by Zoe York
Ryan,
This is the first apology note I wrote you, that I didn’t give you because it ended up being so much more than just I’m sorry. I should have given it to you earlier. I was wrong when I said we don’t know each other that well. I think you know me better than anyone else in the world.
When you’re ready, I’m still yours.
Always,
Holly
Blindly, Ryan pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Olivia answered on the second ring. “Hi Ryan, what’s up?”
“I need to book a flight to Los Angeles.” He could practically hear Olivia’s fist-pump in the air. “And I need you to keep it a secret.”
“For just you?”
“No, I need to take the kids with me.”
“Do they have passports?”
Shit. “No, and neither do I.”
“Okay. So the first thing we need to do is…”
— —
Ryan scowled at the nail he’d just driven too hard into the drywall. He’d brought home a big painting of a hockey skate to hang over the couch where Lynn had hung their family pictures. He wasn’t putting them away—he was moving them to the stairwell, where there would be more room to add photos to the collection. Their kids hadn’t stopped growing when she died, and he needed to keep up that tradition.
Across the room, his phone vibrated insistently. He set down the hammer and stomped over to it. Jake. Damn it. He’d been hoping it was the post office. They were going to call as soon as the expedited passport delivery arrived.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Got a different kind of job for you,” his friend’s voice crackled over the line. He was driving and talking through the speakers in his truck.
“Shoot.”
“I need you to go take a look at a house for me. The buyer just wants a builder’s opinion, not a formal home inspection, but she wants it today.”
“Today?”
“It’s a last minute thing, no report needed. Just a yay or nay, and if it needs work, how much work.”
“Can it wait until tomorrow, because—”
“Sorry, bud. And she said something about the school bus pick-up, if it was in a good spot for that.”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?”
“I don’t know, man. You’ve got kids. I don’t. Just go and give it a once-over, okay?”
“That’s the thing, Jake. I’ve gotta pick up the kids from camp in twenty minutes. I’m sorry.”
“Take them with you. Please? I’d go do it myself, but this is the only night Dani’s got off all week.”
“You’re whipped.”
“Happily so. I’ll owe you one, thanks!”
Ryan stared at the phone. He didn’t remember actually saying yes, but his friend was gone and…well, fuck it. It was time he got back on the horse, started doing more than odd-jobs. He’d been thinking about going to work for Jake in a bigger way anyway. Better than Zander’s security gig—he’d always liked construction. Maybe this was a first step in the right direction.
He grabbed his tool belt from the basement, making sure it had a little notepad and the pens in it still worked. The flashlight’s batteries were dead, but he stole two from a toy that made too much damn noise anyway, and headed for his truck.
By the time he had the kids all buckled in after picking them up from camp, Jake had texted him an address just north of town. Swanky. The only properties up there were high-end “cottages” owned by people with more money than sense. They’d all be great year-round homes, but the people who bought them only showed up for a few weekends a year.
At least they provided some employment—part-time housekeepers, landscapers…people like Jake who’d charge five hundred bucks to say the perfectly good house was, in fact, perfectly good.
The address was for the first of the so-called cottages. The smallest one, actually, although it was still bigger than his place. And unlike the others, it wasn’t that secluded. Just a short lane, not a long windy road. The bus would go right past at the highway, but still be visible from the house. A short walk up if her kids were small, or she could watch from the kitchen if they were bigger.
He unbuckled Maya, and waited for all three kids to line up in front of him before he reminded them he was there to do some work, and they needed to stay close but not touch anything.
“Actually, there’s nothing inside. The place is empty,” a female voice called from behind him, and he froze. “They can come inside and run around. Go berserk. Whatever they want.”
Blinking hard, still speechless, he glanced down at his kids. All three of them were staring past him at Holly, wide-eyed to see their friend again. They didn’t know he’d been planning to take them on an adventure to find her—he’d told them the passports were for a trip in the winter with their grandparents. No point in getting their hopes up.
He’d done a good job of that for himself, too. So good that he couldn’t turn around, even after they sprinted away and he could hear her let them into the house. As her footsteps crunched toward him on the gravel drive, he stood stiffly next to his truck. Now that the moment was upon them, and it wasn’t how he’d envisioned it at all—she’d come to him, when it was him that needed to beg her forgiveness—he found himself frozen like a statue.
Maybe because if he turned around—if he saw her face—he’d be a goner, and he needed to be sure that was okay. He cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought I was getting a home inspection.” She stopped behind him, close enough he could feel her energy lifting all the hairs on the back of his neck. Tugging him back into her orbit.
“So you’re buying a cottage?”
“Bought, actually. It’s a done deal.”
“Not a lot of movies shot in Pine Harbour. Just one that I can remember.”
“So I’ll have to travel for work.”
“Not a lot of agents or movie premieres, either.”
“I already have an agent and I’ve never been a fan of red carpets.”
“Cottages are a lot of work. You can’t just come and go a few times a year and hope it’ll still be in the same condition when you get back.”
“What if I spend most of my time with the cottage, and only go away when I need to?”
He felt her hands first, tentatively touching his back, and he stiffened against her as she pressed her face between his shoulder blades. “That’s outside the scope of a home inspection report. I wouldn’t know.”
“I’m not talking about the stupid house, Ryan.”
“I know.” His voice cracked but he still stood there, an unmoving rock, as she hugged him tighter and tighter, until her arms were shaking and maybe the rest of her was shaking, too. “Don’t cry, Holly.”
“Is it too late?”
It would never be too late. He’d wait until the end of time for her, he knew that now. “No.” Stupid fucking cracking voice. He wasn’t going to cry. “I was going to come to you.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. Your friends don’t really believe in secrets.”
“Why did you ask Jake about the school bus?”
“I thought maybe it would be easier if I had my own space…give you and the kids some time to adjust to me being around and a part of their lives. But if you all stayed over sometimes…”
“That’s not how busses work. There’s a schedule. It’s not just hop-on, hop-off. They need to be picked up in the same spot every day.”
“Oh.” Her chest shuddered against his back as she nodded. “Okay. Well, maybe in the future then. If they like me enough…”
He spun around, knocking her off-balance, but he grabbed her by the upper arms before she could stumble. Breathing hard, he searched her face. God, she looked good. Her hair was down, wavy and paler than in the spring, and her cheeks were pink. Her eyes were bright and wide, and he knew he should pay attention to that, but he was running on adrenaline now, need pumping through his veins so
hard he couldn’t think straight. “Like you enough? They love you, Holly. Don’t make them wait.”
She blinked up at him, her lips parting as she shook her head ever so slightly. “I won’t. I just don’t know what the right step is here. I don’t want to push too hard and scare them away.”
“They’re already scared, sweetheart. Scared they’re going to lose you forever.” He shook his head. “No. That’s me. And you’re right, they’ll need some time. But me…Holly, I need you now. I don’t need time, I just need you. I love you. I love you so much it hurts, and if you’re really here, I’m not going to let you go again.”
“I’m here.”
“You took a crazy chance, woman.”
“No. Not crazy. I knew you’d eventually see I’m serious about you.”
“Tell me more. Tell me how serious.”
“I don’t know, Ryan. Last time I told you I loved you, you yelled at me.”
“That was really shitty of me.”
“You had a lot of stuff going on.”
“I still do.”
“You going to yell at me again?”
“Not about that.”
“I love you.” Her voice shook as she said it. “I fell in love with you months ago, on your porch, looking up at the stars. I didn’t know that’s what love was, and I’m glad I was in the dark for so long, because it gave me all that time with you. I know you’re not ready for more, but I’m here. Whenever you’re ready to call me your girlfriend, I’ll call you my boyfriend. I want more dates. Just a girl and a boy, getting steak together. I want a lot more of sitting on the porch, looking at the stars.”
“The stars up here are beautiful.” He hoped she knew he wasn’t talking about anything up in the sky. “You’re beautiful. And kind. And talented and smart—”
She laughed. “You don’t know that I’m talented. You’ve never watched any of my movies.”
“I want to. Unless there are any with love scenes.”
“There are a few.”
“I want those destroyed, immediately.”
She tried to laugh again, then stopped, her eyes filling with tears.
“Hey, I was just kidding.” Not really, but he knew it wasn’t possible.
“I know. I think you should kiss me now.”
With a groan, he did just that, kissing her next to his truck, then again at the door to her new home, where he lifted her up and carried her across the threshold. As he set her down, he stroked her cheek. “I only have one quibble with this plan.”
“I’m not sure I can handle a quibble, but shoot.” She wrapped her arms tight around him and he kissed her hair.
“I don’t want you to just be my girlfriend.”
“One thing at a time, my lumberjack.”
“Okay. But the next thing is a ring. Because you’re mine.”
“I am. Forever.”
— TWENTY-FOUR —
RYAN took a deep breath and looked out the limo window.
Beside him, Holly pressed her hand against his arm. “You can stay in the car and go around to the other entrance if you want.”
“No, it’s okay.” And so far, it had been. Their first two months of dating—in public, at least in Pine Harbour—had been completely drama-free. Holly’s publicist had done a good job of warning that anyone who wanted an interview with Hope Creswell could ask her about her move to Canada, but they couldn’t ask about her personal life—full stop. And she’d put an attorney on retainer, ready to sue anyone who breathed a whisper about his kids.
He still didn’t like all this hoopla, but a movie she’d made the year before was screening at the Toronto International Film Festival, and his pride in her accomplishments overrode his discomfort.
The chauffeur opened the door, and Ryan stepped out. Cameras flashed and people yelled as he held out his hand and helped Holly out of the limo.
She was stunning in a pale pink strapless dress, snug to her hips, where layers upon layers of fluttery fabric floated down to the ground. As they’d discussed, she stepped past him, moving forward on the red carpet. It was exactly as she described, a long tunnel of chaotic noise.
He was used to that, at least.
A woman with a headset bumped into him as he tried to stay the prescribed five feet behind Holly. Far enough back that he was out of the camera shot, close enough that he was there if she needed him.
“Are you having fun yet?” she asked, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek as they sat in their reserved seats.
“I think I stepped on Russell Crowe’s foot,” he muttered.
“Russell’s here?” she said, spinning her head around. “I thought he was in Australia right now.”
Ryan pointed at a man across the room and Holly giggled. “That’s Gerard Butler.”
“All those rugged heartthrobs look the same,” he said under his breath.
“I wouldn’t know, I only have eyes for my real-life rugged heartthrob.” She winked at him as the lights went down.
He’d already seen this movie—Holly watched all of her films in private, first, a practice he found fascinating. So they’d watched this one curled up in her bed the week before. The kids had gone to their grandparents’ for a sleepover, but they’d started sleeping over at Holly’s place, too.
Slowly but surely, they were finding their way.
In the dark of the theatre, Holly found his hand and laced her fingers through his. She was nervous. This movie was getting a good amount of buzz, and Unexpected, the film she’d shot in his backyard, was slated for a Christmas Day release. She was leaving in late October for seven weeks of shooting on another project, and then there would be a press junket for Unexpected in the two weeks before Christmas. Her travel plans had her getting back to Pine Harbour two days before Christmas.
They were going to miss her something fierce, but at least they’d have Skype and FaceTime. It would be easier on the kids if they could see her face.
Easier on him, too.
“What are you thinking about?” she whispered.
“Nothing.”
“Bull. Your face just got all tight.”
She knew him too well. “Just looking forward to Christmas, that’s all.”
Leaning into him a bit more, she hugged his arm. “You can come visit me. You know that. My trailer is your trailer.”
He had a flash of their first time together, in her trailer tucked in the back corner of the parking lot behind Main Street. Best Sunday morning ever.
She laughed at what was probably a stupid cocky grin on his face. “That’s better.”
Two hours later, the audience gave Holly and her co-stars and director a standing ovation. Ryan stood with everyone else, applauding hard as his sweetheart curtsied and blushed and shone in every single way. A question and answer session followed, then a cocktail reception, and they didn’t get back to the hotel until after midnight.
When they let themselves into their suite, Rafe glanced up from the couch, where Olivia had fallen asleep with her head on his lap. His hand lay on top of her swollen belly. She was thirty-four weeks pregnant, and when she’d told her husband that of course she was coming with them to Toronto—someone had to watch the kids, and besides, she wanted to do big city baby-stuff shopping—he insisted on coming with her.
“Did you have a good time?” Rafe asked quietly.
They started to fill him in, then Olivia roused as she heard voices, so Holly started again and Ryan excused himself to check on the kids. The next day they were going to the zoo, and they were so excited.
“Did they get to bed at a reasonable time?” Holly was asking as he re-joined them.
He kissed her temple. “I was just going to ask that myself. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
Rafe laughed. “Pretty sure a night at TIFF would be a bigger deal than visiting the zoo for most people.”
Holly just shrugged, and Ryan pulled her close. He was so damn lucky that she wasn’t most people.
— —
After seeing Rafe and Olivia to the door of the suite—the other couple was staying down the hall—Holly flipped the security latch, slipped off her heels, and padded into the master bedroom. She closed the door behind her. They’d open it again before falling asleep, but she wanted a private moment with the love of her life.
She found him in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He’d taken off his James Bond-esque jacket and shirt, and now stood barefoot, wearing just black dress pants.
“You are a very handsome man,” she murmured, cozying up behind him.
“I’m glad you approve.” He finished up and they switched spots. She removed her make-up as he unzipped her dress, then carefully stepped out of it and he carried it into the bedroom for her as she finished washing up. When she looked up again, he was in the doorway, watching her. He’d taken his pants off, and in his dark-grey, plaid cotton boxers, he was back to being her mountain man.
She wet her lips and turned slowly as he prowled toward her. “Thank you for coming with me tonight.”
“Anytime, sweetheart,” he whispered as he crowded her against the bathroom counter.
She kissed his chest, then tipped her face up as he cupped the back of her head and descended, bringing their mouths together.
This fire between them only got hotter and better with time.
“Are you going to marry me when you get back from making another brilliant movie?” he asked as he scooped her up and sat her on the counter.
She spread her legs, wrapping her calves around his waist as he slid their hips together. “One thing at a time. Let’s break the news to your in-laws that you’re moving first.”
“It’s only ten minutes down the road. They’ll deal.” He kissed her neck, then lower, burying his face in her breasts as she leaned back on her hands. Shivering, she lifted her hips into his hands, letting him strip the last scrap of silk from her body.
He stroked between her legs, spreading her arousal around before sliding one finger, then two, deep inside her. She was more than ready for him. “Now,” she panted. “Ryan, I need you.”