“Oh, Rania. Your boyfriend is so dramatic. How do you deal with him?” Eva looks exasperated.
“So, there is no man?” I ask Rania fervently.
“No, Adam. There is no one. We are talking about a book.” Rania is still trying to control her laughter.
“And you say this is only friendship?” Eva interrupts impishly.
“Okay, kids, no more talking. Dinner is ready,” my mother breaks in. During dinner, Rania and Eva talk about books and discuss the male characters like high school girls. The rest of us enjoy their conversation and don’t say much. I’ve never seen Rania talk so much to anyone. This makes me realize I have never asked her if she has any girlfriends, and she’s never talked about any. Seeing her like this with Eva, sharing so much at their first meeting, makes me admire her more. Why haven’t I ever talked to her about her book characters? She feels, she thinks, she fantasizes, just like any other woman, no matter how much she encapsulates her heart and hides her feelings. She talks about fictional men and their attractions; why, then, did she call herself dead meat?
I remember when Mom married Brian, he already had two sons. Neither of them are here, so I ask Brian about them. “Is it just us tonight? I was expecting your sons as well.”
“Well… Scott has moved to Calgary and Nathan is in California for work. He’ll be back by Christmas, though.” We continue with general conversation, and after dinner we shift back to the sitting area for dessert. Rania and Eva are still busy talking and I just admire Rania, how pretty she looks tonight. Mom sits next to me, and she whispers in my ear.
“You remind me of your father. The way you look at her. It is completely Richard.”
I look at her apprehensively, not sure why she’s talking about him. “So, you still remember the poor man?”
She looks down at her lap, trying to find words. “He was the first man in my life, Adam. How could I forget him?” Our conversation catches other people’s attention.
“Dad, why don’t you come and help me with the dessert?” Eva stands up and takes Brian with her. Rania follows them, but I stop her when she passes in front of me, grabbing her wrist tightly.
“We’re leaving, Rania. Let’s go.” I rise with her.
“No, we are not going.” She pushes me down hard, so I’m kneeling in front of my mother, and commands, “You are going to listen to her, without speaking a word, and I will make sure you don’t act like a jerk.” Mom looks toward Rania, and then to me, and I stare at her in surprise.
“You can’t be serious, Rania. I don’t want to listen to her.”
“Yes, you will. Enough of your nonsense, Adam. I will not let you hurt your mother and yourself like this for a lifetime. At least, listen to what she has to say, and then you can leave whenever you want.” She is actually shouting at me. I’d never realized she possesses the power to control me, but I kneel here mutely, confused. She takes my hands and places them in my mother’s lap, over her hands. Tears fall from my mother’s eyes, and she looks toward Rania with hope. “Don’t worry, Grace. I am here and I will make sure your boy listens to every word you say.” Rania gives a flashing smile to Mom.
“All my life, Adam, I’ve wanted to tell you why I left you and your dad, but you never gave me a chance.” Mom lifts my chin so I can look into her eyes. I pull away a bit and hold Rania’s hands tightly. I never thought I would listen to my mother like this. I’m still not ready.
She takes a deep breath and starts. “We loved each other from high school on. Richard was very romantic, but he lacked practicality. I was young and didn’t realize that romance isn’t enough in life. When you have a family, you need to become professional and serious, putting your romantic fantasies aside. I got married at the age of twenty. Richard was only a year older than me, and not even graduated from University. We started out doing odd jobs, and then Richard got lucky and started a small business.” She pauses for a moment. “When you were born, we were in a good financial situation. I didn’t know that sometimes, easy money is also easily taken away. Your father developed a gambling habit. He used to lose, but he used to win too. Winning made him greedy and in a couple of years, we lost everything. I started working again, and Brian was my new boss. Brian became my friend and I used to share my personal problems with him.” She looks toward Rania and then down at her hands. The whole time, she hasn’t looked at me once.
“Richard became an alcoholic to avoid his frustrations, and used to come home angry every night after losing money in the casinos. He used to take money from me, whatever I tried to save for you. When you were five, I started expecting Eva and things got worse than ever. He was never there with me. I questioned myself many times—what happened to our love—but never found any answer. Richard was in search of quick money, but not getting it was making him more frustrated with life. Brian supported me emotionally more and more. I wouldn’t have survived, if Brian hadn’t helped me out. His wife had died giving birth to Nathan, and left him with two sons to raise on his own. I used to go during my pregnancy and babysit his two sons, and he gave me a good amount to run my house.” A tear runs down her cheek.
“Richard wasn’t even there when Eva was born. Brian was there for me instead, taking care of me during Eva’s birth, and looking after you as well. You remember me leaving you, but you don’t remember your father fighting with me, do you?”
She’s wrong. I do remember their fights. “One night, Richard became angry and claimed that I was betraying him with Brian, and Eva was not his baby. I left that night, without saying anything to you, and took Eva with me.” She pauses for a moment. “I know you must have wondered why I took Eva. Richard never accepted Eva as his daughter. You were his son. If I had taken you with me, he would have filed a complaint against me. I wanted Richard to be responsible with his life; that’s why I left you with him.” She covers her face with her hands, and then wipes her tears. “Brian gave me immense love, but never in my life have I spent a day without thinking of you.
“Richard came to me many times, after I married Brian, and begged me to accept his apology, but I wanted to be true to Brian. He helped me when I needed someone most. He was my best friend, my mentor.” She holds my face in her hands. “I never wanted to leave Richard. I never wanted to leave you, Adam. I have ached for you my whole life. Please don’t hate me.” I shut my eyes; I can’t believe what she just said to me. All those years, I have hated her for betraying my father, and never gave her a chance to tell her side of things. I never knew my father was such a coward that he didn’t have the courage to come clean.
“I would have lived with Richard with no money, if he hadn’t accused me of a sin. He didn’t trust me, and when there is no trust in a relationship, everything else is destroyed. But I never wanted you to hate Richard. He loved you all his life. He lived for you, Adam.”
Rania embraces Mom tightly, and she bursts into tears on Rania’s shoulder. I see Brian and Eva looking at us from the kitchen, but they don’t come in. I sit here silent and expressionless, looking at the two most important women in my life. I wouldn’t have known about Mom, if Rania hadn’t pushed me into coming. Mom said she owes her for a lifetime, but now I say I owe Rania for eternity. She has blessed me with a family. She has given me all my childhood memories back, although she wasn’t even a part of it. Rania lifts me up from my knees to relax on the sofa. How did she know my knees felt so weak I wouldn’t be able to stand on my own? Rania sits beside me and places her hand on my shoulder.
“Are you okay, Adam? Do you want to stay or do you want to leave?” I can’t make eye contact with her, or with anyone. Brian comes into the room just at the right time.
“My love has cried enough for tonight. Let me cheer her up.” He holds mother in his arms and she smiles in embarrassment. This guy has truly loved my mother. She’s right; she wouldn’t have survived without Brian’s love and trust in her life. He takes Mom into another room, but befo
re leaving, he looks at Rania. “Hey, beautiful, would you like some music?” Rania stands up and helps me rise as well. We head to the music room, where there’s a grand piano, as well as a few saxophones and violins hanging on the wall.
Bryan sits down on the piano bench, and Mom joins him. He says to me, “This is your mother’s favorite song. Though I’m a poor singer, she listens to me every time and applauds, as if this is actually my song.” He looks back to my mother. “Happy Birthday, my love.” He gives her a passionate kiss. “But tonight, I dedicate this song to this beautiful lady.” He points to Rania, who stares at Brian with bemusement. “Who made this family dinner possible, who made my Grace happy tonight.” He calls to Rania and she walks over, blushing hard. He takes her hand and kisses her knuckles. “Thank you very much for completing us.” She looks down shyly, not saying anything, and then moves to the corner, leaning against the wall.
Brian starts singing “Since I Fell for You” beautifully with the piano, while looking at Mom with absolute romance. This is love. They don’t care if there are others in the room. They just look into each other’s eyes, as if the outside world doesn’t exist for them. I remember hearing this song at the restaurant, back in February, before I encountered that enchantress. The song has brought back all my memories of her. I look toward Rania, who is completely engrossed in the song and the romance. Is this her fantasy? To love, till the end? She’s the first one to clap when the song ends. Eva comes into the room with a tray of ice cream cups. I see Rania smiling at the ice cream, and then at me. I know she’s thinking of our last ice cream experience. She picks up two bowls and hands one to me, and we all head toward the living room.
It has been a very emotional evening for all of us, and I guess ice cream is the best way to melt down moments of grief. Eva starts her conversation again with Rania.
“Can I call you someday and we could meet for lunch?” she says, while filling her mouth with ice cream.
“Yes, sure.” Rania replies enthusiastically.
“How about going this Friday to a club? We will party and dance and—”
“Rania doesn’t go to clubs,” I interrupt. Everyone looks at me quizzically, including Rania, surprised at my response.
“That’s all right. I can come with you, Eva.” Rania looks at my sister, ignoring me.
“Cool. We won’t tell your dramatic boyfriend where we’re going.” The girls give each other high fives.
“You know I can find you anywhere, don’t you?” I ask Rania seriously. Her expression changes from cheerful to intense. She looks at Eva and then at me, confused. Eva is glowering at me.
“Do you stalk her?” Eva punches my arm. Rania smirks at us, which confirms it for Eva. “Oh my God! I cannot believe my brother is a stalker. How do you cope with him?”
“I am used to it now.” Rania is talking to Eva, but she looks intensely into my eyes. “It’s hard to change him.”
Both the girls laugh at me, making fun of my habit. Mom and Brian watch us happily, entertained by our arguments. Eva is sitting on the glass table, facing us, so she turns her head around toward Mom. “Do you hear, Mom? You gave birth to a stalker. What did you watch during your pregnancy? A CSI series?”
Everyone laughs at Eva’s question, except me. I glare at my annoying sister, but she doesn’t get a clue. She was never so talkative before. Does Rania’s company make her act like a kid? Eva fires questions at Rania and they both start gossiping about Hollywood actors and their hot sexy looks, comparing them with their fictitious book characters. Then Eva interrogates Rania about me, and she spills about the ice cream event in Edmonton. She makes it sound quite funny, about the gays watching me, and all of us laugh with her, including me. It is a joy to see, how one person can light up a whole room with her presence. Eva disappears for a while. The whole time, I haven’t had a chance to talk to Rania, as Eva has kept her so busy.
“You seem to have fun talking about me.” I look at her intently. She just smiles and ignores my statement. Eva comes back holding a board game.
“Since we are all here for the first time, let’s play a game together. Mom, Dad, you both are in. And you too, Mr. Stalker. The game suits your personality.” She puts the Clue game down on the table and opens the box. Rania giggles over her statement. We pick our characters, while Eva gives us a brief introduction about how to play the game. Rania plays very earnestly, but I keep staring at her, which she doesn’t notice until Eva points it out.
“Stop staring at her, Adam. I’m not keeping your girlfriend. You can take her home with you.” She snaps her fingers in front of my eyes, to break my concentration. “Concentrate on the game. You haven’t found a single clue, Mr. Stalker.” I see Mom and Brian smirking at me, and Rania blushes. Why is my sister so irritating tonight? She looks toward Rania and whispers, though everyone hears her. “Is he this intense in bed?” Rania locks her gaze on her cards and doesn’t say anything.
“Shut up, Eva. You are being extremely annoying tonight.” She is embarrassing Rania.
“And you are becoming too bizarre over your girlfriend, Mr. Stalker. Stop staring at her like that. You plan to eat her up tonight?” she asks seriously, but Rania breaks into a comic laugh. She is no longer embarrassed, and it seems like she’s enjoying Eva’s pestering. “You call me if he gets too hard on you. Okay?” Rania smirks and nods to her. We continue our game, though I still don’t concentrate at all. I want to talk to Rania in private, but Eva has made it impossible. I have so much to say to her. Brian and I drink whiskey as we play, while the ladies have another round of ice cream. What is it with females and ice cream? It reminds me of what Rania told me at the ice cream shop and I smile in my head.
Since I was not concentrating at all earlier, I don’t realize Rania has won and proved me to be the killer, holding all the cards of my character, weapon and room. Eva claps loudly at Rania’s victory, like she has won. I don’t know how much whiskey I have consumed but when I pour my next glass, Rania holds my hand and stops me with a look. I put my drink down without arguing. Eva looks at both of us, back and forth.
“Seriously? Mr. Stalker obeys?” She punches Rania lightly on her arm. “Good going, Rania. At least there’s someone to control him.” She winks at Rania, making her blush again. I check my watch, ignoring my sister. It’s almost midnight. I hadn’t realized that we’ve been here for five hours. It seemed impossible to come here without Rania, and her company made it so easy for all of us. Mom checks the time also.
“Oh my! It’s midnight. Time passed so quickly.” She looks toward Rania. “Now I know why my son feels so drawn to you, Rania. We all are.” Why is everyone embarrassing her tonight?
I can’t tell them that she’s not comfortable with being praised. There’s no doubt that she has charmed everyone. I will have to talk to mother and Eva in private, asking them not to bombard her with so much stuff next time. She’ll run away. I also see she’s getting tired, but she hasn’t complained yet.
I stand up from the couch and face everyone. “It’s very late. We should be going.” Everyone gets up to see us to the door.
“Why don’t you stay here tonight, Rania? Let him go. I can drop you home in the morning. We’ll watch movies the whole night and read books together.” Eva grabs Rania’s arm gently. Rania looks at me, but remains silent. I know she doesn’t trust anyone, not even herself, due to her nightmares. That’s why she’s never had a roommate in her apartment. It is her secret, to be kept between us.
“She has work tomorrow.” I take her arm from Eva and lead her out of the room.
“You are so controlling, Adam,” Eva says. “Just say you want her to yourself. What work would she have? Tomorrow is Sunday.” I turn around and face her.
“Are you this annoying all the time, or is today a special occasion?” I give my sister a serious look. Rania giggles at my question, which makes everyone smile. We head to the main door and ever
yone hugs Rania tightly, as if they don’t want her to go.
Mom kisses Rania on her forehead. “God bless you, child. I didn’t know my son had the talent to find such a gem. Stay with him always.” She holds Rania’s hands tightly. “And thank you for bringing him here.” Rania hugs Mom back without saying anything. They treat her like their own daughter, and I am an outsider, but it doesn’t bother me. I’m delighted everyone loves her so much. We exchange good-byes and step out of the house.
It has gotten a bit cold since we came in. I rush toward the car, holding Rania’s hand, and open the back door. We both slip into the back seat.
“Hello, Miss Ahmed. How are you?” Ali welcomes us from the driver’s seat.
“Hey, Ali. When did you come?” Rania asks.
“Just a few minutes ago. Hello, Mr. Gibson.” He looks at me and I smile back at him.
“It’s Saturday night. Doesn’t your boss give you time off?” she asks Ali innocently. Poor Ali looks at me, but doesn’t say anything.
“It’s not safe to drive after drinking, Rania,” I explain to her.
“But he has a life too. You being the boss doesn’t mean…” I put my fingers on her lips to silence her. She doesn’t speak after that.
The car starts moving, and Ali asks Rania if she’s interested in listening to music. She acknowledges him with a smile.
Ali turns on the local radio station and Rania asks him to increase the volume. She gazes out the window and immerses herself in the music. During one of the songs, she rests her head on my shoulder, closing her eyes. I can see she is hiding tears. My body shivers at her vulnerability.
After a while, the radio station plays “Iris.” I look at her and concentrate on the words in the song. Right now, my emotions are exactly the same as those of the singer. I want to confess everything, and I don’t want to go home tonight. There is something so strong between us and we are not able to find the connection. We don’t speak during the whole ride. When we reach her building, I call her name, but she doesn’t respond. She’s fallen asleep.
A Silent Prayer Page 26