Flame

by Clarissa Wild

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she screams. It almost makes me laugh, because she never really swears that much, but I keep it together for her. If I laugh now, she’ll kill me—that I’m sure of.

  “Just a little bit more,” the doctor says. “Push.”

  She braces her feet, making a scrunched-up face as she gathers enough energy to push again. I’m amazed at the strength she’s shown since this all started, amazed at her body and her resilience, amazed at what she’s capable of.

  “Yes!” the doctor says, and my girl gasps for air.

  Suddenly there’s a loud noise. A cry.

  It alerts all my senses, directing my attention toward that sound. Everything else fades away as I watch the doctor take the baby out of her and see its face for the first time. A broad smile rapidly spreads across my face, and my girl bursts out into tears as they show him to us.

  “Welcome to this little boy,” the nurse says as she quickly wraps him in a blanket and hands him to my girl. She lets go of me and embraces her son, joy lighting up her face. He’s crying, tearing my heart out, because seeing him for the first time makes me realize that this is special. He’s our son; her genes and my genes are inside him, and I can immediately recognize my features in him. It’s amazing.

  She holds him close, kissing his nose. Wiping her tears away, she looks up at me and laughs. “Our little Trevor.”

  Suddenly she makes a face, holding her breath.

  “Contractions are beginning again. Prepare for the second one,” the doctor says, moving back into position.

  The nurse takes the baby out of her hands as she starts pushing again, and then she hands him to me.

  At first I’m stunned. Holding him feels strange, because I’ve never held a baby before. But this is my baby. My son. He looks like me, and the way he gazes up at me with those same pristine blue eyes his mother has makes tears spring into my eyes.

  He’s beautiful.

  I cradle him in my arms, my entire body responding to his presence. I want to protect him, nurture him, and smother him with all the love I have to give. It doesn’t matter that I came from a fucked-up family, or that I’m a fucked-up person. Nothing matters. All that matters is him and her. My babies and my girl. The future isn’t decided by my past, it’s decided by how I live in the here and now. And I plan to take good care of them. This is my family now, and I’m damn proud of it.

  In all honesty, this is the best thing I’ve ever done.

  Making this little kid here. He’s going to be a star.

  With my index finger I gently caress his cheek. His mouth nips at my finger, making me smile. With his little hand he grabs my finger and holds on tight. I love how it feels, how he clings to me, holding on for dear life. How I’m holding his body in my hands as gently as I can, how he yawns and smiles exactly like I do, how his short blond hair and full lips show that he’s mine. I love it all. He’s so fragile and vulnerable, but I will never hurt him. I know that my power is only meant to protect, not harm. I’ll never become my past, my father, my mom. The mark they left on me will never be passed on. I’ll be the dad my dad could never be for me, and Leafy will be the mom I never had. We’ll provide everything he needs. I’ll make sure he has a great home to grow up in. His life will be better than mine ever was.

  Seeing him, I realize this is my redemption.

  I hug him and plant a kiss on his forehead, while watching my girl push out her last bit of energy as she delivers our girl. She comes out much easier than this little fighter here in my hands. I guess he’s as much of a troublemaker as I am.

  I grin as my little girl shows her face to the world.

  “Susie,” Leafy stammers, tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks.

  She has her mother’s curly brown hair, which is already growing. My signature gray eyes and crooked nose are clearly visible. It makes me smirk. Yep, definitely mine. Seeing her makes me realize how lucky we are having two healthy kids. Two little babies totally dependent on us, and we’ll make sure they get everything they ever need. We’ll make it work. They’re in our life now, and they’re not going anywhere, just like she won’t. My Leafy will be my girl forever, and our connection is stronger than ever now. We just created the two most beautiful beings in the world.

  The nurses quickly wrap her in a blanket and hand her over to Leafy, who’s smiling like crazy. Her fatigue is showing clearly; she has trouble keeping her eyes open and she seems weak as she holds our little girl. She fought hard today, and I’ve never seen such persistence, such strength in a woman. I admire her more than ever now. She’s mine, and I’m so damn proud of her.

  And I’m proud of our little ones.

  They’ll look up to their daddy, that I’m sure of, because I’ll make it happen. I might be a fighter, a fuck-up, whose only good aspect is his muscles and looks, but I’ll be damned if I don’t make sure these kids get what they deserve. For the first time in my life I’m actually doing the right thing. They’re our little miracles.

  As we both hold on to our babies, exchanging one for the other after a while, I can’t help but fall even more in love with her and them. She’s my one and only, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to be the mother of my kids. She’s perfect, and they’re perfect, in every way possible.

  CHAPTER 28

  SIDE BY SIDE

  Autumn

  As my mom enters the room, tears flood my eyes again, because I’m so happy my babies are finally here. I’ve been waiting for this moment since they started growing in my belly. I’ve finally had the chance to welcome them to the world, and now my mom is here to see them too. She’ll have the grandchildren she’s always dreamed of seeing.

  My dad pushes her wheelchair closer, and she holds out her hands so Hunter can hand her Susie. Her eyes get all watery as she cradles my little Susie in her arms and caresses her tiny cheeks.

  “Oh, she’s so sweet. What an angel,” Mom says.

  “Susie was the second one to come out,” I say.

  “This little bugger had to join us first,” Hunter says, nuzzling Trevor.

  “You did well,” my dad says, clearing his throat. His compliment takes me by surprise. It’s not often he says those things.

  “Thanks.” I smile. “Want to hold him?”

  An abashed look appears on his face. “Uh …” he stammers. He’s already trying to back away, but before he has a chance Hunter has already given him Trevor. At first he just looks at him like he doesn’t know what to do, but when Trevor yawns a tiny smile appears on my dad’s face. It makes me grin.

  He gently traces Trevor’s nose with his finger, and then Trevor reaches for his finger and grabs hold of it. My dad smiles, unlike any smile I’ve ever seen before. His face has completely lit up like he just saw the most beautiful thing, and it warms my heart. I think he just fell in love.

  He sits down in a chair and holds my little Trevor close to him, rocking him sideways as he lets him suck on his thumb. “They’re sweet.”

  Hunter smiles at me. “I knew he’d warm up to them,” he whispers when he gets close to me.

  I giggle. “I know. He just needs some time to get used to the idea of me being a mom.”

  “He needs to let you be yourself and support you.”

  “Oh, I can’t wait to get out of this wheelchair and dance with this little girl,” my mom says.

  “You will soon, Mom.”

  “I hope so. It’s all thanks to Hunter.” She smiles and blushes. “I can’t say it enough—thank you for doing this.” She places her hand on his knee, squeezing a little. “You’re not only her guardian angel, but mine too.”

  “It’s my pleasure, ma’am. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “I must say, I wasn’t a fan of your relationship and I’m still not a fan,” my dad interjects, making me frown. “But, I have to admit that you’re doing your best to make it work, which is admirable. Apparently you make my daughter very happy, although I have no idea why. However, I appreciate what you have done
for my wife. For that, I thank you.”

  Oh. My. God. Did he actually just admit to being thankful? Did he just say he might actually start to accept me and Hunter?

  “Uh … thank you, I guess,” Hunter says with a cocky smile.

  “Now, that doesn’t mean you can just go ahead and do whatever you want,” my dad continues.

  “We know,” I say, stopping him before he makes it worse. It was perfect the way it was. “We’ll do our best to give our little babies whatever they need. Hunter works and fights hard for us, and we’re all thankful.”

  “I’m more than thankful,” my mom says with a radiant smile. “And as far as I’m concerned, you’re a keeper.”

  I chuckle. “Well, actually …” I look at Hunter and reach for his hand, lacing my fingers through his. We haven’t told my dad about our engagement yet.

  “We’re getting married,” Hunter says.

  “What?” my dad yells.

  “Oh, that’s right!” My mom giggles. “Honey, you should have seen the proposal. It was amazing,” she says.

  Right at that moment the door opens and Evie, Jaret and Jessie burst in. Jessie had gone to pick Evie and Jaret up from college so they could see the little ones. They all freeze, their jaws drop and their eyes widen.

  “You’re getting married?” Evie asks.

  “Holy shit, my little brother is getting married?” Jessie says, laughing.

  “Yeah, what’s so funny about that?” Hunter says.

  “Nothing, I just never thought you’d be the one to do it.”

  “Oh my God, you’re getting married!” Evie squeals, and she runs toward me and throws herself around my neck. “I can’t believe it.”

  “Me neither. It’s like a dream.”

  “A good one, I hope,” Hunter says with a wink.

  “The best.”

  “Whoa, getting married, huh, Hunter? That’s big,” Jaret says, giving him a manly slap on the back. He peeks over Hunter’s shoulder at Trevor. “Looks exactly like you.”

  “You think?” Hunter says.

  “And a bit like her,” Jaret says with a wink.

  Evie’s still on my bed, caressing Susie’s cheeks and making funny faces at her. “She looks adorable.”

  “Wanna hold her?” I ask.

  She gleefully accepts and takes the baby off my hands. The way she holds little Susie, dancing around the room with her, making her smile, is wonderful to see. She’s such a natural when it comes to caring for babies.

  “My little baby is getting married,” my mom suddenly says out of nowhere, and she starts to cry again. Sometimes I think she has more hormones than me.

  My dad hands Trevor to Jessie and walks to Hunter, standing right in front of him. Squinting, he gazes at him, assessing him. “If you’re marrying my daughter, you’d better damn well make sure you’re gonna take care of her and her babies and be the best dad there is,” my dad says. “Do you understand?”

  “Yes, sir, I’ll do my very best.”

  A tiny, almost unnoticeable smile curves my dad’s lips. “Good.” And then he places his hand on Hunter’s shoulder and squeezes, then pats him on the back.

  The gesture is small, but unbelievable to me. This is the first time he’s actually approved of Hunter. A big smile forms on my lips because I’m so happy to see this happen. My family is finally accepting Hunter. My friends are happy for us and support us. Everything is finally falling into place. I used to believe that my future was set in stone, and that it was the only right way, but now that I’m with Hunter and we have our babies and my family together, I realize that it’s okay if things don’t go according to plan. I’m happier than I’ve ever been before and I’m with the people I love. Things can’t get any better than this.

  ♥♥♥

  6 months later

  My dad holds my hand as I walk down the aisle. My lips quiver, because I keep smiling so hard it almost hurts. My legs tremble on the high heels, and I hold on to my dad for support, hoping I don’t step on my beautiful white dress. Hunter paid for it all, because he wanted to make me happy. He even let me pick the dress. The lower half is covered in ruffles, reminding me of roses. The top part curves around my boobs and doesn’t have straps. It’s perfect and makes me feel like a princess, which is exactly what he told me he wanted me to look like. His princess.

  Heat rushes through my body as I walk down the aisle, probably turning my face strawberry-red. As I pass my family I softly wave at them. Evie’s already at the altar in her short pink dress, and she grins stupidly at me, almost making me laugh. My mom is in front with the babies, keeping them quiet with shushing sounds. She looks beautiful in her gown, and her short hair suits her well. It brings tears to my eyes to see her healthy again, or at least, as healthy as she can be after all these struggles. When I pass her, she stands up briefly to give me a kiss on the cheek and wish me good luck. It’s been a long time since I saw her out of bed, out of a chair, capable of standing up. It’s making me want to cry because I’m so happy, but I’m saving my tears for another day. This is a day to smile.

  I turn around and gaze at Hunter, who looks magnificent in his suit. Like a true gentleman he takes my hand, and my dad lets go of me. For a second I think I see tears form in my dad’s eyes, but he quickly blinks them away as he sits down next to my mom. Jaret and Jessie are right behind Hunter, grinning so hard it makes me laugh nervously. Hunter squeezes my hand, looking down at me with a look that says he loves me. I don’t need to hear his words to know that he does. The way he can’t keep his eyes off me says enough.

  For the next few minutes I don’t even know what’s being said, because I’m too focused on him and him alone. He’s all that’s on my mind, even when everyone is watching us. We’re getting married. I never imagined this would happen, that someone would choose me over every other girl. That I would have kids and that I would be loved like no other. My past, the bullying, the hardship, the pain, the struggle, it was all worth it, because I got him and my babies in return. I’m grateful for everything I’ve been blessed with. I’m getting married to the one person I love the most. I feel like I’m in heaven.

  ♥♥♥

  Hunter

  I grab her hand and mouth to her that I love her. Her radiant blue eyes gaze up at me with pure joy, the look in her eyes heating me up on the inside. That little flame that sets my heart on fire is inextinguishable. She still gets my heart racing, still makes me lose my breath as I see her watch me. I’ll never get used to that. Ever.

  The ring fits perfectly around her slender finger, and it makes me happy to see it on her. With it, I tell her she’s mine. With it, I promise to stick with her, hold on to her, and never let go. I’ll never stop trying to make her happy, and I’ll never stop choosing her.

  She chose me, too, even though I’m not worth it. She still loves me, and for that I love her even more. My life has been a rollercoaster, but it was all worth it, because I got her in the end. I have the only thing I’ll ever need to be happy. Our twins are proof of our unbreakable bond, and I know we can survive anything that’s thrown at us. Love is enough.

  Together we can face it all.

  EPILOGUE

  VOWS

  My strong, sexy fighter,

  When I first saw you looking at me, I couldn’t believe you noticed me. I was shocked and horrified, because I was a mess. At the time I thought nobody could love a girl like me. I’m a nobody. A spineless geek. Bullies had broken me.

  Not in my wildest dreams did I think you would pay attention to me, and more, that you would find me interesting. I was both terrified and ecstatic, because I wanted it so badly, but thought it couldn’t be true. Life hadn’t been kind to me. You were. My dreams came true. I never thought you’d like me, but you liked me more than anyone else did. You gave me something I needed the most: someone who loved me for who I was. Someone I could love without restraints.

  You showed me it’s okay to open up to the ones you love, because they’ll never take you
r trust for granted. True love means to show your weaknesses and to embrace them as part of who you are. You made me see that there are other things worth living for, and that it’s okay to make mistakes and to follow your heart.

  Conquering my heart was easy for you. You had it the moment you set your eyes on me. I was yours to begin with, and I always knew it.

  I love you more than anything, and our babies are proof of that. You’re the only one for me, and I never want to be without you. I’m proud I can call you the father of my Trevor and Susie. That I can call you my sexy lover, my strong protector, my cocky fighter. That you’re my husband now.

  I promise to keep you close, to tell you everything that’s on my mind, to stay with you, to support you through it all. I promise to give you my all.

  You’re mine, and I’m yours. Forever.

  As many kisses as you can ever wish for,

  Autumn

  My sweet, caring Leafy,

  Words have never been my strongest point, but know that I’ll show you tenfold what I tell you in this letter. The moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were supposed to be mine. At first it was just the challenge, but it became so much more than that when you wriggled your way into my life and heart. No matter how many times I told myself I didn’t deserve your kindness, you kept supporting me. You refused to give up on me, which is what I love most about you. Your tenacity and courage and the way you battled with me until the end.

  And then I fell for you. Hard. I can’t resist your sweetness, your gentleness, the way you look at me every time I tell you I love you.

  I love you so much more than I can tell you with words. Even after every fuck-up, every screw-up, every make-up, you still love me, and for that I’m more than grateful. I’m happy, happy that I can call you my girl. Happy that you’re here for me, even through all the bad times. Happy that you didn’t give up on me.