by Parker, Ali
It seemed logical that it meant he had moved to this neighborhood recently. That house he had taken me to hadn’t had anything that was personal in it, not a photo on the walls, not even fruit in the kitchen or a damn television.
I doubted he had actually moved in there yet, but he’d asked me to go there with him. Then there was the fact that I was pretty sure he’d been embarrassed about his place before. And that house he took me to certainly wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about.
No, there was something fishy about the whole situation. In addition to the fact that my emotions were running wild, I couldn’t stand the thought that he was hiding something from me. Which had been what had driven me over the edge.
If there really was a hot/crazy scale men used to judge women, I was absolutely convinced my crazy outweighed my hot tonight. I didn’t give a fuck about that, though, not with everything else going on.
Valerie tapped her foot, motioning impatiently for me to answer the question she had asked me as soon as I’d stepped in the door. I shook my head, accepting the water Olive was once again holding out for me.
Whether it was going to stay down, I didn’t know. My throat was so dry it was burning, so I was willing to chance it. Taking small sips, I waited until I was more confident that I wouldn’t be running for the bathroom again before I said anything.
“No, I didn’t tell him I was pregnant,” I answered Valerie’s question, then turned to Olive. “Since I didn’t tell him, he didn’t say anything.”
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Valerie’s impatience had vanished, replaced with a protective gleam in her eyes. Her muscles were tight, her eyes darting to the door constantly as if she was considering running out of it. “Did that asshole do something to you? I mean, other than the obvious.”
“He didn’t do anything to me. I just didn’t tell him. I can’t tell him.” I braced myself against the counter in the kitchen, my knees suddenly feeling weak.
Olive noticed, passing me a chair before taking one herself. “Okay, so you didn’t tell him. Why don’t you think you can? Do you need backup?”
Valerie cracked her knuckles, the gleam in her eyes becoming borderline murderous. “I fucking warned him, didn’t I? Now he sends you running home, pregnant no less, and you feel like you can’t talk to him? He has to have done something to you.”
I took Val’s hand to show her how appreciative I was of her protectiveness, but then squeezed it and shook my head to let her know not to go after Will. He hadn’t done anything wrong, after all.
Talking about kids was usually something people did before they had any, I couldn’t blame Will for not wanting children right now. “He doesn’t want a kid right now, that’s all. I’m also pretty sure he doesn’t want one with me at all. I asked him about kids, he said he wanted them at some point in the future.”
“Yeah, well, regardless. He’s conceived a kid now, so he’s just going to have to deal with the change of plans.” Valerie still stood tall, but her hand remained firmly in mine.
“God, I’m so damn grateful to have you two in my life.” I made eye contact with both of them, taking a sip of water to control the sob I suddenly felt coming on, and took a steadying breath.
If this was what having pregnancy hormones felt like, I was in for a long forty weeks. Once I was relatively sure I wasn’t about to burst into tears and perhaps a song about how much I loved my friends, I continued.
“Having this baby is my decision,” I said. “I won’t force it on him. He doesn’t want children right now, and he doesn’t want them with me. I don’t want to be tied to someone forever who doesn’t want me.”
“You’re already tied to him forever, babe,” Valerie reasoned, her voice gentle. “This isn’t a secret you can keep from him. Despite what he said, you have to at least tell him the truth and let him decide what he’s going to do about it.”
“Val’s right,” Olive added. “This isn’t a decision you can make for him. It’s not fair to assume that he wouldn’t want the baby just because he doesn’t want a hypothetical child that he doesn’t think has been conceived yet. If someone had asked you about kids twenty-four hours ago, wouldn’t your answer have been the same?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I wrapped my hands around my water glass, glad that at the very least my stomach wasn’t revolting against the stuff. For now. “That’s not all, though. I think he just bought a house with money his brother made illegally.”
“Illegally how?” Olive’s eyes narrowed and she lowered her chin. It was her serious “I mean business” look. “What do you mean?”
“His brother is a criminal, or at least I think he is. Will just bought a new house, and it’s fancier than any place I’ve ever been in. I doubt he could have afforded it himself.”
“So you think his brother gave him the money?” Olive asked, eyes blazing.
Valerie intervened before Olive could go off on a righteous tirade. “So what if he got the money from his brother? Whatever his brother might have done to get the money for a fucking house is on him, not on Will.”
My shoulders sagged, because despite my own righteous tirade earlier, Val was right. “I just don’t know what to do, and now I’ve gone and messed it up even more.”
“You haven’t messed anything up.” Olive took my other hand, smiling reassuringly. “You’re entitled to freak out a bit. I’m sure Will is going to understand when you tell him the truth.”
The three of us stood there holding hands. Olive smiled and Valerie wore a similar expression to one I imagined a bodyguard did when his charge was faced with an immediate threat. As much as I appreciated their support, I needed to think.
“I think I’m just going to go to the beach for a while. I just need some air, you know?”
Valerie nodded. After a long look and what appeared to be a silent exchange between her and Olive, Val went to watch television.
Olive followed me outside. She grabbed two blankets from the furniture on the patio and spread one out for us to sit on, then pulled the other over our legs.
At first neither of us said anything. We watched the waves lapping at the beach and the moonlight reflecting off the surface of the water. Or at least, that was what I was watching. I thought it was what Olive was doing to, until I caught her looking at me from the corner of my eye.
“What if Will was the one doing the things his brother did for the money to afford that house, would you still like him?” she asked when she caught me looking at her. There was no judgment in her voice, and I knew she was only trying to help me understand my own feelings.
I considered her question carefully before answering. Olive had a way of putting things in perspective for me, but only if I let myself really be honest. I only answered her when I was sure what I was about to say was absolutely, one hundred percent how I truly felt.
“Will is a good man. I wouldn’t care what he did, I just want him.”
“Does it really matter where he got the money then?” Her voice was even, but she shot me a small smile. “If you really don’t care what he did to get the money, then it seems to me that it shouldn’t matter.”
“I guess you’re right.” Jeez, my emotions really were messed up. The ball of indignation and rage in my stomach that had carried me all the way home without stopping for a single break was gone, and in its place was a sudden sadness that I’d reacted to his house the way I had.
Yup. This is going to be a long ten months.
“I think you know what you have to do then,” Olive said softly, her gentle voice coaxing me out of my thoughts. “You have to tell him. Let him make up his own mind, and we’ll take it from there.”
Chapter 31
Will
“You look like absolute shit,” Rayce commented when he opened his door for me on Sunday morning. His gray eyes had almost no blue in them as he scanned me from head to toe and back again, stepping away so I could get inside. “What the fuck happened to you?”
“I didn’t sleep
for a minute last night,” I admitted, dragging my hands over my face and through my hair. I also hadn’t shaved, so stubble scraped at the skin on my palms. “Do you have any coffee? The good stuff?”
Rayce chuckled, motioning me to his kitchen. “Sure. Did you go partying without me or something? Seriously, I can’t remember the last time you looked this bad.”
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in his fridge, and I had to admit I agreed with him. “What? Bags under the eyes not a good look for me?”
“Those aren’t bags, bro. They’re sacks. Bigger and bluer than—”
“I haven’t had enough sleep or coffee for that comment.” I cut him off and held up my hand. “Seriously, the good coffee. Where do you keep it?”
I had checked its usual spot but hadn’t seen it. Rayce lifted an eyebrow, checked the same spot, and only had to move one small box of creamer to reveal the coffee I had been looking for. “Did a lack of sleep make you blind?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged, taking the coffee from him to brew it in his machine. “I’ve got a lot going on in my head. I think that’s probably more likely than partial or temporary blindness.”
Rayce leaned with his hips against the counter while we waited for the coffee, folding his arms over his broad chest. “So you didn’t go out partying then.”
It was a statement not a question, but I nodded anyway. “Nope, I wish I had, though. It would have been a hell of a lot less complicated this morning.”
He raised his eyebrows, not bothering to ask me what was going on again. Once the coffee started brewing, I figured it was best to get the shocking bit over with before we were both holding mugs of scalding hot liquid.
After inhaling deeply, I decided the Band-Aid approach was best. “Heidi’s pregnant.”
Rayce’s brows jumped into his hairline, his eyes widening before narrowing and then widening again. Several times he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. It was pretty much the same reaction I’d had, except I got to see him go through it.
I had gone through it by myself as soon as I’d gotten home. Actually, it had started as soon as I’d heard Valerie and Olive questioning Heidi. If I was being honest, I couldn’t even remember how I had gotten home.
“Is it yours?” Rayce finally managed.
I nodded, then shrugged. “I mean, I think so. Pretty sure I’m the only guy she’s involved with at the moment.”
“You should ask, maybe get a paternity test.” He was pacing now, walking from one side of the kitchen to the other. “Is she going to keep it? How did she tell you?”
“She didn’t tell me, and I’m not asking for a paternity test when she does.” I trusted Heidi. If she said the baby was mine, it was mine. “As for the rest, I don’t know.”
“If she didn’t tell you, how do you know?” Stopping his pacing, he turned to face me with the overly protective look he’d so often worn back in our foster home before he’d moved out. “She could be taking you for a ride, man. Trying to get to your money or something.”
“She’s not.” I filled our mugs, carrying mine to the living room without having to check that he was following me. I already knew he was. I could hear his footsteps, near soundless as they were behind me. I had a lot of experience learning to identify which footsteps belonged to a friend and which to a foe.
After we sat down, I explained what had happened with Heidi. When I got to the end, he let out a low whistle. “So you heard her friend asking her if she told you and that makes you think it’s yours?”
“It is mine.” It wouldn’t make sense to Rayce and honestly, it didn’t really make sense to me, either, but I knew that even though we hadn’t talked about exclusivity, she’d only been with me. Just like I’d only been with her.
Rayce dug around in his pocket, coming up with his wallet and pulling out a foil wrapper. “Have you heard of these? They’re called condoms, bro. I know for a fact that you can afford them, so what the fuck happened?”
“I don’t know.” It was the same question I had been asking myself since I found out, but I still wasn’t sure what the answer was. “The first time, I thought I felt something. It was too dark to see once I’d taken it off, though, so your guess is as good as mine.”
“You thought you felt something, huh?” Rayce mused quietly, scratching the scruff on his chin. “I’d have thought you’d have known immediately.”
“Heat of the moment, man.” It wasn’t much of a defense, but at that point, it hardly mattered anymore. “The point is that now that I know, I have to do something about it.”
“What do you mean?” His eyes snapped to mine as his eyebrows pulled together.
“I won’t let my kid grow up poor, Rayce.” Much of the night, I’d spent thinking about my own upbringing. One of the reasons why I hadn’t thought much about children in the past was because I wasn’t financially stable enough.
Growing up, I’d promised myself that if I ever had kids, I’d be able to afford all the things I hadn’t had. Over the years I’d caught snippets of conversations where people said you never really felt like you had enough money for children, but I’d always disagreed.
I figured there had to be a point where you felt secure enough to start considering the possibility, and I wasn’t there yet. Which, apart from needing to tell Rayce the news anyway, was why I had needed to come to him. “I have to do the heist we talked about the other day.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Rayce put up both of his hands, palms out. “You talking about that job you told me in no uncertain terms you wouldn’t be a part of? That one?”
“Yep.” I wanted to get out. I needed to, but I needed the money more. Especially now. “I want in. Tell me you haven’t filled my spot on the team yet.”
“Of course I haven’t.” Rayce scoffed, cocking an eyebrow. “But I’m going to.”
“What?”
“I’m going to fill your spot on the team,” he repeated calmly, but there was a storm brewing in his eyes. “You’re not going to pull that job.”
“Yes. Yeah, I’m going to pull that job. You said it yourself, you need me. What’s changed?”
Both of his brows shot up. “What’s changed? Everything has fucking changed.”
“You still need me.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t. I can get someone else. If I even decide to do it, that is.”
“Wait.” I frowned. “Are you trying to talk me out of this?”
Folding his arms over his broad chest, he lifted his chin. “I’m not trying to talk you out of anything, I’m telling you that you’re not doing this.”
Shock stalled my brain for a moment and my back hit the couch as I slumped into it. “Why the fuck not?”
“It’s too big of a risk, Will.” His voice was suddenly softer. “I don’t want you going to prison for this. The Feds are closing in on us, as you know. You’ve got a kid and a girl to think about now. It’s not just about us making one last score anymore.”
“I appreciate your concern, but it’s exactly because I have a kid and a girl to think about that I have to do this.” In the span of one night, my entire outlook had changed. Heidi and I hadn’t even talked about the baby yet, but I was already thinking mainly about providing for them.
Whatever role she wanted me to play in the child’s life, I would still make sure they were taken care of. The rest we could sort out when the time came to do it. For now, I needed a plan and I had one, I just needed Rayce to let me back onto my own team. “I can’t give them what they need right now, so I’m doing this job and that’s final.”
“Think about this, Will.” Rayce looked at me, imploring me to change my mind. “Would you rather have had a dad around, or some toys?”
“This isn’t about some toys, Ray.” I gritted my teeth, looking at my oldest friend and brother and wondering when his second head was going pop out. “You know that just as fucking well as I do. I need to be able to provide things like medical care, a house, food. If I can’t, you and I both know
what will happen to that kid, and I’m not letting them take him.”
“Or her.” The corners of Rayce’s mouth twitched and I knew I had him. “For the record, I don’t agree with this. I understand where you’re coming from, but you also know it’s not that simple.”
“Him or her,” I conceded, then sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “I know it’s not, but I’m not taking the chance, brother.”
Our conversation was interrupted by my phone buzzing. My heart leaped when I saw it was Heidi, but I pressed the button to silence the call. I would phone her back once I was done here. Once I knew my plan was in motion.
Rayce watched me with intent, curious eyes. When he saw me silencing the call, he released a heavy breath and stood up. “Fine. Be ready on Tuesday.”
“I will be.” Rising to my feet, I followed him to the door. Relief washed through me, allowing me to feel like I could breathe properly for the first time since finding out that Heidi was pregnant. I’d had some time to wrap my mind around it, formulated a plan, and now all I had to do was wait.
Chapter 32
Heidi
“Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?” Valerie and I were at the restaurant early for once. Our shift was only due to start in thirty minutes, but we’d decided to come and help set up for the morning rush.
We’d gotten everything done in record time and were rewarded for our efforts with a cup of tea before we started our shifts. Both of us had wanted coffee, but I apparently couldn’t have any, and Val was drinking tea in solidarity with me.
After we’d gotten our tea from the kitchen, we’d chosen a table outside on the deck and had been talking about nothing serious. Valerie had given me my space the other night after I’d come back from the beach, and Olive had done the same thing. She’d sat with me for a few more minutes, then she’d squeezed my hand, told me she loved me and went back inside.
Both of my friends seemed to realize that I needed time to process, and for the rest of the weekend, we’d relaxed, watched movies, and avoided any talk about the fourth heartbeat in the room with us.