourself!'
'Not on your Nelly. This is the first time I've had you all to myself for months and I'm not going to waste a minute. The underwear stays behind! You can start with those sensible cotton knickers I saw you putting on this morning. Take them off.'
'I can't do that!' she gasped. 'I…I'd be self-conscious all the time. I wouldn't be able to look at you in the airport or on the plane without knowing that you knew I was naked underneath.'
'That's the general idea.'
'Oh…'
When she blushed, Jonathon laughed. But softly, teasingly. His hand came over to gently stroke her cheek. 'I do so love you, Mrs Parnell. If the idea really embarrasses you, forget about it.'
'I…I'll think about it.'
'You do that, darling.'
She slanted him a sharp look, well aware that he was depending on her thinking about it, the devil. And in the end she would do what he wanted. She always ended up doing what he wanted!
There again… she always ended up wanting what he wanted anyway.
Her soft chuckle carried a wry acceptance of her weakness in loving this man so much.
'May I share the source of your amusement?' he asked, smiling.
She smiled back. 'I'm sure you will, you bad man. The very first chance you get.'