by Geof Johnson
“Me, too, Tina. I was living in Raleigh. How’s that for a change?”
“Why the heck did you come back here? I wouldn’t, if I was in Raleigh.”
“I couldn’t afford to live there anymore after my husband died. Plus, I worry about my dad, living all alone and not taking care of himself. We can live here for free and I can keep an eye on him, since he’s just two doors down.”
“My kids said he’ll give me a discount on fixin’ the toilet in my back bathroom. Do you really think he will?”
“He wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it. And I think he likes your kids.”
“I’m glad somebody does. Most of the neighbors want to send them to the juvenile shelter, seems like. If they don’t stop shooting Mr. Norris’s dog with their BB guns, he’s going to call the cops on ’em.”
“So, take their guns away.”
Tina sighed heavily and turned her gaze to the far wall for a moment. “I’d like to, but their father gave them to the boys right before he got arrested, and the BB guns mean something to them now, in a weird way. Reminds them of their dad, I guess.”
“How long has your husband been in prison?”
“Two years. Only eight more to go. Maybe five for good behavior, but we’ll have to see about that.”
“That seems like a long sentence for growing marijuana.”
“The prosecutor who tried Kenny wants to run for governor, and he’s trying to look tough on crime.” She made air quotes with the fingers of both hands. “It should’ve only been six to seven years, according to our lawyer.” Tina rolled her head back and faced the ceiling. “What a waste of money he was. I’m still paying off his fees. Seems like I’ll be paying forever. That’s one of the reasons I have to work two jobs. Plus I have to make the house and the car payments. I had to sell Kenny’s truck.”
“I bet your kids really miss their father.”
“We’re supposed to go visit him again, soon, but they’re trying to get out of it. Shelby asked if she could stay here with you instead. It’ll kill Kenny’s if she doesn’t come.”
“Doesn’t she miss him?”
“She misses him terribly, but she hates the prison. So do the boys, really, but the other prisoners stare at Shelby and say crude things.” She scowled. “God, she’s just a kid! A twelve-year-old kid. I hate havin’ to take her there, but it’s the only way she can see her father.”
Liz heard the coffee maker finish burbling behind her, and knew it was ready. She pulled out the pot and poured some into two cups that she’d placed on the counter beside it. “Shelby is welcome to stay here when you go visit your husband, but now that you told me all that, I’d feel bad for him that she wasn’t going.”
“We need to talk about that, too.” Tina accepted the cup when Liz offered it to her and set it on the table, then Liz returned to the counter and leaned against it with her arms crossed loosely over her waist.
Tina dumped sweetener and creamer into her coffee and stared at the white ceramic mug before facing Liz again. “The real reason I came over here today is that I wanted to meet the woman who is stealin’ my daughter’s heart.”
She fixed Liz with such a sad look that Liz’s throat tightened, and all she could manage in response was a weak, “Oh.”
Tina’s chin fell and she looked down at the table, and she suddenly reminded Liz of Shelby. The resemblance was obvious, then. They had the same delicate features and blue eyes, and similar hair color. Tina’s face was older, or course, and lined, more so than Liz expected for a woman her age.
Liz put her hand to her cheek and said, “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean, I meant…oh gosh!”
Tina shook her head slowly. “It’s my fault, not yours. If I spent more time with her, she wouldn’t be dyin’ to come over here all the time.”
“But you work two jobs. You can only do so much.”
“I know that, and I think she sorta knows that, but it doesn’t help. She needs the attention, and she’s found somebody who will give it to her.”
Liz stood up straight and nodded firmly. “Well, then I won’t…she shouldn’t come over here so much, then.”
“I’d rather she come over here than run around getting’ in trouble with her brothers. Now that I’ve met you, I feel like I can trust you.” She raised one finger and shook it at Liz. “But I don’t expect you to be her babysitter. I don’t want you to feel like I’m shirking my responsibilities. It’s just….” She closed her eyes momentarily. “It’s just that I can’t do it all. I just can’t, and if Shelby’s goin’ to…if she’s tryin’ to…I mean—”
“I’ll help you. I won’t try to be her substitute mother, but I’ll look after her when I can, and right now, with school out, I have more time to do that. That’ll change when I have to go back to work, but while I’m off, I can keep her busy. She won’t get into trouble. I don’t think the boys will, either.”
“You don’t know Jason and Justin.”
“You don’t know Zach. If he hangs around with them, they’ll be less inclined to get into too much mischief, because frankly, Zach’s is too scared to try anything dangerous. He’s a bit on the timid side, I’m ashamed to say. That’s one of the things that bothered my husband so much.”
“Maybe Zach will help balance out my boys’ reckless tendencies. I’m glad they’re friends, now.”
Liz took a sip of her coffee and then spoke over the rim of her cup. “There don’t seem to be any other kids around the neighborhood.”
“There are hardly any at all, and the few that live close by won’t hang out with mine.”
“Why?”
“I don’t think their parents will let them. They think my kids are white trash because their father’s in prison and they wear second-hand clothes.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Oh, yes I do. I’ve heard my kids say things that people have told them, and I’ve heard things from people I work with, especially at the grocery store. You hear lots of gossip, workin’ the checkout line.”
“That’s awful. Your kids are not white trash. Their grammar is terrible, though. Maybe that has something to do with it.”
“I don’t know why they talk like that. I don’t talk that way. Shelby doesn’t much, either. Must be the riff-raff they hang out with at school. The nicer kids won’t have anything to do with mine, not since Kenny got locked up. They used to, but not anymore.”
Liz took her cup to the table and pulled out a chair next to Tina and sat down. “But surely there are some decent kids who will—”
“There aren’t,” Tina said forcefully. “It’s not so hard on Jason and Justin because they have each other, but it’s really hard on Shelby. The other girls at school tease her all the time, and it hurts Shelby something awful.”
“What do they say about her?”
“All kinds of stuff, and not just about the fact that her dad’s in prison. They tease her about her glasses and how skinny she is, and her hair…God! Her hair. Poor kid.”
“Can’t you take her to a salon and get something done about it?” Tina gave her a level-eyed look and Liz realized she’d just said something stupid. “I guess it’s too expensive. I guess it’s the same with the glasses. Getting contacts would cost too much.”
“Right. And the clothes, too. Shelby mostly has to wear second-hand things, and the other girls wear new stuff. What’s worse is that almost all of the girls her age have started puberty, and Shelby hasn’t, and some of her classmates are showing.” She held both hands over her breasts. “A lot.”
“No! Really? Already?”
“Girls are maturing faster now than when we were that age. But Shelby still doesn’t need a bra, and that bothers her. I think what she wants more than anything is to have straight hair and boobs.”
Liz was a loss for words. She sat back in her chair and stared at Tina. Tina shrugged. “You know, all I’ve done since I’ve been here is talk about my problems.”
“It’s all r
ight. I don’t mind listening.”
“Tell me about your husband. Or is that too difficult to talk about? He killed himself, didn’t he? I don’t see how you deal with that.”
Instead of answering right away, Liz picked up her coffee and peered into the cup while she gathered her thoughts. “It’s hard, as you can probably imagine, but sometimes I feel bad that I don’t miss him more than I do.” She looked away, eyes fixed on the window that looked out over the terrace, where her gaze often gravitated when she needed to think. “It’s like…it was almost a relief when he died. I’ve never told anybody that.” Then she turned to face Tina and shook her head sadly.
“Things had gotten really bad,” Liz continued, “there at the end. Over the last year, John got so difficult that I could barely stand to live with him. I didn’t like the way he was treating Zach, or me, and his moods were all over the place. He was angry one minute and depressed the next.”
“Was he taking medication or getting help for it?”
“He was supposed to be taking an anti-depressant, but after he died, I went through his things and found the bottle of pills. It was almost full. He hadn’t been taking them. He thought he could….” She clinched both hands and shook them. “He felt like he could man up and beat it. He thought medication was for losers, and he had never been a loser.”
“I heard about the trophy room upstairs. My kids were impressed. Sounds like he won everything that’s humanly possible.”
“He was always like that. From the time he was a kid until the last year of his life, he was a winner. Everything came his way, and when he lost his job, he couldn’t handle it. He had never learned to cope with failure because he’d never experienced it.” She shook her head again. “Never.”
“Welcome to the real world.”
“That’s what I say. So my relationship with him got really strained, almost to the breaking point. I was seriously considering asking for a divorce, and the only reason I didn’t was because of Zach.”
“Bet he looked up to his dad.”
“He idolized him. He still does. That trophy room is all his doing. I call it the shrine.” She put one hand to her head and massaged her temple and winced. “I think what Zach wanted most from his father was his approval, and John wasn’t capable of giving it. He wasn’t the kind of guy to put his arm around Zach’s shoulders and say ‘Nice try. You didn’t win, but you gave it your best.’ John expected Zach to be like him, a winner, and he’s not.”
“So? Not everybody wins first place.”
“I agree, but John didn’t see it that way. He always won. Always.” She took a long breath before continuing. “Back in the spring, Zach tried out for baseball and didn’t get picked for a team, one of the few kids who didn’t. That was awful. John was beyond disappointed. He was furious. A month later he blew his brains out. Now Zach blames himself.”
“No! He couldn’t possibly think—”
“Yes,” she said. “He’s convinced that his father couldn’t bear having a son who’s a loser.”
“Zach’s not a loser. I mean, I don’t really know him, but he’s just not a winner. My kids aren’t, either. Hell, I’m not. I’m working two crummy jobs, and my husband is a convict, and my kids are growing up like savages.”
“You’re doing okay. You’re a lot stronger than I am. You’re probably stronger than most. You’re stronger than John, for sure.”
“Well….” Tina tightened one side of her mouth. “At least I’m not puttin’ a gun to my head. Though I feel like I’m killin’ myself anyway, working so much.”
“Do you really have to do that?”
“Oh, yes. If I could only quit my second job, my life would be so much easier. I could do it, too, if I got a promotion.”
“Is that possible?”
“Remotely. The office manager at Greenly’s is retirin’ in October, and if I could get his job, I could afford to quit workin’ at the grocery store. I’ve got the most experience, but they’ll probably promote a man, instead. You know how that is.”
“Then you could spend more time with your kids.”
“And maybe Shelby wouldn’t be coming over here all the time, looking for the attention she needs.”
“I’m so sorry. I’ll try not to give her so much.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay with it, now. I’m glad my kids have somebody nice like you and Zach to hang out with. My boys are thrilled, and I think Shelby is, too. Especially after Zach gave her the swan.”
“The one made of leaves?”
“He didn’t tell you that? Was he not supposed to give it away?”
“Shelby told me, but I wonder why he did that. He never told me.”
“Shelby didn’t say, but she’s tickled to have it. She loves swans, and it’s still green as it can be, like the leaves were just picked.”
“Why does she love swans so much?”
“Not sure. Maybe she fancies herself turnin’ into one someday. You know, the Ugly Duckling story?”
“Shelby isn’t ugly.”
“I don’t think so, but she does. She has very low self-esteem. No confidence at all.”
“Neither does Zach. So I guess we have that in common.”
“And our husbands aren’t around, either, though for different reasons.”
Liz suddenly realized she could be friends with this woman, and it made Liz feel better. She gestured at Tina’s empty cup and said, “Would you like some more coffee?”
“I gotta get going. Too much to do. I’d like to see your backyard before I leave, if that’s okay.”
Liz opened the door and they stepped out onto the terrace that bordered the yard.
Tina’s eyes swept the area and she nodded. “This is pretty nice. The bushes look bad right now, but they’ll recover.”
“I want to hire your boys to paint the fence while they can get to it, before the camellias grow back.”
“There’s lotsa space out here. Nice and open. There’s enough room to through a Frisbee or something.”
“Zach throws the tennis ball for Beepee out here a lot.”
“There’s enough room to play other stuff, too.”
“I have a badminton set but I haven’t put it up, yet. I bet our kids would like that.”
Tina turned and surveyed the covered terrace. It stretched across a third of the house, with a long wrought iron table that had six matching chairs, all of it showing rust and in need of paint. “We should have a party.” Then she smiled broadly and her eyes brightened. “A fourth of July party! It’s on a Monday this year and I’m off. Let’s do it!”
“Uh…a party? Here?” Liz blinked repeatedly at Tina.
“Sure. It’s perfect. We can cook out and the kids can play Frisbee or badminton or whatever, and then we can go downtown and watch the fireworks together. You got a grill? I could bring mine if you don’t.”
“It’s in the garage.”
“So, let’s roll it out and fire it up. I can use my employee discount on the food from Ingles, and we can cook hot dogs and hamburgers. It’ll be great!”
“I think my father still has a horseshoe set somewhere. But don’t you think the kids will get bored?”
“Not if we have stuff for them to do. Bring Beepee, and Shelby will be happy.”
“I guess we could do that. I need to talk to my father and see if he wants to help. We could probably all pile into his truck to ride into town for the fireworks.”
“So there you go. It’ll be awesome. We’ll be a couple of ladies of leisure for the day.”
Her attitude sure has changed. Liz decided that she liked it. She pointed at the wrought iron table. “What about that.”
“Doesn’t bother me. I’ve sat on worse.”
“Maybe I can get the boys to sand and paint it. That is, if you’re okay with that.”
“Anything to keep ’em busy and out of trouble”
“The Fourth is only two weeks away, though. That doesn’t give me much time. I wanted t
o start painting inside soon, before the summer slips away from me. I’m going to need your kids’ help. It would go faster if they could work in the mornings, too, but they’d have to eat lunch here.”
Tina eyes narrowed slowly. Liz could see the muscles move. Tina said, “They can eat here as long as they don’t make it a habit. I don’t want them moochin’ off a’ you.”
“We’ll consider it part of their pay.”
“Don’t pay them twenty dollars, then.”
“Twenty plus the ten for clothes.”
“That’s too much. Fifteen plus another ten for—”
“No! I’ll pay them the full amount. I plan to work them hard. They may not want to come back after the first day.”
“Okay, then. Wear ’em out. They can’t get into trouble if they’re tired.”
* * *
Zach wiped the water off his face with one hand and glanced at the sun, which was already angling lower over the river. “I think I’d better go.”
“Why? Is your mommy gonna ground you?” Jason said in a nasal voice.
“If I’m late she will.” Zach started to wade toward the bank, twenty feet away, but paused and turned back to face the three Ross kids, all standing chest-deep in the river. “You guys coming over tomorrow afternoon?”
“We’re going back to the woods,” Jason said.
“Are you out of your minds?”
“No doubt.” Justin grinned.
“What about the bear?”
“We ain’t worried. He’s probably long gone by now.”
“How about that weird-lookin’ giant guy? Aren’t you worried about him?”
“You mean the ghost? Nah.”
“Ghost?”
“He means the elf,” Shelby said.
“So, how about, you, Shelby?” Zach said. “Are you going back?”
Shelby picked at a bit of a brown leaf that had stuck to her new yellow bathing suit, and seemed to take her time while she focused on it. “I want to see if the elf will show up.”
Zach waved a hand in disgust and resumed wading toward the bank. “You guys are crazy. Every last one of you.”
“You’re a chicken,” Jason said, and started clucking. Justin joined in.