by Pike, Leslie
“Get in,” she says.
“First I need to show you something.”
I don’t want to shock her with my Jacob’s Ladder. She positions herself against the pillows and waits. I unbutton my jeans. I went commando today, so it’s right there, waiting to be released.
“I didn’t want to frighten you, but I‘ve got these piercings.”
I drop my pants and show her what I’m talking about. I’m as hard as a horse, so it does look a little scary.
“Oh my God.” Her eyes say everything else. There’s real fear there.
I take my pants and sweater off and get in bed. She’s sitting up against the pillows. I’m on my side, propped up on my elbow. She’s not even looking at me. She’s staring straight ahead, considering her options.
“Want to touch it?” I say.
“I guess. OK. I don’t know.”
I throw back the covers and turn on my back. My dick is sticking straight up like a bedazzled totem pole. I take her left hand and run it down my shaft, as if she’s petting me.
“Nice big doggie,” I say.
She laughs, and that’s what I was going for. I take my hand away, but she starts stroking. Yes. Yes. Her blanket falls away, and she leaves it as it fell. She kneels between my legs, and she’s looking in my eyes. There’s something new there. I think it’s the birth of confidence. If I was waiting for a sign, this is it. I feel her lips on my cock. A kiss, a tongue, an open mouth. Oh Esme, you’re a natural.
When she lifts her head, I flip her over on her back, grab a pillow, and push it under her ass. Now that pussy’s at the perfect angle. She opens her legs, without prompting. I maneuver my cock into her. One…piercing…at…a…time. She’s tight. Tight and wet is where it’s at. I know it’s hurting a little, but she hasn’t complained so I keep going. I start pumping. In…out…in…out. I’m going to take it as slow as possible.
I close my eyes and use my other senses. The unmistakable smell, a lingering taste on my lips, the silken touch of her skin. And I can hear the rain starting to come down. The wind has picked up and blows the drops against the windows. Even the weather is mimicking our passion. When I open my eyes, I see her hands grasping the pillow behind her head. Her beautiful tits are bouncing to the rhythm of the fuck. She’s lifting her ass to meet my every thrust. I watch her face. She’s lost in the moment and the heightened awareness of her body. When she starts to come, her eyes open, and when they do, I connect with her in absolute intimacy and indescribable sexual satisfaction. My balls, my cock, my entire being is on fire. I start to come. And in this space, there are no limits, no boundaries and no control.
Chapter Fourteen
Paul
Tonight I’m going to tell her. Now it seems foolish that I’ve waited so long. But I never considered my real identity would make any difference. I didn’t hide it to play anyone. Keeping it to myself was for my privacy, and so I wouldn’t be singled out. So I wouldn’t be profiled, so to speak. That’s before BB happened. She’s been the game changer, and nothing has prepared me for her influence.
I’m pretty sure she’ll take the news well. She’ll most likely laugh and say something like, “Fucking a priest? Well I can cross that one off my bucket list.” But there’s a nagging voice inside my head, telling me to quit being delusional. She’s into this just as deep as I am, and it’s going to piss her off to learn I’ve lied. I know it.
There’s no denying what’s between us is more than casual. What started as a wild one-nighter has morphed into something real. I can’t say this is love, but I won’t say it isn’t. I think it’s the beginning of love, waiting to grow with time. There’s so much we need to discover about each other, and a lot I need to learn about myself. And there’s one big decision for me to make. So I’m holding back on any definition of what this is, because I don’t even know how to define myself.
I’m new to this world, and I don’t understand the perimeters. Maybe together we can figure out the next move. That is, if she doesn’t kill me. I saw what she’s capable of at lunch last week. She hurled that orange at Finn’s head, without skipping a beat. There’s sharp knives on the table. I better be ready to duck.
Deciding to do this in a public place is a calculated choice. Our favorite restaurant and a few martinis seem likely to put her in a good mood. And the fact that we’re regulars should work in my favor. Would she throw a knife at my heart, if people we know are watching? Of course she would. What was I thinking? There’s no right place to do this.
It’s a moot point, because I see her a few tables away, returning from the ladies room. As she walks toward me, I see other patrons watching her. Men silently desiring her and women looking her over in a matter of seconds. I see more than one set of eyes scanning her from head to toe. Yes, they recognize her as a celebrity, but it’s more than that. She’s just cool to watch. Her walk, her confidence, the whole package. BB is more than the sum of her parts. Each feature is attractive, and she’s got good legs, and that spectacular ass. But when you put it all together, it creates something beyond those attributes. And she carries it beautifully. She slides up to my side and leans over with a kiss.
“Did you miss me?”
“You know I did.”
“I think I’ll have another martini. I’m planning on you taking advantage of me later on.”
She smiles, and it melts me. As she takes her seat I know the time has come. Oh shit. Here I go. Get it over with, man.
“Um, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. It’s no big deal, but I think it’s only right that you should know.” My mouth is like the Sahara.
“Are you pregnant?” she says.
“No, it’s not that.”
She’s reading my face, and she’s starting to detect this isn’t something she’s going to be happy about.
“I’m listening.”
“Ok. Before I tell you, let me say this. There was no intention on my part to betray your trust, or fool you into doing something you wouldn’t have agreed to otherwise.”
“That’s a lot of words to proclaim your innocence.”
“It’s not innocence I’m proclaiming, just lack of malice,” I say.
“Son of a bitch. You’re married?” BB says.
I reach across the table and take her hands.
“No. no, of course not.”
Her shoulders relax.”
“Then what?”
“You know how I was hired to consult on the Jesuit priesthood?”
“Yes.”
“Well they hired me because I am a Jesuit priest.”
Her face breaks into a wide smile, and she starts laughing. She tosses her napkin at me.
“Very funny. You had me going for a minute.”
When I don’t join her in a laugh, she stops.
“I’m serious, BB. I’m a priest. I’m taking a sabbatical to figure my life out.”
Her expression changes to something I’ve never seen before. Sadness. Oh no. She pulls her hand away. I watch a tear run down her cheek. Her voice breaks in a whisper.
“Really?’ she says.
“Yes, really. I’ve been in the priesthood since I was eighteen.
I can see she believes me. There’s no doubt she believes me.
“And you didn’t respect me enough to factor me in on this little bit of inconsequential news? You never considered the fact that I was falling…never mind.”
She stands and collects her purse.
“How very Christian of you, Paul.”
Before I can stop her, she walks away. I take some cash from my wallet and throw it on the table. I go after her. She’s reaching the doors to the restaurant when I catch up. I take her arm.
“Wait! Let’s talk,” I say.
She pulls from my grip. But still there are no angry words no tirades. She’s quiet and wounded. Fuck me. Please get mad. I can handle mad. This is killing me.
“Can we please talk?” I say.
She looks me straight in the
eyes. I can’t detect any of the magical unsaid things that passed between us before. There are also no fuck off’s or assholes’. No wildcat reactions from the queen of the cats. There are only tears and disappointment. God, I messed this up. She shakes her head and puts out a hand to stop any further attempt from me.
“No, we can’t talk. We’re finished with that. And how would I ever know when you were telling me the truth? Actually Paul, I’m finished with you period.”
She leaves me standing there, with the open mouthed hostess staring at our sideshow. She’s left her coat and I’ve left mine at the coat check. I make a quick pit stop to get them, before I go after her.
It’s cold outside, and the streets are crowded with young bar hoppers and tourists. The twinkling lights on the trees, and the music coming from the clubs and bars are in stark contrast to my mood. I’m looking ahead, behind and across the street. Where did she go? All at once, I spot her blonde curls bouncing with every step she takes. She’s a good block ahead of me, and heels notwithstanding, she’s moving fast. I take off running. When I get within a few feet of her I slow down. I come up behind her and put her coat over her shoulders.
“BB, please. Talk to me.”
When she turns, I see she’s been crying. She’s said to me many times that she’s not a crier. That she couldn’t remember the last time she cried. I’ve broken her record. Her eyes are swollen and her nose is red. She’s freezing cold, and I can see the vapor coming out of her mouth when she speaks.
“You broke my heart,” she says.
I bring her to me, and wrap my arms around her. She’s completely stiff.
“Come on, baby. Can’t we work this out? I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner. Really deeply sorry.”
She pushes me away.
“Get away from me.”
A young guy’s walking past us, and then stops. He’s listening to our conversation and that pisses me off. He speaks to BB.
“Is this guy bothering you?”
I respond before I think. “Fuck off. I’m not bothering her.”
But the guy’s not a threat. He’s a slight looking short shit, but one with a good heart and more than a little courage. He’s got to have a set of balls to challenge me. BB looks at the guy and says one last thing.
“No. This guy will never bother me again.”
And she’s gone, leaving me and Mr. Buttinski to ourselves.
“Sorry man. You did the right thing,” I say and pat him on the shoulder.
I walk away, knowing I just completely confused the Good Samaritan.
* * *
Walking into the condo, I see the open French doors and hear the voices coming from the balcony.
“We’re out here,” yells Finn.
When I get to the balcony, I’m surprised to see Bliss and Steven and Nicki and Jack. Finn’s just kicking back on a lounge chair. Everybody looks as if they’re having a good time. I see no alcohol. Good.
“Hey, where’s BB?” Finn says.
I’m not about to get into that, so I lie. And I deflect.
“We just got back from dinner. She had to make some calls. What’s happening here?”
“As usual, I’m the peacemaker,” says Jack. “I thought it was about time that all the kids in the schoolyard made up.”
“I’m going to nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize,” Nicki says.
“He’s right. I’m glad we’re going to get past our…whatever it was,” Finn says.
Bliss weighs in. “We all know exactly what it was. But it’s not going to happen again, and we’re all going to forget it, right?”
She’s looking at Steven, and then at Finn.
“Yeah, it’s over. I’m already past it,” Steven says. He’s smiling and looks sincere.
“Me too. And I’m sorry I acted like a jerk,” Finn says.
They’re all puppies and rainbows. I’m not sure that’s going to last till the end of filming. We’ve got two weeks left before we wrap. Finn’s not going to live up to their expectations, because he doesn’t intend to. I’ve been around too many alcoholics to fool myself. He’s still drinking every day, but he’s just a little slicker about hiding it. He doesn’t go to work drunk, and he uses a lot of mouthwash. I may be the only one who sees what’s happening. So it falls to me. When will be the right time to approach him, without him shutting me down? All I know is that I’m in the middle of two shit storms, and it’s going to be difficult finding my way out of either one. I pull up a chair and join the group.
“I’ve got an invitation for everybody,” Finn says.
“Are you inviting us to your wedding? We’ve noticed you canoodling with the lovely Esme,” Jack says, lifting an eyebrow.
“Canoodling? I’m not sure I know what that is, but we’re probably doing it.”
“Good I like her,” Bliss says.
“Me too. She’s pleasant to everyone she talks with,” says Nicki.
“Kizzy has nothing but good things to say about her. I think she’s going to hire her on her next film,” Steven adds.
“You’re all missing the point,” Jack says.
“I’m afraid to ask. What’s the point?” says Nicki.
“The girl has one hell of a great ass. Kudos, Finnboy.”
Nicki gets out of her chair and throws a fake “stunt punch” at Jack’s face. He pretends its landed and mimes his reaction. They’ve obviously done this before and perfected the art of the fake fight. It makes us all laugh.
“Oh baby, I’m sorry. I’ll never say anything like that again,” Jack lies. He grabs Nicki’s hand. “By the way, you’ve got a great ass too.”
“Ok then, you redeemed yourself,”
“If I can interrupt the floorshow?” says Finn.
“Please continue,” Jack says.
“So, tomorrow night Esme’s going to perform at open mic night at Tempos. Want to come and support her? BB and Paul are coming,”
“Well, I’ll be there for sure. BB hasn’t committed yet,” I say.
“Yes, definitely,” Bliss says.
“Is she going to sing?” asks Steven.
“Sing and play guitar. And it’s an original song. I have no idea if she’s any good, but it would be nice to encourage her, I think. She’s shy and on her own for the first time.”
“Lord man, you’re banging a shy girl? They’re the freakiest in bed,”
says Jack. “Allegedly.”
Nicki starts to get up, but thinks better of it.
“Oh, forget about it. I’d be punching him all night.”
“Anyway, I haven’t told her I’m coming. She doesn’t know that I know she’s performing. I overheard her tell her grandmother on the phone,” Finn says.
“You sure she’ll be glad we’re all there?” Bliss asks, with doubt written all over her face.
“She’ll love it,” says Finn.
I can see BB’s balcony next door. Her shuttered doors are closed, and there’s no light coming from inside. Where is she?
“Let’s go home to our mansion on the hill, baby. Leave these peasants,” Jack says.
“Yeah, we have to go too. Ready Bliss?” Steven asks as he rises.
“Yes.”
The four of them get up, and Finn follows them out. I stay seated with my eyes on BB’s place.
“See you tomorrow night, Paul,” Bliss says.
“Goodnight.”
When they’re gone, I bring out my cell and call BB. It goes straight to voice mail. I start talking.
“I get that you’re mad. You have every right to be. I fucked up. But you’ve got to forgive me. I don’t know what I’m doing; this is all new to me…”
I’m interrupted by Finn’s return. He’s got a Guinness in his hand. So I end my call.
“Call me,” I say.
“So what’s up?’ Finn says.
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. I know you. Something’s up.”
“I told BB I’m a priest.”
“O
h, Jesus. How’d she take the news?”
“Not very well.”
He takes a long pull of his beer. He’s looking at me defiantly, as if he’s challenging me to say something to him. But I don’t have it in me tonight. I’ve already pissed off one person I care about. I’m not going for two.
“Well, go talk to her,” Finn says.
“I tried. She’s not answering. What do I do now?”
“Welcome to the messed up world of women. Ninety percent of the time, you won’t know what to do. And when you finally decide on a course of action, it’s going to be the wrong choice.”
“That’s comforting.”
“It’s just the ugly truth, brother.”
* * *
I’m lying on my bed, just staring at the ceiling. I’m trying to figure out how to proceed with BB. I’m the proverbial stranger in paradise, lost in this wonderland. My desire to be with her clearly feels stronger than my desire to spend another day as a priest. But is it my cock doing the thinking? I don’t think so, because what I crave most are the other things she’s made of. The intangibles pull me to her as much as her sexuality does.
That’s an important point, because I’m a man who’s just discovered sex. I’m a sexual Columbus, in a new land, planting my flag. I’m Cumlumbus. My flag would have a big cock on it, squirting a stream of cum. It would wave blue and red, to represent my balls before, and my worn out dick after BB. That sounds like something Finn would say.
Snap out of it man. Get back to the problem at hand. What if BB and I don’t end up together? Would I still be happy walking away from what I always believed was my destiny and calling? Am I even able to imagine how different my life would be? I know beyond a doubt, whatever I choose will be right in God’s eyes. I’m under no illusion that being a priest is any loftier than being a plumber. I don’t believe priesthood trumps any other life choice. It’s what we make of our lives that matters, not what we call ourselves. I’ve known both saints and sinners within my own community. We’re just as fucked up and as miraculous as the rest of the population.