by J. R. Tate
Michael was surprised. A few hours before they had come in his room and told him he was allowed to sleep. The shocking part was that he couldn’t. Tossing and turning, he stared up at the ceiling. Thankfully they had moved him to a more private room. The hallway sounds were still loud and that was part of the reason why he was wide-awake. He was also hurting. They had given him some minor painkillers instead of morphine. He didn’t argue. He was hopefully being discharged in the morning. The Demerol took the edge off of everything, but the dull aches were still enough to make him uncomfortable.
Reaching for his cell phone, he pressed the display button to see what time it was. It was three AM. Sighing, he pulled the blanket up around him. He never gave much thought to how many close calls he had. What would happen to Casey if he did die? He was in a lot of trouble and Michael was his only form of protection. Michael knew he had to start being more careful.
“Michael? Hey McGinnis, you gonna wake up today?”
Michael’s eyelids slowly fluttered open to a room full of people. Eva and Darryl were the first people he saw. His pulse quickened at the sight of Eva. So she did care. “What time is it?” He stretched out, glad to feel that his headache was nothing he couldn’t handle now.
“It’s a little after nine. You need to get dressed. They’re releasing you.” Darryl threw a pair of his pants on the bed. “That is, unless you wanna stay. That night nurse of yours would be a good reason to stay.” He arched his eyebrow and winked.
Looking over at Eva, Michael forced a small smile. Despite what they had shared, he felt exposed in his hospital gown and went into the bathroom. His reflection caught him off guard. No one had told him about his black eye and busted lip. He must have fallen on his face. It definitely looked worse than he felt.
It felt good to get back in his own clothes, even if it was just a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt. At least he didn’t feel like his entire backside was revealed to the whole world. He rubbed his fingers over the bruising on the back of his hand where the IV needle had been inserted. It was sore to the touch. Sighing, he cupped some warm water in his hand and soaked his face. It was revitalizing. He couldn’t wait to get into his own shower. He felt grimy and disgusting.
After signing his paperwork and getting home care instructions, Michael was released. Thankfully one of the guys on the department had a vehicle and was nice enough to drive him back home. Darryl was along for the ride and Michael was glad. He didn’t feel bad, but it was nice to have friends who cared.
He had never been so happy to see his apartment. He was only gone for a couple of days, but it still had that smell that houses got when no one had been in and out.
“Where do you wanna put this duffel bag?” Darryl held it out.
“Just over by the washing machine. I’ll get to that later.” He paused and sat down in his recliner, taking in a deep sigh. “The doc isn’t releasing me to go back to work for a week, so I guess I’ll have plenty of time to do the laundry and take care of it.”
Darryl smirked. “He suggested the week to rest, bud. Take it easy for once.” He sat down on the couch and stared down at the floor, the silence growing awkward. “I’m truly glad you’re okay, Mikey. Your guardian angel was definitely with you.”
Michael held his hand up, hoping to stop Darryl before he said anything else. He generally didn’t like discussing close calls. “It’s all done with and I’m fine. Hell doesn’t even want me. You should know this by now.” He laughed and his heart skipped a beat when he heard a knock on his door. Darryl got up to answer and he couldn’t help but lean forward to see who it was.
“Is Mikey up for a talk?”
He instantly recognized the voice. It was Eva. What did she want? His eyes scanned the apartment to make sure it was at least decent. It had a lived in look, but wasn’t too embarrassing. Sitting up, he raked his hands through his hair. He was up for visitors, just not her when he had no idea what she was up to.
Darryl allowed her to come in. “I think I’m gonna head out for a little bit. Call me if you need anything, Mike.” He grabbed his coat and left, leaving Michael alone with Eva.
The tension was thick as she walked across his living room. Just by her body language he could tell she had a lot on her mind. She wasn’t just here to make sure he was okay. She was here for other reasons. Clearing his throat, he motioned her to the couch. “Have a seat.” She sat down, but still didn’t say anything. “What’s up?”
“How are you doing?” Her voice was low.
“Good, considering. I guess what I really meant was what are you doing here?” His question came out harsher than intended. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful.
She couldn’t sit still. Her leg bounced up and down and her brow was creased with worry. “I really don’t know how to say this a right way, so I’m just gonna be blunt. I will totally understand if you don’t agree. It just needs to be aired out.”
“Well say it then.” The anticipation was killing him.
She swallowed and continued. “This accident has got me thinking. It is ignorant of me to not give us a chance based solely because you’re a firefighter. It was like I was saying that your fate is set in stone and you will die young.” She paused and wiped a stray tear from under her eye. “We could be missing out on something so awesome. Who am I to not allow something that is meant to be from happening?”
Michael stared at her for a second, unsure of how to respond. Was she saying that she did want a relationship now? Was this another one of those mind games women loved to play? With each woman who came along in his life, the complexity grew immensely. He felt like he was on a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. He would look so vulnerable if he just took her back. He had to think about himself too. Would she be one of those women who broke up with him a hundred times, begging for him back each time? He did like her a lot and she did make a good point. He just didn’t want to look that easy and he was still upset over what had happened.
“Say something, Mikey.” More tears flowed down her cheeks, each one leaving a small trail of mascara. So bad did he want to wipe them away and make her feel better, but his pride got in the way. He couldn’t expose himself like that.
“You can’t do this to people.” In all honesty, he didn’t know what to say after that. He wanted her. He knew it was the right thing. He just couldn’t find it in himself to take her back at that moment. He felt like a hypocrite. Here she was playing games with him and he was doing it back.
More tears fell. It hurt him to see her cry like that. “I know. I should’ve never turned you away. I don’t know why I did. I’m truly sorry. I understand if you’re done with me. I just needed you to know how I feel. I had to get it off my chest.”
Michael bit his bottom lip and stared at Eva. He wasn’t angry, just confused. His heart was telling him something completely opposite from his mind. “It wouldn’t be right if you had to sit and worry all the time about me and my job. You told me your concerns. It’s obvious that is on your mind. You don’t want to put yourself through that.”
Eva shook her head no. “Your accident got me thinking. Like I said, it made me realize that if I never gave it a chance we’d be missing out on so much. Being happy with you is worth every ounce of worry either of us would ever feel toward each other. I hope you understand. I feel like I’m not making any sense.”
“I know what you’re saying. And I hope you understand that I’m gonna need time to think about this.”
She stood up and grabbed her purse, wiping her nose with a tissue. “I’ll be patient. I’m sorry to burden you like this after what you’ve been through the past few days.” She didn’t give him time to respond and left, shutting the door quietly behind her.
Chapter Nine
A week off from work was usually a blessing for most people, but to Michael it was complete torture. He was feeling good considering what he had been through. Being idle for that long made him feel restless. He was the type that had to be doing something to not be str
essed out. Reaching for his phone, he dialed his mom’s number. He had vowed to stay in touch with her and now was as good a time as ever to talk to her.
The line rang a few times. “Hello?”
Clearing his throat, he felt his heart skip a beat. “Mom? It’s Michael. How are you?”
“Hey Michael. I’m doing good, how are you?”
Michael suddenly felt guilty for not calling her before now about the accident. “Bored. I fell at work a few days ago and am being forced to stay home for a week. Doctor’s orders.”
“You fell? Are you okay now?”
He leaned his head back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Despite a few minor headaches here and there, he knew he could be back at work that day. “I’m fine. Fell a few stories. Had a concussion and spent the night in the hospital. Things are good now.”
There was silence on the other end and it made him feel bad. “Mikey, do you need any help or anything? I can come by and do some stuff.”
“No, Ma, I’m great. Thanks for the offer though.” It was on the tip of his tongue to talk about Casey. He was sure that if she knew anything, she’d mention it to him. It had been well over a week since he had heard from him. That was the longest time he had gone without speaking to him, aside from a few years ago when he was gone for well over a month.
It felt good to chat with his mother. They stayed on the phone for around fifteen minutes. After hanging up with her, he was in a slightly better mood. Looking out the window, he thought about Eva. He was glad he didn’t seem to be the only confused one in their situation. Michael knew her intentions were not to lead him on. He truly understood her point of view on the issue. He had dated other women who had the same concerns she brought up. What he hated was the fact that he always lost good women because of his job. Now Eva wanted him back and he was hesitating. For one, he didn’t want to seem that easy. Mainly though, he didn’t want to be the one responsible for putting her through the worry she had talked about.
There were also rumors around the firehouse that she had an ex boyfriend who had started coming around again. Michael didn’t know much about the man, just that they had been together for a few years before splitting up. It was understood that an engagement had happened, but was quickly called off for reasons he never heard. He didn’t want to step in the middle of that either. The last thing he wanted to do was complicate things even more for her. At the same time, he wanted to just go to her and profess his true feelings. He didn’t want to give this other guy a chance. What if it was too late and she had decided to take that guy back? He had to stop playing games.
There was so much on his mind. He couldn’t sit still. Getting back to work couldn’t come soon enough.
Michael’s phone rang around two AM, jolting him out of a deep sleep. Fumbling for it on the nightstand, he had to gain his composure. He couldn’t even tell who was calling, but went ahead and answered.
“Hello?”
“Mikey!”
At first he didn’t recognize the voice. “Who the hell is this?”
“It’s Casey.”
Michael’s eyes shot open and he sat up. “Casey! Where are you?”
“I’m still in Manhattan. Sorry I’m calling so late, I just…” He trailed off. Michael could hear some loud music in the background along with a lot of conversation. “I just wanted to make sure things were okay with you.”
Michael was relieved to hear from him, but at the same time his concern went up three levels. Two AM with lots of background noise meant he was probably at a bar or get together. That was never good for an addict. “Don’t worry about me. Are you using again?”
Casey scoffed. “No, I’m not. I wanted to tell you that if you come into contact with that Viper guy again, just get away from him. He’s bad news and I’m sorry for getting you into this. I’ll take care of it. Just close your door to him. Ignore him.” There was a lot of laughter and Casey began talking to someone.
“Casey, what the hell is going on?”
“I’m sorry Mikey, I gotta go.”
Before Michael could say anything else he heard a dial tone. He slammed his phone down on the nightstand, shattering it in three pieces. “Damn it.” At least he knew Casey was alive. That was about the only positive thing he got from the phone call.
Sleep was going to be impossible. He had stashed away a small bottle of whiskey in the bottom drawer of his dresser, and quickly grabbed it, finishing what was left in it. His body sank to the floor. He leaned against the wood of the dresser and stared off into the darkness. He couldn’t let this low life bookie get the best of him and Casey. He wouldn’t allow it. He could only hope it wouldn’t drive him crazy in the process.
“Mikey McGinnis, I never thought I’d say that I’m happy to see your pretty boy face back around here.” Darryl’s comment pulled Michael out of a daze. Thankfully the doctor was letting him go back to work a few days earlier than originally planned. He was going crazy around the apartment and the concussion was now a memory. “I’m just kidding buddy. I missed ya.”
Michael stopped outside the curb, smirking at him. “Well I never thought I’d say that I missed you too.” His attention was quickly pulled away when he saw Eva near the ambulance, a guy he didn’t recognize talking with her. Michael couldn’t help but feel instant jealousy, despite the fact that Eva wasn’t his.
“I’m gonna go inside, get the coffee started. I mean it Mikey, I’m really glad you’re back.”
Michael vaguely heard what he said. He tried to edge toward the garage to not make it obvious that he was watching. The past few days he had been thinking a lot about Eva and how she was willing to give the relationship a try, and now he seemed to be walking into crossfire. It was evident by the guy’s body language that he was very interested in her. Fumbling with his turnouts, he readjusted them on his hook while keeping one eye on them. He felt dirty for spying, but felt he had the right to. Why would she lead him on again? He couldn’t make out what they were saying. Was this guy a comedian? Whatever he was talking about sure had Eva laughing. The strangers arm then wrapped around Eva and Michael felt anger boil through him. He couldn’t stand to see it anymore and quickly hung his gear up and walked upstairs. What a first day back.
He grabbed his newspaper and forced a smile as many of his fellow firefighters offered him their welcome backs and glad you’re okay’s before burying himself in the headlines. Despite the fact that the coffee always sucked, he was glad to have it again.
“Hey Mikey. Good to see you again.” His heart jolted when he saw Eva standing at the top of the stairs. She was pulling her hair back in a ponytail. “You glad to be back?”
For a split second, Michael wasn’t sure how to respond. He couldn’t very well respond and let her know he was eavesdropping. He wasn’t the bad guy in this situation. “Yep.”
She nodded. “Good. I don’t take you as the type to want to sit around the house for too long.” She sat down beside him and grabbed the sports section from the pile. “How’d the Mets do last night?”
Michael couldn’t concentrate and was finding himself reading the same sentence two and three times before comprehending it. “They won in eleven innings. Played the Cubs. Don’t wrinkle my paper, I haven’t read that section yet.” He made eye contact with her. Even though he was angry and hurt, he still couldn’t find it in him to be mean. There was still that yearning. He wanted to be with her and he cared for her. “Sorry, I’m kinda particular about my paper.”
Eva folded it up and put it back on the pile, arching her eyebrow. “So I’ve heard. You sure you’re okay?” Her fingertips trailed over his forearm. It was almost like sparks were flying from her skin. Just her touch felt electrifying.
“Just fine.” He sipped on the rest of his coffee and scooted the mug across the table.
She moved closer. Her perfume was subtle, but enough for Michael to notice. It smelled like morning glories, igniting his memory of summers out on Staten Island when his family would take
a weekend out there. “Listen, Mikey. I meant what I said the other night about wanting to give us a shot.”
Michael had never been so confused in his life. Wasn’t she just outside, being flirtatious with some other guy? She didn’t seem like the player type. He still didn’t want her to know that he saw them together. “I know. I still have some things to think about. Some personal issues.”
Eva bit her bottom lip. “I understand.” She stood up and adjusted her uniform. “I guess I better get on the ambulance. You have a good day and be careful.”
He shook his head, but didn’t say anything as he watched her leave. His pride was still getting in the way. What if she was playing the field and keeping her options open? He didn’t want to be the idiot left high and dry after she chose the other guy. But then again, if he kept dragging his feet, she might give up and move on. Things were getting too complicated, in every aspect of his life.
Michael was glad he only had to work a twelve-hour shift. It was a slow call day, with just a few car wrecks and one minor fire. The evening air was cool and refreshing. He took his walk home slowly, taking in the city. The exhaust from the traffic stung his nostrils. There were heavy scents of different foods from the restaurants and bodega’s, making his stomach growl. He stopped off at a corner shop and grabbed a meatball hero and some fries. It would be the first real meal he would have all day.
When he got to his block, he slowed his pace even more. He took the time to observe the crowd. There was a remote possibility that Casey could be in with the crowd. Laughing to himself, he couldn’t help but think about how lucky that would be.
Michael unlocked the front door on the stoop and walked to the elevators, the fragrance coming from his food bag making his saliva glands kick into overdrive. Walking down his hallway, he saw someone standing by his door. Stomach sinking, he tried to pretend he was just imagining Viper standing there waiting.