by Jillian Neal
Impressed with the question, Rainer reminded himself that he’d just promised Vindico that he would help him as much as he was able, so he shot straight with him.
“Yes and no,” Rainer hemmed. He watched Vindico become impatient quickly as he awaited the rest of the answer. “Some of it depends on how safe you made her feel when you were together.”
Deep concern etched Vindico’s chiseled face.
“Receivers are so open, and feel things so deeply, that they sort of develop their own kind of emotional shield,” Rainer drew a deep breath and tried to decide the best way to explain this.
“Like you said, Em and I have been together forever, so she always feels safe with me. She’s never really held much back when we’re together like that. There was once when she felt like I’d really let her down, and when we made up I could tell she was guarded.” Rainer recalled their make-up sex after he’d been to The Tantra.
“So, if Fionna was afraid that you were going to do that and then bolt and never call again, or hurt her emotionally in any way at all, then she was probably guarded when you were together. She can take everything she feels from you, without allowing you to feel everything from her.”
“I guess, to answer your question, Fionna feels safe with Emily because she knows Emily isn’t going to hurt her. She trusts Em. Receivers need to feel that.”
He debated momentarily, but then he continued. “Or she may have laid it all out for you when you were together, and now she’s terrified you’re going to hurt her, so she’s clinging to Emily. She’s going back to a place she feels safe.”
Rainer suddenly missed Emily terribly, and sincerely wished he hadn’t been such a jerk. Regret swirled violently in his stomach. Shock was the predominant expression on Vindico’s face; it seemed to permeate his entire being.
As his dejection built, Rainer decided to go ahead with the rest of what he considered necessary information if you were going to be with a Receiver.
“There’s a reason that Ioses Predilects and Auxiliary Predilects tend to do so well together. She needs you to protect her and make her feel safe, and you need her to soften you up. She’ll make you feel and use your heart, not just your head. Being inside one of our shields is the only way a Receiver is ever truly calm. We’re the only ones who can block out the emotions from everyone around them, and she’ll make you a better person if you’ll let her.”
“So, the reason she acts like she’d rather spend time with Emily than with me is because she doesn’t feel safe with me?” Vindico’s voice sounded distant and pained.
Rainer tried to soften the blow.
“Maybe it’s not quite that harsh,” he redacted. “It’s just that she knows Emily better than you, and it’s probably going to take her a little while to really trust you the way she trusts Em, or Chloe, or even Garrett.”
“She feels safer with Garrett Haydenshire than she does with me?” Vindico sounded devastated.
Logan looked concerned over Vindico’s reaction as he chuckled
“Well, she is like one of maybe five girls in the greater D.C. area who hasn’t slept with my brother, and she and Garrett have been really good friends for a long time,” Logan’s explanation did elicit a small smile from Vindico.
“You’re just going to have to prove yourself. You just said you wanted to make this work, so do it. Prove to her that you’re not going to walk away this time. I mean, you do kind of have a reputation that really isn’t helping your cause,” Logan pointed out the cold, hard facts hesitantly.
“Yeah,” Vindico looked truly disturbed as he glanced back across the pool to his suite. With a slight headshake, he seemed to pull himself from his reverie. “Ok, so you’ll tell me if you think of something else I need to know.”
Rainer and Logan nodded their agreement.
After drawing a deep breath and setting everything he’d just learned from Rainer aside, Vindico settled in.
“All right, the thing about this being a topless beach, just stop. This isn’t as big a deal as you’re making it, and you’re driving them crazy,” Vindico gestured out the window to the girls. They had emerged from Fionna and Vindico’s suite and were sitting by the pool.
Emily’s eyes were red and puffy. Rainer felt the guilt increase; Logan rolled his eyes.
“First of all, not every guy on the beach is as interested in seeing theirs as you are,” Vindico assured.
Rainer rolled his eyes. He found that very hard to believe.
“Oh, so you do want to see Adeline and Fionna like that, then?” he effectively trapped Rainer.
“No,” he vowed incredulously.
Vindico laughed. “Well, I’d hold my judgment on seeing Fionna. Believe me, it’s a sight to behold.”
Rainer was lost in a sea of guilt, regret, and gall that Emily was going to parade around topless on a beach, and there was nothing he could do to stop her.
“Trust me, Lawson. Emily doesn’t do to everyone what she does to you. To me, she’ll always just be Will and Garrett’s annoying kid sister, and eventually one of my best officer’s wives, but nothing more.”
Rainer sighed.
“Thanks, but I just don’t get why she wants to do this so badly. You may not be looking at her, but other guys will.”
Logan nodded his agreement.
“Well, there are several reasons actually, if I may?” Vindico offered.
Spite-filled indignation had Rainer throwing his arms out and deciding that he’d love to hear this.
Vindico seemed lost momentarily between chewing Rainer out for his disrespect and genuinely trying to help him. He glanced back towards Fionna, who was sitting right beside Emily at the pool. Their feet were languidly moving through the water.
Determination pulsed in Vindico’s shield. It was so potent, in that moment, that Rainer and Logan could both feel it.
“She wants to do this because she’s twenty years old, and this is new, and exciting, and just a little bit bad, in her mind. She wants to rebel, and not to throw your own words back in your face, but you need to listen to your own advice, Lawson, because it really is good.”
Rainer furrowed his brow as Vindico continued.
“She feels safe with you, and if you’ll get over this, and go out there with her, you can let her rebel a little and keep her safe. That’s what she really wants. She wants her shield,” Vindico explained. Then a goading grin formed on his chiseled features.
“I’m willing to bet, thus far, that you’ve enjoyed Miss Haydenshire’s rebellious side. As I recall, the story is that she dared you to kiss her. Then there was the sex, and the belly shot, and I overheard our new Crown lamenting a decent sized tat of your crest on her hip. Throwing all of that in her father’s face was fine, but this isn’t, because now you feel like you have to share her in her rebellious state, instead of being the one on the receiving end of it.”
Rainer couldn’t argue any of these points, which only served to irritate him further.
“I just don’t want her to do this,” he finally huffed. Logan was still nodding.
“And Adeline’s never done any of that stuff Em’s done. Why does she want to go out there and let everyone see that?”
“Well, you just answered your own question, now didn’t you?” This seemed to thoroughly confuse Logan.
“She’s never done anything rebellious, and now she has your ring on her finger and it seems like just maybe you’ve finally convinced her that she’s worth something.
She feels safe and content, and not to sound like an asshole, but I really think they both want you two to see them like that. Like I said, it feels just a little bit bad to them.
Women need to know that they drive you wild, but whether you’re happy about it or not, here’s the deal guys; this is a losing battle. You need to stop trying to fight it and go along with it. You might even enjoy it, if you gave it a chance.
Take it from me, ten years your senior and with vastly more experience with women.” He chuckled, “You
won’t stop them, and, if you keep acting like this, you’re just going to push them harder. You might just push them farther than even they want to go.”
The harsh reality of Vindico’s warning mixed into the volatile cocktail of guilt and irritation already swirling in Rainer’s stomach.
“Yeah,” Rainer finally had to agree. “I know, and I’m sorry Em interrupted you two.”
“No, it’s fine. I really appreciate everything you told me. It was worth it. I want to figure out how to make this work.”
“Do you really think it’s dangerous for you to date Fionna?” Logan broached. “Do you really think he’d try something like that again?” He swallowed harshly as he seemed to understand what he was asking.
Vindico narrowed his eyes. His jaw gave a fierce clench as he glared hatefully.
“I’m not really sure, Haydenshire, but I’m sure as hell not gonna take any chances.”
“Yeah, ok, I know,” Logan tried to cover his gaffe.
With a quick glance at his watch, Vindico sighed.
“I can’t figure out what hell time it is, but I’m starving.” He stared out at the girls once again and then offered, “You wanna go get whatever meal it is, and then I think Fionna wants to go shopping. That would keep them off the beach for a while.”
Rainer and Logan were appreciative of the fact that, even though Vindico was correct they couldn’t stop Adeline or Emily from sunbathing topless, it was still an appealing idea to delay it.
46
Prayers and Confessions
~Dan Vindico~
Dan was stunned and reeling from the fact that Fionna felt safer and closer to Garrett Haydenshire, who may have been one of Dan’s longest and closest friends, but was still a dog when it came to women.
His dogged determination took over a second later as he gazed at Fionna sitting sweetly on the side of the pool beside Emily. She was trying to make her friend feel better about the fight with her fiancée.
He would make her trust him. He would make her feel safe and secure with him, if it was the last thing he did. He had one week to convince her to date him in secret. He had just a few short days to convince her that he was worth all of the shit that would come with that.
If you can just somehow make her fall for me, I swear I’ll catch her. It was the first breath of a prayer that Dan had uttered in years that he actually believed was heard and just might be answered. He tied more to the negotiations than he should; he knew. Just maybe I can do this if you could just help me keep her safe, please.
His standard speech that he’d rattled off the night before, standing in her living room, seared through his mind and he felt sick.
How could he have stood there and lied to her, and then carried her upstairs and been with her? He had a great deal to make up for. The realization of that, coupled with everything he’d just learned about Receivers, made him feel nauseated and dizzy.
The fact that Fionna might have been holding some of herself back when she’d been with him was more than he could fathom.
How could there somehow be more of that heavenly feeling? How could her body contain more light? It just didn’t seem possible. He couldn’t even fathom that anything could have felt as amazing as being with her and penetrating the heart of her. The fact that there could be more that she’d kept from him made his determination all the more focused.
Suddenly, nothing mattered more to him than peeling back the layers of Fionna Styler, learning her inside and out, until he’d experienced all of her. After quickly pushing away his ponderings about whether or not that would mean that Fionna would experience all of him, he moved to her.
Dan squatted down beside her as she grinned up at him sweetly. She squinted in the noonday sun that had her body glowing with warmth and tender care.
“So,” he brushed an errant hair, blown by the breeze coming off of the ocean, behind her ear and moved slightly so he blocked the sun from her face. “We were thinking that you all might be hungry. I’m pretty sure they have some groveling to do, so how about after that, we all go to lunch, and then I do seem to recall promising to take you shopping, Miss Styler.” Dan felt his own genuine smile form on his features as Fionna beamed broadly up at him.
Emily shot Rainer a look that said he was going to have to do some big talking before she would let him off the hook, and Rainer looked up to the task. Fionna seemed pleased that he was going to apologize.
“Well, normally I would never turn down an opportunity to shop,” she informed him. After sharing his adoring grin with her, Dan nodded. He was thankful for every piece of information he could glean about her, “but we were thinking maybe we could get some lunch and then go swimming.” She gestured to the pool.
“I actually ordered lunch before you got mad and came to find Emily,” Logan admitted to Adeline.
“She wouldn’t have gotten mad if you hadn’t acted like a prick,” Emily spat as Dan choked back laughter, and Fionna giggled.
“Thanks, Em. How would you like to go swimming now?” Logan huffed his threat and glared at his little sister.
“Logan,” Rainer shook his head and narrowed his eyes.
“Ah, siblings,” Dan joked to try to smooth over the comment. He was growing very irritated with Lawson and Haydenshire’s childish antics and arguments.
He had one week, and he planned to use each and every moment of it to win Fionna Styler.
Fionna patted Emily’s hand sweetly. Dan watched her soothing Receiver’s cast work through Emily’s pale skin. Jealousy seized his soul.
“Would you please come back to our suite and eat with me? I will try to apologize for being concerned about your safety and your modesty,” Logan just couldn’t quite let it go.
Emily rolled her eyes as Adeline stood. She gave Logan a frustrated sigh.
“I will come back and eat with you, and then I will tell you why that was not, at all, an apology. Then I will hang out with you, because I still love you even though you are really being what Emily just called you,” Adeline informed Logan. Everyone laughed as the tension eased.
A few minutes later, Dan followed Fionna back into their suite. He resealed the glass doors that led to the pool.
“So, what’s your favorite kind of food?” He was one hell of a detective. He could attempt to learn about her and figure out where to take her for lunch all at the same time.
By the end of the week, he wanted to know everything about her. If he could just tap into a few of her dreams and fantasies, if he could somehow get her to share herself with him, maybe he could figure out how to be with her without getting her hurt.
She considered for a few seconds.
“To cook or to eat?”
In all of the many years that he’d interrogated criminals and witnesses alike, Dan knew a thing or two about interpreting people’s responses. Answering a question with a genuine question meant that she was not only thoughtful, but that there was a great deal to be found out about Fionna Styler.
“Either,” he allowed. Dan found himself unable to take his eyes off of her. She seemed genuinely pleased that he wanted to know more about her. She shrugged.
“I don’t know. I love to cook, and I kind of go through phases. I just recently ended my Italian cooking phase when I gained eight pounds.” Color rose in her beautiful cheeks.
He shook his head. “You are stunningly gorgeous, baby.” He was doing this. He was going all in. “If you gained any weight at all, then it was in all the right places.”
Dan watched her blush violently. The color that had risen in her cheeks a moment before glowed enticingly. The effect simultaneously drove him wild, and told him that not only did she not think she was attractive, but also that she wasn’t complimented that often.
He found that hard to believe as he continued to study her. She seemed to force herself to continue.
“As for eating, I kind of like to try new things and then see if I can figure out what’s in them. If I like them, I’ll try to recreate them
.” Her eyes lit with an enchanting sparkle as she talked about this practice, and a broad grin spreading across her face.
Dan planted a kiss on top of her head. He had three sisters. He knew there was more.
“Ok, so no absolute, favorite dish or that thing you go out and get when it’s the time of month that makes you want to eat whatever it is that you eat?” he chuckled at his own rambling question.
Fionna laughed at him outright.
“So, how did you get so smart Officer Vindico?” she drawled, and he felt his shorts constrict and tighten.
“Three sisters.” He held up three fingers. “But you didn’t answer my question.” She seemed hesitant to answer. “Come on, it can’t be that bad.” He needed her to relax and let him in, even just a little at a time.
“Ok, I’ll tell you, but then you have to tell me something about you,” she negotiated. Dan held up his hands in mock defeat.
“Deal.”
After wrinkling her nose adorably, she drew a deep breath. “Ok, I don’t do this every, every month, but occasionally I really want a deep dish, meat lover’s pizza, and some Ben and Jerry’s Karamel Sutra ice cream, and maybe an entire bag of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts that my grandmother sends me.”
She covered her face with her hands, and looked like she was afraid he was going to suddenly become disgusted with her and demand that she leave.
Dan forced out a chuckle, though he was deeply concerned over her reaction. He moved to sit beside her on the couch.
“See? That wasn’t so bad, and the great thing about that is that, other than the macadamia nuts, which it sounds like your grandmother has the market on, those are things I can pick up for you and bring over if you’re in the mood for them.”
He was playing his hand extremely carefully. He wanted her to know that he had no intention of going anywhere, even if she was cranky, irritable, bloated, and all of the other things he was well aware could come with being female.
Stunned disbelief broadcast from her features.