by Parker, Ali
I must have stared at her for too long in my surprise to see her and my relief that she was actually at my house, because she shifted on her feet and cleared her throat. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I stepped to the side, itching to touch her, to grab her and crush her against my chest. Maybe never let her go.
Fuck, the things I felt for this woman were insane. The way my heart, body, and soul longed for her, even when she wasn’t around, was way too intense. Especially considering how badly I had fucked up. I had no right to want her in the way I did … no right to touch her, to hold her, or to kiss her ever again.
Knowing that didn’t mean I didn’t want to with everything I had in me, though. Careful to keep my distance from her, I closed the door behind us and turned to face her.
“Heidi, I…” There were no words to describe how fucking sorry I was. All I’d been trying to do since I got back from visiting Rayce was to try and think of how I could apologize, but any headway I’d made had vanished as soon as she had appeared. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
She stood in my entrance hall, seemingly unwilling to move farther into the house. Her eyes were narrowed, but only slightly. More like she was trying to figure something out than anything else.
“Why did you do that, Will?” Her voice was soft but determined. She fixed me to my spot with her gaze, her hands moving slowly to her hips.
Something in the way I was looking at her must have given her a clue about the confusion raging through me over her question, because she clarified. “You gave the money back. More money than had been taken from that bank, why?”
“You told me to make it right,” I replied without hesitation, now that I knew what she was really asking. Christ, there were so many other things it could have been. Why had I let Rayce go to prison when it should have been me? Why did I take the money? Why did I knock her up? And that was only off the top of my head.
I reached out for her before I could stop myself, pausing when I remembered I no longer had free rein to hold any part of her whenever I wanted—not even her hands. When mine fell back to my sides, her gaze tracked them.
Her own fingers twitched as if she wanted to touch me, too, but she folded her arms and steeled her shoulders. “You can’t expect me to believe you gave back all that money just because I told you to.”
I shrugged, my heart beating out of my chest as if it were trying to get to her. Hell, the thing belonged to her anyway. If I thought it would make a damn difference, I would have carved open my chest and presented it to her on a silver platter.
It wasn’t my heart she wanted, though. Hopefully soon, but not yet. What she wanted was the truth, and I’d promised myself that if I ever got the chance to explain it to her, I would do better than I had the last time.
“You were right. That money wasn’t mine. I wanted all the things it could buy us, the security that would come with it. What I didn’t want was to have to face the fact—every day for the rest of my life—that I hadn’t earned anything I had. No matter how successful I might have become, I would always know that I was a fraud. I would have to live with knowing that I’d given myself a boost on the back of the hard work of other people.”
Her head dropped to the side, but her eyes weren’t narrowed anymore. “I’m listening.”
“When you told me to give it back, I was so shocked that I couldn’t process why you would tell me to do that fast enough to stop you from leaving.” Watching her literally run out of my life was the worst memory I had of recent years, and easily broke into the top ten in my life. “As soon as you left, it all came crashing down on me. What you said, why you said it. Fuck, I’ve never come off an adrenaline high that fast or that hard.”
I took a breath, rubbing at the phantom pain in my chest that appeared when I thought about this. “I know I fucked up. That’s not who I am, I swear to you, Heidi. I’m not that guy. I don’t want to make excuses, but just hear me out, please? I was still in shock about the pregnancy, I had this caveman urge to protect and provide. I freaked out in my own way, and I did something I guarantee I will regret for the rest of my life.”
Heidi looked at me long and hard, eventually lifting a brow. “You’re not that guy, huh?”
“I’m not.” I had been, but I had promised myself I would never be him again. “I wanted to make things right and not only with you, but also with everyone. Your suggestion to give it back was the only way I could think of to do that.”
“Earlier you said you did it because I told you to make it right. Now you’re saying you did it for me, you, everyone else.” Not a question, a statement. A truthful one at that.
“You’re not going to let me off easy here, are you?” I went for a smile, but all I could come up with was a twist of my lips. I’d lost the two most important people in my life last week because I had been a jackass. I didn’t have much to smile about really.
Heidi gave her head a slow shake. “No. I’m not. It’s too important for me to understand this properly.”
“Okay then.” My cheeks puffed up on a deep breath that I exhaled quietly. I had a feeling this was the second chance I had been praying for. I wouldn’t fuck it up, I couldn’t. “If you hadn’t told me to make it right, I wouldn’t have. I would have felt like shit for keeping it, but I can’t tell you if giving it back and trying to make it right would have crossed my mind.”
My hands began to tremble because this was it. I was about to reveal the broken soul inside and if she didn’t want it, I wouldn’t blame her. But I would also be wrecked.
“The thing is that I’ve seen a lot of ugly shit in my life and I accepted it as normal. I absorbed the darkness, lived in it. Fuck, I thrived in it. Guilt over what we did would have eaten me up, and it would have made me hate myself even more than I already do, but I wouldn’t have done anything about it. I would have absorbed it, too, what’s a little more, right?”
“So when I told you to make it right, that was the first time you realized you might be able to do something to alleviate the darkness?”
I nodded, my eyes widening in surprise that she’d gotten it so quickly. “I’ve always wanted to be a better man. I just didn’t know how to get there. I thought getting a job and promising myself that eventually I would stop stealing would get me there, but it wouldn’t have. You did. You were the first person in my life to give me a clear shot at doing something good, so I did it. Even if it was just to give back what wasn’t even mine.”
“I still can’t believe you really did it.” A small ghost of a smile flitted across her lips. “I’m proud of you for doing that, but you never needed me to make you a better man. You are good, Will. Maybe you just needed some guidance, but we all do from time to time.”
“Even you?”
Heidi nodded, the smile slowly spreading. “If you don’t believe me, just ask Olive.”
“I can’t give the house back, but the only money I have now is the money I made. So, what now?” It was the last question I wanted to ask, seeing as how it might lead to her leaving for good, but I needed to know. “Where do we go from here?”
“Forward.” She took a step toward me but then paused, a contemplative look entering her eyes. “For the record, you never have to live in darkness again, Will. From now on, you just need to be honest with me about when you need pulled back to the light, and I’ll be right there.”
“You will?”
She nodded again, taking another step forward.
We were standing so close together now that I could feel the warmth of her skin, but I still didn’t act on the instinct to take her into my arms. “I will do anything for you and for our baby, you know that, right?”
“I know.”
“But that doesn’t mean that I won’t do stuff that might fuck this up. I promise you I will work on all my shit, but please don’t run away from me again, okay?”
“Don’t give me a reason to.”
Taking the last small step forward, she closed the distance betwee
n us and brought her hands up, burying them in my hair. “Promise me you’re done with all that. That we’re putting it behind us and never looking back.”
“Never,” I promised, finally allowing my arms to wrap around her. “I love you, Heidi. I’ll never put you in a position like that ever again, and I’ll never put myself in a position like that again either.”
Heidi tipped her head back, her tongue swiping across her bottom lip. Bending down to seal my promise with a kiss, I paused when my lips touched hers.
She understood what I was doing, what I was asking. One of her hands slid to the nape of my neck while the other rested over my ear and in my hair, then she pressed her lips to mine and allowed me to kiss her.
In that moment, I poured everything I had into that kiss; everything I was and ever would be. I let my love flow into her, and unless I was very much imagining things, I felt the same thing right back from her.
Chapter 38
Heidi
Being kissed like I’d hung the stars and lit the moon was new for me, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it. Will held me like he adored me, like I was precious and something he worshipped and was grateful for.
When I’d bolted from the restaurant earlier, I just knew I had to get to him. I needed to know if my suspicions about what he’d done and why he’d done it were correct. What I’d gotten was way more than what I’d bargained for, but for the first time, I felt like I really knew Will.
He’d peeled off his layers and opened his heart, and I knew now that I had been right all along. It was made of gold. Sure, it was tarnished and needed some tender loving care, but I was more than willing to provide that.
A lot of the things he’d said had given me too much to think about, but there would be time for thinking later. All I knew was that right now, this was what both of us needed. We needed to feel each other, to touch each other.
We had to reassure ourselves that the other person was really there. We’d been through not one, but two major relationship-shaking storms that week and we’d come out alive. I didn’t think we were stronger for it, not yet.
We would be, though. I could feel it in my bones.
Both of us had a lot of work to do on ourselves, and inevitably, our relationship would have to grow with us. Will had taken a few big hits, and I could see he’d been teetering on the edge.
When he’d opened his front door for me earlier, I could practically taste the guilt and self-hatred coming off of him. He looked lost, shaken, and maybe even a little depressed. I wasn’t naive enough to think that making up with me would eradicate all that in one fell swoop, but I had seen a massive weight lifting off his shoulders nonetheless.
With the baby on the way, we’d also have to make a lot of huge adjustments very soon. Neither of us was apprehensive about those anymore, though. I was sure that would change again, too, but standing there in his arms and kissing him the way I was, I wasn’t afraid anymore.
Will loved me, and I loved him. I belonged in his arms and as long as we worked through everything together, I had this strange peace in my heart that everything would work out okay in the end.
The planes of Will’s chest were hard against mine, brushing against me with every labored breath he took. His fingers tightening on my hips drew me out of my mind and slammed me full force back into my body.
Every sensation seemed heightened somehow. The press of his lips against mine and the feel of his big body towering over me was enough to turn my core molten and my breathing ragged. If this was what pregnancy kissing was like, I shivered in anticipation of pregnancy sex.
Will smiled against my mouth, obviously having felt the tremor that had run through me. “You okay?”
“Yeah, everything is just really…” I trailed off, wondering how best to explain it to him. “Sensitive right now. It’s like my sense of touch is supercharged or something.”
“Now that sounds like something I can work with.” His smile widened so much it was almost radiant.
His arms formed bands around my waist, and then suddenly I was lifted off my feet. “Will! What are you doing?”
Taking off out of the entrance hall while still adjusting me in his arms until I was cradled against his chest, he carried me down a long hallway. “We’re going to our bedroom, or at least it will be our bedroom once you agree to move in with me. As for what we’re going to do when we get there, you’re going to have to wait and see.”
“I can walk, you know.” Moving in with him wasn’t a subject I was touching with a ten-foot pole today. We’d already managed to cross so many hurdles, I didn’t have the energy to face another one just yet.
Will deposited me on a big bed in the middle of a spacious bedroom. The sheets were purple, turquoise, black, and gray. They smelled like laundry soap and felt new. “Did you know your sheets match the colors of the tattoo on my shoulder?”
“I did.” A sheepish smile crept onto his swollen lips. The bed dipped when he climbed onto it, not stopping until his face was hovering right over mine. “I bought them because that’s what they reminded me of. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, baby.”
“I missed you too.” I laced my arms around his neck and brought his lips to mine, kissing him with the same passion he’d kissed me with earlier.
Quickly taking control, Will kissed me until I was panting and aching, and he was so hard against me that it was almost impossible to believe something that solid could go inside me, never mind feel good when it did.
Will lowered himself gently until his weight was causing me to sink deeper into the mattress. His hands skimmed my sides, under my breasts, and all the way down to my thighs before he dragged them back up. It was like he was squeezing and exploring even though he knew every inch of my body by now, but he still couldn’t get enough. My hands sneaked under the hem of the blue T-shirt he was wearing, his skin was smooth and warm under my hands. I even felt his muscles rippling every time he moved.
He rocked his hips against mine and, embarrassingly, I whimpered. I couldn’t help myself, though, so I wasn’t about to apologize for it. Without even removing a single item of clothing, he was able to cause me to make sounds like that. I figured he at least deserved to hear them.
Besides, everything he was doing felt so fucking good I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to keep quiet even if I tried. He was so hard, grinding against me exactly where I needed him to be. The only thing I would change was to get all these pesky layers of fabric between us out of the way.
Thankfully, it was kind of easy to remedy the fabric situation. Reaching for a handful of his shirt at the back of his neck, I tugged.
Obviously realizing what I wanted, he lifted himself off me and straightened his arms. The shirt came right off, putting his perfect, inked body on display just for me. I didn’t get to ogle him, though, since he pressed it right back against mine.
Will’s hands began to move as urgently as mine, removing first my shirt and then dropping his fingers to the button on my jeans. At the same time, his feet were working on kicking off my sneakers before he got rid of his own.
Once the biggest barriers to getting our pants off were removed, he lifted his hips off mine. I squirmed, my hips bucking to get back to the pressure I’d suddenly lost. Will dropped his lips to my neck, pulling my jeans off as fast as he could.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be right back there, just need to get these off.” His soothing tone was in direct contrast to his hasty actions and heavy breathing, but at least it told me he wanted this as badly as I did.
Although, I didn’t know if he could get quite as desperate as I was. I was positively aching for him at this point, my skin itself felt as if it were on fire and he was the only thing that could douse it. I didn’t think I’d ever been that wet or that swollen.
There’s going to be such a massive wet spot when we’re done. The thought might have made me feel panicked if Will hadn’t chosen that moment to hook his fingers into my panties, finally
ridding me of my last piece of clothing, just after he’d done the same thing to himself.
The ache building between my legs was more intense than it had ever been. The space between my legs was slick and my clit throbbed. Arching my hips again, Will hissed when I finally got some of the relief I was so damn desperate for, grinding myself against him. When his erection slid between my folds, both us moaned out loud.
“Will, please. Just…”
Lids were at half-mast, Will’s pupils dilated so much the blue was only a thin line around them. It was so insanely sexy to see him like that I almost couldn’t breathe.
Nudging against my entrance, he stilled before one of the widest smiles I’d ever seen split his face in half. “Guess I don’t need to get a condom anymore, huh? I’m clean, I’ve never…”
“I’m clean too.” I returned his smile, but then lifted my hips to let him know I was still impatient.
“Right, get to it. I hear you.” He kissed me hard, then he thrust home, and we both cried out.
Falling quickly into an intoxicating rhythm that had me seeing stars almost as soon as it started, he grabbed one of my legs and pulled it up. My knee bent to hook behind his butt, which made him slide so much deeper into me that I was sure I wouldn’t be able to take another fraction of an inch.
Will filled me and stretched me open, his body covering mine and his hands still roaming. He was everywhere, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wanted all of him, all the time. Not just in the physical sense, but in every other sense there was.
I was his in all those ways, too, and he was mine. The way that he made love to me made me sure that he felt the same way.
The sheets slid underneath my back with every thrust, my hips rising up to meet his with equal fervor. My body was shaking, trembling from the force of pleasure he was bringing me. Familiar sensations were so amplified that they felt completely new, so potent that I was powerless to stop myself from surrendering to them.