I forced a smile. There wasn’t any point in telling her that the maddening rules of her world would prevent me from ever doing that. She sighed, recognizing that my smile wasn’t genuine.
‘Keep the faith, Charlie. It will happen. I promise.’
She gave my hand a squeeze, at least as much as she was capable of with her small, slender fingers, and led me into her apartment. She stopped, tilting her lovely head slightly to one side. ‘Mozart’s Piano Concerto Number Twenty-Four. I confess, I’m a bit of a classical music junkie, and this is one of my favorite pieces. I find it so soothing and meditative.’
I knew Jill was talking about the music. I had read about Mozart in one of the clan’s books long before the elders chose me to replace Jedidiah, and knew that he composed music during the eighteenth century. At the time I couldn’t quite grasp the concept of what music was, although I reckoned it was organizing an assemblage of sounds that was similar to what the birds sang. After I started entering their world, early on, while the van’s radio was still functional, I used to hear music playing over it that mostly involved voices, usually screeching or yelling or uttering unintelligible words. I found much of this music little more than jangling noise, but at least hearing it allowed me to understand what I had read about and to realize how wrong I had been thinking it might sound like a chorus of birds. This concerto from Mozart was different from that other music. There were no voices disturbing it, and I found the sounds of the instruments clean and pleasing – as well as soothing, as Jill had mentioned. I told Jill that I liked this Mozart music, and she seemed pleased.
It took only six steps to pass through the small hallway and enter the living room. Letting go of my hand, Jill pointed out the carrots, onions, mushrooms, green pepper, and squash piled up on the kitchen counter.
‘I was just about to start cutting up vegetables for a stir-fry I’m making us for dinner. Why don’t you relax and enjoy Mozart in the meantime?’
I shook my head. While I wasn’t sure there’d be enough room for the two of us to work in her kitchen, I told her that I’d help her chop up the vegetables.
‘Certainly not. I’m guessing you walked all over Queens in search of employment. You look beat.’
I didn’t tell her that most of my hiking had been in Brooklyn. Nor that, although I took the opportunity to inquire about work at ten construction sites or so, I had had a very different purpose for trekking about that area. But Jill was right, I did feel tired. It was partly because the only sleep I’d had since leaving my clan early on Saturday morning was roughly two hours, when I’d dozed off by the lake, and partly because I found it far more tiring walking among them and interacting with them than being engaged in solitary labor.
‘I’ll wash the dishes after dinner,’ I insisted. ‘After all, it’s going to be my new profession.’
‘I won’t fight you on that,’ Jill said, smiling thinly. Her smile soon grew into a wide grin. ‘Charlie, I’ve been sitting on some good news, and I’ve been trying to decide whether to tell you now or over dinner. How about over dinner?’
‘Sure. That would be fine.’ I had no idea what kind of news she could have for me, but I didn’t pester her about it. Jill left me to start scraping the skin off the carrots, which seemed wasteful, but I kept that to myself. I took a step toward the couch that I had become very familiar with, but had a change of heart and instead turned and headed for the door. I told Jill there was something I needed to do, and that I would be returning soon. She gave me a questioning look, but simply nodded.
I remembered seeing a market not far from Jill’s building, and walked quickly to it. I needed to keep some food of my own at Jill’s apartment, but I had another purpose in mind too.
I picked out an assortment of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds, some of which I was familiar with and others that I’d be trying for the first time. I was amazed to find a whole section of the market dedicated to vegan food, and chose a number of items from it. I was further amazed to come across milk made entirely of nuts, and selected a carton of that also. I picked out a few other items, including a bar of dark chocolate made with espresso beans, and a bouquet of daisies. (Daisies grew wild around my clan’s homestead, but I was aware of many other types of flowers too from a botany manual published in the nineteenth century that was part of my clan’s collection.)
The cashier didn’t bother to look at me as I brought these items to her to tally. She moved at a slow and uninterested pace, and when I told her that I had wanted to buy wine at the market but couldn’t find any, she at first acted as if she didn’t hear me and only after I repeated myself did she tell me that they didn’t have a license to sell wine. If I were still collecting for the clan, I would’ve gladly thrown her into a burlap sack.
‘Where can I buy wine?’ I asked, not bothering to mask my impatience with her.
She finally consented to look at me, and sighed heavily as if I was the one trying her patience. ‘There’s a liquor store two blocks over, on Main and Sixty-Ninth.’
The tally for my food was more than I was expecting (everything in their world cost far more than I expected), but I paid for it without comment. After consulting my map, I carried my bundles out of the market and walked to where, in her extreme exasperation, this woman’d told me I could purchase wine. I knew from firsthand experience that they had an abundance of food and goods in their world, but I still found it staggering when I entered the shop and saw row upon row of different wine bottles, and realized that purchasing wine wasn’t as simple a matter as I had imagined. The sales clerk, a thin man who had grown a small patch of whiskers only on his chin, recognized my distress and asked if he could be of help.
‘I’d like to buy wine.’
‘Of course. What type, sir?’
After the rude treatment I’d received from the woman at the market, I wasn’t in the mood to be made fun of by any more of them. From what I knew of their world, I certainly wasn’t someone to be addressed as ‘Sir’, but I couldn’t tell from his demeanor if he was making sport of me. Grudgingly, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided that he had me confused with someone he was supposed to address as ‘Sir’.
‘Something inexpensive, but decent,’ I said, remembering how Brittany had described the wine that she had poured me the other day.
‘Red, white, rosé?’
I didn’t know what he meant by ‘rosé’. Could that be a fancy way of saying rose? The wine Brittany had given me was more purple in color than red, but I knew there were roses that were a similar purple. I was trying to work out whether that was what was meant by ‘rosé’, when sensing my consternation he asked what the wine would be served with and then offered me the choices of meat, poultry, or seafood.
‘Vegetables,’ I said.
‘Let me suggest a Chardonnay then.’
Before I could say anything, he turned down one of the rows and after a quick study of several bottles picked one out. He held it for me to look at since my hands were full with the bundles I was carrying.
‘A very nice Chardonnay from Chile. Crisp and clean, with subtle pear and peach aromas. On sale for eighteen dollars, normally twenty-five, making it inexpensive and one of the best bargains we have.’
Again, everything in their world seemed to cost more than I expected, but I grunted, told him I’d take it, and followed him back to the cash register. As he handed me my change, he asked where I was from. Warily, I told him New Hampshire.
‘I’m from a small town in Indiana and moved here only a year ago. New York can be so daunting at first, but you’ll get used to it.’ He offered me a smile. ‘If you want to learn more about wines, we have a free tasting every Saturday from four to six. I hope to see you here. My name’s Chad.’
I had set my bundles down on the counter in order to pay for the wine, so I felt obliged to take his hand and tell him my name. As I picked up my bundles and left the shop, I felt some confusion over one of them befriending me the way this one had – an
d even more so because for a brief moment I saw him as something other than one of them. It made me wonder how many of the ones I’d picked up in the past I might’ve felt similarly toward if given the chance.
SIXTEEN
Jill was delighted by the wine I’d bought to accompany our meal, and even more so by the bouquet of daisies I gave her. She had already spooned our dinner on to plates, so I immediately removed the foil covering the top of the wine – only to reveal a cork stuck so deep in the neck of the bottle that I couldn’t grab any piece of it in order to pull it out. I studied it and decided I wouldn’t be able to dig the cork out with a knife. With the right tools, I could saw off the top of the glass bottle without making too much of a mess, but I didn’t have access to those tools. I was trying to decide whether I needed to smash the top of the bottle with a hammer when Jill offered me a small tool consisting of a handle and a spiral of metal. After a quick study, I realized that if I were to screw the tool into the cork it would grip the cork and allow me to pull it out. Ingenious! I removed the cork from the bottle quickly enough for it to appear as if I knew what I was doing from the start. If Jill noticed my earlier confusion, she didn’t comment about it.
The wine was very different than the type Brittany had given me. The color was a light yellow, as opposed to the darker purple, and the flavor was lighter, less earthy, but still very enjoyable. It also let me forget entirely about the cravings for a short few minutes. Even though the cravings were still little more than a nuisance, it was a relief to have them lessened for any length of time.
Jill and I were still drinking our first glasses of wine and had only had a few bites of our meal, when she grinned at me as if she had a secret she couldn’t contain any longer.
‘It’s about time I tell you the good news,’ she said. ‘I was calling around today hunting for an apartment for you, and one of the professors in the psychology department needs to sublet a studio apartment for three months. From what he told me it’s only four hundred square feet, but it’s furnished, and it’s under rent control so he can let you have it for five hundred and twenty a month – which is ridiculously cheap for Queens, especially since every month Queens is turning more and more into the next Brooklyn. And best of all, it’s only three blocks from here!’ Jill’s grin grew mischievous as she added, ‘The only downside is it won’t be available for three weeks, so you’d have to rough it here until then.’
The thought that I’d be staying three more weeks in Jill’s apartment was highly pleasing, and the knowledge that I would be able to start courting her afterwards even more so. I remarked that she was right, this was very good news. Jill beamed as she told me that after our meal we would be meeting with this professor at the apartment, and she was positive everything would work out.
Her news and what it would mean for our future raised both our spirits. And just as I enjoyed the wine, I also enjoyed the meal that Jill had prepared. While none of the vegetables she’d used were new to me, I found the sauce and the spices different and very tasty. With the wine loosening my tongue and making me temporarily forget about the cravings, I was more exuberant in my praise for the meal than I might otherwise have been. Jill seemed pleased by this, and I was finding the evening extraordinarily pleasant – maybe the most pleasant I’d ever experienced, especially given how buoyant Jill appeared.
All of this changed when a heavy pounding sounded on Jill’s door. Immediately she tensed, her high spirits obliterated. When the pounding continued and a man’s voice yelled for her to open the door, the color in her face dropped several shades.
‘Just go away, Ethan, I don’t want to see you,’ she yelled back, although not nearly as loudly as the man had yelled. It was obvious that his presence outside the door had sapped her of much of her strength.
‘I’m not going away, Jill. This is fucking ridiculous. For fuck’s sake, open the door. Let me apologize so we can move past this bullshit.’
‘If you don’t go away I’m calling the police!’
‘Really?’ He let out an ugly, barking type of laugh. ‘Go ahead and call them. I don’t fucking care. I’m not leaving until we work this out and you quit your goddamn’d martyr act!’
Jill looked like she wanted to cry, which made me want to go out there and rip the windpipe out of her former boyfriend. During the last two days some of them had annoyed me to the point where I might have enjoyed the idea of stuffing them into burlap sacks and taking them back for the clan. Even though I’d grown to strongly dislike Patience before she did me the favor of dying from a tooth abscess, I don’t think I ever truly experienced hate until that moment. More than anything, I wanted to bolt from my seat and end his life, but the pleading look Jill gave me kept me seated where I was.
‘Please,’ she whispered to me. ‘Don’t get into any trouble because of him. He’s not worth it. I’ll take care of him, but please stay calm and don’t let him egg you into doing something we’ll both regret.’
I forced myself to nod. I had to. The way she implored me struck deep within, and I knew my future with Jill depended on me not doing what I badly wanted to do.
As slender and slight as Jill was, she seemed to grow even smaller as she left the table to answer the door. It took all my control to stay where I was, but I knew that was what Jill wanted me to do.
She was soon out of sight, but I heard Jill open the door and then say, ‘Ethan, there’s nothing more for us to talk about. It’s over. Please, just leave me alone.’
He laughed at her. ‘Overly dramatic, much? Because of you, we had a thing. That’s what we do, we have stupid things now and then, almost always because of you. And we work our way past them.’
‘Listen to me, Ethan. There’s no longer anything for us to work past. Please, just leave.’
From the way he laughed again at Jill, and her pleading with him to stop, I knew he had pushed his way past her and was heading further into the apartment. It took all my strength to stay seated as Jill had asked, especially after hearing the unhappiness in her voice. A smug, mocking tone had entered his voice as he said, ‘Sweetheart, what we have is too good to toss away because of something stupid that never would’ve happened if you hadn’t done such a superb job of pressing my buttons—’
I watched as he stepped out of the hallway and into my view. The instant he caught sight of me, he clamped his mouth shut and stared at me, contempt quickly filling his face. He had an even crueler look in his eyes and mouth than when I had seen him at that rest stop in Massachusetts. As I watched him, I became aware once again of the cravings gnawing at me. Jill hurried past him and continued on until she was an arm’s length away from me.
‘Who’s this clown?’ he demanded, his eyes dark and beady as he glared his hatred at me.
‘He’s my guest,’ Jill said.
Both puzzled and incensed, his glare seemed to intensify. ‘Who the fuck are you?’ he demanded of me.
If I hadn’t had two glasses of wine, I probably wouldn’t have said what I did, but the wine had loosened my tongue. I told him, ‘I’m the one who rescued Jill after you so chivalrously abandoned her on the Massachusetts Turnpike. And I’m the one who’s going to do whatever I can to win her heart.’
His jaw dropped open. Uncertainty clouded his eyes as he goggled at me, not quite sure at first what to make of what I’d said. Then his eyes hardened again, and he turned his glare back to Jill.
‘Are you out of your fucking mind?’ he said, his voice strained and angry. ‘You take a ride from some dumb goober? How do you know he’s not a serial killer, for fuck’s sake? And what do you mean, this goober’s your guest? He’s staying here? Is that what you’re saying?’
Jill looked too stricken to say anything, and her discomfort only acted to incite him. The muscles surrounding his mouth tightened into something mean and spiteful. It looked as if he was going to spit a mouthful of saliva on to the floor, but the words he spat out instead were much fouler.
‘So this goober is staying here and
you’re fucking him, aren’t you? You stupid, stupid whore, you’re already spreading your legs for this ugly goober.’
It had been a struggle to keep my true self hidden while watching him, and even more so while listening to him, but I knew I had to. Not because I cared what he saw, but because I couldn’t afford to let Jill see me like that. But at that moment my pure hate for this person boiled through me so quickly that a redness glazed my vision. I was barely aware of leaving my chair and striding toward him. From the look that came over his face, I must’ve shown my true self, though fortunately I did this only after passing Jill and facing away from her, so she didn’t see that aspect of me. The realization of what I had almost shown her gave me just enough self-control to stop myself from doing to him what my instincts were driving me to do, and instead I came to a halt one foot from him.
‘We’ve had enough of you,’ I forced out, my voice sounding very odd and foreign to my ears. ‘Apologize to Jill and leave now.’
It was likely that I had shown only a flash of my true self to him, and maybe he’d convinced himself he didn’t actually see what he thought he saw. That could’ve been why he stood his ground instead of stumbling backwards, like he clearly wanted to.
‘Do you think I’m going to let some dumb hick tell me what to do?’ he said with a manufactured bravado that was betrayed by the glimpse of fear I caught in his eyes. What he did next was just plain dumb. He tried poking me in the chest with his right forefinger. I had little trouble grabbing it before it touched me, and if I hadn’t regained my self-control I might’ve ripped his finger from his hand or at the very least broken it into pieces. Instead, I simply twisted it enough to send him to his knees, aware that I didn’t want Jill to think me a savage from my actions.
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