“Hello… Baba? How are you?” There is a silence. “No, Baba… there is nothing like that… he is only a friend… just like Mike… I swear, Baba… I promise…” She ends her phone call and looks at me. It seems like her father hung up on her. She’s trembling, and I wrap my arms around her. She bursts into tears. I see how hurt she is, but I don’t know if it’s the news or her father’s attitude that hurt her. She wasn’t this upset last week, when the first pictures were in the paper.
“This is the first time I’ve heard his voice in five years.” She speaks into my chest, trying to catch her breath between sobs. “He didn’t even ask me how I am… all he had to ask was…” She starts crying again. I tighten my hug to make her feel that I’ll always be at her side. “I don’t deserve any goodness, Adam. I am the worst daughter a man can ever have.”
I pull her away to look into her eyes. She avoids any eye contact with me. I brush her hair away from her face and hold her face in my hands.
“Don’t ever say that, Rania. You deserve everything good in life.”
“No, Adam, I don’t. Please, don’t think so highly of me. My father hates me.”
“Why do you say that, baby? No one can ever hate his child. And you are his only child. Why would he hate you?”
“Because I killed his wife, Adam,” she screams at me. “I killed my mother. I took away the love of his life.” She hides her face in her hands. I’m in shock. How could she have killed her mother? She can’t even kill an insect. I move her hands away from her face so I can see her. She still doesn’t look at me, but manages to speak. “He hasn’t spoken to me since Mom’s death. We lived like strangers under the same roof for three months. He didn’t even say good-bye to me when I came to Toronto. And now… after so many years, I hear his voice… he never missed me, Adam. If Mom doesn’t exist, then I don’t exist. I am just a dark lost shadow now, living under a curse.”
I have no idea what to say to all that. I don’t really believe that she could kill her mother.
“I know you couldn’t kill anyone, Rania. But I want to know what happened.”
She inhales deeply and closes her eyes in pain. “Mom and I were in the car. I was driving. Baba was never happy with my habit of speeding. We had an accident with a truck, and…” Tears cloud her eyes. “I bloody killed her. Why didn’t I die instead?” She hides her face in despair and starts crying again. Why does she blame herself for an accident? It could happen to anyone. Did her father make her believe that she actually killed her mother?
“I am very sorry to hear about this, but it was an accident. Why do you blame yourself?”
“Because I was driving. I was speeding.” So she can drive, but her confidence is shattered after her mother’s death. I wonder now, if the accident was so bad, if she was hurt too. She answers the question without my asking. “I was in a coma for three days. When I woke up, I heard from my aunt that my mom’s funeral was over. I didn’t even get a chance to say a prayer by her side. My dad never came to the hospital to see me.” She takes a deep breath. I see how painful it is for her to tell me this. “I was in the hospital for ten more days. He didn’t come once. I told myself he was in shock, because I knew how much he loved my mom. I deluded myself that he didn’t want to inflict his pain on me, but that was not true. He didn’t want to see me.” She looks down at her fingers.
“One night after I came home, he got drunk and said everything that was burdening his soul. He blamed me for killing his wife, he told me how much he hates me, he told me he didn’t want to see me ever again because I make him remember that his love is no more.” She rests her head on the couch and closes her eyes. How could her dad torture her like this? And now, when she is finally able to move on, how can he try to stop her being close to me? Is this the reason why she pushes me away all the time? Because she thinks she killed her mother and doesn’t deserve happiness? I hug her tightly to warm her from my embrace, but she is still trembling.
I have no idea how to comfort her, but I sit with her, trying to reassure her with my presence. She rests her head on my shoulder, but doesn’t open her eyes. “I can’t hurt him even more, Adam. I have taken everything from him. His job is all that’s left. I don’t want to ruin his reputation.” She doesn’t say she can’t continue our friendship, but I know that’s what she means. I promised to protect her privacy, but I failed. This problem seems to be a sign that I should leave her alone. No, I can’t leave her, when I know she is in so much pain. I will never leave unless she asks me to. Right now, she looks exhausted. I hold her in my arms and start running my fingers gently through her hair.
“I haven’t told anyone about this, Adam, what my dad said to me.” She looks up at me. “Please, don’t ever break my trust.”
“Does Mike know?”
“I told you. No one knows. Mike knows about my mom’s death, obviously, but not what my dad told me that night. It is too bitter to share.”
I look into her eyes and say sincerely, “Thanks for trusting me.” We go quiet again, trying to gauge each other’s feelings, until she speaks again.
“Adam?”
“Hmm?”
“If one day I tell you some things about me, will you believe me?”
I look at her to reassure her. “I’d always believe you. I know you don’t lie, Rania.”
She looks down at my collar, trying to find words. “Even if… even if it sounds unreal… would you still believe it?” I check her face, trying to read every expression, work out what she’s trying to tell me.
“I will wait for the day when you tell me everything. And trust me, I will believe you.” I give her a kiss on her forehead and she closes her eyes instantly at my touch.
“If I tell you something someday that sounds unbelievable, will you believe me too?” I ask, brushing my fingers in her soft hair. “If I tell you… you remind me of someone I met but…” She looks at me quizzically, and nods. Her eyes tell me that she will believe me, if I ever tell her.
We sit here for I don’t know how long. I feel like she needs me as much as I need her. We each lack something that can be found in the other, but neither of us knows exactly what. Finally, I ask her something I’ve wanted to ask since I visited Edmonton with her.
“If I ask you to give me two weeks of your life, would you do it?” She looks at me, her eyebrows furrowed. I know she doesn’t understand what I mean. “I want to see this city with you. Would you show it to me?” She still looks puzzled. Okay, I need to explain. “Last night, when you were asleep, I saw the photo album you and Mike made. You guys have created so many memories together, it made me envious. You’ve visited so many places in and around the city. I don’t have any memories with anyone. Would you make a memory with me?” She still doesn’t say anything, so I continue, “I want to see museums, art galleries, tourist attractions, everything. I want to relive the life I missed. And I want to relive it with you.”
“Adam, I don’t know what to say. This is your city. You’ve always lived here.”
“It’s not that I haven’t seen it. I went to the science center with my grade school class, and the museum during high school. But I never did things on my own, just for fun. I’ve never even walked down Niagara Falls Street.” She opens her mouth in shock, totally disbelieving. “I’ve seen it from the top floors of hotels, when I attended meetings and conferences. But not close up. When we roamed around the streets of Edmonton, I realized how these little things create treasured moments. I want to build memories for myself.” I take a deep breath. She listens to me intently. “I know it sounds totally strange to you, but can you take off from work for two weeks, until Christmas?”
She’s still looking at me in shock. Why isn’t she getting this?
“Adam Gibson wants me to be his guide?” She smirks mischievously. “I am honored.”
“I’m serious, Rania. I want to see everything, the way you see it. You make
everything magical. I’m tired of living an artificial life with meetings and conferences and public appearances all the time. I’m tired of being scrutinized: what I wear, what I do, what I eat, where I go. I just want to live a normal life. And I feel normal when I’m with you.”
“So you don’t think you’d be scrutinized when you’re roaming around in public places with me?”
“I don’t care, as long as it doesn’t bother you.”
“It doesn’t bother me, Adam. You’re my friend. It’s okay if the paparazzi are chasing you and linking you with me. I have already told my dad that we are only friends. If he is not buying the idea, then I can’t really help it. I know my heart is clear, so I really don’t give a shit what people say about us.”
“That’s my girl.” I smile at her sincerely. “So, will you give me these two weeks of your life?”
“Sure. Let me talk to Ben and tell him I’m taking off. I’m sure it won’t be a problem. I haven’t taken a vacation in years.” She pauses for a moment. “But I have some conditions. If you agree, then I agree to give you my life for two weeks.” I look at her quizzically, so she continues. “No spending money lavishly, no reserving places just for us. They are public places, so we visit them the way they are. Just like normal people. Okay?”
“Agreed. Anything else?”
“We will buy our own tickets and our own meals. And I expect you not to argue.”
“You won’t let me pay for the tickets? Why not?”
“Because we are not dating, Mr. Gibson. So be a gentleman and agree to my terms.”
“Gentlemen don’t let their ladies pay,” I say blankly.
“Okay, then be a dirty friend. I want to be equal in this.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Okay, agreed. Next?”
“We will travel the way I travel. You want to see the city through my eyes, then you will have to travel with me on public transport. No expensive cars and helicopter rides. Okay?”
“What? Are you crazy? You expect me to ride on subways and buses? Why would I do that? I have a car.”
“Mr. Gibson, I know you have cars and not just one car. But like you said, you want to lead a normal life. If you think my life is normal, then no cars.” She crosses her arms over her chest.
“You are impossible.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“You can add that to my skill set you just mentioned.” She winks at me with a flashing smile. I roll my eyes again at her.
“I agreed to your pay-your-own-way condition. You can’t be serious on that. Come on.”
“Okay, then split this condition. Anything within Toronto, we will use public transport. Anything outside the city, you can bring your grand cars, whatever.” She is so hard to convince sometimes. Why do I always let her win? But I have asked such a huge favor from her, I have no choice other than to agree.
“All right.”
She shifts a bit to face me directly. I see the excitement in her body language. “Okay, so where do you want to start?”
“Anywhere. I will just follow you.”
“Will you be able to take off from your business for two weeks, Adam?”
“I have worked a lot, Rania. I’m tired of running. I need to rest.”
“Cool. So be ready for surprises.” She smiles at me.
“So tell me what amazes you, when you hang out?”
“The whole world amazes me. I haven’t seen it all, but I’m pretty sure it is beautiful, because God has put perfection everywhere.”
“So we will see the whole world one day, and amaze ourselves.” I smile at her and she gives me a bewildered look. My phone chimes with a reminder. “Shit.” I shake my head furiously. “I totally forgot. I have a dinner to attend at the mayor’s house, tonight.” I look at her, and she smiles. “What? Why are you smiling?”
“Nothing. I was imagining what the CEO of Gibson Enterprises will look like, traveling in a subway, hanging around in museums and other public places—the person who meets mayors and senators and endorses high-end brands. He will be encountering a totally different life.”
“It’s because you’re making me do things I never imagined doing. You have the capability to tame anyone. So I better add that to your skill set.” She giggles at my compliment to her. It is almost five in the evening and I have no choice but to go home and change for the party.
“How about you join me at the dinner? I will pick you up in an hour.”
“No way. My Adam is not a CEO of an empire, so he would never expect me to accompany him to official meetings. The Adam I know is my friend, who still needs training on how to do justice to an ice cream,” she says, adjusting the collar of my T-shirt. My Adam! So very sexy. “You go and transform yourself into a CEO now, and I will text you about the plan tomorrow.”
“You are throwing me out of your house, huh?”
“Yes, certainly. Because this man right now is a CEO who is invited to some lavish party.” She points to my chest. “And he needs to go there because he has already committed.”
“All right. I’ll call you when I’m done. I really wish you’d come, though. I’m going to be bored to death. All they talk about is politics.” I wrinkle my nose in disgust and she giggles at me. I fetch my jacket from the closet, kiss her on the forehead, and leave for the boring dinner.
CONFRONTATION
♀
I don’t believe I just agreed to roam around the city for two weeks with Adam. Photographers are crazily lined up outside my building to confirm if he stayed with me last night. So much is already out there, and now I’ve agreed to risk my privacy for him again. What is wrong with me? Why do I agree to whatever he asks? Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined that I would be spending days and nights with a person to whom I’m not married, who in fact is not even my boyfriend or my lover. What is in him that makes me trust him so much? I feel so different right now. So many emotions gush through my body and demand that I let myself go with his flow, that I should let him guide me, wherever he’ll take me.
I walk down the memory lane of the last week. So much has changed in my life. I have met a person who makes me feel complete, who makes me feel that nothing matters to him besides my company. Who wants my companionship and nothing else. Who respects my boundaries, who admires me for who I am, and always makes me feel worthy of everything. Since the day we met, he has not let me feel alone. If he is not with me, he makes sure his thoughts surround me. I feel like I’m under some charismatic spell; that I’m incomplete if he’s not around. Will I ever be able to tell him that he completes me?
I am lost in my thoughts, when my phone reminds me that there are other things in the world to focus on, too. Seeing Mike on my caller ID automatically brings smile to my face.
“Hey, how are you?”
“What’s going on outside your building?”
“Oh! Where are you?”
“That’s not the point. Are you in your apartment?” he asks with concern.
“Yes, why?”
“I’m coming up.” He hangs up the phone.
Within a few minutes, I hear a knock at my door. I open it and Mike comes in, looking around as if he is searching for something. He looks so good in his casual clothes. I haven’t seen him without a uniform in a long time.
“Where is that Richie rich?” Why he is so derisive when he talks about Adam?
I roll my eyes. “His name is Adam.”
“Whatever! Where is he?” He finally manages to look at me. He seems agitated.
“He is not here, Mike. Why are you asking?”
“Things have gone so far with you two, and I have to read your life updates in the newspaper? Is this how you treat your best friend?” He comes close to me and grabs my arm. “What’s wrong with you, Rania? What is he doing for you that I never did? Where did I fail?”
“It’s not what you
think, Mike.” I shrug my shoulders to get him to release his grip. The anger in his eyes scares me.
“So… you like the royal treatment, huh? You should have told me that. I would have treated you like a queen, if you ever gave me a chance—”
“Stop it, Mike. Just stop it.” I literally yell at him for the first time in my life. “How can you have such a low opinion of me? You think I am with him for his money? After all our years of friendship, you think I’m some gold digger?”
“No, baby, I’m not saying that. Please, I’m sorry. But with everything I’m seeing and hearing, tell me, what should I think?”
“You trust that gossip in the newspapers?” He closes his eyes in frustration and sits down on the couch.
“I have never loved anyone except you, Rania. The place you have in my heart, no one else can fill it. I know you’ll never be mine, but Gibson isn’t worthy of you. I’ve seen your life fall apart in the past. I just can’t let your heart and soul crumble again.” He looks up at me with sincerity. “He’s only in this for the pleasure. He’s not a man of hearts and flowers. Why can’t you see it?”
I walk up to him and sit close enough so he can feel my presence. “I can’t explain to you, Mike, and even if I try, I don’t think you will be able to understand.”
“Are you sleeping with him?” His question shocks me. I shake my head in disbelief that he could even ask me that. But should I blame him? A stranger, spending nights in my room, who the whole world says uses women only for sex. It’s natural that Mike would think the same. But doesn’t he know me?
“Tell me, Rania. Why are you so quiet?”
“I don’t know what to say. But if it makes you feel better, he hasn’t touched me once.”
He looks into my eyes with high intensity, trying to read the truth in my face. “Then what do you guys do all the time? I’m sorry to be so personal, but I can’t help being worried about you.”
A Silent Prayer Page 29