by Jillian Neal
“He was supposed to make you smile,” Garrett teased when Rainer had awkwardly walked to the door to open it with Emily clinging to him.
Emily spun, with vengeance burning furiously in her eyes. “This is all your fault!” Her temper finally worked its way through her sadness. “And now I can’t see him for two more weeks, and we have a brand new niece, and I’m not there to see her,” she continued her rant. “I hate you!”
Rainer grimaced. He’d been expecting this.
It appeared Garrett had, as well. “Yep, been waiting to hear that all week,” he concluded and then furrowed his brow. “Wait, what do you mean we have a niece?”
“Yeah, Brooke went into labor last night, and it’s a girl,” she threw hatefully at Garrett.
“Wow.” Garrett moved into the room and closed the door. “Wonder what Will thought?”
Will had bragged numerous times about the fact that he’d made a boy and then about all the things he planned to do with his son, but Rainer’s concern over Emily far outweighed the humor of Will’s certain shock in the early hours of the morning.
“Em, baby, come on, shh…” Rainer began whispering in her ear as he held her against his chest. He held her tightly. His heart broke over having to leave her again.
“I don’t want to go back,” Emily sobbed, with her fists knotted tightly in Rainer’s t-shirt. “It’s awful. I want to go home with you.”
Rainer clenched his jaw. He tried to recall why he couldn’t demand that Garrett leave her alone, and why he couldn’t take her to the airport to bring her home with him.
“Yeah, it’s awful,” Garrett agreed, “but the kids who live there don’t get to leave. They don’t even get a night off, and Aida’s there in tears because you hadn’t come back this morning. Em, you promised her you’d come back. You gonna break that?”
This only served to bring on more gut-wrenching sobs, and Rainer shook his head at Garrett. Guilt was not the way to get Emily to calm down. It never had been. Why did no one understand that but him? It was incredibly obvious.
“Garrett, we’ll meet you in the lobby in a few minutes, ok?” Rainer dared Garrett to argue.
“Uh, sorry, man, but you can’t be seen leaving with her. So, how about I take a slow walk down to the soda machine at the end of the hall and then come back?”
“Whatever.” He was growing more and more agitated with Garrett the longer he stayed in the suite.
Garrett left, and Rainer let Emily cry. He held her close, rubbed her back, and told her how much he loved her. He wiped away the tears when she’d let him. When she calmed, he cradled her face in his hands.
“Listen to me, baby. It’s just two more weeks. Just take it one day at a time, and before you know it, I’ll be standing at the airport, probably jumping the guard rails as soon as you land, ok?”
“I’ll talk to you every day, and I’ll dream of you every night. Then when you get back, I’ll show you everything I’ve been dreaming about.” This caused a slight smile to spread across her beautiful face.
“And when I decide to let you put clothes on again, you know, a week or two later, then I’ll take you to Will and Brooke’s. They’ll probably be so sleep-deprived by then that they’ll let you hold the new baby and play with her as long as you want.” He felt her energy begin to calm.
“Promise?” Emily laid her head tenderly back on Rainer’s chest.
“I promise. I’ve never lied to you.” He decided in that moment that the few things he’d kept from her months before weren’t lies. He’d been trying to keep her from being frightened. He hoped she’d agree.
Emily seemed to draw on deep resolve as Rainer brushed kisses over her cheeks and forehead.
“You don’t have to jump the guard rails,” she teased.
“We’ll see how hard up I am by then,” he teased as she giggled sweetly.
Garrett returned a few minutes later, and Rainer had Emily calmed and even apologizing for shouting.
“How do you do that?” Garrett shook his head in disbelief.
“She’s my baby,” Rainer stated simply.
Garrett nodded his acceptance of that fact. “No joke. I won’t tell Dad, but you definitely have her all figured out.”
“You keep her safe,” Rainer demanded.
“You know I will.”
“Oh, and here,” Rainer pulled his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans and handed Garrett the check. Garrett stared from the check to Rainer and back again, in stunned disbelief.
“You make certain that she eats,” Rainer continued his orders.
“Man, you have no idea how far this will go here. Seriously, this is amazing, Rainer.”
After a deep, fervent kiss, meant to last for the next two weeks, Rainer released Emily to Garrett, with a harrowing sense of loss washing over him yet again.
The emptiness returned to his chest while he watched from the window. She climbed into the ATV that Garrett used to get around Brazil.
10
War Cry
Misery was Rainer’s constant companion as he thanked Pete for ushering him quickly into the large cockpit of the jumbo jet. He joined the other pilots and coolant officers, and tried to stay out of the way.
He wanted to be alone with his dejection. He’d almost forgotten Vindico’s warning that he was meeting him at the airport.
Just over four hours later, Rainer was shocked that not only was Vindico standing there, waiting on him to exit, but Logan, Adeline, and the Haydenshires were all there as well.
They all looked morose, and Rainer felt his stomach churn as he took in their expressions.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded as soon as he was close enough for them to hear him.
“How’s my baby girl?” Governor Haydenshire dodged. He was very obviously putting off whatever they’d all come to tell him.
“She’s a little better than she was,” Rainer answered questioningly. He couldn’t help but wonder why the Governor wasn’t upset that he’d snuck out of the country to go spend the night with Emily.
“Oh, I’m so glad you got to see her, sweetheart,” Mrs. Haydenshire vowed. “I know how much you’ve missed her. You’ve looked so sad all week.”
Rainer studied her. He sincerely wished someone would tell him what the hell was going on.
“So, you heard about my new grandbaby?” the Governor continued to try to distract Rainer.
His patience was running thin. He finally turned to Vindico. “Will you please tell me why you’re all here?”
Vindico nodded. He gave Rainer a sorrowful look. “Yeah, you know, I’m not big on being eluded either.” He threw the Governor a wry glance as Governor Haydenshire nodded his admittance that he had been evasive.
Rainer hadn’t checked any luggage, so they exited and headed towards the rear parking lot.
“Will you please tell me what’s going on?” Rainer demanded of Logan.
Pain was Logan’s predominant expression. He nodded.
“The papers finally broke the story of Samantha Peterson’s kidnapping and murder. The mug shots of the two men who were standing guard that night were in the news a day or two ago,” Logan sighed.
“Wretchkinsides figured out that I’d taken out his prize fighter,” Vindico interrupted. He clenched his jaw for a moment before continuing. “So, I assume that, coupled with you and Garrett’s taking out the three drivers he’d trained and was so sure would be able to force Emily’s car off the road, brought this on.” Vindico drew a steadying breath. “We received his answering war cry,” he shuddered slightly.
“Ok, what was it?”
Vindico looked him in the eye and offered him a steadying gaze. “I cannot tell you how sorry I am, Lawson, but, uh, late in the night, he blew up the Mustang.” Vindico tried to force his gruff voice to sound soothing, but didn’t quite hit the mark.
“What?” Rainer gasped. He felt like he’d been sucker-punched. He couldn’t breathe. He turned to Logan, and willed him to confess that this wa
s some sort of horrible joke.
“I’m so sorry, man.” Logan reached and steadied Rainer. “It’s a mess. You don’t want to see it. I called Sam. He said he can build you another just like it if you want.”
Stunned, furious terror coursed like shards of ice through Rainer’s veins. His mind was unable to believe what he was being told. It just couldn’t be. He wouldn’t allow it.
At that moment, the press located him outside the airport and began to swarm.
“Rainer, can you tell us who did this?”
“Rainer, where were you on special assignment?”
“Does Emily know about the car?”
The questions came fast and furiously. Rainer felt like he was being pelted with some sort of rapid-fire weaponry.
The pain was physical, and moved throughout his entire body.
“Rainer, where was the Iodex assignment you were sent to?” called another reporter, repeating the same question.
“Just get them the hell away from me. I want to see my car,” Rainer demanded of Logan.
Vindico pulled his badge, and Logan followed suit.
“If Mr. Lawson answers that question, he’ll no longer be employed by Iodex. He’s had a rough day, so I really don’t want to fire him after all of this. Could you please move away and let him through?” Vindico demanded.
Vindico’s threat gave more credence to the story that Rainer had been on special assignment. Somewhere in the recesses of Rainer’s mind, he appreciated that, but at that moment he couldn’t access any information, except that Wretchkinsides’ thugs had destroyed his car.
Vindico and Logan formed a kind of barrier around him as he forced his way to the parking lot where he’d left the Mustang.
“Crown Governor, as the man who raised Rainer, could you tell us if, in your opinion, he’s visibly distressed?” a reporter buzzed beside Governor Haydenshire.
Rainer didn’t wait to hear the Governor’s retort to the inane question. He began moving faster; seeing his car was the only thing that made sense to him in that endless moment.
“Where do they find these idiots?” Vindico quipped indignantly. Rainer saw Logan nod his agreement, in his peripheral vision, but he kept his eyes locked forward as he continued his determined march.
“Rainer, are you sure you want to see this? Maybe it would be best to remember it the way it was,” Mrs. Haydenshire pled as she tried to keep up with him.
“Mom,” Logan huffed, “he’s not three. Leave him alone.”
By keeping up his rhythmic advance, Rainer made it to the parking lot farthest from the airport in record time. Relentless reporters, all hoping to capture his anguish on film, were still following him. Vindico shook his head and spun back.
“That’s it! Right here. This is as far as you’re going,” he challenged. He grabbed Logan, and positioned him in the very spot where he’d drawn the invisible line in the sand. “If you move past Officer Haydenshire, he will arrest you.”
Governor Haydenshire nodded. He turned to stand beside Logan. It was a defiant dare to anyone willing to move past an arresting officer and the judge.
“Come on, Lawson.” Vindico slapped Rainer’s shoulder and issued him into the blocked parking lot. He eased him behind the trees and shrubs so that the reporters could no longer snap photos.
There it stood, the smoldering, burnt-out cage of what was once Rainer’s most prized possession. Bile burned his throat. He clenched his jaw against the hot tears that threatened to overtake him. He willed himself to understand the horrific display, but his mind rejected the image.
“This is entirely my fault. I just never thought…” Vindico began. He was shaking his head as he stared at what was left of the car.
Finally able to formulate words, Rainer turned his eyes from the remains of the car. “How is it your fault? You didn’t do this. I’m the one who didn’t cast it.” Rainer shuddered as the deep regret threatened to consume him.
“When you didn’t show at the hospital last night, and I figured out where you were and what you’d done, I immediately told the press I’d sent you on location out of the country,” Vindico elaborated. “I know that the press is Wretchkinsides’ best ally right now. This wasn’t even done well.”
Vindico leaned over and picked up what appeared to be the wired end of a blasting cap. He shook his head and then threw down the wiring.
“He’s getting desperate, and men like Wretchkinsides are most volatile, most dangerous, when they’re desperate. He was hoping that you’d left your car unprotected at the airport. He may have even figured out that I hadn’t really sent you anywhere. He had his explosives guys rig up some C4. They even left the taggant.”
“Normally, he has his guys make their own C4 with no tracer, but this wasn’t planned. He ordered them to get it destroyed quickly, and that’s what they did.”
“They could have blown it up with their own energy, but they wanted it destroyed, not just burned out. They put enough C4 in the car to make certain nothing was left, moved away, threw a electric cast mixed with a heightened sound wave, and they were done.” Vindico lamented, “I really am sorry, Lawson. He’s punishing you for helping me, and for being damn good at what you do.”
“Stephen finally had enough. He paid the attendant a hundred dollars to hang up a few ‘no trespassing, private property’ signs,” Mrs. Haydenshire explained as she, Logan, and Adeline came to stand near Rainer.
Unable to stop them, the memories of everything the Mustang had been to him flooded through his mind. It was his father’s last gift. He needed the freedom it afforded him.
The recollections overwhelmed him. Emily, with her hair whipping out behind her as Rainer drove with the top down, revving the engine to make her smile. The things they’d done in that car. The way the gearshift felt in his hand as he put the engine through its paces. The feel of the soft leather seats, the steering wheel sliding through his hands, Emily asking him to put the top down so she could feel the breeze in her hair.
The intoxicating fragrance of her perfume entangled in the wind as it mixed with the smell of the leather seats, and of the fumes, they all made a heady cocktail in Rainer’s mind.
He recalled Logan asking him to put the top up so they could talk their way through being teenage boys. They were so often stupid and reckless, sensitive and caring, all at the same moment.
The dirty jokes, the goading laughter, so many things tied up inside of that piece of their adolescence. The sheer number of times he’d copped a feel in the front seat, or slipped his hand up Emily’s skirt. The first time she’d grabbed him through his jeans, and he’d almost lost control, at barely seventeen years old. He could feel her hand on him, groping him, telling him how hard he was, though he certainly knew.
Rainer felt something brush against his bicep. He jerked away furiously. He spun towards the motion and glared at Adeline.
“I’m sorry.” She blinked back tears. Her voice shook, “I thought I could help.” She dropped her gaze to the ground. She’d been trying to cast him. She’d thought maybe she could slip her healing, soothing energy into him.
Logan shot him a warning glance, and Rainer let his eyes close for the length of one heartbeat. He clenched his jaw together tightly and refused to yell at Adeline. She’d only been trying to help. He repeated the mantra in his head.
“Just, please, don’t,” Rainer forced out of his mouth.
Adeline nodded her understanding, though her expression was one of heartbreak.
“I don’t think any of us are going to be getting in for a while, sweetheart,” Mrs. Haydenshire soothed. She put her arm around Adeline to bolster her.
She was right, Rainer knew. His shield felt like steel around him. It was impenetrable to anyone. He felt the impregnable wall between him and the world. There was only one person who could ever have broken through, and she was thousands of miles away. Rainer’s heart ached as he felt the horror of reality settle on him.
“Son, do you want me to have Emil
y flown home? I just don’t know what else to do. You’ve been through enough,” Governor Haydenshire joined them. The look on his face was extremely troubled.
Not certain why, Rainer shook his head, though that was precisely what he wanted.
“Does she know?” Rainer choked. He was able to focus on the present instead of the past, for a moment anyway.
Vindico nodded. “I finally got through to Garrett a few minutes before you landed. He told her. She’s waiting on your call.”
Everyone stood reticent beside him and waited for him to instruct them as to how to make him feel better, but all Rainer knew at that moment was that he wanted to be alone.
His cell phone chirped, and he fumbled momentarily. He tried to remember where his phone was and what the sound meant. He pulled it from his pocket and opened the text.
* * *
Hey baby. I’m so sorry that I’m not there. If you want me to come home, I’ll be on the next flight. Get the keys to the Hummer and go for a drive. I know you want to be alone. I called Sam. He’s waiting on you to come by and have a Coke with him.
Just remember, Rainer, I fell in love with you when we had Big Wheels. I dared you to kiss me the day after you and Logan taught me to ride Logan’s old bike without the training wheels, and I’d still want to be Mrs. Lawson if you carried me around on the handlebars of your old Diamondback.
The Mustang never made us, baby. It was an important part of our history, and I know I’ll always hold the memories of it in my heart because that’s where I hold you ~ I love you so much. Call me when you feel like talking.
* * *
Rainer blinked back tears. He was astonished that she knew what he was feeling from another country, from another continent. He shook his head, simply unable to look at the heap of charred metal any longer.
He turned his back on the remains of his car. Logan held up the keys to the Hummer, and Rainer extended his hand. He caught them as Logan let them go. Rainer knitted his brow. He didn’t fully understand how Logan had known to bring the Hummer to the airport.