by Megan Rose
✽✽✽
“MARK!” It was a screech more than a yell, and Mark heard the bedroom door open and slam. Moments later, Lacey entered the living room, all rumpled from sleep.
“Is there a problem?” Mark yawned, looking up at a grimace accompanied with a massive case of bedhead.
“Yes! You were supposed to sleep in the bed! That’s not fair! I was asleep so you took advantage! You know what? I bet your back is going to hurt now and you won’t be able to hang up shelves and stuff because you slept on a lumpy couch –“
“It’s not lumpy –“
“And you know what? I hope that happens! You deserve it. Now, get out of my bed! I wasn’t finished sleeping,” and with that she dove onto the couch, trying to push him off. She stood with her feet planted behind him, using all her strength to push him, and Mark sat there, undisturbed, flipping through channels on the TV.
“This is not fair,” she said. “You don’t get to watch TV!” She covered his eyes and Mark decided he needed to do something. He sat up and swept her legs out from under her. She fell back onto the couch, across from Mark, with an, “oomph.”
She kicked him. “Hey! You just beat up a girl!”
“I didn’t beat up anybody. I just defended myself.” This time when she launched at him, she knocked him down so he was lying on his back and she was lying on top of him. “Say uncle!”
“I don’t have to say uncle. I can get up any time I want. You weigh 3 pounds. Hey, you never washed your dress,” he said.
Well I wasn’t going to sleep in my underwear when there’s a boy here.” Lacey made a face that said “duh.” Mark rolled his eyes at her as he looked down at his boxers and t-shirt.
“If you get up, I’ll go get us something for breakfast. I’ll need some sort of disguise though. I don’t want to be attacked by anyone from the beach. You know, an actual person.”
“What does that mean? I’m not an actual person?”
“Not really. You’re like some sort of fairy. You weigh 3 pounds and you go flitting and frolicking around everywhere. You could probably fly if you wanted to.”
“Ooh a fairy? Like Tinkerbell?”
“Sure, like Tinkerbell. Except not a bitch.”
“Hey!”
“Sorry, it’s true, she is. Now, Tink, I request that you think happy thoughts and fly off of me.”
“Not until you say uncle!” Lacey spoke determinedly. Mark, even more determined, flipped them both around so that he was on top of her.
“Hey! Get off! You’re too heavy! If I’m Tinkerbell then you’re…” The doorbell rang.
“Say uncle!” Mark said.
“No! You have to go get the door!”
“I don’t have to do anything.” The doorbell rang again.
“Mark, go get the door!”
“Nope.” Once more, the doorbell rang.
Lacey let out a huff of frustration and said, “Fine! Uncle! Now go get the door – it’s probably the bed!”
Mark went to the door and opened it, expecting to find delivery men and a big truck, but instead he found that stupid kid Cody. “Hi…Mike, is it?” Cody asked.
“Mark, is it the delivery guys?” Lacey called from the couch.
“No! It’s no one!” Mark started to close the door in the kid’s face but he held his hand out.
“Excuse me. I do not believe I drove all the way to the boardwalk just for you to slam the door in my face. I’m here to see Lacey.”
“Sorry, she’s busy.” Mark tried to close the door, but Lacey had come up behind him.
“Mark, who is it?” She moved him out of the way and looked at the string bean standing there. “Oh. Connor…what are you doing here?”
Mark said, “How did you even get this address?”
“Lacey told me where you were staying when I talked to her last night.”
“Well, come on in,” Lacey said and she pulled Mark with her into the house, Connor in tow.
“So what’s the matter, Connor?” Lacey sat on the couch with him and asked.
Mark stood over both of them with his arms crossed, and Lacey gestured for him to back away. He didn’t move.
“Yeah, Colby, what’s the matter?” he asked. Why did he hate this kid so much? He was just a geeky college freshman who was trying to boost his image. Mark just felt like there was something insincere about him, and he couldn’t figure out what it was.
“It’s Connor,” Connor said pointedly, then made some sort of slurping sound and wiped his nose. “I came to talk to Lacey about our date. I know she said she had to stay here another day, but our date is supposed to be Friday – that’s in a few days – and I was worried there wouldn’t be any other time to discuss the specifics.”
“You can do that on the phone,” Mark grunted.
“I wanted to practice the date ahead of time, to make sure I get it right.” Connor glared at Mark.
“Connor,” Lacey looked like she wanted to laugh as she drew his attention back to her, “you’re not supposed to practice a date. Then there’s no point even going on a date. You’ve done it already.”
“Will you just please practice with me?” he begged. “It’s really important.” He was starting to sound like a child. Too bad Lacey was about to kick him out…Actually, it wasn’t too bad.
“Well…okay,” she said right as Mark reached the doorknob to the front door, poised to swing it open and then push Carter outside. He paused, thinking he must have misheard something. This was supposed to be him and Lacey, not Lacey and Screech.
Why was this guy ruining their weekend? He gripped the doorknob, ready for her to politely tell him to leave, but instead she said, “But let’s go in the bedroom so we don’t disturb Mark and the movers when they get here.”
“I don’t mind,” Mark said, but they were already in the room with the door closed. “Well, I’ll just be out here…doing…being out here,” he muttered and flopped down on the couch.
✽✽✽
Lacey and Connor practiced their date in detail, as Connor had written a script they were to follow. Lacey tried to tell him that it was too much, but it was his date so she figured she’d go along with it. She wasn’t sure she believed that Connor had played football in high school like the script said. Or that he went hunting with his uncle on the weekends.
He had set everything up in the bedroom, using chairs and tables, to replicate the diner where they would be going. He kept making sure the two of them were positioned correctly. They each had very specific places to sit and ways to point their heads and gesture. It was all very bizarre, but Lacey wanted to let Connor have a nice date – whatever that meant for him – so she just did what he said.
After an hour, they emerged from the bedroom. The delivery men were setting up the bed in the second bedroom. “Hey,” Lacey said to Mark. “So, what’s going on?”
Mark looked Connor up and down. Then he looked Lacey up and down and turned her around, inspecting her for cooties or something, she figured.
“Mark, what are you doing? Stop it.” As he turned her back around, she batted his hand away. “Will you please stop making Connor feel uncomfortable? You’re really not being very nice, and he has been nothing but nice to you.”
“You’re going to a real place for this date? Not some basement full of corpses?“
“Mark! Stop it!”
“It’s okay,” Connor said, pushing up his glasses. “I know, I probably look suspicious. I’m an 18-year-old practicing for a date with a 25-year-old. It does sound pretty creepy. I’m just excited for my friends to see me on a real date with a beautiful woman.” He looked at Lacey approvingly.
“I want it to go over well. I’m not as creepy as I look, really. In fact, real creeps like serial killers, surprisingly, often look much less suspicious than you might think. If I didn’t creep you out, then you'd be right to be concerned. But don’t worry. I’ll take good care of her Friday. You don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll have her home by midnight
.” He snorted. Not a single muscle on Mark’s face moved. “Okay, anyway thanks, Lacey,” he said awkwardly, shrinking away from Mark and walking out the front door. I’ll see you Friday. Practice your part!”
“Okay, you too!” Lacey smiled and gave him a little wave, as he opened the door to his parents’ car. He waved one last time and then started driving away.
“Okay, we’re all done in here,” a delivery man said once Lacey had closed the door. All of the movers came into the living room. “Where did you all come from?” he said to Lacey.
“Oh, we were just in the other room. Thanks for setting everything up for us. Oh!” Lacey ran across the room and bent over to rummage through her purse. “Here you go,” she said, taking out some money. She gave them all a tip.'“That’s very kind of you,” one of the men said and smiled. “Enjoy the bed.” He looked at her for a moment before turning and walking out the door.
“Thank you! Have a nice day!” she called out to the men as they left.
Lacey closed the door and leaned against it. She sighed. “Are you going to start acting normal again?” She looked at Mark, waiting for a reply.
“I was never not acting normal,” he said and opened the fridge to take out a Snapple. He unscrewed the cap. “To make one pound of honey, a honeybee must tap about two million flowers.” He took a sip and then handed the glass bottle to Lacey.
“That fact is not going to distract me. What I wa – two million? Really? For just one pound?” She shook her head. “That’s not the point. Will you just leave Connor alone already? He’s a sweet little guy who just wants to impress his friends.”
She walked to the doorway of the second bedroom and asked Mark if he had seen what a good job the delivery men had done, poking her head into the room.
He responded by saying he saw that she gave them a very unnecessary tip that he would now have to pay back to her.
“You don’t have to pay me back,” Lacey started.
“This isn’t your beach house, Lacey. You shouldn’t have to tip the movers. Plus, I’ll just get my cousin to pay me back anyway.” He swatted at the air like it was no problem. “And yeah, sure they did a great job, they were the best,” Mark mumbled sarcastically.
“What was wrong with them?! Okay, I don’t even want to know. Let me get my purse and then we can head home. I need to get changed into something besides this dress, and I believe it is going to be my fuzzy pajamas, considering I didn’t get to wear real pajamas last night. It’ll make up for the time I missed.” Lacey went into the master bedroom and took a brush out of her purse to fix her hair.
She guessed it was nice of Mark to care about her enough to be worried about the people around her, but he was really something. Connor was the most innocent-looking thing in the world, besides maybe a newborn baby.
He was a smart guy who probably got picked on and just wanted to have his friends be impressed with him and his semi-attractive date. She wasn’t going to dwell on Mark’s stupidity, though. For the most part, they had had a nice time the whole weekend, so she wasn’t going to ruin the end of the trip by arguing over something silly.
✽✽✽
Mark didn’t want to say he was fuming, because then he’d have to admit that he really was overreacting, but he was not happy. He knew that Chuckie kid was up to no good, and he couldn’t stop her from going on a date with him.
He just looked so guilty, like he was hiding something. They’d be out in public, anyway, so it’s not like he was going to hack her up in some restaurant in front of everybody and then eat her…unless it was a restaurant full of cannibals.
He shook his head. He was being absolutely ridiculous – he knew that. And he didn’t know why. He thought he was right to be suspicious of Connor, because who wouldn’t be, but the delivery men? They’re guys. Of course they’re going to stare at a pretty girl, especially when she bends over. He would do the same thing. He did do the same thing. But Lacey’s dress was too short as it was, and he didn’t like the looks those guys were giving each other.
Yup, he was overreacting. He decided to just let it go – he was getting angry at people for looking at her, probably the same way any other guy looked at her any other day. For some reason that thought didn’t help him feel any better. Mark resisted the urge to say anything about the length of her dress (he liked it, after all) and decided to just chill out and have a nice ride home.
Chapter 6
Mark and Lacey saw each other for lunch Monday and Tuesday. Lana, coincidentally, had given Lacey a bunch of pointless and tedious tasks to do when she wasn’t cutting hair. And as Lana was the one who scheduled the haircuts, Lacey wasn’t really cutting much hair at all.
Wednesday, while Lacey was at the back of the salon separating the combs by teeth size, Mayra walked through the front door with a megawatt smile and Lacey leapt up to go greet her.
“Mayra!!” Lacey ran over to her best friend and engulfed her in a giant hug. “I’m so glad you’re back! I have so much to tell you! We have to have lunch today!”
“Hello, Mayra,” Lana said and smirked. “I’ll clean up all my things at the end of the day so that you can resume your work here tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Lana. That’s very considerate. It looks like you’ve been doing a great job,” Mayra said. Lana smiled with a shrug that said, “I know,” and floated away, leaving Lacey alone for once.
“Before you tell me anything…” Mayra said, more excited than Lacey had ever seen her before, “I have to tell you about something.” Her face turned serious.
“What is it? Mayra, are you okay?”
“I have to tell you about…this!” Mayra pulled her left hand out from behind her back and held it out. On her ring finger was a three-stone diamond engagement ring.
“Mayra!” Lacey sighed and then said more, but no one knew what it was because it was in the Language of Squeals. Mayra seemed to understand it, though. She replied with her own squeals and they jumped up and down together, hugging. They stopped when they realized someone was trying to get into the salon and they were right in front of the door.
“Oh my gosh, Mayra! This is incredible! How did he do it?” Lacey said when they sat down on the black leather couch in the waiting area.
“Well, we were sitting in on a lecture about the bumblebee – which was actually very interesting. Did you know - ”
“No, and I don’t care! Get on with it!”
“Well, the whole room started buzzing all of a sudden – it sounded like it was full of bees, and I noticed the sound was coming from the rest of the people in the lecture hall. And he, of course, got down on one knee at the appropriate time and asked me to “bee” his wife. It was cheesy but I loved it.”
“Oh that’s so romantic!” Lacey nearly keeled over at the thought of such a romantic gesture. “I can’t wait to start planning! You’re going to be the most gorgeous bride!”
“And you’re going to be the most gorgeous maid-of-honor,” she said, acknowledging the promise they had made to each other in the fifth grade. “The lilac dress!”
“The lilac dress!! You’re right! I can finally wear it! You don’t think it’s too fancy, do you? I don’t want to be all sparkly and everyone else is wearing pant suits from JCPenny.”
“No, it’s perfect. I’m basing the entire color arrangement around it.”
“Mayra, you can’t do that! Pick whatever colors you want – don’t base it on me.”
“That is the color I want. I want lilacs as a part of my flowers and everything. It’s going to be perfect. You have to have lunch with me today.” Mayra looked at her eagerly.
“It’s 10:56,” Lacey called over to Lana, “so is it okay if I go out for my lunch 4 minutes early?”
“Of course,” Lana said, crinkling her nose like something in the air smelled bad.
“Oh wait,” Lacey said to Mayra as they walked outside, “I just have to go across the street for something real quick.”
She took Mayra’s hand and dr
agged her across the street. “Health and Fitness? Are you trying to tell me I need to lose weight before the wedding, because I was thinking –“
“No, no! Absolutely not! There’s just someone in here I need to talk to. You come in with me.” She walked through the door to Mark’s store and Mayra followed.
“You won’t believe this!” she heard Mark call from across the store. “There’s some sort of big investigation or something, I don’t know, but they’re going to go straight through The Price is Right. I can already tell! They’ve cut through one program already! Why do we need to know so much about it, anyway? Are we supposed to do something about it?”
✽✽✽
Mark turned around, ready to rant some more about the news. He took a breath to begin his second tirade and then he blew it out. There was another woman, taller than Lacey, who looked like she might be Hispanic, standing next to her. Both girls were on their tippy toes, bouncing and beaming.
“Um…hey, Lace…what’s up?” Mark scratched the back of his neck. Was this girl going to have lunch with them? Well, there would be no way to split everything three ways - there were only two Yodels.
“Mark, hi! This is my best friend in the whole world, Mayra Tapia – soon to be Mayra Henderson,” Lacey spoke in a higher register than normal and gestured towards the girl named Mayra, who smiled. “Mayra, this is my best boy friend – space between those words - in the world, Mark!” Mark smiled and held out his hand. Mayra took it and they shook.
"So, I have to eat lunch with Mayra today because we have to discuss wedding details and a bunch of other things too, because she’s missed so much, because she was busy being romanced. You can come with us, but you don’t have to – it’ll probably be boring for you. Oh!” She looked at Mayra. “He and Blake should have lunch together! Well, maybe not today if Blake’s busy, but soon! I bet they’d love each other!”