by Joanna Neil
She looked a mess. Her dress clung to her, and her hair had reverted to a mass of unruly curls, the way it did whenever it was wet. Connor, on the other hand, had looked as good as ever, with his shirt plastered to his chest and a damp sheen outlining his angular features. He was strong and capable, and she didn’t know how she would have managed without him.
She removed her dress and towelled herself dry then put on the hospital scrubs, loose-fitting cotton trousers and a short-sleeved top. As for her hair, she did what she could with the towel and then used the hot-air machine next to the sink to get rid of the worst of the damp.
There was a comb in her handbag, and she ran it through her curls, restoring as much order as was possible. A smear of colour on her full lips made the final touch, and she braced herself to go and meet with Connor once more.
‘Are you feeling a bit better?’ he asked, and she nodded.
‘Yes, thanks.’
‘Good. I had some food brought down from the cafeteria. It’s all set up in my office. I thought it might be a bit more private in there. You don’t feel much like company, do you?’
‘No, you’re right. I don’t.’ She tried a smile. ‘That was thoughtful of you.’
He led the way to his office, putting an arm around her waist, the flat of his hand splayed out over her rib cage. ‘Here we are. Do you want to take a seat on the couch? You might be more comfy there.’
She sat down on the luxurious leather couch, and he brought a tray over to the small table in front of her. A coffee pot and cups had already been set out there, along with cream and sugar, but on the tray there was a small tureen of soup, together with bowls and an assortment of bread rolls. He lifted the lid from the tureen, and the appetising aroma of chicken and vegetables filled the air.
‘This will warm you through and through,’ he said, ladling the rich mixture into the bowls. Then he came to sit beside her and for a few minutes they sat in silence, appreciating the food and waiting while the hot soup helped to make the chill of the night disappear from their bones.
‘You seemed very upset after we treated the little girl,’ he said when she finally laid down her spoon. ‘Perhaps the events of the night were beginning to catch up with you. You must have been shocked by what happened, with the tree coming down and everything that followed.’
She nodded. ‘I was. You don’t realise it so much at the time, but afterwards it comes home to you.’
‘And looking after the child was the clincher, perhaps?’ He opened up a box from the tray and produced a couple of glazed fruit tarts for dessert, gloriously exotic, with small slivers of strawberries, kumquats and kiwi, topped with raspberries and blueberries.
‘I suppose so.’ She accepted the tart he offered, but didn’t begin to eat. He obviously wanted to know what had happened to suddenly make her become so emotional, and perhaps she owed it to him to tell him the truth after the way he’d risked everything to come and find her and Ross.
‘The thing is, I don’t seem to deal very well with those kinds of situations any more.’ She frowned. ‘That’s a bad thing for a doctor to say, isn’t it?’ When he didn’t answer, she pressed her lips together briefly and went on, ‘I worked in emergency back in the UK, and for a time everything was fine. I was good at my job and people respected me. I always did what I could to make sure I pulled people through and helped them back on their feet.’
She hesitated, lost in thought for a moment or two, and Connor began to pour coffee, sliding a cup across the table towards her. ‘Go on, please…you were saying you worked in emergency…’
‘Yes. Then, one day I witnessed an accident. I was there when it happened, sitting at a table in an open-air café, watching the traffic go by. A man was at work, up a ladder, painting the window frames of the building next door to the café. His wife and children were sitting at the table next to me, talking to him as he worked, enjoying a light snack. It was a beautiful summer day and they seemed such a lovely, happy family. I think they’d been out on a shopping trip and had come to the café especially to see him. Every now and again he would stop what he was doing to pass a comment or two.’
She thought back to that time and a vivid picture filled her mind, blanking out everything else.
She sipped the coffee and realised that her hand was shaking so badly that Connor reached out to cup her hand in his, holding it steady and keeping the coffee from spilling over. ‘It’s all right, I have you,’ he murmured. ‘Are you able to go on?’
She nodded and pulled in a deep breath. ‘He was in his early thirties, I think. Perhaps it was because I saw it happen that it made such an impact on me. Usually, in emergency, we see people as they come in to hospital. We treat them, patch them up, and we don’t really get deeply involved in their lives and relationships, do we? We can be a little bit impartial.’ She frowned. ‘Does that sound bad? I mean, we do care, but…’
‘I know what you mean,’ Connor said. ‘We don’t know them when we’re treating them. It’s only afterwards, when they’re recovering, that we begin to feel the impact.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘Did something happen to this man?’
She nodded again, swallowing hard. ‘The café was situated on a bend in the road. All of a sudden a car came around the bend, going way too fast, and mounted the pavement. It crashed into the ladder and took out part of the wall of the building. The young man fell and went through the windscreen.’ She closed her eyes briefly.
Connor helped her to put her cup down on the table. ‘That must have been awful,’ he said quietly.
‘Yes, it was.’ She clasped her fingers together in her lap. ‘The driver escaped with just a broken arm and whiplash, plus a few cuts and bruises. I did what I could for both of them, but the decorator suffered a head wound and arterial bleeding. I managed to stop it and I tried to stabilise him on his journey to hospital. I even thought he might stand a chance…but it turned out that he was bleeding internally, and we couldn’t do anything to stop it. The…the damage was too great.’ Her eyes filled with tears.
He wrapped his arms around her. ‘Here, let me hold you. I think maybe you need to let this all out. Have you never talked to anyone about this before now? I mean, properly talked about it, about how much it upset you? I get the feeling you haven’t.’
She shook her head, taking up his invitation and nestling against him, letting the tears slowly trickle down her cheeks. There’d been no one she could talk to, no one who would really understand how she felt. ‘No one had any idea what it felt like.’
Her parents had frowned, alarmed to hear about what had happened, but they had soon forgotten about it and moved on. To them, it was a moment of conversation. And James…James hadn’t been able to understand why she wasn’t able to shake off the images. ‘Put it behind you,’ he’d said. ‘You deal with injured people every day. You’ll get over it.’
It was expected of her that she would carry on. And she had, for a long time, until one day it had all become too much for her. There had been too many critically ill patients and she had found it more and more difficult to go on. Soon after that, Ross had stepped into her life.
Connor comforted her, his hand gently stroking her back, her arm, as she wept into his shirt. She felt secure in his embrace, as though he was sheltering her from the world. He didn’t say anything but waited patiently until she became still, until she managed to pull herself together and started to dash the wetness from her eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, straightening up. She shouldn’t be burdening him with her problems. Why would he care? ‘I know I should be stronger. I despise myself for being so weak.’
‘You shouldn’t worry about that. Take your time. Take a few deep breaths and you’ll start to feel better.’
She nodded, sitting up and sweeping her fingers across her cheeks to clear away any remaining dampness. Then there was a knock at the door of the office and the registrar came in. Alyssa picked up her coffee cup, holding it in both hands to enjoy the warmth, and
she sat with her head down, absorbed in her own thoughts. She didn’t want to face anyone right now.
‘Your brother is coming round,’ the registrar told Connor. He smiled. ‘I thought you’d like to know. He’s going to be okay.’
‘That’s great news. Thanks. I’ll be along to see him in a minute.’
‘Okay.’ The registrar left the room, and Connor turned to face her once more.
‘I’m glad Ross is recovering,’ she said.
‘So am I.’ He pushed the fruit tart towards her. ‘Eat it,’ he said. ‘They’re delicious. I think you need something tasty and exotic right now.’
‘They look wonderful, almost too good to eat, don’t they?’ She looked up at him, suddenly concerned. ‘I shouldn’t have loaded all my troubles onto you. I’m sorry about that. And anyway, you have other things on your mind. I know he’s going to be okay, but even so Ross needs…’
‘It sounds as though he’s going to be absolutely fine. I expect they’ll keep him under observation for a few hours, maybe overnight, and then let him go.’ He dipped a spoon into his tart and tasted the fruit. ‘Mmm…fantastic.’ She had the feeling he was eating in order to encourage her to do the same.
She followed his cue and started to eat. When they had both finished, he stood up and said, ‘I’m going to see how my brother is doing. Do you want to stay here for a while and relax with another cup of coffee?’
‘No, thank you. That was really good, but I’m full up now. I’ll go with you.’
‘Okay.’
They left the room together. Connor made no mention of what had gone before, and she couldn’t help wondering what he thought about what she’d said. She wished she’d never given in to her feelings that way. How could she represent her profession when she was emotionally vulnerable and clearly unfit to practise? He must think she was weak and not fit to be a doctor. Wouldn’t he have even more reason for doubting her now?
CHAPTER FIVE
‘HAVE I called at a bad time? It sounds as though you’re a bit breathless, or in a hurry, maybe? Are you getting ready for work?’ On the other end of the line, Carys was keen to know what Alyssa was up to, and Alyssa paused for a moment, peering into her wardrobe and taking stock of the situation.
‘I’m trying to decide what I should wear for a trip into the mangrove swamps.’
‘The mangroves?’ Her cousin was intrigued. ‘That sounds interesting. What’s that all about? Anyway, I’d have thought jeans and a light top would do the trick.’
‘Yes, you’re probably right.’ Alyssa reached into the wardrobe and drew out a pair of white jeans and held them in front of her while she looked in the mirror. ‘We’re filming there later today, and I need to look okay because…guess what…’ She paused for effect. ‘I’m going to be on film! Can you believe it? I’ve been roped in as one of the extras.’
‘Wow! And here I was worrying they were working you too hard!’
Alyssa laughed. ‘Of course I’ll be there in my medical capacity, too. But with any luck everyone will be fine and I’ll be able to sit back and enjoy the ride.’
‘It sounds great. I’d love to be there with you…’ Her voice sounded wistful. ‘Maybe we could meet up one weekend? I could come over and visit you, if you like.’
‘Oh, Carys, that would be great. How about next weekend?’ She chatted with Carys for a little longer and then hurried to get ready for the day ahead. The sun was out in its full glory this morning, and the sky was a tranquil blue. It was all so different from a couple of days ago when the storm had wreaked havoc over the island.
Since filming had been stopped for a couple of days, she’d been out with the teams that had been hastily set up to help clear up after the devastation, and at times she’d found herself working alongside Connor, when he’d been able to grab a few hours away from work.
Today, though, everything was serene as usual. The palm trees swayed gently in the breeze, and bordering the beach everything was rich with vibrant life. From the open doors of her bedroom Alyssa could see the pretty pink flowers of the oleander, and on the veranda itself there was a terracotta pot filled with the flamboyant orange and yellow blooms of poinciana. Just looking at them made her feel cheerful.
Strangely, since that evening when Connor had held her in his arms, she’d felt an odd sense of release. She didn’t understand it at all. But it was definitely there, this lightening of spirit.
‘Are you about ready to be off, then?’ Ross came into the kitchen as she was doing a last-minute bit of tidying up. He’d been staying with his brother in the apartment upstairs for the last couple of days, as Connor insisted on keeping an eye on him while he was recovering from concussion. ‘I wish I was coming with you as we planned, but I suppose Connor’s right—the company’s insurance people would have all sorts of problems with that.’
‘I think it’s probably best if you stay at home and rest up for a few days more,’ Alyssa told him. ‘You certainly look better today than you have done these last couple of days.’ Apart from a dressing on his head wound, he seemed to be in reasonably good shape. He’d had an ongoing headache since the accident and some slightly blurred vision, but he’d finished taking painkillers now, and that was hopefully a good sign.
‘I’d still rather I was going with you on this trip. I hate sitting back and leaving everything to other people.’
‘That’s because you simply don’t know how to delegate,’ she said with a laugh. ‘Dan is the director, you know. You have to let him handle things.’
‘Hmmph. Maybe.’ He was in a grumpy mood, and that wasn’t like him at all.
She patted his hand. ‘Take some time out to lie back in the hammock,’ she told him, pointing to the canvas that was strung up outside between two palm trees. ‘It’ll do you the world of good.’
‘Yeah, right. Anyway, I’m sorry I won’t be able to take you to meet up with the cast and crew—Connor has a day off, though, and he said he’ll take you, so there won’t be any need for you to call a taxi.’
‘Yes, he mentioned it to me last night,’ she said as she stacked crockery into the dishwasher. She’d been surprised by his offer. ‘I really didn’t want to put him out—he leads such a busy life and I’d have thought he’d welcome the chance to stay home and do nothing for a change. He even had to go out somewhere this morning. I heard his car start up as I was thinking about getting out of bed.’
Ross nodded. ‘He went to see my father. He rang up this morning, complaining of stomach pains, and said he didn’t want to call his own doctor.’
She frowned. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Do you think it’s something serious?’
He shook his head. ‘The beginnings of an ulcer, probably. I expect Connor will give him some tablets. I don’t think it helps that my father’s constantly at odds with our stepmother—his second wife. She’s turned out to be a feisty individual. But, then, his judgement was never very good where women are concerned. He had an affair while he was married to our mother—not a great move, because she divorced him after she found out.’ He was quiet for a moment or two, thinking about that. ‘We were still quite young when it happened…I think I was about eleven.’
He pulled a face. ‘So we became part of a divided family, going from one parent to the other throughout the year. And, of course, after the divorce my father became very attractive to other women who liked the idea of his wealth and the lifestyle it could bring them. I was upset, I remember. I wanted my parents to stay together, and I wanted to protect my mother from being hurt, but I didn’t know how. So I poured out my worries to my big brother, and he tried to find ways to make me feel better…when all the time he must have been going through it, too.’
She tried to imagine how Connor must have felt, being torn by the disruption to family life and suddenly worrying about his little brother’s well-being. She frowned. ‘I can’t begin to guess what that must have been like. It must have been so difficult for both of you.’
No wonder Connor was
so protective of his brother even now. Back then, being some three years older than Ross, he must have taken it upon himself to shield him from any upsets that might come along. Her heart went out to those young boys struggling to come to terms with the break-up of their family.
‘Yeah.’ Ross absently massaged his brow with his fingers. ‘It was hard when we were young, but that’s all in the past now.’
‘Is it?’ She wasn’t so sure about that. ‘These things probably leave scars of some sort or another.’
‘Well, you could be right. I suppose it was bound to leave some kind of legacy, and we were both at an impressionable age. That must be the reason Connor avoids getting deeply involved with anyone. If things start getting too close for comfort, he tends to bail out. And according to him I go after all the wrong kinds of women.’ He made a faint smile.
‘He’s probably right—I’ve had a few near misses over the years. I tend to be too trusting, I suspect, and then I realise too late that some women are wowed by the prospect of being with a film producer. I’m just me, but they see me as something else.’ He sighed. ‘I guess all the upheaval in our lives was bound to affect us in some way.’
She thought about that when Ross left a few minutes later. It wasn’t really a surprise to learn that Connor was reluctant to get involved in relationships in any meaningful way. There had been rumours amongst the cast and crew and people she’d spoken to at the hospital about women who’d loved and lost him. They’d been keen for something more to develop out of the relationship with Connor, but in each case apparently he’d chosen that time to gently engineer a parting of the ways.
But she didn’t want to dwell on any of that right now. Thinking about Connor only left her confused and distracted. So, instead, she carried on with her chores, wiping down the work surfaces and making sure that everything was spick and span.
Connor arrived back at the house a few minutes later as she was watering the houseplants.