“He’s your boyfriend and…and he killed my dad!” Spinning around, Kevin burst out of the back door.
“Wait!” Appalled. Embarrassed. Guilty as sin, she ran after him.
He didn’t stop. Instead, he jumped onto his bicycle. Dust flew up from beneath the tires as he pedaled out of the driveway. A car honked and tires squealed as a passing motorist barely missed colliding with her son.
Janice’s heart leaped into her throat. “Kevin! Be careful!”
He ignored her. There was no way Janice could catch up with her son. He was too strong, too fast, for her to catch him on foot. Even if she followed him in the van, he wouldn’t come back willingly. He’d still be fighting her.
And fighting his confusion over loyalty to his father, a man so often absent from his life, and his newer feelings for Logan. Not entirely unlike the way Janice was still wrestling with her own confused loyalties.
She tried not to panic, tried not to overreact. Her son knew the area. He wouldn’t go far. Their neighborhood was safe—or as safe as any these days. She vacillated about what to do. Race after him in the van, leaving Maddie alone in the house? Or wait, having faith her son would find his own way back home when it was time?
Her life felt so out of control she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t lose Kevin, not her baby who’d grown so tall and strong.
In her entire life, she’d never been so confused about her best course of action.
A dreadful combination of fear and anger churned through her stomach. Closing her eyes, she prayed for guidance.
THE PHONE in the rec room at the station house rang just before the eight o’clock shift change the next morning.
“Strong!” Jay Tolliver shouted down the hallway to the sleeping quarters. “Phone!”
Dread kicked Logan in the gut. He rarely got calls at the station. For a moment all he could think was that something had happened to his father. Or to his brother in Merced.
“Hustle it up, Strong. It’s a woman. Sounds like a pretty woman to me.”
Janice? Dropping his duffel on the bed, he jogged down the hallway and snatched the phone from Jay’s hand.
“Strong here.”
“Logan, have you seen Kevin?”
It was Janice’s voice all right, but Logan had trouble processing her question. He’d been expecting something else. Hoping for words he shouldn’t be waiting to hear.
“Kevin?” he echoed.
“He hasn’t been home all night. He ran away. On his bike. I’ve been looking for him everywhere.”
“Why did he run away? What happened?”
“He…he heard me talking to Debbie. He misunderstood. He th-thinks you were responsible for Ray’s death.”
Logan swore under his breath. This was his worst nightmare, having a boy he cared about believing Logan was responsible for his father’s death. “Have you called the police?”
“They’ve been looking for him since last night. There hasn’t been a single sign of him. I was hoping—” Her voice caught on a sob. “I thought maybe he’d come by the station house. To see you.”
“I haven’t seen him.” He tried to think like a kid. If the boy hadn’t come here, where would Kevin go? “Maybe the cemetery. If he’s that upset—”
“I drove out there last night and again this morning. No one has seen him. The caretaker—”
“He has to be someplace. With a friend?”
“I’ve called everyone I can think of.” Her voice was excited. High pitched. On the verge of panic. “Maybe…maybe he went out to the lake. He liked rowing your boat. It’s a long way but maybe…Logan, I’m so afraid—”
“I know, Jan. I know.” He checked his watch. “I’m off the clock as of now. The A-shift crew is all here. I’ll get out to the lake as fast as I can.” And break every speeding law doing it, if he had to.
“You’ll let me know? One way or the other?”
“I’ll call.” Leaning his forehead against the wall, he closed his eyes, picturing Janice and feeling her desperation. “We’ll find him, Jan. He’s a good boy. Smart. He can take care of himself. You’ll have him home in no time.”
“Hurry, Logan. Please. I’m going crazy. I don’t know where else to turn.”
“You did the right thing by calling me.”
After a moment’s hesitation, she said, “There’s something else, something you aren’t going to like.” She paused again. “He accused us of having a relationship—you being my boyfriend. I’m sorry. I didn’t want him to know.”
“I’ll find him, Jan. I’ll explain.” Like hell he would. How could any man explain to a kid that he was sleeping with the boy’s mother? As far as Kevin was concerned, Logan had crossed a line that was worse than killing his father.
He’d destroyed the boy’s image of his mother.
Logan didn’t waste any time getting to his car. Despite the morning rush hour, traffic out of the city was light. He went through signals on the red and cut a corner through a gas station when he got stuck behind a slow truck. If the cops spotted him, so be it. He’d argue the ticket later.
Breathless, his heart pounding as if he’d run a marathon, he arrived at his house. Dust was still billowing up behind his car when he parked and jumped out.
Not wanting to frighten Kevin or drive him into hiding—if he was there—Logan forced himself to calm down. To take it slow as he rounded the house to the lake side.
Disappointment arced through him when he spotted the rowboat still upside down on the dock, the oars stacked beside it. In a kid’s mind, it would have made sense to have headed here, to the lake, and to seek refuge out on the isolated island.
Except Kevin had to hate Logan now. He’d killed his father. Or that’s what the boy believed. And was having an affair with his mother.
He circled the house. No sign of a bike or Kevin. No evidence of the boy inside either. Nothing had been disturbed, not even the unopened half gallon of milk in the refrigerator.
Logan picked up the phone and dialed Janice’s number.
“He’s not here,” Logan said when she answered. “Have you had any word?”
“No. Nothing. Oh, God, Logan, what am I going to do?”
“Wait right where you are. I’m on my way.”
Chapter Twelve
She shoved open the screen door before he reached the steps, and then she was on the porch, emotion etched in her heart-shaped face. Lines of worry fanned out from her red-rimmed eyes, making them look overly large and bruised with fatigue. Deep grooves creased her forehead. Her hair was disheveled. She wore no makeup. Her clothes looked as if she’d slept in them but Logan suspected she hadn’t closed her eyes all night.
He had never seen a woman more beautiful…or more exposed.
Taking her in his arms, Logan held her because that was the only thing he could think to do. He wanted to do more. Ease her pain. Magically produce her son from the back seat of his car. Tell her the boy had meant it as a joke. He hadn’t really run away.
That she didn’t have to worry.
But there was no way he or anyone else could erase a mother’s fears until her son was safely back home.
She trembled against him, and he brushed a kiss to the top of her head.
“No news?” he asked, though the answer was obvious.
She shook her head. “I keep thinking he’ll come pedaling his bike up the street any minute, and I’ll be able to let him know what a dumb stunt he pulled by running away. But he hasn’t come and it’s been so long. Last night, I never thought—” The effort it took for her not to cry, not to break down, radiated in tense waves from her slender body.
“Let’s go inside.” Keeping one arm around her, he led her back into the house. “Where’s Maddie?”
“I had Debbie take her to school. I thought it would be easier if—” Her breath caught on a near sob. “The police said for me to stay here in case, but I just can’t—” Words seemed to escape her. “They’re keeping an eye out for him.”
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“Good. Now, have you eaten?”
She looked puzzled by his question as if eating was an exotic activity she’d never experienced. “No. I don’t think I could swallow—”
“You need to keep up your strength. I’ll scramble you some eggs.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Yeah, I do.” He urged her to sit on a stool at the breakfast counter and went to work preparing a meal, to keep himself busy, to keep his own fears under control.
She’d already begun packing her household goods for the move and there were boxes stacked everywhere, but he found a frying pan in the cupboard, butter and eggs in the refrigerator.
“After I called you, I remembered you have your oral exam today. You don’t want to miss—”
“I’m here for as long as you need me. Until I know the boy is safe, I probably couldn’t give a coherent response to any question, much less the technical ones they’d ask.”
“Kevin running away isn’t your fault. He’s just a boy. He doesn’t understand.”
“About Ray—or you?”
“Both.”
“A boy puts his mother on a pedestal. Kevin thinks I not only killed his father, I pulled that pedestal out from under you, too. He connects the two. It may take him a long time to forgive either of us.”
“I fell off that pedestal years ago.”
Something in her tone, the echo of a long-held pain, made Logan look up from the eggs he’d cracked into the pan.
She twisted her hands together on the countertop. “My parents thought I was perfect. Their sweet little girl who could do no wrong. And then I got pregnant with Kevin.”
“You weren’t married.” It wasn’t a question. Logan knew the answer.
“Ray hadn’t intended to get me pregnant. He’d taken precautions. Then, when my parents virtually disowned me…” She fiddled with the salt shaker sitting on the counter, her fingers trembling. “All along I think Ray felt trapped. He tried to do the right thing, and for a while it worked. I think he may have actually fallen in love with Christie, and then he was trapped between his gambling debts and whatever obligation he felt to us. He wasn’t a bad man. We just weren’t right for each other.”
That didn’t excuse a man for being unfaithful or for turning his back on his family. Or for the emotional damage he’d done to his wife, making her believe she wasn’t competent, wasn’t beautiful. For that, if nothing else, Ray had earned Logan’s contempt.
Forcefully controlling a flare of anger, Logan stirred the eggs and slipped a piece of bread into the toaster. “What happened ten years ago doesn’t mean you were a bad woman then—or now.”
She looked at him steadily. “But how do I explain it to Kevin?”
“He loves you. You’ll find a way.” Logan was hardly an expert on child rearing but he did know, given enough time, Kevin would figure out that his mother deserved his respect no matter what she’d done in the past. And he’d be a better man because of it. Meanwhile, Logan would have to make sure he kept his distance from Janice, not adding fuel to the fire.
But keeping his distance would come later, after Kevin was back home.
He slid the plate of eggs and toast onto the counter in front of Janice. “Eat,” he ordered. “When Kevin shows up, I don’t want you to faint from hunger.”
Unable to watch her toying with her food, Logan switched on the TV in the corner of the kitchen, as much to add some noise to the oppressive quiet of the house as to see if there was any news. He turned to the local channel.
Across the top of the screen, red letters announced Breaking News, and there was a picture of a scene taken from a helicopter.
“—the fire apparently started as a result of an out-of-control delivery truck crashing through the wire fence. This particular warehouse at the corner of Broadway and First Street was the site of a fatality only months ago when Firefighter Raymond Gainer lost his life fighting another blaze,” the announcer said. “In the interim, city officials have been arguing with the owners of the property, trying to determine who should be responsible for tearing down the charred remains of the building. The impasse—”
Logan stopped listening. He turned to Janice and their eyes met. In that instant, they both knew Kevin was inside that building. A gut feeling. The logic unassailable. That’s where a boy would go to mourn the loss of his father.
Without a word, Logan raced toward the front door and out to his car.
“I’m going with you!” Janice shouted.
“You’ll be in the way. Stay here!”
She reached the Mustang at almost the same moment he did and yanked open the passenger door. “I’m not going to lose a husband and a son to that damn building. I’m going with you.”
Logan didn’t have time to argue.
He might not have a siren on his Mustang, but he sure as hell had a horn. He laid on it all the way into town, ignoring traffic lights and stop signs, weaving through traffic like an Indy race driver set on overtaking the competition.
He pulled up at the scene, quickly assessing the situation as he got out of the car. Four engine companies, two ladder trucks. They were laying water on the fire from the perimeter. But nobody was going inside.
If the fire crews had a choice, they wanted what was left of the building to burn to the ground. Nobody wanted to risk the life of another firefighter in the same derelict building. They’d rather save the city some money.
He’d never changed out of his uniform that morning, which got him through the police barricades. Behind him, he heard Janice loudly complaining the cops wouldn’t let her follow him to the fire. He was thankful for that.
He spotted a friend of his father’s from Station Four standing by the pumper monitoring the flow of water.
“Gimme your jacket, Lucas.”
“Huh? Logan? Whataya—”
“There’s a kid in there. Ray Gainer’s boy. I’m going in after him.”
“No way, man.”
“You can’t stop me. I’m either going in with your gear on, or I’m going in bare-faced. If that happens, I probably won’t come out alive.”
“I’ll tell the battalion chief—”
“There’s no time.” Logan practically wrenched the guy’s helmet from his head, and he gave up his turnout coat a minute later. “Your breathing apparatus, too, man.”
An old-timer who’d been in the department since Logan’s father’s days, Lucas said, “Your dad is gonna kill me. Let me go in with you.”
“No.” He wouldn’t risk anyone else’s life on what could already be a lost cause. “But see that the guys cover me as I go inside.”
“It’s a good fire, youngster. Hot.”
He knew that. Black smoke was still billowing out of the broken windows of the building. The only place that Kevin could be and still survive was at the far end, the section that had been left undamaged from the last fire. The fire that had killed the boy’s father.
Squeezing through an opening in the wire fence, Logan headed in that direction.
A POLICE OFFICER built like a brick wall had snared Janice. She tried to shove past him but it was no good. He wouldn’t let her go.
“Ma’am, you have to stay behind the yellow tape.”
“You don’t understand. My son’s in there.” And the man she loved was going after him.
“The firefighters are in charge, ma’am. You’ll have to wait here.”
“Don’t you see? They aren’t doing anything. They’re going to let it burn to the ground this time.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am.” He forcibly restrained her.
“Let me go!” she screamed, her struggles useless. “Oh, God…”
Frantically, she looked around. Streams of water poured on the flames with little effect. Choking smoke tumbled from the windows like ugly dark marshmallows, and she watched as a single firefighter jogged toward the entrance.
“Logan!” she screamed. His name ripped from her throat, but she was helpless to stop him. As
helpless as he had been to stop Ray from going to his death once the decision had been made.
But Janice couldn’t give up. Not yet. Not until there was no other choice. Too much was at stake.
Nearby, the fire chief’s red car rolled to a stop. In a frenzy of hope and determination, Janice broke free of the police officer.
“Chief Gray, my son’s in there!”
Startled, the chief turned to her. “Janice, what are you—”
“I think my son’s in the warehouse. Logan’s gone after him. Please, chief, do something. I don’t want to lose—”
Before she’d finished the thought, the chief was speaking into his Handie Talkie. Firefighters had already begun to move, making their way closer to the building, readjusting the spray of water, following Logan into the conflagration with a two-inch hose.
Janice covered her mouth to prevent another scream. She couldn’t lose both her son and the man she loved to the same fire. God wouldn’t be that cruel.
SWEAT DRIPPED DOWN Logan’s face inside his helmet and slid along his neck. Behind him, the fire roared like a freight train, black smoke swirling towards him. Clean air swept in and out of his lungs as he breathed through the mouthpiece, drawing deeply. Calmly. Despite the thudding of his heart. Without bunker pants, the heat from the fire seeped through his uniform, scalding his legs.
He kept on moving. Searching.
Logan hadn’t been able to save Ray Gainer.
This time would be different. He wouldn’t give up until he found Kevin. Or died trying. For Janice’s sake. And his own.
There was no way to know if the boy had stayed on the ground floor or gone up the ancient, wobbly stairs. So Logan searched methodically, aware of the smoke, his own heavy breathing, and the fear that was gnawing in his gut.
Smoke was the deadliest killer of them all.
In one corner of the second floor he found some bedding, a jumble of blankets that looked as if they’d been turned into a rat’s nest. He poked at the debris with his foot…and touched something solid.
Kneeling, he jerked the blankets aside. Beneath the mess, Kevin was curled into a ball, an innocent child, his dirt-streaked face stained by tears.
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