“I’ll try to take care of her,” Jeremy said looking at Sydney with a laugh.”
“Oh did Sydney tell you she has children?” Steven said not thinking but eating.
“Steven talks too much about things that do not concern him,” I said shooting a frown in Steven’s direction, to which he never saw because his eyes were on the food.
Jeremy looked straight at me in surprise, and Steven looked up like a cat that had been caught with the canary in his mouth. It was an awkward moment.
“As Steven said, I have children, two boys and a girl, I had twins.”
“The papers did say you and Phillip had twins. I have been wasting your time, and I have work to do. Jeremy rose from his seat and began walking to the door. I have a showing of my work next week,” Jeremy said getting up to leave. “Don’t forget you promised to be my model.”
“I won’t forget, thanks for dropping them off.” Jeremy waved goodbye and got into his car and left. I trudged back to a happy, hapless idiot—Steven.
“Steven, if you open your mouth again and get in my business I will find another friend. I’m so angry with you.”
“I’m sorry, but I thought you told him. You still didn’t tell him that the twins were his brother’s children.”
“I have no need to tell him and if I do, it will be in my own time.”
“What’s with being a model for him, Sydney? You know those European types they like to paint women in the nude.”
“I don’t think that’s what he wanted, besides, I don’t think people are painting like that anymore. Everything is abstract.”
“Yea, when he asks you to disrobe, be prepared for the abstraction,” Steven said as he shoved a piece of toast in his mouth and washed it down with tea.
I thought about what Steven said all day and night. The very idea stimulated my senses and made me feel like a woman again. The only man that could fuel the desire in me was Danny. I know that his brother has the same sway over me, and why shouldn’t he? He intrigued my senses, and made me feel alive.
I quickly dismissed the thought of Jeremy, and didn’t entertain the idea. I had done enough damage in my life to the ones I love. I couldn’t go full force into a relationship with Danny’s twin brother. He would never forgive me and all my thoughts of getting Danny back would be lost.
I made my mind up. Stay as far away as I can from Jeremy.
Jeremy called, but I made a mistake and answered while I was feeding my children.
“Sydney, this is Jeremy.”
“I know who it is,” I said with coldness.
“You promised me that you would let me paint you.”
“I know I promised, but I can’t do it now.”
“You promised.”
“Ok, I will meet you tomorrow,” I said, planning to be unavailable, hoping that would turn him off.
“Then I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”
“No, give me your address and I’ll meet you at your studio,” I stated.
“No, I will meet you. I know that is the only way you will come,” Jeremy said reading my mind.
I hung up the phone trying to find an excuse to get out of being in the same room with that gorgeous man. I realized he shared some of the same traits as his brother, he was persistent, and he would never give up on what he wanted.
Jeremy arrived early the following morning as the sun rose over the lake. Steven agreed to take the children to the lake for an old fashion American picnic. Therefore, I was free for the morning. My children were still sleeping when Jeremy came, so I didn’t have to lie to anyone about the strange man in my house who happens to look a lot like Danny. Sometimes omissions are as good as a lie. I didn’t care to make the distinction that day.
Jeremy drove a wonderfully old European convertible. I’ve always enjoyed convertibles, the freedom, and having nature so close. I turned to get a good look at him. His long hair, dark and curly down to his shoulders and combed straight back. His large wrist held several bracelets. His long fingers held no rings. His soft cotton blue jean shirt, clean, but it had paint splashed about that he couldn’t wash out.
As Jeremy raised his hand to block the sun from his face, he saw me staring at him, he turned to look in my direction without saying a word, his glance lingered, the sun shone in his eyes, and his green eyes cut through me like a sickle through a blade of grass.
I felt the same animal magnetism I felt when Danny came near me, but here is where I got off the train heading for a derailment. I avoided his eyes. You know the eyes tell all. I could conceal my heart, and prevent him from knowing that I need love. That way I could conceal that my children needed their father, and I’m willing to accept a substitute—a substitute that is Danny’s mirror image.
“We are here,” Jeremy announced as the car came to a stop. He jumped out and walked around the front of the car to help me out and take my hand. “This is my place, it’s a small space, but it has great light, and an artist needs plenty of light and inspiration,” he said smiling proudly as he caught my eyes on the inspiration part.
“It’s nice, do you live here too?”
“Yes, rent is free, because I keep the grounds clean, and I take care of the place. I have all this solitude to be able to paint. The place reminds me of my home in Scotland. The land belongs to an old gentleman in the States. I’ve never met him but his checks come on time, and he is paying me more than I could make at a regular job in Italy. I sell some of my paintings and I even have enough to keep me going for a few years.”
“That sounds great if it’s only you.”
“It works for now,” Jeremy said as he showed me where I would stand. He positioned me in the light where the background was the mountains.
His business-like manner made me comfortable, because he never once made any advances. I met him every day for a month without him ever trying to kiss me, or try anything I would reject. I thought this was great. I wanted this type of relationship with Danny’s brother. I wanted us to enjoy each other’s company.
One morning as he prepared to paint my portrait, he walked up to me, straightened my hair, then gently took his hands and pushed back another piece of stray hair, then as if captured in a trap, he just stood looking at me with those beautiful piercing eyes that seduced me, and made me fall in love with his brother. He stood there just smiling. Did he know what he was doing to me?
“What’s wrong? Why do you smile in that manner?” I asked.
“I was thinking that you are so beautiful, and I would want to be with you forever.”
No not again. But isn’t this what you wanted? I thought. “I explained to you that I’m here because of our bargain, remember, nothing more than that.”
“What is it about me that you don’t like? You don’t find me attractive?” Jeremy said. “You liked my brother, why not me?” He walked closer.
“I didn’t just like your brother, I love your brother.”
“You are not with my brother, you are with me now,” Jeremy said.
“Look Jeremy, those children you see, they are all your brother’s children.”
“What?” He stood silent. “Why isn’t he with them now? You have me here, and I can help you. I can help you take care of them. You don’t have anyone, and you don’t have Danny, why not me?” He pleaded.
“I don’t want that anymore. I want my children to be with their father, not a substitute.”
“I’m no substitute for anyone not even my brother,” Jeremy grabbed my arms, pulled me to him, slowly pressed his body to mine, pressed his lips to mine and gave me the kiss I craved. His tongue seduced my lips, and my mouth opened wide, as it entered in a thunderous rape.
He held me so close that when the sun cast a shadow through the terrace doors, it appeared that we were one body. I could feel the vibration of his body on mine, and I couldn’t resist, because I longed for a deep drenching erotic feeling to know that I am alive, and I am desired.
I returned his kiss, and I was indeed lost aga
in in the world of agony and ecstasy. He then pushed me away and stood still as his eyes followed my body, and as my breast heaved up and down from the interruption.
Jeremy didn’t say another word. He quietly took my hand, led me to the car, and brought me back to my home, and then he said, “I’ll come to see the children and you can introduce me as their uncle. I won’t try to make any more advances at you. I won’t see you again if that’s what you want.”
“That is not necessary Jeremy. I want you to be a part of my children’s lives. You are family, and I couldn’t do that to them. I have done enough to harm them.”
“I’m not sorry for wanting you and kissing you,” Jeremy said unapologetic.
We did not say more and I watched as he departed.
The phone began to ring. I answered to learn that Heather had discovered the date that Danny would be in Italy, and at Venice Film Festival. The stars are lining up, I thought. If we were going to meet—it had to be there. I planned everything—every detail. I would take the children with me, and then I would close the door to my heart that let in Jeremy.
Chapter 24
On To Venice
Venetian women once captivated the city of Venice by using the Belladonna plant to allure and entrance men. By dilating their pupils with Belladonna, they sought to make themselves more attractive. The deadly nightshade, Belladonna, is translated as beautiful lady—the roots are the most poisonous.
The death of Phillip left a void and a hole in Sydney’s heart. She didn’t expect to miss Phillip as much as she did. She loved him but not with the passion she reserved for Danny. There could never be anyone to fill that part of her heart.
It had been a month since Jeremy’s last visit, and Steven had gone back to New York. Sydney needed to go to Rome for shopping before she would meet Danny. While visiting Rome, she could see the Fountain of Trivi and make a wish. Sydney caught up in a fairytale, where someone forgot to tell her that in all fairytales there is a little horror lurking around the corner. She was willing to do whatever it took to bring Danny back into her life.
Sydney reached out to Steven who had returned to New York to check on his business and his new boyfriend. After telling Steven she would pay for his plane ticket and treating him to a shopping spree, he agreed to return to Italy. Steven rushed to help Sydney spend her money.
He flew into Rome to find Sydney waiting. Their two-day stay would afford them enough time to enjoy the sites. On leaving the hotel, Steven thought it would be enjoyable to see the natives if there were any left in Rome. Everyone appeared to be tourist. Walking to the fountain on a Saturday evening, Sydney and Steven spied people gathered for concerts, and just hanging out to have a good time.
Steven could devour a city block in New York wearing sneakers. Nevertheless, ask him to walk up and down stairs, he appeared to act as if he was someone’s granny with all the complaints. His panting heard for miles, didn’t let up until he reached the steps of the fountain, where he plopped down and wouldn’t get up. Sydney and Steven had only seen the fountain in the movies, and they didn’t have a clear picture of how beautiful and enormous it is.
Walking closer to the edge, Sydney looked into the water. She saw all of the coins and hopes tossed for miracles. Here she would try her luck too. She reached for her coins, threw them into the water, and turned to see all the couples holding hands and wishing.
Sydney couldn’t bear seeing all the young lovers without being envious.
“Steven let’s go, I’m hungry let’s have dinner.”
“I know just the place. It’s off a little street just to the right of us. Here I have the brochure with a map. I’ve been reading all those travel magazines, and it’s always best to go where the locals go,” Steven said pretending he is a world traveler. Yet a few years ago, he couldn’t get out of Brooklyn.
Steven and Sydney walked hand in hand like lovers. Looking from a distance it was easy to believe they were lovers. They were the beautiful people that magazines wrote about. However, they were just friends sharing their loneliness, their happiness, and their pain.
As Steven and Sydney fumbled through the cobblestone streets, a wonderful little outside restaurant caught their eye. It sat off on a narrow street. Tables were set for outside eating. They sat themselves and the waiter immediately took their orders.
“Look Sydney we have our own Gypsies.” Gypsies standing across the street came to serenade them. Sydney loved the music but looked pass the Gypsies and looked directly into a pair of dark sensuous brooding eyes attached to a handsome tanned face and body, setting in an expensive BMW.
When the man locked eyes on Sydney, he stopped his car abruptly. The tables were so close to the street, he could have spoken to her from inside his car, but he stepped out and casually, slowly, walked to the table with the confidence of a jackal, and whispered.
“Bella Donna, beautiful lady.” He handed her his card, walked back to his car, and drove away with a sly, mischievous smile slivering across his face. The card had his phone number, name, e-mail and home address. Everything was laid out, she didn’t have to guess, all she had to do was call.
Sydney held the card and glanced at it. She was trying to decide whether to toss it or keep it. She decided on the latter. Sydney slid it into her purse. She knew men and she knew that look he wore like a costume. This is a man who knows how to seduce and deceive women. Men who thought they knew what women really wanted.
“That was very disrespectful,” Steven said expressing his objection. “How did he know I wasn’t your man?”
“He’s Italian, that’s the way they are. They see what they want and go after it,” I said, trying to fix Steven’s ego if he was playing the male role today. After Steven recovered from the fact that a man could recognize his sexual persuasion, he charged Sydney with a barrage of questions.
“Are you going to call him?”
“Who Jeremy?”
“No not Jeremy, we’ll get back to Jeremy later. He’s such a good looking hunk of a man that Italian. I wonder if he has friends.” The waiter arrived just in time to save Sydney from Steven’s envious rage.
“I don’t know. Give me time to finish my dinner and think about it.”
“What do you think he wants?”
“What do you think Steven?”
Steven held a fork full with pasta, stopped talking, twisted his mouth, and said, “A blow job.”
“Steven that was a rhetorical question, I wasn’t expecting an answer, but that was a good one,” Sydney laughed.
Sydney and Steven began to laugh. Sydney appeared to be herself again. She hadn’t laughed in years.
They enjoyed the music and the food. It was getting dark and Sydney wasn’t in the mood to shop. The decision was to go window-shopping. Steven walked with Sydney arm in arm as he talked about what life had been like for him without Sam. Steven finally confessed to Sydney that he was in love again, and this time with a man who had no attachments.
“Good heavens Steven, you said that about Sam, and then you discovered he had a wife and a lover.”
“This time Sydney, I’m keeping my eye on him, because he is working for me in the salon.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea? You’re involved with an employee.”
“You’re so depressing,” Steven said quietly and walked away.
“Come back Steven I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“Okay, but keep your gloom and doom to yourself.”
“Alright, Steven.”
Steven and Sydney found a cab and the conversation switch from Steven to Danny.
“Have you tried to contact Danny?”
“Why?”
“Well he is your babies’ daddy, and does he know about the twins?”
“He probably thinks that I took Sean to Italy because I hate him. I don’t know what to do Steven. I hate when you ask me these questions. I have plans to tell him about the twins.”
“Find him and tell him Sydney. I would
want to know if I had children. Tell him.”
“I can’t. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what to do. He probably hates me by now.”
“A man never really hates the person he first falls in love with. A man looks back at a woman like you and says, “That was a roller coaster ride. When can I get on again?”
“Come on Steven, do you think he would want me?”
“I would want you, and I have no desire for women. Trust me; I don’t think he ever stopped loving you. I do know something about men. He’s sober and trying to clear the trash out of his life. Go get him!”
Steven convinced Sydney. Sydney knew she had to change her destiny. She began to live with that thought.
Chapter 25
Warm Bodies, Warm Hearts
Time didn’t pass fast enough. I teetered between anxiousness and calm the whole week. I had to find the perfect dress. I had to find the perfect pose. I had to find the perfect peace. I felt as if I was planning a great heist or a perfect murder.
I was down to an hour before I would see Danny. I contacted the hotel to verify where Danny was staying. Yet I couldn’t find out anything. I guess they didn’t want anyone stalking their guest. Steven a very resourceful friend, secured information normally others would spend a lifetime acquiring. Steven, a powerful man in his circle of friends, knew everyone who knew anyone of statue in Hollywood.
He possessed the power of knowledge, and knew those who owned the power of gossip. He discovered that Danny was staying in a hotel in Venice, and agreed to give me the directions. He knew the time and place of his arrival. The talk was that Steven climbed the food chain by his association with me.
I dressed Sean with the help of Steven and arrived at the hotel the night before the festival to check in. I became very nervous because I didn’t know what my presence would incur. I knew I would be welcomed because of Sean. The rest would be a flight without wings.
I knocked on the door, and I heard footsteps. I counted each one. I knew the sound of a man’s beat, and I thanked my lucky stars that it was not that of a woman. I waited and my uneasy heart wrestled with me to be heard. It’s beat, loud and louder still. I felt he would hear it through the door.
Obsession: Warm Bodies, Cold Hearts Page 23