by Donna Dillon
I drove for hours. I never found her. I found out later that she was home safe, but was sick from being out in the cold all that time. Frankly, I was surprised she didn't die from exposure, it was that cold.
Cinda came back to school a week later. Pale, quiet, defeated. I had hoped that the bullying between the girls was over. But, now that I was aware of what to watch for, I saw more than I ever wanted.
Chapter Sixteen
Charlie
Cinda's dad and sisters took off to find her....Bobby and his dad were looking...Mr. Anderson was looking, and still, we couldn't find her. It had been hours. Cinda's mom stood at the window watching, praying. I was afraid she'd run away and we'd never find her, when, suddenly, she appeared.
She was nearly frozen to death, there were icicles in her hair and her lips were blue. Cinda's mom wanted to call an ambulance but Cinda refused. We covered her up with warm blankets and Cinda's mom took her upstairs to get out of her wet clothes.
She never mentioned the dance. She hardly spoke at all, but her teeth chattered like one of those wind up joke teeth. I made some hot chocolate for her and when her mom got her dried off and into bed, I brought it up to her. She was sleeping by the time I made it upstairs, but I wasn't about to leave her. Not that night.
I sat by her bed and held her hand. It was like holding an actual block of ice. Her mom had put heavy socks on her feet and an electric blanket on her and she was still cold to the touch. Without thinking, I climbed into bed and slept next to her. She was my friend, and she needed me.
A horrible sound woke me in the morning. At first I thought it was a dog barking, but then I realized that sound was coming from Cinda. I jumped out of bed and ran to get her mom...Cinda was sick.
They wouldn't let me go to the hospital with her, and I cried when the ambulance took her away. My mom came to get me and I cried all the way home. I cried until her Cinda's mom called to tell me she was going to be all right. She had pneumonia, and would have to stay in the hospital a few days, but she was going to be fine.
Cinda was going to be fine. I heard the words, but I wasn't so sure.
Chapter Seventeen
Mrs. Carter
Angry? You're damn right I'm angry. My daughter spent 3 days in the hospital for what the principal calls a “mean prank”. Those girls at that school got less time in detention. Principal Martin said his hands were tied, although he found their actions despicable, since they didn't physically hurt my daughter, detention was all he could do. Oh, and each girl had to write a note of apology....six equally insincere letters that even Cinda had a laugh at.
Three days in the hospital and five days recovery and Cinda went back to school. I cannot stress how much I did not want her to go back there. She was weak, frail almost, but Monday morning she was up and out the door. I gave Charlie strict instructions that she was to call me if anything happened.
Charlie. That girl is something else. Cinda is extraordinarily lucky to have a friend like Charlie. The night of the ball when Cinda was so cold, I went in to check on her. I thought Charlie had gone home, but there she was, cuddled next to Cinda, protecting her, even in her sleep. Charlie's body heat did more for Cinda than a hundred electric blankets I'm sure. My husband said that Cinda was warmed with love...and I just about believe that very thing.
Charlie came each day after school. Brought Cinda her homework and basically just sat with her. Cinda still was very quiet, hardly talking at all, but that didn't stop Charlie, she talked enough for the both of them. Bobby came by a few times, but Cinda didn't want to see anyone but Charlie. I felt a little sorry for Bobby. He told us what had happened between them and he seemed genuinely sorry for his actions. I told him to give her a little time and then apologize to her himself.
So I tried one last time to talk her out of going to school…can you imagine, a mom trying to talk her child out of going to school? But, she wouldn't hear of it, she's always been the one who loves to learn, and nothing was going to stop her. That first day back was the longest day of my life....
Chapter Eighteen
Ellen Cavanaugh
When I got to the ball and I saw what those girls had done, I was absolutely furious. I knew exactly who had been behind it all. Hundred and hundreds of those awful pictures. These girls ruined their first formal dance simply to make one girl miserable. Well I was not about to let them get away with it. I explained what was happening to Mark, who was absolutely clueless as to what was going on and set him to work taking those horrible pictures down. And then I went to find Lisa.
I found Lisa, hiding behind her mother. The two of them, looking like mass produced Barbie dolls, had the same smug smile when I approached them. I couldn't believe that Mrs. Kellen would have the nerve to chaperone a dance where her daughter had pulled such a stunt. She obviously knew all about it, and saw nothing wrong with what her daughter was doing. I wanted to wring her lightly scented, surgically altered pretty little neck.
The louder I got, the less she listened. The only time her cool reserve even cracked a little is when I mentioned filing criminal charges against her for allowing this to happen. I wasn't quite sure if this would be considered harassment or not, but I was sure that Mrs. Kellen wasn't going to call my bluff.
“You are being ridiculous” she said, sweetly, “I have done nothing wrong.”
“Nothing wrong??? You call this nothing wrong?” I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She stood by and watched her daughter and her friends completely humiliate a fellow student and did nothing. And if Lisa thinks it's okay with her mother...why should she stop?
Of course, Cinda was devastated. I'm sure she expected something to happen at the dance, but nothing like this. Poor thing wandered around in the cold for hours, probably trying to get some kind of handle on it. She caught herself a pretty good case of pneumonia I hear. What did those girls get? Two days of detention. Two days. And if Lisa Kellen didn't sweet talk her way out of at least one of those detentions…I will resign right now.
So, you would think, since these girls had made their point, that all this would stop. Well, guess what? It didn't stop. It didn't until it was too late. I couldn't stop it. Charlie couldn't stop it. Cinda sure as hell couldn't stop it. The only one who could stop it, as far as I'm concerned, was Lisa. But why would she stop playing a game that was so easy for her to win?
Chapter Nineteen
Charlie
Cinda walked back into the school like nothing ever happened. To tell you the truth, you wouldn't have been able to drag me back inside, and I consider myself pretty tough. I saw the piece of white paper stuck to her locker before she did and I grabbed it. I didn't know what it was but I was pretty sure it wasn't a get-well soon card. I wasn't near fast enough, and Cinda wouldn't let me get away with that.
I held my breath as she slowly opened the paper. For the first time in weeks I saw the slightest hint of a smile on her face as she read it. Then she handed it to me and headed for class. It was a test paper. Bobby's algebra test. On the top of the page was an A with a big red circle around it. Across the bottom in big red letters he wrote “Thank You Cinda”. What do you know about that? That had to make her feel good, even for just a minute, because that was about as long as it lasted.
Some kids were glad to see Cinda back. Lisa was not. In fact, she took it as a personal insult that Cinda dared to return. There seemed to be an unlimited supply of those terrible pictures they hung up at the dance. They were everywhere. In Cinda's locker, in the girl's bathroom, even at the table we sat at in the snake pit. Cinda put up with all of it. The constant stares, the laughing, the food in her hair, the cheap shots in the gym. The name-calling.
It was getting so bad that I didn't even want to go to school. I didn't want to be witness to her humiliation and wouldn't you know it, I came down with appendicitis. The doctor said that after surgery I would be out of school for at least two weeks. What was Cinda going to do without me for two whole weeks? It wasn't fair. I guess it wouldn't
have made much difference, nobody listened to me anyway.
Chapter Twenty
Principal Martin
I realize now that there were things going on in my school that I was just not aware of. I did not take the complaints that were brought to my attention seriously, and for that I take complete responsibility. The school board has asked for my resignation. They believe that I am no longer capable of doing my job effectively.
You have to understand, Detective, that I did not, personally, see or hear anything that those girls did to Cinda. But, to be perfectly honest with you, I only spoke to Cinda one time. It was her first day, that disastrous first day, when I sent her home early. The fact of the matter is, God forgive me for saying this, the girl made me uncomfortable.
Believe me, Detective, I know how it sounds. A grown man intimidated by a little girl. But I didn't feel intimidated necessarily, it was more like I didn't know how to relate to her. The sight of her made me think things...terrible things. Well, like, if this had happened to one of my own children, would I still love them the same way? Ridiculous, I know, but that's what was going through my mind.
And then there's Lisa. I have known Lisa literally since the day she was born. Her father and I grew up in this town. Lisa is a girl any man would be proud to call his daughter. That's what I thought. I couldn't believe this sweet, beautiful girl would be capable of these terrible things. Part of me still doesn't want to believe it, wants to find some kind of reasonable explanation for this...but there just isn't one, is there?
The bottom line is, I failed to protect Cinda. It was my duty as principal of that school to protect each and every student and I failed miserably. So, of course, I will tender my resignation, but that will do very little to put right was has gone so terribly, terribly wrong. I will have to live with that fact for the rest of my life.
Chapter Twenty-One
Bobby
I can tell you exactly when it turned really bad. It was the day after Charlie had her appendix taken out. Cinda's last day of school. I remember she was running late that morning, said she was talking to Charlie at the hospital while she was getting ready for school and thought she was going to be late.
Cinda seemed okay as she opened the lock to her locker. Then she gave a little scream, dropped her books, and ran out the front doors. I was about to chase after her when I got to her locker and saw what she saw.
It was a dead rabbit, a hare. Someone had slit its throat and left it in Cinda's locker to bleed to death. No wonder the poor girl freaked out, I would've freaked out too. Everything in that locker was covered in that poor animal's blood. The hallway was totally quiet, nobody said a word. I know for a fact that you don't keep quiet about something this shocking, unless you know it's about to happen. I had a pretty good idea who was behind it. I'm sure you do, too.
Where did they get the hare? Come on, Detective. This is a farming community. Getting a hold of an animal like this wouldn't be a big deal for any of the kids that live on farms, and I can think of one or two off the top of my head that could slaughter one and not even lose their appetite for lunch.
I stood there for a minute, trying to get my head around it, you know. I heard someone come up behind me. I turned to see Lisa peeking around the locker door. She pretended to be surprised, but she's definitely not that good an actress.
“Ewwwww..” she said, “ I wonder who could have done such a thing to that poor, dumb animal.” Then she smiled at me. Then I lost it.
I'm sorry, Detective, I couldn't help myself. I grabbed hold of that bloody rabbit, pushed Lisa against the locker and I shoved that thing right in her face. She screamed and fought but I made sure she felt and tasted every bit of the horror she inflicted on poor Cinda.
Finally, I let her go, screaming and crying. It turns out Cinda's last day was my last day, too. I dropped the rabbit on the ground in front of the locker, and I left the building. I haven't been back since.
Funny thing is, Detective, the whole time I was doing that to Lisa, I kept waiting for someone to stop me. Nobody did. Not one of her so-called friends stepped up to help her. Everyone just pretended like they didn't see a thing. Isn't that incredible?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Charlie
I was shocked when Cinda showed up in my hospital room that day. I have been known to skip school a few times, but not Cinda, not ever. But there she was, with my favorite ice cream, some playing cards, and a few of my favorite teen magazines. Well the nurses confiscated the ice cream right away, but the rest of the day talking, laughing and trying really hard not to bust out my stitches.
She never told me about the rabbit in her locker, I found that out later. I'm glad I wasn't there to see that, but I sure wish I would've seen what happened after. I wanted to send Bobby flowers after I heard, and I hoped Lisa was picking rabbit guts and fur out of her teeth for a very long time.
Anyway, we spent the whole day together. We talked about all kinds of things. School, family, I even got her to talk about Bobby a little. She said she understood why he did what he did, and that he was sorry about it now. When I mentioned whether or not they would ever be friends, she got a weird look on her face. She said, “Well, if you see Bobby before I do, let him know that I am not mad at him anymore, and that I consider him a friend.”
I thought that was a little strange. Why on earth would I see Bobby before Cinda? I thought maybe she was thinking of finally leaving school for good. Who could blame her? But, I had no idea what she was really thinking. Before I could ask her about it, visiting hours were over and her mom was there to pick her up.
Before she left, though, she did something she had never done before. She grabbed my camera, climbed into bed with me, and had her mom take our picture. Cinda did not like getting her picture taken. She gave me a hug and said goodbye. “Goodbye.” Not “see ya”. Not “catch ya later”. Not even “see you tomorrow”. Just “Goodbye”.
How did I not see it coming? I was her best friend. I should have been able to stop it. I remember feeling very tired and I fell asleep. I don't remember anything else until I woke up later, nurses were running all over the place, and my mom and dad walked into my room. They were both crying.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mrs. Carter
All I can tell you is that I picked Cinda up from visiting Charlie in the hospital, we had a nice family dinner and Cinda went to bed. When I awoke to the sound of sirens, paramedics were all over my garage, and Cinda was not in her room.
I found her note, and I realized that she had been planning this for quite some time. She studied the whole thing on the internet, I believe she even practiced with the rope to get the rope exactly right. She wanted to make sure that none of her family found her that way, so she waited until we all went to sleep, went out to the garage, called 911 and hung herself.
Now, I ask you, Detective, does this sound normal, or rational to you? Is this the world we want to live in, where a 12 year old girl is made to feel so bad about herself by other 12 year old girls that she sees no way out but suicide?
People ask me all the time, “How are you?” What they really want to know is, “How can't you talk about this?” Like I'm going to forget. Talking about it is hard. Taking my daughter off of life support was hard. Donating my child's organs was hard. Burying my little girl was hard. But nothing is as hard as the realization that my 12 year old daughter was mentally tortured in a place where she should have felt safe; where people who were supposed to protect her, didn't. So, I will continue to talk, and talk, and talk, until every parent, every teacher and every student realizes just how dangerous bullying has become. I will not allow another child to be a victim.
The time for “kids will be kids” is over. Kids are capable of so much more. In her note, Cinda specifically asked that we donate as many of her organs as possible. She said she wanted to help as many people as she could so they could be normal. This is from the girl the other girls referred to as a monster. Does she sound like
a monster to you?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Cinda
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know this is going to be hard for you, but this is what I want. You know how I am, I never do things without thinking them through. This is a choice I am making for myself, I just feel I cannot live this life anymore. You have given me the best life, and I love you all so much and I truly believe we will see each other again someday.
I have planned this out so that hopefully when the paramedics find me, my brain will be dead and my body will still be alive. I want you to promise me that you will donate my organs so that people who need them will get a chance at a normal life. I realized a long time ago that this was not possible for me. Even if my plastic surgeon had a magic wand, I was never going to look normal. Thought of living the rest of my life with the stares and pointing and giggling is not something I want to consider. If I could give just one person a chance at a normal life, then my life will not be wasted.