“No.” His head wagged slowly from side to side. “There’s no such thing as too much information right now. I mean, I want to hear it all. I feel like I missed . . .” His touch softened, and he stroked the spot where the baby was still pushing at my tummy. “I already missed so much. Leah, why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
My shoulders tensed. “I told you, I was going to try to get in touch with you. And then I got so sick that I couldn’t do anything but focus on getting through it. By the time I felt like I’d gotten back on my feet, everything was happening with the school and the law firm, and I had to make some tough decisions—fast. I know it sounds like a cop-out, and maybe it was, but I couldn’t handle one more potentially devastating situation at that point.”
“I don’t see how telling me that you’re pregnant—with my baby, with my daughter—would be devastating.” Kade rocked back on his heels. He hadn’t taken his hands away from me, and it felt as though the warmth from his fingers was burning a streak to parts of me that had been particular sensitive lately.
“Kade.” I risked covering his hand with one of mine. “Try to see this from my point of view. We met through a mutual friend. We got along pretty well, and then we had wild sex for, like, eight hours. After that, we agreed that neither of us was looking for a relationship, so you left, and we were supposed to go on with our lives. By the time I was feeling well enough to think of contacting you, I didn’t know what had happened in your life. I mean, what if you’d met someone else and fallen in love? Or even, I don’t know, gotten married? People do that, you know. They meet the right person, and they get married. If I’d called you and said, so, hey, Kade, remember me? The chick you hooked up with five months ago? Yeah, so I’m knocked up, and the kid’s yours, and you’d told me that you weren’t interested or even that you didn’t believe me . . . I’m not sure I could’ve survived that. Having you out there with the potential to go either way—to be supportive or not—was a better option than facing the negative possibilities.”
He heaved out a long sigh. “I don’t like it, but I guess I can understand how you felt.”
I shook my head. “You really can’t. You’ve never been a woman pumped up on pregnancy hormones. Believe me, I never thought I could do or say some of the stuff I have over the past six months.”
Kade cracked a smile. “Okay, duly noted.” He was quiet for a moment, his fingers still moving a little on my bump. “I’m just . . . I guess I’m in shock. I wish I’d known. I sort of understand why you didn’t tell me, but I wish you had.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I really am.”
“I just—I could’ve helped, Leah.” He pulled back and righted his chair, sitting down in it this time, his legs stretched out in front of him. “You never did finish telling me why you’re over here instead of back in Richmond. They kicked you out of school, you lost your internship, and then . . . what?”
I grimaced. “They didn’t exactly kick me out. It was just strongly suggested that I take a leave of absence until I could figure out my life. But I didn’t want to do that. I took a weekend and did a lot of thinking. I pictured what my life might look like if I stayed in Richmond, if I tried to keep going to school, even part-time. I’d have to get some kind of job, and if I wasn’t a full-time student, I’d lose my grant and my scholarships. I wasn’t sure what I could do to survive, let alone to support the baby and me. I knew I’d end up working long hours, leaving the baby in daycare and being completely miserable.”
He nodded. “I won’t say that there were other options you could’ve considered, but there were.”
I chose to ignore that. “I did some research, and I found out that there was a small school over here that offered a very reasonable and flexible part-time program. The cost of living is a little lower in this part of the state, and I was able to get both a part-time job at a law firm as a paralegal, and this one at the bookstore as a manager. Between the two, I can keep my head above water, and both have pretty generous maternity leave benefits.” I arched my back, trying to get more comfortable. “It’s going to take me a longer time to finish than I’d expected, but that’s okay. I don’t want to miss the baby’s early years because I was too busy trying to get my law degree. I have plenty of time for that.”
A pleasant voice sounded over the mall’s announcement system. “Good evening, shoppers. The Ocean Square Mall will be closing in ten minutes. Please finish your shopping and take your purchases to the register so that our stores can complete their closing. The Ocean Square Mall will open again tomorrow morning at ten AM. Thank you for shopping at Ocean Square Mall.”
Kade pulled his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and checked the time. “Shit. I need to get back to post.” He swiped the screen and glanced up at me. “Give me your number, please. And your address, too. I assume you’re living down here.”
I nodded. “I rent a house about five minutes from here.” I recited my number first, watching him tap it in, and then I gave him the address. He hit another button and my own phone buzzed from its place on the counter.
“That’s me calling you. So now you have my number, too. Don’t lose it.” He pointed at me, his eyebrows raised as he stood up. “I have to get back to post. We have physical training at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow, and then the class starts right afterward.” His fingers drummed against his denim-covered thigh. “But we finish pretty early each day. What’s your schedule like tomorrow?”
I thought for a minute. “Tomorrow’s Monday. I don’t have any hours here at the store, and my classes only meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I work until three at the law firm. After that, I’m free.”
“Good.” He tucked his phone back into his pocket. “I’ll be over at your house before five, okay?”
I swallowed. “All right. I’ll be there. Want me to cook dinner?” I managed a weak smile. “You might remember I make a mean pasta.”
Kade grinned, and suddenly I felt the weight of several worlds lift from my shoulders. “I think it was the pasta that got us here, wasn’t it?” He lay his palm lightly on my bump. “Not that I’d change that.”
The baby rolled, pushing against the heat of Kade’s hand. He pressed a little harder, and I worked hard to keep my breath steady. His touch was still like a match to gasoline, and I couldn’t afford to let myself go up in flames.
“She must like you,” I managed to say. “She seems to be responding when you—” I pointed down toward his hand.
“I need to get her used to my voice, too. I want her to know who her daddy is from the start.” He sounded so filled with wonder and near-delight that I was afraid to move and break the spell of the moment. “Leah, I need to leave, like, five minutes ago, but I want to say this first. I know we didn’t plan this. I wasn’t thinking about starting a family right now, and I know it wasn’t on your goal list at this point either. But I’m not sorry. I’m not leaving you alone to deal with it. I understand that up until now, you’ve been making all the decisions and calling all the shots, but I want to be involved from here on out. Okay? You’re not on your own anymore. I want to be her father, not just her sperm donor.”
I managed a shaky nod. “Okay. I understand. And I want to tell you again, Kade, I’m really sorry that I didn’t try harder to get in touch with you. I know you don’t understand all of my reasons and rationale for not calling you, but I appreciate that you’re not screaming at me about it.” I hesitated, considering. “Of course, you might go back to the barracks, have time to think about it and then decide you really are furious, and in that case, I just ask that you remember that the baby can hear things outside the womb now.”
Kade laughed. “Ah, so you’re using our daughter’s constant presence with you as a way to avoid my potential wrath?”
I cast my eyes upward. “Yup. Pretty much.”
He rubbed my arm, his smile wide again. “I can’t argue with that. So, what do you need to do to close up here?”
I pointed to the entran
ce. “I have to roll down the doors, run the cash register report, turn off all the lights, and then I go out the back door.”
“Okay. I’ll do the door, you handle the register, and then I’ll walk you out.”
I was unfamiliar with the feeling of someone taking care of me, but I sensed that arguing with Kade wasn’t going to do any good. I went to work on my regular end-of-shift routine, working swiftly. With his help, we were finished in a few moments.
Kade held the door as I went through it ahead of him and then turned to lock it. He trailed me to my car and waited as I opened it and lingered before climbing behind the wheel.
“Thanks for all your help. I’m always so tired by the end of the shift, and sometimes it feels like it takes forever to be done. Tonight was much better.”
“Good to hear.” He bent, brushing his lips over my cheek, which immediately flushed hot. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Leah.” He swept one hand down over my stomach. “Both of you.”
Chapter Three
Kade
Falling asleep had never been an issue for me. The minute my head hit the pillow, I always went under, sleeping deep and soundly until my alarm went off. I worked hard, played harder and slept the sleep of the untroubled.
But after I left Leah by her car behind the mall and returned to the barracks, where my room was pitch back, of course, since the mule couldn’t be bothered to leave even one dim light burning for me, I found myself procrastinating, delaying bedtime like I hadn’t done since I was about ten years old and begging for more time on the beach. I lingered in the bathroom, setting up my shaving stuff and toothbrush, and then taking a quick shower.
Once I’d climbed into bed and pulled the thin sheets up over my shoulder, I still couldn’t get the images out of my mind. The focus of my thoughts jumped around: I flashed on Leah’s face above me on the kitchen counter when I’d used my lips and tongue on her sweet pussy that night. Her mouth on my cock, her eyes fastened on mine, my fingers buried in her hair as she’d slowly driven me out of my fucking head. And then . . . her face when she’d realized I was at the bookstore tonight. The swell of her belly under those full and luscious tits. How tight her stomach had felt when I’d touched her bump, and the un-fucking-believable sensation of my child—my daughter—nudging against my hand, through Leah’s skin.
I was going to be a father. No, scratch that: I was already a father. I’d met my daughter tonight, and nothing was ever going to be the same again. A million possibilities and questions swirled through my mind: should I ask Leah to marry me? Or was it too soon to jump into that kind of commitment? On the other hand, we were already connected for life, as far as I was concerned. I suspected that Leah would dig in her heels at the idea of instant marriage, but at the very least, I wanted her to move closer to me. No way was I going to be okay with my kid being born and growing up a couple of hours away from me. I didn’t have any choice about where I lived at this point in my life; the Army told me where I was going and how long I was going to be there. Otherwise, I’d move up here in a second to be near Leah.
There was a whole new world of decisions to be made. I needed to talk to someone, anyone . . . I considered Jake, my buddy who was here with me at Fort Davis for the course, but although I’d known him for a long time and we were definitely pals, I wasn’t sure we were the type of friends who shared stuff on a deeper level. My closest friends were Max Remington and Shaw Kincaid, both of whom were back at Fort Lee. I couldn’t wait six weeks to talk to them in person.
It was definitely too late to call tonight—and I had a feeling the mule would lose his shit if I got out of bed again at this point—but there was a long enough lunch break in our schedule tomorrow that I could probably manage to get in touch with one of them at least . . . which meant I just had to get through tonight. I had to get some sleep, or I’d be useless tomorrow.
I closed my eyes again and tried to ignore the visions still dancing through my buzzing brain.
* * *
“Braggs, are you skipping PT today?” Eric Muller’s tone, a mix of arrogance and amusement, cut through the layers of sleep and woke me. “I’m heading down.”
I blinked, trying to focus on the clock that hung on the wall. “Shit! Goddammit, Muller, why didn’t you wake me up before now?”
He lifted one shoulder. “Your alarm went off three times, and you kept hitting snooze. I didn’t want to interfere.”
I growled an answer that it was probably safer for him not to hear and jumped out of bed, grabbing my PT shorts and T-shirt from the drawer before I jogged down the hall to the bathroom. I was still bleary-eyed from sleep—or lack thereof, seeing as I hadn’t dropped off until close to three.
I made it down to physical training just in the nick of time, cruised through the workout and the run, and then returned to the barracks to shower for the day. Eric was his same old prim, precise self, making his bed until the blanket was so tight, I was sure the proverbial quarter would bounce from it and fussily tucking in his uniform tee into the pants of his BDU. I could almost feel him silently flipping out over how I got ready; I was fast and efficient, but I didn’t hesitate to cut a corner if it could be done.
The morning classes were fairly simple, introducing us to the concepts and strategies we’d be learning through the six-weeks. Max had been through this class before, and he had been the one to recommend it to me. I was usually quick to listen to him and to our friend Shaw, both fellow company commanders in the same battalion of the 94th Infantry Division. Max was from a family who had been serving Uncle Sam for so many generations, they’d lost count of the number of soldiers they’d produced. And Shaw, although the military wasn’t in his blood the way it was with Max, was one of the most gung-ho guys I’d ever met. He prided himself on maintaining top physical fitness, and he was always the first one to volunteer for any mission or deployment. We called him Danger Ranger sometimes, because he was so eager to jump into the breach.
I was the odd-man out in our small group of friends. I’d grown up on the beach in southern California, and I lived for surfing. All I’d ever wanted was to become a professional competitive surfer, traveling the world in search of bigger and better waves. The idea of joining the Army had never occurred to me until mid-way through college, when my dad had died suddenly, leaving my mom, my sister and me with a pile of bills and no apparent way to pay them.
I’d considered leaving school to work full-time, until the day when I got to talking to an acquaintance from my poli sci class. The dude was ROTC, and he’d been bragging about what great shape he was in. We’d gotten into a semi-serious pissing match that night about whether or not I could hack the military. He’d bet that the Army wouldn’t want me, and I’d sworn he was wrong. The next morning, thanks to my stubborn pride, I was standing outside the door to the ROTC office when it opened. What I’d planned as a joke—I wanted to prove I could get into the Army if I wanted to—turned serious when I saw how much sense it made for me, in my current situation. I could finish school without incurring more debt, and I could start making money right off the bat after graduation.
I’d learned two things pretty quickly: one was that I could do anything I put my mind to doing. Yeah, the Army was tough, but it made sense. There were rules, and as long as I followed them, I’d do okay. The second thing I’d learned was that I didn’t love the military. For me, it was a means to an end. I had every intention of staying in my full twenty and walking away with a pretty sweet pension and a lifetime of benefits, but I was already making plans for what would happen after those twenty years. I also was very deliberate about maintaining a life off post. I had my own house, and I did my damnedest to live at least part of each day away from the military.
Still, I knew how to play the game. These courses offered to us were often a great opportunity to add something attractive to my resume, and they helped when it came time for promotion. That was why I’d listened when Max had suggested taking this one.
When lunch break rolled
around, I headed for my car and drove off post to a little hole in the wall pizza place I’d seen on my way in the day before. I ordered a slice and a bottle of water to go and then sat in my car eating as I punched in Max’s number on my cell.
“Yo, Braggs, what’s up? You making trouble up there at Davis?” I heard the humor in his tone, and it made me smile. Max had been a pretty serious guy for as long as I’d known him, but a few months back, he’d met a girl. Honestly, Samantha Crewe might have been the last chick I’d have matched with my buddy; she was a looker, for sure, with a sweet bod, but she was more like a modern-day hippie than she was a potential Army wife. Still, apparently, opposites did attract, because those two had been getting more serious every day. Just before I’d left for this TDY assignment, I’d helped move Samantha into Max’s house.
“You know it,” I answered him. “Actually, the trouble I made started a little while back, and it didn’t happen here. Do you have a minute to talk? I could use an ear.”
“Absolutely.” Max didn’t even hesitate. “I’m walking over to the Burger Hut, so you caught me at the perfect time.”
“Great.” I paused. “So . . . I’m going to be a father.”
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. “Start at the beginning, Kade. I think I’m going to need some context on this one.”
I did what he asked, sketching out what had happened back in Richmond, leaving out the more intimate details, of course. And then I fast-forwarded to last night, to running into Leah and finding out about my daughter.
When I stopped talking, I heard Max’s long whistle. “Dude. Wow. That’s . . .” His words trailed off. “Okay, now don’t get pissed at me, but I have to be the company commander and ask the hard questions. First off, you used protection with her, right?”
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