A Silent Prayer

by Samreen Ahsan

  As far as what she just said about Jinn or demons, my theory is, if I don’t see something with my own eyes, I don’t believe it. But the way she explained everything, it’s hard not to believe it. I would never have found the light in my life, I would never have asked for forgiveness from my mother, I would never have thought about repentance, if she were not in my life. For the very first time, I thank God for the blessing that He has bestowed on me. I feel as if I’ve been rewarded in exchange for an unknown deed. What good have I done in my life, to get Rania’s faith and companionship? She is a friend, a listener, a companion, a savior, a guide. How easily she brought all my childhood memories back with her simple act of making hot chocolate. How effortlessly she made me agree to see my mother, even after so many years. She is making me face my own demons that haunted me for years.

  I see her sleeping peacefully next to me, holding my hand under her face. Her scars are creating millions of questions in my mind. When I investigated her background, I didn’t find out if she was visiting a psychiatrist. If she can’t share her past with me, she can at least discuss it with a doctor. How will she take it if I ask her to do that? She doesn’t want to rehash her past for anyone. I watch her face, collecting all her beauty in my eyes.

  Who could harm such an innocent girl?

  I will do anything to make her happy and protect her from her demons, even if I have to pass through hell for her. I have no idea what kind of feeling is developing inside me, but it is far from lust and greed. The feeling is sacred and pure, just like her. I am not denying the fact that I am physically attracted to her and want to claim her body, but more than that, I want to conquer her heart and soul, and keep them safe with me forever. With her divine beauty and enchantment before me, I close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

  FLOWERS

  ♀

  A ray of sunlight hits me in the eyes and I awaken. The first thing I notice: Adam, sleeping next to me. I held his hand under my face the whole night and he didn’t complain, even for a single moment. I wonder how two people, emotionally so close to each other, can have a chaste relationship, sacred and based on trust and friendship. I always thought Mike was my best friend, but when I look at Adam, I see a man who is sincere and loyal to me. Our relationship is free of lust and carnality, which is helping us to flourish and grow together in a circle of hope and belief. I never thought I would find a man who would promise to protect me even in my sleep, without harming me physically and emotionally.

  I gaze at his charming face. I cannot deny that I am attracted and captivated by his physical appearance. Is it too soon to fall for him? If he ever tries to become physically close to me, will I refuse, or is this something I am also craving? Is it okay to flow with his emotions, or is he just forbidden fruit for me? I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and slip out of bed smoothly, not disturbing his sleep.

  After my regular washroom trip, I decide to explore the hotel until Adam wakes up. I put on some jeans and go down to the main level. It is a beautiful morning in Edmonton; the room looks even brighter and more welcoming in daylight. I take my room card and handbag, and head for the lobby. It is warm, paneled in beautiful dark wood, with lots of people from business and political backgrounds. I check out a few stores beside the lavish lobby, which give me the idea of buying something for Adam. He deserves a show of gratitude, though no words, no gift, could repay what he has done for me.

  I have no idea what to purchase for him, as he has everything. After an hour of searching, I end up in a jewelry and gift shop and decide to buy a silver photo frame. They offer engraving, so I order a message to be etched onto the frame. I hope Adam likes it. I also buy cufflinks for him and get his initials engraved on them.

  When they hand me my finished photo frame, it looks empty, so I ask them if they have printing facilities so I can add a picture to highlight the frame and my feelings for him. The store people are generous enough to offer all kinds of services, without hassle. I check the time on the giant wall clock and realize Adam will be looking for me, if he wakes up to find me gone. I thank the store manager and head toward the elevator.

  When I enter the room, Adam has his phone in one hand, and the other hand tangled in his hair.

  “Here she is. I will talk to you later.” He snaps the phone shut as soon as I step in. “Where the hell were you?” He looks tense and worn out.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I woke up and couldn’t find you. I searched everywhere in the hotel, asked people at the reception desk, but no one knew where you were.” He’s breathing hard from distress.

  “You could have called me.” I try to calm the tension between us.

  “You left your damn phone on the table. There was no way I could find you. Where were you, Rania?” His tone is harsh, but I sense worry in his voice.

  “I went out for a walk—”

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  “You were sleeping, Adam. Why would I wake you?”

  “I thought you ran away.” He shakes his head in misery and sits on the couch. I put my bag down and sit next to him.

  “Why would I run away?”

  “I don’t know. I thought I might have done something wrong. You acted so strange last night.” He is still agitated and his words are acting like a strong heat, melting my frozen heart. I want to tell him I went to buy something for him to express my feelings, but I also wanted to surprise him with my gift before we leave for our musical evening.

  “You don’t need to worry about me anymore, Adam. I am not going to run away from you. What you did last night—I can’t even express it. I don’t know how you did it. I had no nightmares, I took no pill, yet I slept peacefully the whole night. You think I would run away after that? No, I am very selfish and I want to sleep without nightmares.”

  “Please don’t leave again without telling me. I was so worried.” His appeal is almost a whisper.

  “I am sorry. I will take care next time.” I pause for a moment. “Whom were you talking to, when I came in?”

  “Reception. I called everywhere. No one saw you leaving the hotel.”

  “That’s because I never left. I wonder how come they didn’t see me in the lobby? Anyways…” I stand up from the couch. “Please, order something for breakfast. I am famished. I checked the bakery; they have French bread. Please, ask them if we could get it, or if we could go down and have breakfast there.” I wink at him to cheer him up. I don’t know why he gets so worried about me all the time. I was only gone for an hour or so. He smiles at my voracious demand.

  “I would love to feed you. Let me ask them.” He heads toward the desk to call reception.

  “I will change, in the meantime.” I smile back to him and head upstairs.

  I check myself in the mirror and find out I look hideous—still in the t-shirt I wore to bed, with my hair a mess and no makeup. No wonder the hotel management didn’t recognize me. I open my luggage and take out my favorite deep green top. I put on some makeup, and glance at the hair dryer. I remember taking a shower last night, but I don’t remember taking the hair dryer out from the wall. My brush is also on the vanity, though I clearly remember I didn’t take it out of my cosmetics bag. The towel I used last night is lying on the floor. I never leave my towel on the floor. I pick it up and hang it on the rack beside the shower column. Why didn’t I notice all this, when I came in earlier?

  Maybe my mind was crowded with thoughts of Adam. I remember lying down with him and talking to him about Satan and sins, but I don’t remember coming out of the shower, dropping my towel on the floor or drying my hair. As I try to recall what happened, I hear a knock at the washroom door.

  “Come in, please.” I start brushing my hair. I look into the vanity mirror and see Adam standing behind me, his mouth open in shock. I jerk my head to ask him what is the matter.

  “You look… beautiful. I have never seen yo
u wearing jeans.”

  “Thanks.”

  “And that color looks stunning on you.”

  “It’s my favorite color.” I look into his eyes. How I love the color of your eyes. We gaze at each other through the reflection, and then he averts his eyes.

  “The breakfast is here, by the way.” He is about to leave, when I turn around and call him back.

  “Adam, I need to ask one thing.” He stops and gives me his complete attention. I step toward him, but avoid his gaze. “Did anything strange happen last night?”

  “Why do you ask that?” He sounds concerned.

  “It sounds crazy, but I remember taking a shower last night, but I just noticed my towel on the floor this morning and I don’t remember leaving it there. The hair dryer was out and I don’t remember using it. I don’t even remember coming out of the washroom and lying down on the bed.”

  Adam draws his eyebrows together. The look on his face tells me that there is something I should know.

  “You don’t remember what happened in the washroom last night?” He takes a few steps closer to me. I shake my head in agitation, then close my eyes and concentrate, seeing if I can remember anything.

  “You don’t remember me drying your hair?” He gazes at me intently. I shake my head again, astonished.

  “What is wrong with me, Adam? What else happened? Please, tell me.” Adam’s silence is scaring me.

  “Nothing is wrong,” he says very gently, and tucks my hair behind my ear. “You took a long time in the shower. When I came up here to check on you, you didn’t hear me knock, so I opened the door. You were standing here and I came in and helped you dry your hair and…” He doesn’t speak for a while, so I start to panic again.

  “And? What happened then?” I say. He puts his hand on my cheek and looks at me with a strange expression. Is he hiding something from me?

  “Nothing happened. You were very tired. I tucked you into bed. You said you trusted me and I could sleep next to you—”

  “Yes, I remember that. But why don’t I remember you coming in the washroom?” I look down in distress and try my level best to remember. “If I was so tired, then how come I remember our conversation?”

  Speak up, Adam!

  “Come downstairs. Don’t think so much. Let’s have breakfast.” He takes my hand and pulls me through the bedroom, down to the main level dining area. He has succeeded in ordering the French bread and cheese for me from the bakery. I smile when I see it. Adam sits at the head of the table and I sit beside him. He offers me tea from the pretty china teapot. Adam starts on his Spanish omelet, but he is still smiling.

  “Have you ever been to Paris?” he says, as he takes a bite. I shake my head and fix my eyes on my breakfast, so he continues. “Paris is the home of cheese and bread. Beautiful bakeries around every corner. When you go out for a morning walk in the old town, all you can smell is the fresh bread.”

  “I am sure it must be tempting.”

  “Yes, it is. I will take you there someday.” He sounds serious. We finish our breakfast without talking any further.

  Afterwards, we move to the living area and sit on the couch.

  “If you don’t mind, can I ask you something, Adam?” Adam is busy with his phone, probably checking emails, but my question turns his attention toward me.

  “You don’t need to ask. Just say it.”

  “Umm… I was wondering… the opera is around eight in the evening. I wanted to visit the Muttart Conservatory. It is not that far. I can take a cab. I just wanted to tell you, so that you don’t end up calling half of the city to look for me.”

  “You don’t want me to come with you?” His tone is disappointed. Is he hurt I didn’t ask him to join me?

  “It’s a work day for you. I don’t want to interrupt your schedule.”

  “I have no work when I’m with you. I’m completely yours.” His pensive looks give me an electric charge. “But only if you want me to come.”

  “Of course, I want you to come. I just thought you might be busy. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I’m not hurt, Rania. I’m glad you told me what you want. Let’s leave in half an hour. I have to make some calls and answer some emails first.” His warm gesture brings a smile to my face. Adam picks up his laptop and heads to the desk.

  I get absorbed in a morning television show, and am surprised to see Adam standing next to me, dressed in his casual attire. He is wearing black jeans with a sweater T-shirt, the same color as my top. I have never seen him wearing deep green before, and I can’t help smiling.

  “You look very nice. That color suits you. It matches your eyes.” I stand up and check him out lustfully from top to bottom.

  “It is a great privilege to receive a compliment from such a beautiful girl.”

  I giggle at him and we head down to the lobby, where the same deep blue Lexus is waiting for us. As we drive, Adam is busy over his phone calls and emails, but he tries his best to give his attention to me as well. I feel really bad that I am disturbing his work for no reason, but he has assured me he wants my company. He tells me during our ride that he would worry about me, wandering a strange city alone, and his worry would still not let him concentrate on his work. I feel as though I should have kept my mouth shut about the Conservatory and stayed in the hotel.

  After a thirty-minute drive, we reach the Conservatory and are greeted by an Italian man in his early twenties, who gives us tickets and badges. The Conservatory is built of multiple glass pyramid structures, so all the plants can obtain natural light. I enjoy reading about the rare plants, and Adam follows me quietly. He doesn’t seem interested in plants, so I don’t know why he wanted to come. It is warm inside, so we ask the Italian boy if we can hang our jackets somewhere. When I take off my woolen hat, my hair clip catches Adam’s eye.

  “Where did you get that?”

  “It was my mother’s. It’s pretty, isn’t it?” I touch the clip with pride.

  “Yes, and it looks fascinating on you. Your clip reminds me of…” He is out of words after that, but his eyes are fixed on the clip. I wait for him to continue. “My mother. She used to wear something similar to it.” He looks sad. It is obvious how he has missed his mother all these years. I am glad I pushed him to talk to her and break the ice between them. He is at least talking to me about her, and not avoiding the subject.

  I smile at him with pleasure. “That is so sweet, Adam. You still remember?” He nods his head.

  “Yes, I remember brushing her hair one day and dressing it up with this kind of stuff. I was not even five at the time.” He shifts his gaze from my hair to my eyes. “You know, it’s her birthday on Saturday, not a holiday dinner. She always uses the holidays as an excuse to invite me.”

  “That’s wonderful, Adam. We should get something for her then.”

  “I don’t know what I should give her. She must have everything. She married a rich man.” He sounds bitter.

  “Money doesn’t buy everything. Why don’t you give her a hair accessory similar to the one she used to have? It would let her know you still remember fixing her hair.” My suggestion makes him smile through his eyes and his heart, as if I have resolved a long-standing riddle for him.

  “Will you help me choose it?”

  “Of course I will. What are friends for?” I smile back at him and we continue our tour of the plants.

  The entire morning, I learn about exotic plants and Adam amuses himself by taking my picture with his phone. I don’t know how many he has taken, but he seems to be enjoying the morning with the plants and me.

  “I am surprised there is no one here today. People these days don’t spend time with plants, I suppose.” I look around the area, disillusioned.

  “That’s because the place is booked for the two of us.” Adam speaks from behind me, and I turn to him with bewilderment. He smiles a
t my shocked expression and takes another picture with his phone. “Don’t be so surprised. It’s part of our pact, remember… protecting your privacy.” He winks mischievously. “I like this bewildered Rania.” He looks at his phone. I am speechless for a moment. How can he manage to reserve the damn place on such a short notice?

  “How can they do you such a big favor? Do people always do what you ask them to do?”

  “It’s not a favor. My theory is, if money can buy anything, you should never ask for favors. It is very easy to return the money, but too hard to return favors. You can never justify them.”

  Yeah, easy for you maybe.

  “You paid to book this whole place? Why?”

  “You didn’t want us to be seen in public together. I promised you I would take care of it.”

  “I thought it would be different here. You should have told me; we wouldn’t have come here at all.” It is disgraceful of me to have made him spend so much money, again. Of course he will never tell me how he managed to book this place in such a short time. “I don’t feel good about this.”

  “Hey, come on. Relax and enjoy yourself. By the way, I didn’t know spending the day with plants could be fun.” He puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a friendly hug.

  “Come on, we haven’t seen the roses yet.”

  “What fun are you having?” I ask him. “You are not even reading the details. You have only taken pictures.”

  “That’s fun for me. I’m having the best time. Just you and me, and the poor speechless plants. At least, they won’t publicize our presence.” Adam’s face and voice are filled with amusement. It seems he is actually having fun. “You might not know it, but I haven’t ever been to a place like this, except for school field trips or official events. Nothing like this, having time on my own.” He turns me, so I can face him properly. “Thanks for bringing an ordinary activity into my life, in an extraordinary way.”