Caleb folded his hands together on the tabletop and leaned forward. “I know they are capable of murder. They already took out Rachel. I’m pretty confident they won’t stop until they get what they want, and I’m not going to risk any more innocent lives. But I have to know what I’m dealing with.”
Samuel shook his head. “I get that, and I understand. But going back to the city is a stupid idea.”
Caleb shrugged. “I’m not asking you to go with me. I can take care of myself.”
The anger vanished from Samuel’s face and was replaced with hurt. He straightened up, pulling his hands into his lap.
“All I’ve ever done is try to help you.”
Caleb sighed and averted his gaze to his hands. He hadn’t meant to be so short with Samuel. He really did appreciate everything he had done to help, but he also knew this was something he needed to do on his own. Samuel genuinely seemed concerned and was trying to help Caleb; he was also trying to get Caleb to go to his friends. Caleb didn’t doubt Samuel’s intentions were good, but the insistence was off putting and ever so slightly suspicious. He needed answers, and there was only one way to get them—by going back to the city. He figured whoever wanted him for the cure wouldn’t hurt him. He held onto the hope that he was that important.
Caleb raised his head and looked at Samuel. “I know. But I have to do this.”
“And how exactly are you going to do it?”
“I’m going to hack Zomtech’s system. They are the ones who drew my blood and ran the tests, they have to have the results in their files.”
Caleb was fully aware Matt had that particular information also. He could probably ask to see it, but he wasn’t convinced he would get all the information. Matt may or may not redact the files, or he may or may not have been able to access everything. Caleb had to go to the direct source to make sure he was getting complete information.
Samuel huffed. “Exactly! Which also means that more than likely, someone at Zomtech is who is targeting you! You know just as well as I do how stringent their system is. You can’t hack it from the outside. You’ll have to be in Zomtech.”
Caleb shook his head. “I wrote the vast majority of those codes. I’m confident I can break through them without setting foot in Zomtech.”
“You’ll still have to be connected to the system. And that means they’ll be able to trace you.” Samuel threw his hands into the air and rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man. Do what you have to do. It’s your funeral.”
A flicker of guilt tightened Caleb’s chest. It was never his intention for Samuel to be upset with him. He pushed the feeling away. He appreciated Samuel’s willingness to help, but this was about him, his life, and he had to make the decisions that were best for him. Samuel would have to deal with whatever issues he had with it. Caleb was also fully aware of the flaws in his plan. Samuel was right; more than likely the person who was after him worked at Zomtech. It was the only way they would know about him. That didn’t change the fact he needed information. In a way, it also made his mission easier. If the person was at Zomtech, Caleb didn’t have to hunt him down.
It was obvious his plan wasn’t perfect, and so many things could go wrong. But when he decided to take matters into his own hands instead of relying on other people, the tightness in his chest eased, and the knot in his stomach loosened. He knew he could depend on himself. It was what he was used to. He’d done it before, and it helped keep the darkness at bay. It kept him occupied so he didn’t focus on other things. It gave him a sense of control when everything seemed to be spiraling into chaos.
He was banking on the fact that he was too important to harm. If that was true, that meant he already had a lot of power and could—hopefully—use it to his advantage. Since he didn’t know exactly what was needed from him, he had no idea what the advantages might be. That meant Caleb couldn’t be overly concerned about Samuel and his feelings.
A squeak echoed through the room and pulled Caleb out of his thoughts. Matt was walking toward them, a small smile on his face. It would be so easy to trust him, Caleb thought. He just looked trustworthy. He had done so much to help the men and women who were fighting the undead. He seemed like such a good guy. He seemed so genuine. But then there were the little things that created doubt in Caleb’s brain. Questions that didn’t have answers—or Matt refused to give straight answers to. Now that Caleb was feeling better and had his mental faculties back, he could try to ask, but how would he know if Matt was being honest with him? No, it was best to rely on no one but himself. Perhaps he would eventually find someone he could trust to help him through this ordeal.
Matt took a seat next to Caleb, his smile growing slightly wider, but his eyes were hooded with sadness. “How are you feeling?”
Caleb nodded. “Better. Thank you for everything you’ve done. I really appreciate it.”
Matt’s smile wavered. “You sure you don’t want to stay? There’s still so much more we could learn about you and help you with.”
Samuel scoffed, and Caleb glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Caleb wasn’t exactly sure why Samuel had such an issue with Matt. If something had happened while Caleb was in and out of consciousness, Samuel wasn’t talking about it. Still, there was no reason to be rude. Even if they didn’t know what Matt’s motive was, he had been nothing but cordial and hospitable.
“No, I’m good. But I really appreciate it.” He held his hand out. “Thanks again.”
Matt shook it, then placed his other hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “You will always have a place here.”
“Thanks.” Caleb pulled his hand back, and then stood from the table. He nodded at Samuel. “You ready?”
Samuel responded by standing up and facing the door.
“Just leave the Jeep on the street in front of your apartment building with the keys on the back tire. Someone will pick it up.” Matt sighed. “I really wish you would reconsider.”
Matt had been kind enough to let Caleb and Samuel use one of his vehicles to get them back to the city, and he didn’t even insist on one of his men going with them. It was yet another gesture that made Caleb want to trust Matt. He went out of his way to make Caleb feel comfortable.
“We got it, and we should be getting on our way,” Samuel spoke brusquely. “Thanks for saving our lives.” He turned and headed for the door.
Caleb hesitated for a moment. The urge to apologize rose into his throat and stuck. Why did he feel the need to say he was sorry? He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was trying to protect himself. But there was that underlying sensation he was afraid to do it alone. That he wouldn’t know what he would find. That he would need allies on his side if it turned into a fight.
That you are incompetent and are going to get yourself killed.
The voice from the darkness. If only he could find a way to silence it. To stop it from voicing his fears.
Matt nodded. “It’s okay. I understand.” He held his hand out. “This might help. Look at it when you get the chance.”
Caleb took the flash drive from Matt and put it in his pocket. This wasn’t helping. It was making it harder for him to leave. His confusion deepened. A shuffling sounded at the far end of the room, and Caleb looked up to see Lilah standing in the door. His heart dropped into his stomach. She had saved him and Samuel from the RBZs in the park. She risked being discovered to protect them. She didn’t have to. She could have let them fall into the others’ hands.
And she could be working for them, and all of this is an elaborate ruse to gain your trust. The voice echoed through his mind, bouncing off his skull and causing the beginnings of a headache.
“Thanks,” Caleb mumbled. “I’ve got to go.”
He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t deal with the internal conflict and contradictory dialogue. The voice needed to be silenced, and only he could do that. He rushed out of the cafeteria and pushed past Lilah without glancing at her. Samuel waited for him in the hall, a look of impatience on his face. He fell in step with Cal
eb as they walked down the hall and stepped into the afternoon sun.
Caleb let the warmth and light surround him. There was a sense of freedom outside. He enjoyed the open space and fresh air. It wasn’t stifling, there were no walls to close around him. He pulled the key Matt had given him earlier in the day out of his pocket. His mind drifted to the conversation when he told Matt he was leaving. It had been shortly after he’d woken up, and Caleb was surprised at how well Matt had handled it. He hadn’t asked any question, although a look of sadness—or maybe it was disappointment—covered his face. Matt had handed him the key and assured Caleb no one would stop him or follow him. Caleb told him they better not. He couldn’t follow that comment up with any other threat, but he felt it had to be said.
Caleb shook his head. Questioning his own actions and the contradictions in his brain were driving him crazy. He hadn’t felt this confused and out of control since he’d first come to the city. He glanced down at the tattoos on his wrists. He hadn’t handled the mix of emotions well then. They had left him scarred, physically and emotionally. What was this going to do to him?
He averted his gaze to the vast expanse of desert in front of him. A hollow feeling settled into his chest, making him feel cold and pulling the corners of his mouth into a frown. Why was his mind at war with itself? Why couldn’t he control the thoughts that went through his head? He clenched his jaw. It was frustrating to constantly be in flux, to lack the confidence and resolve to do anything. Not this time, he told himself. I will find answers.
Look at the freedom, the voice whispered. You could disappear into the desert and no one would know where to find you.
Caleb looked at the key in his hand, then glanced at Samuel. “Why don’t you drive?” He tossed Samuel the key, and then climbed into the passenger side of the Jeep. He didn’t trust his brain to take him back to the city. Although, maybe he shouldn’t trust Samuel either …
The ride was done in silence. Caleb stared out the window, taking in the vast expanse of sand and short, spindly bushes. The sun’s rays pierced through the glass, causing sweat to pool on his skin. He didn’t care. He enjoyed the heat and being surrounded by light.
They traveled on the dirt road for 40 minutes before it connected with a cracked and broken paved road. Samuel stopped at the intersection. Caleb glanced to his right at the mountains silhouetted on the horizon, then to his left at the skyscrapers that mirrored the natural peaks in industrialized angles.
“You sure about this?” Samuel asked. “This is your last chance to change your mind.”
Caleb nodded. “Yeah.”
Samuel turned his head and looked at Caleb, his right eyebrow raised. Apparently, the conviction Caleb hoped was in his tone wasn’t actually there. He had hoped Samuel wouldn’t notice.
Caleb cleared his throat. “I’m sure.” He put as much resolve into his voice as he could.
Samuel huffed. “Yeah. Okay.”
He put the Jeep in gear, then hesitated moving forward.
Caleb eyed him cautiously. He imagined Samuel was contemplating his options, perhaps thinking about taking Caleb to his underground friends. And what was going to stop him? Caleb had let him drive, not trusting himself to go back to the city, but assuming Samuel would. Caleb placed his hand on the door handle. He hoped he wouldn’t have to walk to the city, it was still quite a way away, but he would if he had to.
With a sigh, Samuel turned the Jeep left and drove down the road. Caleb removed his hand from the door handle and placed it in his lap. He breathed an internal sigh of relief. For all of Samuel’s talk, he really was a good friend to obey Caleb’s wishes.
As they drew closer to the city, the buildings became ominous and blocked out the sun. Darkness crept toward him. A feeling of unease and longing settled into his chest. Danger waited for him on those gray-tinted streets. Unknown danger. It made Caleb anxious to think of all the possible scenarios that could occur and knowing there was no way to prepare for them all. Subconsciously, his hand reached for the door handle. He didn’t even realize he was gripping it until he felt the warmth under his fingers.
Last chance …
He jerked his hand away and folded his arms across his chest. That was exactly why he didn’t trust himself to drive. He probably wouldn’t realize he was heading into solitude until it was too late to turn back.
“You all right?” Samuel asked.
Caleb refused to take his gaze off the city in front of him. He was afraid his look would give away his fears, that Samuel would see the uncertainty in his eyes. He had to stay strong. Maybe if he pretended long enough, the real feeling of confidence would finally show up.
“Yep.” He glanced at Samuel quickly from the corner of his eye.
The way he pressed his lips into a line and furrowed his brow told Caleb Samuel didn’t believe him.
And why should he? The voice in the darkness said softly. You haven’t been all right for a long time.
CHAPTER 9
The city was oppressive. The tops of the buildings seemed to curve inward and block out the sun. The grayness settled over Caleb like a heavy blanket. His mind desired and yearned to be back in the desert. It was so bright, so open, so free. Sure, there was the bunker, but it wasn’t as confining as the skyscrapers. It offered protection, but it didn’t seal him in. He could walk a few feet away from it and see what was coming at him from miles away. There were too many hiding places in the city, too many blind spots. Still, he knew he had to be here to find answers. It was the only way.
He directed Samuel to his apartment building, and Samuel pulled up to the curb. Caleb was about to open the door when Samuel locked it. Caleb turned to him.
“Are you sure about this?” The concern in Samuel’s voice was thick. “I can drive away. Right now. And no one would be the wiser.”
The anger instantly drained out of Caleb. He couldn’t be upset with Samuel because he cared. “I’m sure. But thanks.”
Samuel sighed, and then unlocked the door. It was obvious he wasn’t happy about the situation, but what could he do? It was Caleb’s life, his decision.
“Go home, Samuel. Get some rest. Tell your friends about what happened.” He smiled. Just because Caleb thought it was ridiculous to put his faith in eccentrics, Samuel had to do what made him happy. “If they have any valuable information, let me know.” That at least wouldn’t make Samuel feel completely worthless. Caleb pushed open the door and stepped onto the sidewalk.
Samuel pulled away from the curb and drove down the street. Caleb watched him disappear around the corner, and then his gaze drifted toward the alley. Memories of the video he had received ran through his mind. He saw Rachel’s face twisted in pain and anguish as she was torn apart. Sadness and guilt tightened his chest. She shouldn’t have died because of him. Not like that. Not without him being given the chance to help her. He had to force himself inside the apartment building. If he didn’t, he was tempted to run down the street yelling and screaming for the person who wanted him to come get him, but that wasn’t reasonable. That wouldn’t help in the long run. It wouldn’t accomplish much of anything. He’d be able to figure out who was after him, but he wouldn’t have the power to control the situation—and that was the most important thing to have.
He stood in the hallway outside his apartment, staring at the door and wondering what he was doing. Was this really the best way? Whoever was after him knew where he lived, and he didn’t doubt they knew he was back. He was a sitting duck here. There was no way to escape.
It had been three days; he could only imagine what had been happening while he was gone—if anyone was concerned about him. He doubted it. He didn’t have many friends. He sighed. It was too much to worry about. All he really wanted was to take a shower and crawl into bed. Maybe things would seem clearer after that.
He opened the door and stepped inside. Familiarity greeted him, and a sense of relief washed through him. It wasn’t home, but it was close. Footsteps sounded on his right, and he turned
to see Dr. Bentley. His eyes widened, and he hurried across the room, wrapping Caleb in a tight embrace, surprising Caleb. If he hadn’t grabbed a hold of the boy, the doctor would have knocked him over. He and the doctor weren’t exactly close—Caleb didn’t refer to him by his first name—so this amount of concern and emotion seemed almost out of place.
Dr. Bentley had been kind enough to take him in after Zomtech hired him. Caleb was still a minor and couldn’t be on his own. Dr. Bentley was kind, but he kept to himself. He was often lost in thought, and Caleb assumed he was focused on finding the cure for the undead. But he never asked. He never felt it was his place.
The few conversations the two had focused on trivial matters—the weather and Caleb’s friends, the latter being the shorter conversation. They may not have been the closest or the chattiest with one another, but there was an unspoken comfort between the two. Even though neither one admitted it, Caleb was glad he had someone to come home to, and he was sure Dr. Bentley felt the same. Caleb sensed it in the way Dr. Bentley’s shoulders relaxed when he walked through the door.
Maybe it’s him. Maybe he’s the one who’s after you.
Caleb’s heart leapt into his throat—his chest tightened. It made sense. He would’ve known when Caleb was coming and going. Plus, he would know Rachel. Dr. Bentley even worked at Zomtech, so he would have access to all of Caleb’s medical files. If Dr. Bentley was like everyone else he’d met recently—Detective Hale and Matt—he’d probably even read Caleb’s psych file. In addition, he disappeared for long stretches of time and only he knew where he went. It made sense.
But then there were parts that didn’t make sense. And the most glaring was why would the doctor feel the need to be so violent and secretive? If he really wanted to manipulate and use Caleb, he could have just tied him up in the apartment. Or asked him to accompany him to wherever. Caleb would have no idea what was going on, and since Dr. Bentley was his guardian, he would trust the doctor to keep him safe. There would be no need for all the theatrics and secrets. There would be no need to target anyone else.
Saving Humanity Series (Book 1): Humanity's Hope Page 9